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SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010






Gun Saliva

jerk irl posted:

Do you guys think that this pandemic thing will delay to SC's release? I am kind of worried.

no crobs has developed a highly advanced remote system so they can log in from home and forge jpgs. It requires spectrum internet tho, but they're looking at licensing out the tools to speed production even further. Really now is the time to buy in even more.

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Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010



Upset Trowel

Coming in Q2 2020! That's just right around the corner!






I just honestly can't believe that these are things on their important development map that actually need mentioning. These are features that just get patched in randomly in a real game.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





We canít move on from death animations until itís PERFECT

*finished product looks like complete dogshit anyway*

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


This game is still in production? Iím legitimately surprised they still have money left isnít one of their offices in Santa Monica, theyíre just living high on the hog paying themselves out salaries, guaranteed this will end with them running out of money going welp, we tried! And theyíll all retire comfortably

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010



Upset Trowel

Define "production."

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Production = perpetual state of taking money and producing very little.

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010



Upset Trowel

Ok then yes.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017



A lot of people don't have any idea what game development actually looks like, but it explains a lot that Chris Roberts evidently is one of them.

Have there been any insider stories/postmortems on Duke Nukem Forever's development?

Ramrod Hotshot
May 30, 2003



Synecdoche, New York was a documentary

throw to first DAMN IT
Apr 10, 2007
This whole thread has been raging at the people who don't want Saracen invasion to their homes

Perhaps you too should be more accepting of their cultures


https://clips.twitch.tv/CuteCuriousWasabiPicoMause
this guy spent 3 hours escaping prison in star citizen

Mirificus
Oct 29, 2004

Kings need not raise their voices to be heard


Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Forums Rutabaga


odd they would need advice in this area. i would think they are already the industry experts

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017



Of course I see they're too cheap to spring for the summoning circle I presume is standard for filling these roles.

Phil Moscowitz
Feb 19, 2007

Chief Justice of the United States of Anime



throw to first drat IT posted:

https://clips.twitch.tv/CuteCuriousWasabiPicoMause
this guy spent 3 hours escaping prison in star citizen

Do not take the stairs as this will result in death

Cyks
Mar 17, 2008


Pennywise the Frown posted:

Coming in Q2 2020! That's just right around the corner!





I just honestly can't believe that these are things on their important development map that actually need mentioning. These are features that just get patched in randomly in a real game.

I find the first one funny since it is a feature BF5 was stated to include and afaik still not in the game. It was commonly used as a criticism on how the game was unfinished and not what the developers promised.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Coming in Q2 2020! That's just right around the corner!




I just honestly can't believe that these are things on their important development map that actually need mentioning. These are features that just get patched in randomly in a real game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1kpd9K8_bA

Rectal Death Adept
Jun 20, 2018

A pithy quote.


-Some rando





Do it ironically posted:

This game is still in production? Iím legitimately surprised they still have money left isnít one of their offices in Santa Monica, theyíre just living high on the hog paying themselves out salaries, guaranteed this will end with them running out of money going welp, we tried! And theyíll all retire comfortably

They spent the quarter billion people gave them and have been getting tens of millions in loans from banks and stuff to keep going for the last year or two. Nobody knows exactly how much they keep getting/have/need.

I'd expect a second great depression will eventually start hitting their bottom line since their entire business model involves providing nothing to people too stupid to use their disposable income for anything else. You aren't going to make those people smarter but you can deprive them of disposable income.

pnumoman
Sep 26, 2008


This grift isn't even funny anymore, hopefully the idiot cash flow dries up and this thing finally dies like it should.

Torquemada
Oct 21, 2010

Drei Gläser


Rectal Death Adept posted:


I'd expect a second great depression will eventually start hitting their bottom line since their entire business model involves providing nothing to people too stupid to use their disposable income for anything else. You aren't going to make those people smarter but you can deprive them of disposable income.

Youíd think so, but their made up funding tracker shows them on course to break records and deliver a bumper year of pledges in the worst economic downturn in history.

Scaramouche
Mar 26, 2001

SPACE FACE! SPACE FACE!

I doubt their numbers are real, but if they were I wonder if shame would ever set in and they'd be like "ok listen people are starving the streets maybe give that money to a food bank or something"

Rectal Death Adept
Jun 20, 2018

A pithy quote.


-Some rando





No way those numbers are real. They have never gone an hour, in seven years, without selling something.

You can't tell me that in the middle of the night on a random tuesday, six months since their last patch and who knows how long to the next they were still selling $1,000 worth of ships every hour. They would go radio silent and have more than a year between major updates. Still $1,000+ every hour without fail.

They either are lying outright or are folding in outside investment or something. Like the loan they got translates to +25,000$ a day in "sales" for over a year or something. When they need positive press and to make the game look healthy and interesting they report a $500,000 sale day for all those record breaking self-reported sales figures to make headlines, almost ten years into development of an obviously dead MMO.

PHIZ KALIFA
Dec 21, 2011
Probation
Can't post for 11 hours!


good point, rectal death adept. you'll make rectal death journeyman anyday.

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010



Cyks posted:

I find the first one funny since it is a feature BF5 was stated to include and afaik still not in the game. It was commonly used as a criticism on how the game was unfinished and not what the developers promised.

And it never will be since DICE announced today that their next patch is the last one of the game. It'll still be an unfinished disaster where even Hardline has more content.

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Rectal Death Adept posted:

No way those numbers are real. They have never gone an hour, in seven years, without selling something.

You can't tell me that in the middle of the night on a random tuesday, six months since their last patch and who knows how long to the next they were still selling $1,000 worth of ships every hour. They would go radio silent and have more than a year between major updates. Still $1,000+ every hour without fail.

They either are lying outright or are folding in outside investment or something. Like the loan they got translates to +25,000$ a day in "sales" for over a year or something. When they need positive press and to make the game look healthy and interesting they report a $500,000 sale day for all those record breaking self-reported sales figures to make headlines, almost ten years into development of an obviously dead MMO.

One of the worst down turns in economic history (worldwide) and they keep making that money!

Makes sense!

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010



Upset Trowel

I got it guys.

Trump needs to get Croberts on his economic recovery team. They can send us jpegs of covid-19 tests. Problem solved.

Zeniel
Oct 18, 2013



0/4 tasks completed! We did it guys!

Binary Badger
Oct 11, 2005

Trolling Link for a decade



Pennywise the Frown posted:

Coming in Q2 2020! That's just right around the corner!



Because having a large variation of death animations is the #1 requested feature by Star Shitizens.

Well, actually, right behind various sexual fetishes involving CPAP equipment

Phil Moscowitz
Feb 19, 2007

Chief Justice of the United States of Anime



When is the next hot dog and pretzel buffet for platinum elite donors

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





Combining animation with physical ragdoll simulation, in 4 easy steps

This is a great example of the many problems of Star Citizen distilled into one:

1. wasting time on the most inconsequential features
2. treating features that are products of the game's internal structure as add-ons
3. doing everything out of order resulting in work having to be constantly redone
4. charting progress disingenuously to minimize the importance of what they haven't done and overemphasize the importance of what little has been achieved

Beyond the lack of actual progress on the game, the most egregious offence is that nothing about the drama has manifested or changed in years. It's become a boring saga to follow since they basically stopped having a public face or doing disastrous live play events. This could have surpassed Zybourne Clock, Doobie's Dog House or even Samadhi Village in the laugh department but now it's just mental illness on display with regards to the people still invested in the game, and I'm a firm believer in punch up not down so I don't think there's anything funny in that.

Still hoping for the AMD letter to surface because just the story about the letter is funny as gently caress. Imagine running a scam game development company and a serious microprocessor/semiconductor company is reaching out to you repeatedly in collaboration and your Mickey Mouse operation can't even get a demo reel together for the biggest trade show of the year for your industry- and you feel so insulted in your coked-up stupor that you pen a letter to the vice presidents and everyone high up telling them just how insulted you are and how dare they. I want to know what he was thinking. I want to understand his process. I want to see The Letter.

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I just had an epiphany: the internet is useless!




Ultra Carp

Owlbear Camus posted:

Hey speaking of infectious diseases, can they add a feature where microbial life is simulated and you can like do a blood draw and see various bacteria and viruses and stuff under a microscope in your ship? You could also simulate all the white blood cells in each players body and give them buffable stats if you take special immunoboosters.

I want to play as one germ among many in a bacterial infection taking over the body of another player, like maybe an important faction leader. We can coordinate our efforts to disable them during vital inter-faction negotiations or strategic battles

SatansOnion
Dec 12, 2011



Vim Fuego posted:

I want to play as one germ among many in a bacterial infection taking over the body of another player, like maybe an important faction leader. We can coordinate our efforts to disable them during vital inter-faction negotiations or strategic battles

hell yes, wanna infect the High Emperor of the Stimpire and make him poo poo himself inside out at the exact moment heís commanding his supersoldiers to land planetside and commence the slaughter

just trying to finish his deathly serious ďworst kind of electricityĒ evil badfella speech and being brought to his knees as heís slammed by wave after improbably large wave of diarrhea

LifeSunDeath
Jan 4, 2007

Wish I had money to replace my AV, that was ripped from me during a mayo challenge, with this. Lol fuck spending more money on this site tho.



Excellent train glitch timecoded
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URQmwnwoxjk#t=80s

Kilbas
Feb 1, 2011



The Great Train Robbery

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008



Grimey Drawer

Amethyst posted:

thanks a lot now I get to read hilarious posts such as this

this


and this



Thanks a lot.

STOP BUMPING THIS lovely THREAD UNLESS SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPENS.

No problem

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





Star Citizen is more sad than funny, and I got equally bad vibes from the megathread itself last time I checked it out. As far as I can tell, there had not been any more hilarious conventions or live streaming events for a while before covid so there really isnít new content being generated for us to mock. Itís the same stuff they keep doing, from steps out of order to outright fakery. They havenít innovated the grift and the same questions are unanswered so whereís the fun? The fact that I see the same posters post the same things they did 3 years ago makes me QCS/FYAD concern troll style worry about the mental health of some of the posters in that thread. If you donít have money in the game thereís nothing to really be animated about at this point.

Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019



You clearly missed the Bag Man appearance at last CitizenCon.

It was the highlight of the show.

Beyond that, that's it yeah, it's really quite dead and the only thing to look forward to in the short to mid-term is the backers' reactions to the Unreal Engine 5 demo that just came out... ie. "Star Citizen's graphics look about 15 years older than this demo but please let me take the floor for about 55 minutes as I elaborate why I feel it's a smart move to invest in a yet-to-be-3d-modelled space ship for this yet-to-be-conceptualized video game to be released in a yet-to-be-envisioned century."

Kung Food
Dec 11, 2006

PORN WIZARD

The obvious solution will be to do another engine switch, necessitating a couple more years of development.

Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019



Kung Food posted:

The obvious solution will be to do another engine switch, necessitating a couple more years of development.

... allowing for a couple more years of dollars.

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007



Grimey Drawer

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

Star Citizen is more sad than funny, and I got equally bad vibes from the megathread itself last time I checked it out. As far as I can tell, there had not been any more hilarious conventions or live streaming events for a while before covid so there really isnít new content being generated for us to mock. Itís the same stuff they keep doing, from steps out of order to outright fakery. They havenít innovated the grift and the same questions are unanswered so whereís the fun? The fact that I see the same posters post the same things they did 3 years ago makes me QCS/FYAD concern troll style worry about the mental health of some of the posters in that thread. If you donít have money in the game thereís nothing to really be animated about at this point.

Lol yeah I canít imagine why people wouldnít be still interested in the largest and ongoing grifts in gaming history.

Why wonít people just let it go???

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Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010



Upset Trowel

There's an oddly large amount of people who come in here saying geez give it up this is so lame now. Or only post when something funny and new happens.

Like, why bother posting that?

You're backers aren't you? For real. For you to care about people making fun of a video game you have to have some sort of investment in it otherwise you'd just ignore the thread.

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