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bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

one day bob dobbs will live again

Nap Ghost

chitoryu12 posted:

I've only had coq a vin once, at Balthazar in NYC. It was absolutely delicious and even had a distinctive red wine taste to the chicken.

you have poule a vin, then

try to avoid eating old male animals with their balls in general

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ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

/\/\/\ Reading that (after I posted the below) I'm immediately suggesting a new entry: Prairie Oyster. But this might count as a hint. Sorry.

bob dobbs is dead posted:

coq a vin is disgusting because it's made with roosters. the cook time is designed to make it edible, but it's still pretty disgusting
you see ancient recipes calling for 6, 10 hours cooks with rooster. lol at doing that with a hen
I've done coq a vin, it's about as far from disgusting as you can get! Granted, I used a hen (just like this weekend's condemned), but anything braised for hours in red wine is going to come out great, I mean how could it not? I've thrown a "broiler" into the slow cooker on a couple of occasions. 8+ hours at "low" and the carcass literally falls apart. Again, nothing wrong with that!

Once I had what I *think* was old chicken. Probably still a hen, but about 5 years ago my GF was given two more-than-a-quarter chicken pieces (two separate birds, more than half of the breast plus all of one leg) by friends of hers on their way through town - they're farmers and I've met their flock. We left them in the freezer for a few months then got drunk and decided to cook them.

They were delicious, with actual flavour instead of the absorb-anything-else-in-range tabula rasa of grocery-store chicken. They were also tougher, but not in a bad way. I had to work at eating these birds, but it was enjoyable work, not like weird low-grade meat or some error in processing, just chicken made of MEAT instead of being made of, uh, what I've come to expect from chickens.

Those people and their farm are about 2000 km away from me and they have no plans to head out this way anytime (ever) so I went with what I could get.


\/\/\/ Sounds like a challenge to me. Where can I buy a dead rooster?

ExecuDork fucked around with this message at Jan 15, 2018 around 04:24

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

one day bob dobbs will live again

Nap Ghost

the most important part of the disgustingness of coq a vin is the coq
roosters are disgusting to eat
this is why we don't eat them anymore

hens are fine

CrazySalamander
Nov 5, 2009


Roosters are just fine in my experience. That being said that experience is homegrown birds where the pressure cooker is your friend regardless of bird gender.

Soricidus
Oct 20, 2010
freedom-hating statist shill

Pillbug

I’d get angry that nobody in this thread knows how to spell coq au vin but I guess it’s thematically appropriate

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Chocolate tastes bad,
also fuck you <3

Are you talking about the cocoa van?

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

one day bob dobbs will live again

Nap Ghost

ExecuDork posted:

\/\/\/ Sounds like a challenge to me. Where can I buy a dead rooster?

you can buy capon meat online
the problem with the capon is it's got its balls cut off, so the thing i said about it being awful is not true. rooster is w/ balls
http://www.dartagnan.com/capon-whol...FCAPO002-1.html

you will prolly have to buy an adult rooster and kill it, because they don't sell rooster-with-balls meat
fryer chickens are 7 weeks. chickens are not roosters before 1 year old. most of the roosters eaten in working farms would be >3 years old, maybe >5 years

bob dobbs is dead fucked around with this message at Jan 15, 2018 around 16:14

Discussion Quorum
Dec 5, 2002
Armchair Philistine


A friend who had some backyard hens and wanted to hatch some chicks borrowed a rooster from another "urban farmer" for some chicken sexytimes. The rooster's name was Mr. Pot Pie as that was his intended fate.

Guessing that would have been a really nasty chicken pot pie, then? Also, chicken people are weird.

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

one day bob dobbs will live again

Nap Ghost

awfulness is in the gaminess. also the stringiness. the wine is also there in the stew to disguise the taste.
pot pie would prolly work, if you do something else for flavoring and the rooster is there for meatiness, and you butcher against the grain properly

left_unattended
Apr 13, 2009

"The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another's keeping."
Dale Carnegie

Discussion Quorum posted:

A friend who had some backyard hens and wanted to hatch some chicks borrowed a rooster from another "urban farmer" for some chicken sexytimes. The rooster's name was Mr. Pot Pie as that was his intended fate.

Guessing that would have been a really nasty chicken pot pie, then? Also, chicken people are weird.

We called ours Pot Roast. I used to tell him he was going to be delicious, apparently I was wrong. He's dead now so it doesn't matter.

One of the chicks was named Quarterpack, we had a trio named K, F, and C, any male lambs are named F1, F3 etc for Freezer. It's a farmer thing.

Dr. Kloctopussy
Apr 22, 2003


left_unattended posted:

We called ours Pot Roast. I used to tell him he was going to be delicious, apparently I was wrong. He's dead now so it doesn't matter.

One of the chicks was named Quarterpack, we had a trio named K, F, and C, any male lambs are named F1, F3 etc for Freezer. It's a farmer thing.

Aunt had a cow named Stu

Neofelis
Jun 21, 2009


bob dobbs is dead posted:

[Fat Gravy]
i started with a piece of salt pork. the aim was to get as many possible variations of fat into this thing

...
on some bread with jam on the side


taste-wise, this was basically a roundabout way of making something that tastes exactly like 40% oil, 60% browned butter. can't taste the cream but i bet that's part of the butter taste

Awesome entry, thanks! When I saw the pork I was thinking "they're gonna nail it", but didn't quite end up like that.

Fat gravy/sauce (läskisoosi) is basically a pork sauce made with fatty pork belly (I think?) and onions. It's thickened with wheat flour and seasoned with salt and a small amount of black pepper. Maybe some allspice or bayleaf, if you're feeling brave. (Finns have traditionally used very little spices.)

Serve with potatoes, pickles and lingonberries with a touch of sugar. Something like this:




Neofelis posted:

[Tiger Skin Bell Pepper]
I could give this one a go so that I'm not just dumping dishes in.

And so I did! Tiger Skin Bell Pepper sounds like a striped, stuffed bell pepper, so that's what I wanted to make. I thought I'd cut some stripes to the bell peppers, so after I roast them in the oven I can just peel of parts and make it look like a tiger!


Roasting!


Meanwhile, for the stuffing, I cut down my last chili. (Time to plant this year's lot later this week!)


Besides that, I added some onion, garlic, cashew nuts and carrot, and fried them a bit.


Added cooked rice on the pan with a couple of teaspoons of soy sauce and one teaspoon of sesame oil. When the bell peppers were nearly done, I also added spring onions. (Could've had a higher veggies-to-rice ratio, but this was fine too since there's a lot of bell pepper.)


Unfortunately the bell peppers were already all soft and squished under their own weight, so I didn't even try to get them any blacker than this. Trying to peel off every other sliced piece of skin seemed like too much compared to the usefulness, so I decided against it after a couple of bits.


The end result.


The bell peppers were already a bit too soft and sweet, so stuffing didn't work as well as I'd hoped. At least the taste was good and I think I'll do a similar dish in the future without pre-roasting or striping the bell peppers, just putting them in the oven with the stuffing for 10-15 minutes.

Grem
Mar 29, 2004

b

Leopard skin bell pepper

Scientastic
Mar 1, 2010

TRULY scientastic.


bob dobbs is dead posted:

coq a vin is disgusting

What a fantastically crazy thing to say

Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004





Are you still taking suggestions? I'd like to see what comes out of "bread and butter pudding".

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

one day bob dobbs will live again

Nap Ghost

Scientastic posted:

What a fantastically crazy thing to say

have you had it with a 5 year rooster with its balls still in?

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Not yet. I really want to, though.

I know of a small farm that sells various somewhat exotic eggs through Kijiji, that's very close to my family's vacation property in eastern Ontario. I searched for turkey eggs a few months ago and this place popped up. I haven't been there yet, but when I do I will ask about a rooster - if they won't sell me one, I bet they can suggest a neighbour who will. Some rooster is going to its doom, but not soon.

Speaking of roosters and their doom, does anybody know Doom Rooster, the OP of this thread, in real life? Or on some other forum? He hasn't posted here since January 4th, and his last post on SA was in a TVIV thread on January 13th. I got that information from his post history, I'm not stalking anybody or trying to doxx anyone.

In the meantime, instead of arguing about french cuisine, can somebody step up and make something ridiculous for our entertainment, please?

CrazySalamander
Nov 5, 2009


Calm down, it's not unusual for people to disappear for a few weeks when their life gets busy.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Chocolate tastes bad,
also fuck you <3

I am still planning on doing the nun farts, but life has gotten dramatically busy lately.

defaultluser
Jan 13, 2007

The person can drink sake for the following five reasons. First of all, for the national holiday. Moreover, it fills with the nectar. Finally, for reasons. Next, to heal the dryness of the place. After that, to refuse the future

Fun Shoe

My awesome wife who knows what most of the things in this thread are already suggests the following regional cuisines:

Cockaleekie Pie
Potato Candy

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

I'm in an awkward position of trying to find out if it's possible to use potatoes as a starch for candy and only pulling up assorted potato candy recipes.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007


So, we are apparently worried Doom Rooster ended up in an OP au vin?

Like Clockwork
Feb 17, 2012

It's only the Final Battle once all the players are ready.



I wish I could afford to gently caress around with food, some of these names sound great as blind starting points (and I actually have an idea for how to handle “””””pigeons”””””). So instead have a name offering: syrup waffles. Not waffles with syrup, syrup waffles.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004



Fun Shoe

ExecuDork posted:

Not yet. I really want to, though.

I know of a small farm that sells various somewhat exotic eggs through Kijiji, that's very close to my family's vacation property in eastern Ontario. I searched for turkey eggs a few months ago and this place popped up. I haven't been there yet, but when I do I will ask about a rooster - if they won't sell me one, I bet they can suggest a neighbour who will. Some rooster is going to its doom, but not soon.

Speaking of roosters and their doom, does anybody know Doom Rooster, the OP of this thread, in real life? Or on some other forum? He hasn't posted here since January 4th, and his last post on SA was in a TVIV thread on January 13th. I got that information from his post history, I'm not stalking anybody or trying to doxx anyone.

In the meantime, instead of arguing about french cuisine, can somebody step up and make something ridiculous for our entertainment, please?

Chill, it's been two weeks. People have lives outside of the Internet.

In Sonofabitch Sauce news, the sour smell of fermentation has faded out, and left it with peppers and -heat-. Two more weeks or so left to ferment, and I can tell already this is going to kick my rear end.

Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at Jan 22, 2018 around 00:58

ToxicFrog
Apr 26, 2008



bob dobbs is dead posted:

the most important part of the disgustingness of coq a vin is the coq
roosters are disgusting to eat
this is why we don't eat them anymore

hens are fine

Roosters are just as fine as hens if you slaughter them at the same age. Meat birds you get at the grocery store are either sex and usually slaughtered at 6 weeks or so. Give them 12 weeks and let them run around outside and you'll get that "farm flavour" and they'll both taste delicious.

Eat a five year old laying hen and you'll find it just as tough and unappetizing as that five year old rooster that can't perform any more. It's the age, not the balls.

Like Clockwork posted:

I wish I could afford to gently caress around with food, some of these names sound great as blind starting points (and I actually have an idea for how to handle “””””pigeons”””””). So instead have a name offering: syrup waffles. Not waffles with syrup, syrup waffles.

I already know what these are, but I hope someone who doesn't attempts it.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007


Liquid Communism posted:

Chill, it's been two weeks. People have lives outside of the Internet.

In Sonofabitch Sauce news, the sour smell of fermentation has faded out, and left it with peppers and -heat-. Two more weeks or so left to ferment, and I can tell already this is going to kick my rear end.

I want this in my belly, I think.

Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004





Like Clockwork posted:

I wish I could afford to gently caress around with food, some of these names sound great as blind starting points (and I actually have an idea for how to handle “””””pigeons”””””). So instead have a name offering: syrup waffles. Not waffles with syrup, syrup waffles.

Ooh this reminds me. When I was in China I was given a dish they called "sweet potatoes". Here's your only hint: no yams were involved.

Once I have some more of my kitchen unpacked I'm going to take on some of these, but right now I don't even have any pans or knives.

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.


Slippery Tilde

ExecuDork posted:

Funeral Potatoes
In my more lucid moments, I suppose this is the name for a potato recipe that is brought to funerals / the home of the family of the deceased in the US Midwest as one of those neighbourly things. Kind of an alternative to a casserole, just something mostly made out of spuds to save the grieving widow or whoever from the need to cook. That sounds either terribly boring or horrifying, if the actual funeral potatoes are some kind of gelatin salad thing the US Midwest invented in the 1950's.

Either way, beyond my ken. So I decided to carve potatoes into coffin shapes.
Doom Rooster Potatoes Before by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
Lots of oil, some more of that old ground black pepper, and some tarragon mainly for colour.

Doom Rooster Potatoes After by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
After 30 minutes in the oven, when I flipped them - they got 1 hour total.
Fantastic. Your lucidity is correct, it's a name for a potato dish traditionally taken to the family after a funeral that just needs reheating. I was hoping someone would get weird because "funeral potatoes" is just a generic term and everybody has their own take on it - they're generally thin-cut or scalloped, covered in cheese and whatnot and baked in the oven. In these parts, it's a Mormon thing.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

SubponticatePoster posted:

In these parts, it's a Mormon thing.
If I'd known that, I would have smothered them in Ranch dressing.

\/\/\/ Hurray!

ExecuDork fucked around with this message at Jan 22, 2018 around 15:04

Doom Rooster
Sep 3, 2008


Pillbug

Hey all, appreciate the concern. I'm still alive and pecking. Life did indeed get crazy. My wedding is in 12 days, then honeymoon trip to India two weeks later. Will try to get another entry knocked out before then. I'll also go through the thread and update posted creations and suggestions tonight or tomorrow.

In the meantime though, I have knocked out a couple.

I first tackled "Green Broth". I was thinking about what else has "green" in the name that would be converted into a broth. Green curry was the obvious choice, so I made a green Thai curry broth with cilantro oil. Added a little spinach for color. I blanched all of the green stuff first to bring out the bright green color, and kept the temps under 150 after that to keep the color. It was a beautiful, vibrant green for about 10 minutes... I am betting that the acidity from the lime juice is what caused the browning. Should have saved the lime for individual servings at the table.

Overall though, really loving good. Served with some sous vide tilapia (lime zest and lemon grass) and rice noodles.















Bunny chow!

Bunny chow was super easy. I already knew what bunnies eat, so I chopped some lettuce and grated some carrots. Done!



That was loving boring though. Why would anyone eat this? Maybe it was supposed to be chow, made out of bunnies...?





Roasted it about an inch over coals, rubbed with garlic, rosemary, salt, pepper and olive oil. Cavity stuffed with more rosemary, garlic and lemon zest.

This was actually delicious. Rabbit really does taste like chicken. Nearly indistinguishable. Glad it costs three times as much!

Ranter
Jul 11, 2004



Yes yes!

How'd the wabbit turn out texture/toughness-wise?

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

one day bob dobbs will live again

Nap Ghost

Doom Rooster posted:

Hey all, appreciate the concern. I'm still alive and pecking. Life did indeed get crazy. My wedding is in 12 days, then honeymoon trip to India two weeks later. Will try to get another entry knocked out before then. I'll also go through the thread and update posted creations and suggestions tonight or tomorrow.

lol, this shitpostin thread is less important than your wedding, i say as someone who's spent like $100 on food for this shitpostin thread
go forth
get married have fun

Doom Rooster
Sep 3, 2008


Pillbug

Ranter posted:

Yes yes!

How'd the wabbit turn out texture/toughness-wise?

It was great actually. I concentrated coals under the shoulder joints to help cook evenly. I took it up to 145 before letting it rest in a warm oven. Was super juicy, firm but still tender. Exactly like a perfectly cooked chicken breast. The legs were a LITTLE bit interesting. They have a texture that has the same grain as chicken thigh, but the meat is still super white, and the chew is like a chicken breast. If it were not $10.99/lb, while the local organic happy free-roaming chicken I get is $4.99, I would get rabbit again.

bob dobbs is dead posted:

lol, this shitpostin thread is less important than your wedding, i say as someone who's spent like $100 on food for this shitpostin thread
go forth
get married have fun

Appreciate the support! Cooking is fun and relieves stress for me though, so might have some direction, and take some pictures of it. Will definitely not be breaking my back trying to get posts up though.

cigaw
Sep 13, 2012


Doom Rooster posted:

I first tackled "Green Broth". I was thinking about what else has "green" in the name that would be converted into a broth. Green curry was the obvious choice, so I made a green Thai curry broth with cilantro oil. Added a little spinach for color. I blanched all of the green stuff first to bring out the bright green color, and kept the temps under 150 after that to keep the color. It was a beautiful, vibrant green for about 10 minutes... I am betting that the acidity from the lime juice is what caused the browning. Should have saved the lime for individual servings at the table.

Overall though, really loving good. Served with some sous vide tilapia (lime zest and lemon grass) and rice noodles.













That looks great! Would eat your green broth that is not green broth.

Green Broth, aka Caldo Verde is a very tasty and hearty Portuguese potato, linguica and kale/collard green soup; the latter of which is responsible for the green aspect. All told, it is not a particularly green soup, but let's face it, I'm willing to bet Nun Farts contains no actual farts from nuns, so there.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

bob dobbs is dead posted:

lol, this shitpostin thread is less important than your wedding, i say as someone who's spent like $100 on food for this shitpostin thread
go forth
get married have fun

Seconded.

Though my spending hasn't reached $100 (yet)

Samizdata
May 14, 2007


cigaw posted:

That looks great! Would eat your green broth that is not green broth.

Green Broth, aka Caldo Verde is a very tasty and hearty Portuguese potato, linguica and kale/collard green soup; the latter of which is responsible for the green aspect. All told, it is not a particularly green soup, but let's face it, I'm willing to bet Nun Farts contains no actual farts from nuns, so there.

Would on both.

Heya, Doom. Congrats on the impending nuptials! Waiting for the next gang tag! Go, have fun, and enjoy what can be the happiest week of your life!

pidan
Nov 6, 2012



e: quote is not edit

pidan fucked around with this message at Jan 22, 2018 around 20:29

pidan
Nov 6, 2012



Neofelis posted:

The end result.


The bell peppers were already a bit too soft and sweet, so stuffing didn't work as well as I'd hoped. At least the taste was good and I think I'll do a similar dish in the future without pre-roasting or striping the bell peppers, just putting them in the oven with the stuffing for 10-15 minutes.

You were definitely on the right track. Tiger Skin Bell Pepper (actually "green pepper", but I wanted to be clear that it's the vegetable and not the spice) is a Chinese dish that is made up of green peppers that are fried dry so they get a glassy, browned texture. Then they're served in a dark vinegary sauce. They look like this:



Here's a Chinese video showing how to make them:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49jkKRNynYw

People on the internet seem to also make a variant where the peppers are filled with mince meat, but I've never seen that IRL

Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004





Ooh I have another one: Eton mess.

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PDP-1
Oct 12, 2004

The time has come, in my view, for Americans to come together and Bern the motherfucking rich to the motherfucking ground.


Burgoo

For tonight's special PDP-1 kitchens will proudly be serving Burgoo. What is Burgoo you ask? The etymology of the name is revealed by simply breaking it into syllables: burg refers to a burger aka hamburger, and goo rhymes with roux which suggests that it's some type of sauce base. It's a hamburger sauce! Yum!

But what kind of sauce is it exactly? The only demographic I can think of who would intentionally eat something marketed as 'goo' would be lunkheads who crave convenience, cheapness, and instant gratification over anything that requires patience or effort. Someone who really wants to have a burger, fries, and shake for every meal but can't be arsed to actually prepare three whole separate things. Someone who can't even stand the hassle of topping a hamburger with individual portions of mustard, ketchup, cheese, pickles, and onions. Give us convenience or give us death! Burgoo must be a singular topping that replicates the entire taste palette of drinking a blenderized McDonald's happy meal through a straw. Just microwave some prepared burger patties, squirt on some Bergoo sauce and enjoy!

With that introduction, set your appetites high and your brows low and let's make some fukkin Bergoo!

Step 0:
OK, the first step in successful cooking is to get your ingredients ready or as the French say "mice on plates". For our 'fries' we have some instant mashed potato flakes, our burger toppings include tomato paste for ketchup, mustard for mustard, capers for the pickles, diced onions and mushrooms, grated cheese and some buns. Our milkshake is represented by some unshook milk because shaking milk smacks of effort which is very against the Burgoo convenience ethos. Oh yeah, we also got some burger meats, seasoned to taste.


Step 1:
Fry up dem burgers! We're gonna use our shittiest non-stick skillet here as any effort spent on cleaning anything violates the Bergoo omerta code, also we definitely don't want to fire up the grill because we need to capture all that rendered fat for step two.


Step 2:
Take the burgers out of the pan and let them rest. Divide the fat into two portions, use one third to fry up your mushrooms and onions and the other two thirds to fry up some instant potato flakes until the veggies have sweated out and the potatoes are a golden french-fry brown.


Step 3:
Add in some milk until you get a thick sauce, then tomato paste, mustard, and capers. Stir and simmer on low heat until it combines smoothly and then add in the grated cheese.


Step 4:
Serve! Toast up some buns, slather generously with Bergoo brand unified hamburger sauce, and slap a piece of meat inside. Since the Bergoo sauce already contains all of our side dish flavors we're done! A brown patty, served in brown sauce on a brown bun, how delightful! Visually appealing food is for try-hard assholes.


The Verdict:
Bergoo is loving awful. To be charitable it was easy and the whole 'entire meal in one sauce' thing did kinda work in that it actually tasted like french fries with condiments on a burger. I will also admit that as a first time Bergoo cook I may have overdone the amount of fried potato flakes in proportion to the other condiments. But overall it was a weird mush of clashing tastes and while I did finish the first burger topped with Burgoo I didn't want a second one.

There's a reason nobody has ever heard of Bergoo and that reason is that it's pretty goddamn bad.

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