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Hi poetry thread I am happy you are healthy and happyquote:A Flower White I mean it's a super hard form to write in so I applaud the effort but a few things throw me off: There's some real purple stuff (wyrdest seer, earth strange, flowers white, I mean the latter is mega baroque and if you could reform it into white flowers it'd be stronger) but also a lot of actions are... coming off limp. 'protective as a warden' would be less limp as 'a protective warden' 'rot from sight' seems forced 'cause there's no looking anywhere in that stanza 'can she bring me flowers that are bleached white' is a bit clumso. "then" and "because" weaken a bit too. Last two kind of work a bit more for me. I mean I don't know poo poo about sonnets but that's what hits me. Also posted some poetry in the brand new Fiction Submission Thread and I'd super appreciate any poetry folk taking a look.
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Mar 27, 2018 09:58
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 22:17 |
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