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w/e dude
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Dec 10, 2017 08:06
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:53 |
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Triglav posted:w/e dude I wasn't super clear about this in the OP, but let's try not to just dismiss people out of hand itt. The whole point is that queer issues get talked over a lot in the rest of this sub and nobody should feel like their voice is being bullied out. Disagree, fine, but you're being deliberately disrespectful to the person you're responding to here and the weren't doing the same to you. Save the mean posts for people who burst in to wave their cishet opinions around without listening to anyone.
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Dec 10, 2017 08:25
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just a bad attempt at a joke. dude/dudes = socal you/y'all
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Dec 10, 2017 08:47
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how do people make a decision about gender bullshit, anyway i went from "haha i'm trans  " to "i don't know poo poo and i think i'm full of it  " again today and just like. gently caress, how do people decide this. i'm not really dysphoric other than hating facial hair and my awful body, i think about it sometimes but it's not like it's a huge issue to meit seems so easy for everyone else. just saying "i feel kind of trans" feels like a huge loving copout what do you even do past that (obvious answer: therapy)
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Dec 10, 2017 08:51
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Re roll-call: In my class I have non-mandatory attendance, but send around a paper with official (what is in our uni's system) names for the class, along with instructions to make a mark by your name and write down your name if you aren't on the paper. Not sure how inclusive that is, but at least I am not calling people out in front of others I guess  (If you have suggestions on how to improve this, I am all ears)Also, its kinda sad but students in the first couple of semesters are on average not mature enough to deal with non-mandatory, non-checked attendance*. At least judging by how many of them stop attending after first lab session where I tell them that attendance is optional (but recommended), and then come back last week of the semester whining how hard things are, how they need extra time for deadlines and so on. Often they even admit that they didn't even go through our rather extensive lab materials, but somehow it is our fault that we assumed they are responsible adults.  Since we started sending around the paper with names, even though we make it very clear that attendance is still optional, the average attendance is up and people have much less trouble finishing the course. It also helps us with proper data of when do people stop attending, so we can do something about it (ie last semester we found out that a surprising amount of people stopped attending after week 6, so we redid the course weeks 5-7 and this semester things are better). * Actually I think the problem is in the students not having figured out yet that when we give them advice, we mean and it is good advice (at least for passing the course). We even had to start enforcing some things that we previously only gave as an advice.
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Dec 10, 2017 09:56
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Zamujasa posted:how do people make a decision about gender bullshit, anyway Therapy is the right answer anytime you can't nail your feelings down on your own.
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Dec 10, 2017 10:05
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Imo dude and to a somewhat lesser extent guys are agendered words, and the people who say they are bad are probably being overly cautious. I'm also somehwat annoyed by people calling other people they/them/their even though they explicitly know know their identified gender. To me it feels like you intentionally gloss over part of their identity. Of course it's totally cool to use they by default I think it works very well, but once you know someone well enough and know their gender then use the pronouns that go with that IMO. One last thing I'm doing masters rn and there's a guy in class who goes by a different name than his registered name. He has two first names and prefers one over the other. Every single class we had from this teacher he would call roll and use the wrong name. Every time he would say he would fix it. All the teacher had to do was edit an internal wiki page. He never did. This happen every time we had this class. It was just painful.
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Dec 10, 2017 10:35
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if dude is agender what's the deal with dudette
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Dec 10, 2017 10:42
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maybe it's an east coast/west coast thing, but i can't imagine dude being used gender neutrally
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Dec 10, 2017 10:44
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If you're comfortable calling people a hair on an elephant's butt then keep saying dude i guess.
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Dec 10, 2017 11:36
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and a dork is a whale penis!
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Dec 10, 2017 11:42
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muckswirler posted:If you're comfortable calling people a hair on an elephant's butt then keep saying dude i guess. thanks, dudelberry
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Dec 10, 2017 11:45
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Zamujasa posted:how do people make a decision about gender bullshit, anyway It may seem obvious, but it's not easy, so congrats on you for realizing it. I spent 15 years repressing it and looking for anything that when obviate my need to acknowledge the truth. cis autodrag posted:I also tend to do this. Better to be safe than stomp on people's feelings. I just genuinely had no idea guys and dude weren't totally agendered at this point. The only people I've ever irl heard complaints from are a meme from my friend in Facebook who is the definition of white girl woke and my wife's uncle who's a lovely republican who was mocking me for my beard shadow back before the laser started to work. If it's not too personal, how long did it take to work for you? I just had my first about a week ago. 
Gynocentric Regime fucked around with this message at 13:51 on Dec 10, 2017 |
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Dec 10, 2017 13:37
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i too am a fan of "yall" for address over "guys/dudes"
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Dec 10, 2017 14:54
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Zamujasa posted:how do people make a decision about gender bullshit, anyway yo you're saying you're pretty dysphoric right there just saying! Triglav posted:maybe cuz west coast + hippie school, but "they" was taught to me and what i heard as a kid wasn't strictly taught to me but like, we all used they that way and none of the teachers ever taught against it.
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Dec 10, 2017 16:33
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cis autodrag posted:are people actually offended by "dude" or "guys"? idgaf about that poo poo and I assumed outrage about it was just a conservative strawman. none of the trans or cis women i know care about that because it's at the same level of common use as atheists saying "oh god" y'all works pretty good as a replacement though yeah
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Dec 10, 2017 17:34
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Zamujasa posted:i'm not really dysphoric other than hating facial hair and my awful body i don't mean this in a hostile way or anything but, what exactly do you think dysphoria is... but yeah as other posters said seek therapy, it's super helpful. it's a person who knows all the weird dumb ways your brain fucks with you and has seen tons of these patterns before
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Dec 10, 2017 17:38
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is "bro" gendered? what about "bra"? i also use "yall"
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Dec 10, 2017 19:02
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CommunistPancake posted:if dude is agender what's the deal with dudette nobody has used the term dudette in earnest since like 1993
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Dec 10, 2017 19:11
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Glazier posted:If it's not too personal, how long did it take to work for you? I just had my first about a week ago. I'm pasty like my white mom but I got my super dark coarse beard from my black dad so I was at like 50% reduction after 3 sessions. At my last session they said they might use a closeup of my cheek on a poster because I was the best result their clinic ever had.
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Dec 10, 2017 20:58
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wife was doing laser for a while until she figured she was at the point of diminishing returns and needed to switch to electrolysis to get the rest, though she still hasn't scheduled that after a few months so idk what's up. it got rid of a lot though so that's nice
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Dec 10, 2017 21:04
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CommunistPancake posted:maybe it's an east coast/west coast thing, but i can't imagine dude being used gender neutrally https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV61t021SxQ
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Dec 10, 2017 21:35
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ive never been able to get completely rid of my inner valley girl and still say dude/dudes a lot
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Dec 10, 2017 21:45
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dude and bro are not simply means of address: they are comments on states of being. 'sup bros' and 'yo dude' do not indicate the gender of the addressee, but instead indicate a level of camaraderie and/or chillness between the speaker and addressee, analogous to "howdy, partner" (in the over-stylized western film of your choice) or "regards, comrade/privet, tovarishch" (in some idealized soviet past full of gender equality and friendship of peoples). however, they stem from gendered meanings, and cannot easily be separated from them. the degree that any one person associates them with a gender will vary a lot, and saying "no, this or that understanding of the word is flat-out wrong" is patronizing.
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Dec 10, 2017 22:25
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Powaqoatse posted:thats literally the first time ive heard of taking roll post highschool Sagebrush posted:Most of my classes are under 20 students and studio format, so it matters a lot if you don't show up In the UK have a legal requirement to take a register for the students in my university level classes because our stupid government has tied attendance to student visa renewal. ofc we don't know students visa statuses so this then has to apply to all students. I am really lax with this and will accept almost every reason for being absent and I just do the registers after class or latter that as I think its frankly quite insulting to do at this level particularly if its in a way that is visible or rollcally. If I can't remember exactly who was there I mark them as present, I only make a point of marking people absent if it looks like a regular thing or that I think the student might be having other issues outside of class as this flags them up to whoever is responsible for their pastoral care to make sure they are ok. cis autodrag posted:Everyone is over complicating this. Don't take roll on the first day. Instead announce that you will take roll from then on and that if someone's preferred name (use that language) differs from their registration to let you know before the next class. In a recent round of teacher training someone said something similar that has really struck me and stuck with me: "if you need to change something in you class to make it more inclusive for a specific student (disability/dyslexia/accessibility/etc etc) then its probably something you should be doing anyway as good teaching practice that will be helpful for all you students regardless of if they have (any of these specific) issues or not" vodkat fucked around with this message at 22:44 on Dec 10, 2017 |
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Dec 10, 2017 22:42
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ate all the Oreos posted:wife was doing laser for a while until she figured she was at the point of diminishing returns and needed to switch to electrolysis to get the rest, though she still hasn't scheduled that after a few months so idk what's up. it got rid of a lot though so that's nice Ya I still have some white hairs to electro out but you can't see em at all, they just bug me. It's inevitable that with laser some hairs will just get weaker and turn white or blonde rather than fall out. "permanent reduction" and all that.
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Dec 10, 2017 23:04
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Progressive JPEG posted:is "bro" gendered? what about "bra"? y'all and all'y'all
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Dec 11, 2017 00:49
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Mods, change subtitle to "is bro gendered?" tia
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Dec 11, 2017 01:14
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cis autodrag posted:I'm pasty like my white mom but I got my super dark coarse beard from my black dad so I was at like 50% reduction after 3 sessions. At my last session they said they might use a closeup of my cheek on a poster because I was the best result their clinic ever had. Sweet! I'm biracial too, same parental races too, so I hope it turns out as good cis autodrag posted:Ya I still have some white hairs to electro out but you can't see em at all, they just bug me. It's inevitable that with laser some hairs will just get weaker and turn white or blonde rather than fall out. "permanent reduction" and all that. I heard Jordan Raskopoulos talk about her experience with electro and If that happens to me I'll just live with it, laser already hurts enough. 😫 Gynocentric Regime fucked around with this message at 02:05 on Dec 11, 2017 |
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Dec 11, 2017 01:49
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Glazier posted:Sweet! I'm biracial too, same parents too, so I hope it turns out as good By the time you're done with laser nothing will hurt anymore. Pain will be a distant memory. I'm getting electrolysis... down there.. to get ready for bottom surgery and it's not that bad comparatively. keep in mind that electro is hair by hair so it's not gonna singe quarter sized hunks of your face like laser does.
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Dec 11, 2017 02:06
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cis autodrag posted:By the time you're done with laser nothing will hurt anymore. Pain will be a distant memory. I'm getting electrolysis... down there.. to get ready for bottom surgery and it's not that bad comparatively. keep in mind that electro is hair by hair so it's not gonna singe quarter sized hunks of your face like laser does. I'll take your word for it, best of luck on your surgery
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Dec 11, 2017 02:11
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ate all the Oreos posted:i don't mean this in a hostile way or anything but, what exactly do you think dysphoria is... that's the thing: i don't entirely know. i follow a lot of trans folks in various places and when they talk about being dysphoric it sounds like anything from upsetting to like, panic-attack inducing at points. and in my case i just feel mildly irritated. the kind of mild irritation you get when you hit every red light in a row. i think i was just in a bad place last night. i feel better today. i'm doing what i can w/ therapy but the last therapist i tried seeing was not a pleasant experience so i'm working up the mental strength to try finding another one. Progressive JPEG posted:is "bro" gendered? what about "bra"? use bra when you're in the company of your best buds because bras are supposed to be supportive 
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Dec 11, 2017 04:49
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i say "hey you guys" like sloth in the goonies
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Dec 11, 2017 05:15
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Zamujasa posted:that's the thing: i don't entirely know. i follow a lot of trans folks in various places and when they talk about being dysphoric it sounds like anything from upsetting to like, panic-attack inducing at points. and in my case i just feel mildly irritated. the kind of mild irritation you get when you hit every red light in a row. it's a big ol' spectrum like most human conditions. i know someone who's so disgusted with their dick and any masculine aspect of their body they've already gotten a trach shave and they're counting down the days until bottom surgery, while my wife and most of my other friends are perfectly fine with keeping their ladyboners and are mostly bothered by their faces to varying degrees. don't try to measure yourself against some external standard of 'trans-ness', just try to figure out what you'd be happiest living with. Zamujasa posted:i think i was just in a bad place last night. i feel better today. i'm doing what i can w/ therapy but the last therapist i tried seeing was not a pleasant experience so i'm working up the mental strength to try finding another one. pro therapist tip: if you can, make sure they have a psychology PhD or at least a masters, and preferably pick one that specifically states they're experienced in handling gender stuff ofc
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Dec 11, 2017 05:42
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cis autodrag posted:By the time you're done with laser nothing will hurt anymore. Pain will be a distant memory. I'm getting electrolysis... down there.. to get ready for bottom surgery and it's not that bad comparatively. keep in mind that electro is hair by hair so it's not gonna singe quarter sized hunks of your face like laser does. both vary a ton between people and methods i think. the wife says laser is "like someone's thwapping a rubber band against your face, more annoying than agonizing" while another friend says their face feels like it's on fire. i also know that the one my wife did also puffed chilled air on you right before the laser pulse so it would heat damage the skin less or numb you a tiny bit or something? as for electrolysis, the friend doing bottom surgery got it for that and didn't really mind it much at all, while another friend is having it done on the face right now and even popped some goddamn opiates beforehand and it was still overwhelmingly painful to her
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Dec 11, 2017 05:49
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As a basically straight cis male, thank you for this thread. I’ll be lurking so I can learn to not be a jerk
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Dec 11, 2017 06:10
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one thing to consider in general is that if you have had something suppressed for long enough whether through somewhat consciously doing so or as a result of depression or something, it may feel like you only feel it a little now. But actually investigating it or lifting depression or w/e can lead to you realizing you really feel that quite a bit. the key is really that if it really was a big issue after all it will hit you at some point on its own seemingly out of nowhere when you aren't prepared for it. While finding it now is about as prepared as you can be and also means that you'll probably be doing something about it to help asap, so it never gets the chance to build up worse. finally, consider just asking you're self a list of things, things along the lines of "if this thing happens or I make this choice, what am I afraid or concerned about of it". And then try to find solutions you can do in that hypothetical future, for that trait, or sideeffect. And incidentally having that down on paper and shared with a psych or therapist can really help - both by telling them about you and showing where you are worried the most atm. It can be a wonderful way to break the ice in talking and gender/sex/sexuality concerns. And you can do it starting now! Just the other night an nb friend and I talked over some of their concerns about going on T and how to handle them. They're going to finally ask their care team about the process to get it. And their long term anxiety about doing that is already clearing up. 💮
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Dec 11, 2017 06:24
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is that a satanic pentagram emoji e: oh it's 'white flower' but it's got a transparent background so i'm just seeing some five-lobed red thing on black lol
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Dec 11, 2017 06:28
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ate all the Oreos posted:is that a satanic pentagram emoji Yeah it's either a happy flower or a weird demon symbol depending on emojis, theme, etc, so I like it
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Dec 11, 2017 06:31
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:53 |
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ate all the Oreos posted:it's a big ol' spectrum like most human conditions. i know someone who's so disgusted with their dick and any masculine aspect of their body they've already gotten a trach shave and they're counting down the days until bottom surgery, while my wife and most of my other friends are perfectly fine with keeping their ladyboners and are mostly bothered by their faces to varying degrees. don't try to measure yourself against some external standard of 'trans-ness', just try to figure out what you'd be happiest living with. Second this, I don't have a lot of anxiety around genitalia, but my face and chest are/were a major source of my dysphoria. ate all the Oreos posted:both vary a ton between people and methods i think. the wife says laser is "like someone's thwapping a rubber band against your face, more annoying than agonizing" while another friend says their face feels like it's on fire. i also know that the one my wife did also puffed chilled air on you right before the laser pulse so it would heat damage the skin less or numb you a tiny bit or something? For me it was a mixture of both, I was able to ignore it for most of my face but the chin was excruciating and that was with the cooling air. Gynocentric Regime fucked around with this message at 14:51 on Dec 11, 2017 |
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Dec 11, 2017 14:46
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