10 Beers posted:

Do me next! Do me next!

Suspect Bucket posted:

Pardon me, I refuse to kill idiot children. Unless the bucket is entirely full of nourishing and healthful soup that only tastes like it has alcohol in it, and is secretly full of fiber that gives you regret poops the next day.

1st set of ingredients: Chocolate
1 brick of Mexican hot chocolate like Abuelita’s
(Makes 1/4th a cup of hot chocolate powder after it’s hit with a hammer repeatedly. A much more efficient, effective, and satisfying experience than buying and using a micro-grater)
2 tablespoons worth of milk chocolate.
1 stick unsweetened butter (8 tbsp)

2 set of ingredients: Flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon chili powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper (I forgot to add this)

3rd set of ingredients: Sugar
½ cup of packed light brown sugar (I almost added 1 cup by accident, so I eyeballed half of that.)
¼ cup of sugar (Eyeballed this too)
2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
2 large eggs

Optional ingredients for an authentic bollock of a monkey:
6(?) tablespoons of coarsely chopped and roasted almonds. (I only used three tablespoons and that wound up not being enough.)
Those big grains of sugar to simulate lice (did not attempt, too unsure of the texture)
Chocolate sprinkles to simulate hair (did not attempt, too cheap to buy them)
White chocolate drizzle to simulate bollock juice (did not attempt, too tired)

Part 0: Prep

Preheat oven to 325 degrees, or get out your pizzelle maker.

Part 1: Chocolate

Put the Mexican hot chocolate brick into a few plastic bags and wack a hammer against it until it’s mostly powdered.





Melt the powder and 2 tablespoons of milk chocolate wafers together in a double boiler or a microwave, stirring frequently

If you're nuking the chocolate, nuke it for 15-30 seconds at a time, stir, and nuke it again until you get the desired results.

The chocolate is melted enough when it easily drops off a fork.



Then add a stick of butter to the chocolate, stirring it until the butter is completely melted.



Put to the side and let it cool.

Part 2: Flour

Sift the flour, chili powder, baking soda, salt, and cayenne pepper together in a bowl.

If you don’t have a sifter then hope that your idea to improvise with a slotted spoon works.



Put it to the side.

Part 3: Sugar

Add brown sugar, sugar, vanilla extract, and eggs to a large bowl, beat on slow until well blended.

(I forgot to take a pic)

Part 4: Blending

Pour the melted chocolate into the sugar batter and blend them well.

(forgot to take a pic here too)

Then add the flour to the combined batter. Blend together on low until all the flour is gone.



Then add the toasted almonds.



Part 5: Baking

Chill the batter half an hour in a fridge.

Scoop the cookie dough onto a baking sheet using a cookie dough scooper. One cookie dough scoops worth of batter will expand to the size of a CD, so plan accordingly.

Then bake the cookies.




For a chewier cookie, bake for a total of 14 minutes. Rotate the cooking tray at the 7 minute mark.

For a crispier cookie, bake for a total of 18 minutes. Rotate the cooking tray at the 9 minute mark.

For a pizzelle maker, set yours to 3, add a cookie dough scopes worth of batter, and cook for 40-45 seconds.

If everything goes well you get copper colored pizzelles and big cookie disks.

Scarodactyl posted:

Way to waste a perfectly good false cognate. I want spider sauce