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Binary Badger
Oct 11, 2005

Trolling Link for a decade



Switching to Unreal Engine 5 will allow the game to reach new heights in helmet flipping and falling through the space station toilet floor only to plunge into the molten core of the planet that the station is orbiting

Assuming you don't drown in the ocean along the way

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Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019



Switching to UE 5 is a one-day affair BUT we need another 100 million to get to Engine Switch v3.

Rectal Death Adept
Jun 20, 2018

A pithy quote.


-Some rando





COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

Star Citizen is more sad than funny, and I got equally bad vibes from the megathread itself last time I checked it out. As far as I can tell, there had not been any more hilarious conventions or live streaming events for a while before covid so there really isnít new content being generated for us to mock. Itís the same stuff they keep doing, from steps out of order to outright fakery. They havenít innovated the grift and the same questions are unanswered so whereís the fun? The fact that I see the same posters post the same things they did 3 years ago makes me QCS/FYAD concern troll style worry about the mental health of some of the posters in that thread. If you donít have money in the game thereís nothing to really be animated about at this point.

Easy now. If you criticize their need to obsessively stalk anyone related to this game 24/7 for the past 5+ years you draw their attention onto yourself. It's best to mock from the shadows.

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Rectal Death Adept posted:

Easy now. If you criticize their need to obsessively stalk anyone related to this game 24/7 for the past 5+ years you draw their attention onto yourself. It's best to mock from the shadows.

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014





Yeah, it's been over for a while.

A couple years ago I was absolutely certain it was going to flame out with lawsuits and rage.

Seems like it's just going to slowly peter out over a decade now. Meh.

Kung Food
Dec 11, 2006

PORN WIZARD

I do have to wonder, given the current situation, if any of the mega whales have thought, "An extra $30k in the bank would really come in really handy right now."

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Kung Food posted:

I do have to wonder, given the current situation, if any of the mega whales have thought, "An extra $30k in the bank would really come in really handy right now."

Youíd think that but according to the funding tracker they are making even more money

Binary Badger
Oct 11, 2005

Trolling Link for a decade



Rectal Death Adept posted:

Easy now. If you criticize their need to obsessively stalk anyone related to this game 24/7 for the past 5+ years you draw their attention onto yourself. It's best to mock from the shadows.



Yes people like this guy.

Should be modified to 'Wanted for: 1st degree Sandwich and Dessert Thievery in twenty systems'

Last known system: Dunkkin Donutia

Contact: Star Citizen Weight Watchers Division if sighted

Do not feed, do not make fun of his CPAP mask

Binary Badger fucked around with this message at 03:02 on May 16, 2020

Rectal Death Adept
Jun 20, 2018

A pithy quote.


-Some rando





Binary Badger posted:



Yes people like this guy.

Should be modified to 'Wanted for: 1st degree Sandwich and Dessert Thievery in twenty systems'

Last known system: Dunkkin Donutia

Contact: Star Citizen Weight Watchers Division

Do not feed

Haha yes. YES.

The 6,000th retread of C-PAP mask guy. A picture going on a decade old.

Next post the bunny stairs guy or the fat guy!


Gildiss
Aug 24, 2010


Grimey Drawer

Rectal Death Adept posted:

Haha yes. YES.

The 6,000th retread of C-PAP mask guy. A picture going on a decade old.

Next post the bunny stairs guy or the fat guy!

Does quoting count as "engaging"? And also does anyone have the contact info for UEE? It isn't on the wanted poster.

i am harry
Oct 14, 2003



Hey what's Ryan Archer up to at the moment?

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007



Grimey Drawer

i am harry posted:

Hey what's Ryan Archer up to at the moment?

I seem to remember he did art for another kickstarter and who would have guessed that it was all retraced poo poo.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008



Grimey Drawer

If seeing ANAM doesn't brighten up your day every time you have a cold heart and should be pitied

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





I must say this has left me blue balled:

quote:

We're partnered with them (CIG), of course. We are. It's four months before E3 and we're getting our PC showcase set up. We're reaching out to get demos, sizzle reels, all kinds of different promo stuff. We hear back from a lot of people; there's some new stuff, new games, new partners, all that. Absent is a response from CIG.

Someone else here handles all that, she's calling and calling thinking there's some mistake or she's not getting through to the right people. It's now three months until the PC Gamer showcase and there's nothing on the table from CIG. She's trying to set up a conf call or a face to face with CIG and there's nothing solid set up.

She finally talks to someone over there and is assured we'll get a slice of scripted gameplay and some cutscene stuff with the big name A listers on the project. E3 is what, six weeks away? Maybe seven at this point.

A week later what we get a package with a disc, no explanation, table of contents, nothing. On it, there's nothing new, it's a mashup of all their previous trailers. It's not even cut differently. We have the Hamil one, the Oldman speech, some fighters shooting things and some FPS segments that were lifted straight out of the last con they did. They're all just dumped into a "Promo" folder on a blu-ray.

She's thinking this is a mistake, they sent us the wrong material -- easy mistake to make, you throw in an old disc instead of the one you just cut, it got handled differently, an intern misunderstood what we wanted, whatever. So she calls them up again, no response, emails, nothing.

Two weeks later we get what is referred to around here as the "Letter." Capital "L" letter. The email is addressed to everyone high up at AMD, not even the gaming guys but the chip designers and the heads of departments. The PDF attachment is a rambling statement from Chris about how we're pushing him into something he doesn't think is necessary, he has a vision and that it's "too important" to be disrespected like this.

The decision was made to drop them from the show after that. Probably from our partnership as well, but that's above my head.

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009



Soiled Meat

Pennywise the Frown posted:

There's an oddly large amount of people who come in here saying geez give it up this is so lame now. Or only post when something funny and new happens.

Like, why bother posting that?

You're backers aren't you? For real. For you to care about people making fun of a video game you have to have some sort of investment in it otherwise you'd just ignore the thread.
All true but I feel one thing you've left off is some people are simply mewling whiny cunts and can't stop themselves from bothering the rest of us with it.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





LethalGeek posted:

All true but I feel one thing you've left off is some people are simply mewling whiny cunts and can't stop themselves from bothering the rest of us with it.

"How much you in for commando" has gotten downright ugly as time goes on. Stay tuned for my fatwa in QCS to close this and the SC thread for reasons of "mental health harm reduction"

Necros
Jul 23, 2003



Hell Gem

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

"How much you in for commando" has gotten downright ugly as time goes on. Stay tuned for my fatwa in QCS to close this and the SC thread for reasons of "mental health harm reduction"

youre like a year behind. star citizen used to have a whole forum.

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010



Upset Trowel

Rectal Death Adept posted:

Easy now. If you criticize their need to obsessively stalk anyone related to this game 24/7 for the past 5+ years you draw their attention onto yourself. It's best to mock from the shadows.


Pennywise the Frown posted:

There's an oddly large amount of people who come in here saying geez give it up this is so lame now. Or only post when something funny and new happens.

Like, why bother posting that?

You're backers aren't you? For real. For you to care about people making fun of a video game you have to have some sort of investment in it otherwise you'd just ignore the thread.

Scornful Sexbot
Sep 24, 2007




Dinosaur Gum

Does anyone have that video of the player getting thrown into space and doing a swimming motion? I can't find it anywhere and my friends don't believe the game was built on an engine designed for water physics. Gonna see what I can break with them during the free to play period!

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017



Sea level is apparently hardcoded into Cryengine.

twistedmentat
Nov 21, 2003

What's a war hero got to do to get some lubrication around here?

Rectal Death Adept posted:

Haha yes. YES.

The 6,000th retread of C-PAP mask guy. A picture going on a decade old.

Next post the bunny stairs guy or the fat guy!

I have never seen Star Citizen Fat Guy. Though that probably describes a lot of people.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





twistedmentat posted:

I have never seen Star Citizen Fat Guy. Though that probably describes a lot of people.

They had a fat guy who almost died climbing stairs, so I think that's where the confusion is. The stairs are hardly the most notable thing about bunnyman

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





I will say that the one thing that absolutely drives me nuts about Star Citizen is that in the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards.

Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will.

Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect.

However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps.

Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection.

All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever.

Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed.

Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable.

Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average.

Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule.

Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed.

The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvawib5vLDE

Phil Moscowitz
Feb 19, 2007

Chief Justice of the United States of Anime




Lol does it really take almost 10 minutes to launch to the menu?

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...





Phil Moscowitz posted:

Lol does it really take almost 10 minutes to launch to the menu?

Crazy stuff, reminds me of the time when the Sixth Stimpire noticed that the Fourth Stimpire was adopting laws that were against the regulations of the UGS. High-ranking military servants noticed that at the end of their favourite sporting event, the losing side was being rounded up, with all 11 players wailing in despair. They then noticed that the center of the stadium was now revealing a large, cylindrical container with a sharp floor. The floor was in the shape of a grinding grater, except there were several discs each turning very slowly, one being further out than the other from its center point. They were then pushed in by very powerful cybernetic stadium security officers, and the container was sealed up. It was then, to the horror of the colonels, that there was blood being smeared against the glass of the machine. They both left for their transit van, only to be stopped by Fourth Stimpire Enforcers. They demanded that they get past, only to be told that the Fourth Stimpire is a sovereign, socialist empire which listens to its people. They were then being transported to a greyscale soundproof room, with very sharp machinery decorating the room from all over.

They were never heard from or even seen again. The only traces of them were blood trails located in the very room. The Fourth Stimpire had announced to the UGC that it was now allied with Vanduul forces, and any attack will result in immediate deplanetation, much to the dismay of the UGC. The Seventh Stimpire warned them that the other nine would revoke their UGC rights if they carried on, but they did far from what they were demanding. The Fourth Stimpire didn't massacre the First Landmass population, but left them in the worst pain known in the universe for eternity. The drug was capable of keeping the victim the same age as they were, halting growth and aging, whilst keeping them alive forever. All growth cells are killed and the drug repeats any respiratory cycles.

The other nine declared war on the Fourth Stimpire, which ultimately led to the demise of the First, Eighth, Ninth, Fifth and Tenth Stimpires. They were deplanetated, all of their planets were razed and reduced to nothing but an asteroid field, a reminder of the power of the Fourth Stimpire, and a historical monument, and a book, a tale of what was once a mighty, populated planet.

The Seventh Stimpire ordered their planets to be relocated out of the range of the Fourth Stimpire Satelitation Force through the use of planet movement technology. As the Seventh Stimpire was completely artificial, the planets were able to be relocated to a faraway place in the universe. The Second Stimpire however were unable to relocate, as they were natural to the full extent and had a ban on fighting on any kind. Weapons were not permitted in the territory, and anyone caught fighting would be exiled permanently from the planet. They were the Second Law, as the rest of the universe know them by.

The other stimpires were unable to relocate aswell, and ordered their planets to be mined until they were fresh clean, and turn artificial, so they could be moved away from threat. They did not want to meet the same fate as their brethren. As a result, the war that remains going on to this day, is now a fierce, stalemate battle. The United Earth Empire eventually joined to help them against the Fourth Stimpire in 2754, 100 years after the war began, but this would also lead to Vanduul interception, as the Vanduul were warmongering to the point of following the UEE's every move and intercepting it. But it could just be me idk

COMPAGNIE TOMMY
Jan 24, 2016

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not...






lmao

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010



Upset Trowel


Where are you getting this stuff from?

Torquemada
Oct 21, 2010

Drei Gläser


Pennywise the Frown posted:

Where are you getting this stuff from?

The infamous Stimpire guy from CIG forums a few years ago. He made two effort posts about his edgelord fanfic.

Torquemada
Oct 21, 2010

Drei Gläser


This resulted in a huge volume of SC forum in-jokes including Ďtased with the worst kind of electricityí and Ďthe pain triples every secondí.

Junk
Dec 20, 2003

It's disgraceful - us being forced to pick wood for our smuggler-ancestors beacon-fires!


Is Stimpire actually a thing in Star Citizen? I can't help but think of Stimpy when I read it.

Excelzior
Jun 24, 2013

No, really, I don't.


it's about as much an official thing as jettisoning your slave cargo

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017



To this day it's not unclear whether it's an attempt at parody or genuine emulation of Warhammer 40k style grimderp flavour text.

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002




No joke, I was like "Wow that train tech looks pretty cool, why does it stop in an underground cave though? ...oh wait."

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008



Grimey Drawer

I don't know about you guys but I'm rebinding "Jettison slaves" to LMB.

Dark Off
Aug 14, 2015


Shitizen: *dingdong*
A JPG: "Who's there?"
Shitizen: "Waw, what a hot bhabhi?!




COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

Star Citizen is more sad than funny, and I got equally bad vibes from the megathread itself last time I checked it out. As far as I can tell, there had not been any more hilarious conventions or live streaming events for a while before covid so there really isnít new content being generated for us to mock. Itís the same stuff they keep doing, from steps out of order to outright fakery. They havenít innovated the grift and the same questions are unanswered so whereís the fun? The fact that I see the same posters post the same things they did 3 years ago makes me QCS/FYAD concern troll style worry about the mental health of some of the posters in that thread. If you donít have money in the game thereís nothing to really be animated about at this point.

I feel like you are partly right about it for this year. All the major live events are gone, its about pre-recorded footage now mostly sanitized of wacky glitches.
They already promised everything and really cant top their promises anymore, i feel like the peak was the land claims. (Btw we have not heard about land claims for long time now).
Derek has finished shouting about star citizen, because what would he say about it anymore.
i feel like the reddit quotes part is just poking the dead horse with a stick. Hoping that it does something funny. 95% of time its just unfunny/old joke.
there is still occasional funny thing that can happen and the sunk cost galaxy video serie by bootcha is great, it just gets drown in the noise as most of times nothing is happening.

its already slow full burn finish we are having. The funding tracker is clearly inaccurate because we are already reaching 320+ million dollars wasted on this thing. (60+ from investors , 280 from backers, ?? from government, loans as well). And that is simply ridiculous. The dev team is also getting younger and younger for some reason, so i would guess we are starting to near the finish line maybe its 2 weeks away. or 90 days who knows.

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014





Dark Off posted:

i would guess we are starting to near the finish line maybe its 2 weeks away. or 90 days who knows.

I've thought this too. But have always been wrong.

I don't know how, or when, it will end. But I sincerely hope that some angry people who've been on the inside write some tell-all articles.

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Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017



Star Citizen is certainly producing no shortage of those. I do think it's definitely going to be more whimper than bang, though.

Have there been any major kickstarter games that just don't deliver? Most tend to deliver the wording of the agreement if not the spirit. Broken Age might be a big one.

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