STARCITIZEN: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > STARCITIZEN: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Zzulu posted:

Big tanks in games is actually a cool and good thing. Big mechs are also fully retarded but very cool

There are so many things to rag on in this game that "big tank" really shouldnt even register

Yeah but as people have already said, this isn't "baneblade", this is "real tanks are complicated and cramped so we just made it a big empty room on tracks"

# ¿ Dec 23, 2017 22:30

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 05:51

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Yeah I really don't know what point you're making besides "hhehehe hot girl"

# ¿ Jan 3, 2018 03:52

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

You drawing attention to it when it has nothing to do with the discussion at hand is an issue. The SC thread cruelly mocking people's physical appearance (Ben is fat, Sandi's old etc) when they have nothing to do with the discussion at hand is an issue.

# ¿ Jan 3, 2018 06:06

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

JB50 posted:

Ben Lesnick doppelganger spotted.

Haha yes the classic "if you show compassion for the target of mockery, said mockery must also apply to you" meme

# ¿ Jan 3, 2018 06:09

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

How do you know I'm a fat man and not a middle-aged woman?

# ¿ Jan 3, 2018 06:10

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Somfin posted:

Would you also say people are cruelly mocking his pedophilia and rape fantasies when they have nothing to do with the discussion at hand?

no that's fine

# ¿ Jan 3, 2018 07:46

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Moridin920 posted:

I'm on a space liner. I can only afford Eta class. I order a Croberts on the rocks. I get a Sex on the Moon, quality 40%

I complain to the space steward, who screeches at me and runs off. I hear more noises from the back of the space liner.

Finally after a 20 argument with xXWeedInSpaceXx I have recieved my correct +2 perception drink. Quality 80 but that's fine. Eta class after all.

There are 14 more hours of "actual time" remaining on this flight. I want to die.

Later, the pilot steers into an asteroid and the ship is stranded. Our distress signal is answered by people who just keep yelling fofofofofofo at us.

If only you had pledged!

# ¿ Jan 3, 2018 22:16

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

ChickenHeart posted:

After reading through this thread in its entirety, I can now conclude that Star Citizen sounds like a larger-scope, 3D Space Station 13 that somehow ends up being less fun-sounding than the decades-old farting spaceman game with obtuse controls.

Can I be a space-clown?

No, that's nothing what Star Citizen is like. Star Citizen is a small buggy demo of an unremarkable space sim

# ¿ Jan 6, 2018 18:35

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Croberts68 posted:

I have got all of you beat and it's not even by a little bit.

Lets start at the beginning, I'm a moderately successful guy, I've been lucky to work with some really high quality people who have made me look like an absolute rockstar. I actually even got some decent B-List actors to work for me on a few projects and even got a reasonably hot, albeit failed commercial actress to marry me. I was a movie producer for a minute and even though I lost more money than I made, the "hollywood" contacts I made put me in good enough standing to be able to piggyback smaller amount of funding on to larger projects and turn a pretty solid net.

Problem is my wife really started to just grate on me about her getting work, and the loving Turtle of my RL Entourage kept telling people we were gonna make a big gently caress off videogame. So I'm kinda stuck in a weird spot where I just wanna start funding high budget porno and maybe trade in the wife for a different kind of actress before the money starts to come in and she's entitled to a lot more. Seriously, I've never seen a girl with such a long neck not be able to make it down to the balls, but whatever that's not part of this story. So fuckin Turtle gets me stuck telling potential investors about a videogame that I am literally just making up as I talk to them while throwing out some buzzwords I read in Wired, but the crazy part is they start to eat this poo poo up. Talking about the "upward profit paradigm" in gaming starts to get these loving app developers turned investors as hard as a rock so I see a chance to do something.

So I get Turtle to call some friends and we set up on this website where you make empty promises to nerds and they throw cash at you. So I get a youtube made by my buddy Gil who has a business making music videos for teenage girls who think they're gonna be the next Kesha/Iggy and he green screens my poo poo up so I look like pudgy Scottish Spaceman Spiff. I'm thinking we might make like 2 mil and I can finance a 300K game, pocket the rest and start shooting facial scat porn by Q2 2013. But something far crazier happens, loving nerds start making GBS threads their entire lifesavings on my fiscal chest like some kind of Gordon Gecko inspired Cleveland Steamer. By the end of it I'm sitting on like 12 mil. Nerds, dude. Fuckin nerds.

So Now I'm thinking "How far can I ride this gravytrain before I actually have to do anything?" so I start up my own website, hired some kid out of Irvine of Craigslist to do it (because gently caress Angie's List, I ain't paying poo poo to get some pimple faced kid to poo poo out a paypal button and spaceship drawings) and sure enough I've got 30 million USD and loving Turtle has promoted himself to my assistant. Which would be fine but he keeps insisting on setting up his office near mine but that poo poo's on the East side of the building, so every morning it smells like someone is cooking maple bacon when the sunlight hits his chair. But then the dreams started. I kept having this nightmare where it starts off awesome, I'm banging some coked out 19 year old starlet on a space yacht, but then the space-IRS shows up with my wife, they use her cheekbones to cut through my hull and they tell me I'm going to jail for spaceship-fraud.

So I finally decide to actually make it look like I'm going to make a game and I get my little bro, who's actually a pretty bitchin programmer/producer and I get him to hire a bunch of his work buddies to work in our hometown. But then my loving wife decides that our house in Texas sucks so we have to move back to LA and open an office there so she can "pursue her career", I wanted to tell her they don't make fish-stick commercials any more and no one is going to be casting any parts for "Mostly Fuckable Witch" now that Angie Jolie has fallen to doing Disney poo poo other than the Sci Fi channel. But whatever, LA gets me closer to those desperate 23 year old college drop outs that can pass for 18, so I go with it.

Problem with LA is ol' Turtle decides he needs to still be near me, so I end up realizing the Maple bacon smell from his office isn't from the sunlight hitting his chair, it's from him drinking pancake and bacon smoothies. But now I have to look "active" so I start doing a weekly internet interview where nerds ask me stupid rear end questions about the "game" and I answer them. At first they wanted to have some of the nerds who run the site look at the questions first so they could type up answers for me, but I got bored reading their answers 3 questions in and now I'm making a space game where you can play Call of Duty and the Sims at the same time. Seriously kids, stay away from cocaine, I had to be hit with a tranq dart when someone started to ask me about voxels.

But then after like 20 of these one of the guys working on the game decides I can't be trusted talking to people, so he wants to make a new Youtube show. I figure this is my chance to get rid of my two biggest problems, so I get Turtle and my wife to make this fake news show where they get random nerds from IT and poo poo to talk about spaceships and the right way to draw them or whatever while I go to gaming conventions, where pussy flows like wine if you've got a "Special Presenter" Pass, just wish I could have got on this circuit back when Olivia Munn hadn't yet realized she could do better than videogame news.

It also helps that I'm like 70 million deep at this point too, so I'm actually bagging booth babes, not just the girls with low enough self esteem to dress up like animes and not get paid. So I think "what the hell, lets see what happens when I start selling spaceships I just drew in paint and make my dorky brother actually put them in the game, and the weirdest loving thing happens, I make another 20 million and magazines are writing stories about how much of a genius I am. And everytime I tell some nerd about something, it will always make some other nerds so mad they spend days freaking out on the internet. I'm pretty sure if I announce a partnership with My Little Pony, I could probably make 50 million and cause a few dozen suicides.

gently caress I love griefing

# ¿ Jan 8, 2018 17:06

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

old beast lunatic posted:

I'd like to play this game with other people but finding a not try-hard chill group of guys to play elite with is hard because there are two types of space game players.

-Star citizen guys
-Stoners who listen to podcasts about Aliens while space truckin'

Guess which group is easier to organize?

How many podcasts can there be about one sub-par film sequel?

# ¿ Jan 8, 2018 18:38

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

I've watched a bunch of Twitch streams of Star Citizen out of curiosity to see what's actually in the game and I have literally not seen anything other than the following:

Warp to a planet or space station
Spend an incredibly ~~long and boring~~ immersive time landing the ship
Exit the ship, your character bouncing comically as your landing ramp descends
Walk through a space station to the trading computer to request a different ship
Get in the different ship
Repeat

The most entertaining thing I saw was a different ship janking around in the background while the streamer did this

# ¿ Jan 8, 2018 18:45

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Not only did they design the assets before designing any gameplay, they're doing the gameplay backwards, too. All the gameplay that's in right now would be considered side missions/secondary game modes in any other game. The actual game is coming "later" lol

# ¿ Jan 16, 2018 18:08

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

I'm 6'4" but I don't (metaphorically) look down on people smaller than me because that's ignorant and discriminatory. I have more meaningful things to derive self-worth from. Genetic physical attributes such as race or gender or height do not factor into my valuation of myself or other people. Thanks for reading.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2018 19:27

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

low tax is really bad at running this web sight he gave derek smart mod power and also encourages people to talk about alt-right stuff and doesn't understand that it's poop that shouldn't be touched

# ¿ May 20, 2018 17:38

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

well cya on my rereg

# ¿ May 20, 2018 17:38

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

That guy is very extremely sad

# ¿ May 30, 2018 01:08

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

No. 6 posted:

Notch made that times ten.

Notch made a game.

# ¿ Jun 21, 2018 21:11

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

https://twitter.com/notch/status/936215345400033280

# ¿ Jun 21, 2018 21:15

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Actually happens more often the other way around, counting orcas. All but the smallest and youngest whales are well outside a shark's feasible range of prey except as carrion.

Shut up nerd

# ¿ Aug 7, 2018 17:43

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

That sounds like a pretty awesome job tbh

# ¿ Aug 7, 2018 18:35

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

big nipples big life posted:

That was a photoshop.

lmao

# ¿ Aug 9, 2018 02:56

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

SA mock thread becomes completely up its own rear end and totally unfunny, a shocking development

# ¿ Aug 9, 2018 02:57

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

oh my god loving gas

# ¿ Sep 3, 2018 19:18

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Statutory Ape posted:

how do i tell which fascisms are ironic and which arent

the ironic fascisms have a pink background

# ¿ Oct 19, 2018 22:44

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

It's true though, goons are extremely upset about not being rulers of Eve anymore and initially thought that SC was the new game they were going to own and spent incredibly humorous amounts of money pledging before doing a collective 180*

# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 01:01

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Ah I see, so Goons have always ruled Eve, and the only time they didn't rule Eve is because they didn't care anyway!! Haha goons are all super cool and chill and have never done anything embarrassing like spitefully stalking the employees of a company that they earlier voluntarily gave thousands of dollars to

Thanks for correcting me guys

# ¿ Oct 24, 2018 17:46

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

The Skeleton King posted:

I remember when Borderlands was first announced it was a gritty sci fi desert world game that was touted as having non-scripted open world stuff going on, where enemies would move around and interact with each other and the environment without the player's input.

They also bragged about having a huge system of modular guns with a whole bunch of parts that can be swapped out and would have notable effects on how guns worked. Their bazillion gun claim was supposedly based on the sheer number of combinations of gun parts. I remember it being essentially Armored Core level of customization on guns.

It was claimed that you could put together guns that do silly poo poo like a mini gun that fires all the barrels at once, a gun that launches blades that veer off randomly after a set distance, or a gun with enough kickback to launch the player into the air.

They also claimed that the buggies you could drive were heavily customizable.

Then it comes out and it�s some ugly and unfunny cartoon game that is very linear and very scripted. The guns variety was just lovely Diablo style loot system and nearly all of the guns worked the same way but with different numbers. The vehicles were bare bones and boring. None of the guns were interesting. It got boring very fast. I�ve never bought a game from gearbox ever since, and it looks like I was right to do so.

yeah seems like Gearbox should have stuck to making mods

# ¿ Nov 2, 2018 18:39

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

I haven't been the same since EA shut down Motor City Online

# ¿ Nov 4, 2018 18:33

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Mukip posted:

Star Citizen isn't interesting enough to justify the amount of posting that is done about it in the quarantine subforum. It's mainly people who got owned by CRobert's marketing skills who plopped down thousands of dollars to be fleet admirals, and now they've wasted probably hundreds of hours of their lives on top of that posting 'exposes' about Sandi Gardner's home address in a vain attempt to prove that they didn't get owned by a video game dev. But they are gonna get owned yet again when the game actually comes out despite their endless white noise posting declaring it to be impossible.

this would have been a savage own if you only you omitted the last sentence. Maybe replace it with a quip about how goons tried to jump to SC because they got owned in Eve

# ¿ Nov 18, 2018 19:01

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Statutory Ape posted:

i would be curious to know how the tickle porn is related to the money laundering

E: also i would be curious to know what money laundering is happening

Hahaha lol how much are you in for, commando

# ¿ Nov 19, 2018 01:10

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Statutory Ape posted:

? $0 you fuckin retard look @ my post history ITT. paying shitlords to make jpegs isnt money laundering though

and i definitely dont understand what tickle porn has to do with any of it

I'm mocking the SC thread regulars whose immediate reaction to anyone pointing out that they're insane creeps is to accuse them of being a backer.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2018 02:01

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

If someone came up to me at a party and called me a gamer I would punch them in the face

# ¿ Nov 21, 2018 08:10

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Fashionable Jorts posted:

These are also the guys who designed tanks to have more internal square footage than some apartments.

Those hallways (inside a tank) have at least 6 feet of head clearance based off of other concept art that shows people next to the tank.

I mean the reason for all of this is extremely obvious

# ¿ Nov 21, 2018 23:47

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

steinrokkan posted:

Is the reason "we promised to make everything walkable from inside, so gently caress you, your tank is now the size of a small palace"

Anyway, the question of what a tank looks like in the SC universe is purely academic, as nobody is ever going to actually see one in action.

Yeah and they are way too awful at every aspect of game development to animate people navigating a cramped space, which is what almost everything in the game should be -- ships, stations, vehicles

# ¿ Nov 22, 2018 00:03

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

mods changed my name posted:

how expensive of a ship would you have to buy to be even able to transport that tank? How much does the tank cost?

I mean they promised a flyable carrier all the way back in the Kickstarter lol

# ¿ Nov 22, 2018 00:06

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Rad-daddio posted:

I read somewhere that the USA still buys a set amount of Abrams M1 tanks every year, even though they don't need them. Something about keeping the jobs going, or a long running contract. But, unnecessary tanks are something that the USA ans SC have in common.

The USA could literally stop buying any new military hardware for decades and still have the world's most powerful military

# ¿ Nov 22, 2018 05:41

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Ghost Leviathan posted:

That said,

Exactly, this is supposed to be the most fidelitous game universe ever created, so it's funny to see them taking the same shortcuts at JPEG stage that Chinese F2P MMOs are taking at actual shipped game stage

# ¿ Nov 22, 2018 19:05

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Somfin posted:

I still cannot wrap my head around there being no female character option in a sim game that has customisation

How are you even remotely surprised given the type of audience this poo poo attracts

# ¿ Nov 25, 2018 19:32

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Somfin posted:

That's their own loving fault, make the female characters equal height to the male characters and that issue is gone

I'm literally not joking when I say this is probably a huge insurmountable obstacle for them because whatever modeling software they use is made for 5'8" women and they are too inept to modify that.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2018 19:57

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 05:51

feelix: Nov 27, 2016; THE ONLY EXERCISE I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH IS EXERCISING MY ABILITY TO MAKE A POST PEOPLE WANT TO READ

Actually Skyrim is bigger because I pretend that everyone in the game is a giant

# ¿ Nov 25, 2018 23:47

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