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ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

I've got an American cookbook, a real heartland-cowboys-flags-patriotism-'MURICA type book (every registered Republican must have a copy, I'm sure) and it has a recipe named "Super-Easy Fudge".

"Chocolate Fudge" is on the same page, and has significantly more ingredients and takes way more time and effort. So to qualify for "super-easy" I think you need to show us your work, and let the laziest here vote on whether it qualifies.

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ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Hispanic! At The Disco posted:

I forgot who the OP was and for a second I thought you were suggesting a dish called Doom Rooster.

I really want to invent the dish "Doom Rooster" now. Roast chicken stuffed with fugu?

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Amazing. This thread is loving fantastic.

I'm going away for three weeks but when I get back I will try to get started on some username-dishes. I think Doom Chicken would pair nicely with Funeral Potatoes, just to mix things up here. Can we get a goon with a vegetable-themed username to chime in?

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

I just realized that I've had those here, in Quebec. A couple of months ago I bought a box of frozen ones at my local supermarket, they were good too-lazy-to-cook suppers. I didn't recognize the name because I have been reading only the French labels on food as much as possible to help me learn the language.

Mistranslations adds a wonderful new angle to this. Goddam I love this thread.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Doom Rooster posted:

Already suggest and claimed! Execudork and rumble in the bunghole will both be going after it.
I'm away from home for more than 3 weeks, leaving tomorrow, so rumble in the bunghole absolutely has first dibs on it. And anybody else, obviously.

That Culturally-Ignorant-of-Germans sausage salad meal seems pretty good to me. How about a trip report re: taste (and gastric consequences, if any), Tiggum?

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Legendof, I rate your chess pie 'magnificent'

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

I have made no claims, but I would like to make the funeral potatoes, sometime. I won't be home for another week, then I'll throw together something dreadful.

Somebody else take on the funeral potatoes, it's a good name to play with.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

RandomPaul, that was fantastic. I especially like the optional ingredients, and if I ever make your monkey bollocks I'll need to include them.

I'm back home from travelling, and this weekend is free for kitchen shenanigans so I'm stepping on toes and other body parts and claiming:
Doom Rooster
Funeral Potatoes
Small Fry Dirt Bean

I've got a kind of a theme going on, clearly. I saw in the OP that others have claimed Doom Rooster and Funeral Potatoes but I'm quite happy to see other's interpretations of these delightful names if they're OK with me unleashing my (foolish) thoughts onto a plate as well.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Doom Rooster
I can't be sure of the sex of the chicken I bought, but I'd be surprised if it was male. My guess is 100% of the whole chickens for sale at Quebec Metro stores are hens, but whatever. I don't know anybody who owns a rooster, never mind one they want to sacrifice to the Internet (which makes you stupid, remember).

I've roasted a few birds before, but not for a while, and never after (half) marinating, but I found an internet recipe that instructed me to break the sternum and ribs to facilitate submergence in the marinade.
I've taken a great deal of first aid training, and they usually remind me that CPR will break ribs. So I used the same technique.
Doom Rooster Vid by Martin Brummell, on Flickr

The marinade is what gives this basic roast chicken the veneer of Doom Rooster:
Doom Rooster Robe Noire by Martin Brummell, on Flickr

"Doom" is old-English for Judgement, so I put together a kind of theme based around an execution. Or something. I marinated the bird in half of the big bottle of beer:
Doom Rooster Marinating by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
... and drank the other half. 7.5% alcohol by volume gives a decent buzz and helps remove any hesitations associated with blatantly applying a stupid theme to a simple recipe.

After around 20 hours in the beer in the fridge, I pulled out the ersatz rooster:
Doom Rooster Raw by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
Doom Rooster Marinated by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
You can see the cuts I made to help the beer penetrate, and the high-water-mark (I wanted to drink the beer, not just use it for marinade, so the bird didn't get completely submerged. I'd beg you not to judge me, but that's the theme here so go ahead and give me the stink-eye).

Small Fry Dirt Bean
Bird in oven, I turned to the beans. I have no idea what Small Fry Dirt Bean is really supposed to be, but I just threw together a bunch of different beans, along with a small onion. I have too many dry black beans, so I soaked those last night and simmered them today. I have no pictures of this - it's just a pot of beans.
The other ingredients for this are
1/2 can of 6-bean mixture, leftover from last night.
1 can of "Old Fashioned" style baked beans with (a miniscule amount of) pork
1 small onion
1/2 cup (dry) black beans
and a bunch of stuff from the spice cupboard, I've got some old, boring black pepper I'm trying to use up. I know I put in thyme, and some garlic powder, too, but I can't remember the full list.
Then I fried it all together - for the "fry" in the name.
Doom Rooster Small Fry Dirt Bean by Martin Brummell, on Flickr

Funeral Potatoes
In my more lucid moments, I suppose this is the name for a potato recipe that is brought to funerals / the home of the family of the deceased in the US Midwest as one of those neighbourly things. Kind of an alternative to a casserole, just something mostly made out of spuds to save the grieving widow or whoever from the need to cook. That sounds either terribly boring or horrifying, if the actual funeral potatoes are some kind of gelatin salad thing the US Midwest invented in the 1950's.

Either way, beyond my ken. So I decided to carve potatoes into coffin shapes.
Doom Rooster Potatoes Before by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
Lots of oil, some more of that old ground black pepper, and some tarragon mainly for colour.

Doom Rooster Potatoes After by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
After 30 minutes in the oven, when I flipped them - they got 1 hour total.

At this point the bird was done, so I cranked it to broil and gave it a couple of minutes to blacken. I probably should have let it go longer for that real Doom-y effect. Oh well.
Doom Rooster Crispy by Martin Brummell, on Flickr
Doom Rooster Done by Martin Brummell, on Flickr

I live alone so there's nobody but me to judge this.
Doom Rooster Meal by Martin Brummell, on Flickr

and I ate it while watching the Halloween episode of Best of the Worst
Doom Rooster Halloween in January by Martin Brummell, on Flickr

Judgement
It's a roast chicken, it's good. Plus crispy roast potatoes, so 2/3 of this are basically fool-proof (go ahead and prove me wrong, I want to see you burn your kitchen down with some crazy blackened bird).
The beans turned out surprisingly good - I was expecting just a boring mush of tasteless bean goo, but they were pretty tasty. Overall, would do Halloween in January again.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

/\/\/\ Reading that (after I posted the below) I'm immediately suggesting a new entry: Prairie Oyster. But this might count as a hint. Sorry.

bob dobbs is dead posted:

coq a vin is disgusting because it's made with roosters. the cook time is designed to make it edible, but it's still pretty disgusting
you see ancient recipes calling for 6, 10 hours cooks with rooster. lol at doing that with a hen
I've done coq a vin, it's about as far from disgusting as you can get! Granted, I used a hen (just like this weekend's condemned), but anything braised for hours in red wine is going to come out great, I mean how could it not? I've thrown a "broiler" into the slow cooker on a couple of occasions. 8+ hours at "low" and the carcass literally falls apart. Again, nothing wrong with that!

Once I had what I *think* was old chicken. Probably still a hen, but about 5 years ago my GF was given two more-than-a-quarter chicken pieces (two separate birds, more than half of the breast plus all of one leg) by friends of hers on their way through town - they're farmers and I've met their flock. We left them in the freezer for a few months then got drunk and decided to cook them.

They were delicious, with actual flavour instead of the absorb-anything-else-in-range tabula rasa of grocery-store chicken. They were also tougher, but not in a bad way. I had to work at eating these birds, but it was enjoyable work, not like weird low-grade meat or some error in processing, just chicken made of MEAT instead of being made of, uh, what I've come to expect from chickens.

Those people and their farm are about 2000 km away from me and they have no plans to head out this way anytime (ever) so I went with what I could get.


\/\/\/ Sounds like a challenge to me. Where can I buy a dead rooster?

ExecuDork fucked around with this message at Jan 15, 2018 around 04:24

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Not yet. I really want to, though.

I know of a small farm that sells various somewhat exotic eggs through Kijiji, that's very close to my family's vacation property in eastern Ontario. I searched for turkey eggs a few months ago and this place popped up. I haven't been there yet, but when I do I will ask about a rooster - if they won't sell me one, I bet they can suggest a neighbour who will. Some rooster is going to its doom, but not soon.

Speaking of roosters and their doom, does anybody know Doom Rooster, the OP of this thread, in real life? Or on some other forum? He hasn't posted here since January 4th, and his last post on SA was in a TVIV thread on January 13th. I got that information from his post history, I'm not stalking anybody or trying to doxx anyone.

In the meantime, instead of arguing about french cuisine, can somebody step up and make something ridiculous for our entertainment, please?

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

SubponticatePoster posted:

In these parts, it's a Mormon thing.
If I'd known that, I would have smothered them in Ranch dressing.

\/\/\/ Hurray!

ExecuDork fucked around with this message at Jan 22, 2018 around 15:04

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

bob dobbs is dead posted:

lol, this shitpostin thread is less important than your wedding, i say as someone who's spent like $100 on food for this shitpostin thread
go forth
get married have fun

Seconded.

Though my spending hasn't reached $100 (yet)

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

That's awesome.

Also, what's wrong with your dog? It's running around the backyard and completely ignoring a trio of fish heads. Wouldn't that be, like, the most amazing smelling thing ever to a dog?

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Phanatic posted:

Bwuh?
Frijoles refrito does not mean Refined Beans.
The story I heard, long ago, is that the English term "refried beans" came via a mangled translation of the Spanish "frijoles refrito" into French - "refri-[something]" ended up in English as "re-fried". The English name implies the beans have been cooked twice but of course they haven't unless you (the consumer) decides to do so. But it's a wide-spread misconception.

Also, more importantly, Glorified Rice is a goddam masterwork. Absolutely could not be better - the use of gold and especially the use of a toddler as a kitchen tool really pushed it over the top. loving fantastic.

\/\/\/ makes sense. The translation might have come through as "fried fried" which somebody shortened to "refried".

ExecuDork fucked around with this message at Jan 30, 2018 around 15:55

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Hey, I'm glad you liked your namesake dish. I plan to take another crack at if I can get ahold of an actual balls-inside rooster* to roast. And because stout is good. And like I said before, would do Halloween in January (or any month) again.

Seconding the hell-with-that-just-post to JD and everybody else, I love this thread so goddam much and I want to see what you do with these things.

* I have a possibility in mind, and a backup plan if that doesn't work out. I won't be able to attempt either for many months, though.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Scarodactyl posted:


And to round it out, a prickly pear! Scarodactyl you moron, you may be thinking, everyone knows that prickly pears are native to the new world. However, thanks to an odd flash of non-cultural-ignorance I also know that they are an invasive species in many areas of the world including northwest Africa, so it would make sense for them to be incorporated into local cuisine.
Another amazing and fantastic addition to this, the best of threads.

But this picture makes my hands itchy. I try to avoid touching prickly pears directly, I am far too likely to absent-mindedly scratch my face.

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Tiggum posted:

I don't know much about Denmark or Danish cuisine, but it was Valentine's Day recently and that made me think; what do people associate with Valentine's Day? Chocolate. The colour red. Drinking to escape the loneliness. Sure, all those things. So I think I've got a handle on what "burning love" might be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z17Vp78CgPA

You have raised the bar, sir. This is great!

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

fizzymercy posted:

and some old roosters that I butchered my drat self for the dish.
Where are you? I want to hear more about this. After you post your fish cock, of course.


Picture unrelated

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Stop talking about it if you know what it is!

Give the rest of us ignorant lunatics a chance to run wild with our imaginations, please.

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ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.

Fallen Rib

Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:

The saddest part is that she's an amazing cook and I don't understand why she does this.

Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:

too much loving brandy

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