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free Trapt CD

i'm tired of all these threads clogging up byob. the 'carrot is funniest vegetable' thread has some good jokes, but the 'funny vegetable' meme has run its course and it's time we decided once and for all as a community which is the funniest vegetable.

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free Trapt CD

[this post reserved for table of contents, fanart]

free Trapt CD

let's start by summarising what we already know:
  • carrots: the worst vegetable
  • green beans: fine, a pleasing and humourous flatness. look at it from the side: it's gone!
  • bell pepper: mildly suggestive shape, three varieties of color make it useful for the ol' 'stoplight' routine
  • rutabaga: this ain't your daddy's vegetable
  • celery: who the gently caress do you think you are, celery?? the gently caress are you playing at??
  • leek: "my fridge has a leek!" classic gag
  • onion: makes people cry when they cut it. a good prank is to hide it in other things people have to cut, like a well-done steak or a mayoral commemorative ribbon

free Trapt CD fucked around with this message at Dec 7, 2017 around 14:15

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
I find the buttsquash fairly humorous if perhaps a bit too ribald. Beets are fairly good too since they are a homophone for beats, which is a musical concept scarcely related to vegetables at all.

I think I should have to nominate the turnip, because if a writer ever wants to make produce seem ridiculous they would surely refer to a turnip. For instance someone might be a turnip farmer or arrive to town on a turnip truck ro serve their boss a roast turnip surprise. No one would ever laugh like that at a stolid potato.

sockingtonsworth


broccoli cauliflower smackdown

Manifisto


good lord this isn't hard. it's the vegetable that sounds like "pee" and almost always manages to escape the bowl as you're trying to unshell it, not to mention brits like to eat it "mushy" which is an absurd way to want to eat anything yet somehow so very british


thank you vanisher & death sext!

CannonFodder



Kumquat. It's a vegetable and a request. " Please come here and quat."

free Trapt CD

these are all good points, well-expressed, and i'm glad because they're all in the funniest vegetable megathread, where it is easy to compare and contrast vegetables, and internet explorer couldn't handle having all those tabs open before.

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I find the buttsquash fairly humorous if perhaps a bit too ribald. Beets are fairly good too since they are a homophone for beats, which is a musical concept scarcely related to vegetables at all.
I, too, like the buttsquash, but don't you think it kinda makes a punchline in and of itself? like, you can't take it anywhere, because you've already cannonballed into the comedy pool when you open with 'buttsquash'. whereas beets - you've tapped a rich vein of comedy nutrients. "hey DJ, drop the beets already!" - it sounds like you're waiting for an exciting moment in the music, but in actuality you are the supervisor at the DJ's day job where he moves boxes of produce. it's like, "hey, hurry up! we've got other vegetables to move!" hilarious. and let's not even get into the other homonyms - beet cop, heartbeet.

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I think I should have to nominate the turnip, because if a writer ever wants to make produce seem ridiculous they would surely refer to a turnip. For instance someone might be a turnip farmer or arrive to town on a turnip truck ro serve their boss a roast turnip surprise. No one would ever laugh like that at a stolid potato.
i think you're on to something with this turnip business. turnips are just plain good fun! they sound funny, look funny, and are funnily inconvenient to pack into a truck due to their odd shape. nobody ever heard of a 'potato surprise', and a 'turnip famine' is hilarious while a potato famine is something i can't mention at family reunions.

sockingtonsworth posted:

broccoli cauliflower smackdown
did you know that the patterns and shapes in broccoli are similar to those of complex and recursive mathematical figures such as fractals? that's because broccoli is the 'nerd' of the vegetable family. whenever i cook broccoli in water i imagine i am giving it a swirlie. one point for house cauliflower

Manifisto posted:

good lord this isn't hard. it's the vegetable that sounds like "pee" and almost always manages to escape the bowl as you're trying to unshell it, not to mention brits like to eat it "mushy" which is an absurd way to want to eat anything yet somehow so very british
the thing about peas is that there's normally hundreds of them. you're unshelling them, and one flies out - hilarious! a second - hey, you should know better! a third - that's getting a little crazy. but it keeps happening! hours later, you're still at it, and nobody knows now whether they are laughing or crying. the brits may like them mushy, but imo the pea is the apex of the french school of tragicomedy. sadly this is byob, not 'cahiers du legumes'

CannonFodder posted:

Kumquat. It's a vegetable and a request. " Please come here and quat."
it's hilarious because of the misunderstandings. you're like "what's for dinner" and they're like "kumquat" and next holiday season you stop getting christmas cards.

HotSoapyBeard

I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
Brussels sprouts are like miniature cabbages and they smell like farts.

Koishi Komeiji


Radicchio because it sounds like a Pokemon name.


edit: It's also sometimes called chicory which also sounds like a Pokemon name.



Robot Made of Meat


free Trapt CD posted:


rutabaga: this ain't your daddy's vegetable


Actually it is. None of the rest of us will eat the things.


Thanks to Vanisher for the sig!

Olive!

It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

arugula: just try and say this without sounding like an old-timey car horn. it's impossible.

Olive!

It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

do legumes count? 'chickpeas' (aka 'garbanzo beans') are pretty funny

Olive!

It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

I yam what I yam!

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

Thank god this discussion is being consolidated into one thread. It's been too difficult trying to keep up with all the individual funny vegetable threads in BYOB, as well as the D&D funniest vegetable thread and the GBS funniest vegetable thread. Frankly, I had been getting less done at work as a result.

To all the GBS refugees coming here after their thread was closed, welcome! I think you'll find BYOB to be a friendly place. Some of the "bleeding edge" humor that you guys favor may be lost on us, though. Just something to keep in mind.

Olive! posted:

arugula: just try and say this without sounding like an old-timey car horn. it's impossible.
I feel like this is a really good point that I haven't seen mentioned before. I'm gonna have to look for a source on this.

Lizard Wizard

mep, mep

asparagus is good for prop comedy.

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
Sorrel is an undersued erb. It tastes lemony. Lemony leaves.

Twenty Four

HAIKOOLIGAN
Is a pickle a vegetable or did it just used to be one?


Sig by vanisher

Nosfereefer


post modern thought teaches us that categorization is essentially meaningless

Nosfereefer


so maybe?

Nosfereefer


p sure ketchup is a vegetable in america, which is hilarious

Manifisto


Twenty Four posted:

Is a pickle a vegetable or did it just used to be one?

if so my vote switches to pickled hogs feet

or maybe pickled watermelon rind

"hey let's take the trash part of the plant, the non food part of the food, and pickle it!"


thank you vanisher & death sext!

Nosfereefer


Manifisto posted:

if so my vote switches to pickled hogs feet

or maybe pickled watermelon rind

"hey let's take the trash part of the plant, the non food part of the food, and pickle it!"

makes sense tho? you'll eat the best part first and save the lovely parts for dire times

Manifisto


Nosfereefer posted:

makes sense tho? you'll eat the best part first and save the lovely parts for dire times

pickles for dire times:

- pickled banana peel
- pickled dirt
- pickled cigarette butts
- pickled cereal box
- pickled pickle jar

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle

Manifisto posted:

pickles for dire times:

- pickled banana peel
- pickled dirt
- pickled cigarette butts
- pickled cereal box
- pickled pickle jar

The harvest so bad we had to make do on pickled brine.

sockingtonsworth


Iím imagining one of those cashier stations where the keys donít have words only pictures and itís just a bunch of pickle buttons

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sockingtonsworth


and arenít pickles a type of sea mammal?

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