I'm going to buy my first bottle of Hennessy.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I'm going to buy my first bottle of Hennessy.

Whooping Crabs: Apr 13, 2010; Sorry for the derail but I fuckin love me some racoons

Spinster posted:

For just a few months after I left the Hotel I worked in a lovely little bar in a La Quinta (A previous Food and Beverage Director ran it and offered me the job, ok, I'll try it.)
The other main bartender was a previously gorgeous banquet bartender from the Hotel, I was still pretty ignorant about meth, but learned right away that's what had taken all of her top teeth but the 4 right in front. I knew she was on the way out and the bar would be mine; I would go in to open and she'd be at the bar, still playing the video Trivia game since she closed up the night before, so high she couldn't speak.

Anyhoo, just a month later or so I'm running it, it's late on like a Sunday and these two young guys come in, order 2 double Hennesseys in snifters and start playing a game of pool on our one table.There's a couple businessmen in a corner, them and me.

I notice two things right away. They are not speaking with each other and they both are dressed like thugs and UNBELIEVABLY both are wearing necklaces that have images of Pacino's Scarface face done in like a 3D lazer/changes with the light to a pile of coke or the word cocaine giant pendants. I could not believe how stupid it was.

As time went on, (they kept alternating who bought the rounds) I became more and more convinced I was serving 2 rival thug punk coke dealers. They never spoke but to me and real softly. I knew 1) I was going to get a poo poo tip despite the giant tabs
2) I wanted them the gently caress out.

I killed them with cold professionalism, but yup, like $10 bucks total after they drank the bottle+. They didnt come back again, but I only worked there for 2 months. The pendants were the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen anyone wear, ever.

I tip $1 per drink. What's wrong with a $10 tip for what I assume are about 10 drinks?

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:24

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 13:34

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

Whooping Crabs posted:

I tip $1 per drink. What's wrong with a $10 tip for what I assume are about 10 drinks?

They spent $200+ these drinks were ? I don't remember, $13 each. You're taxed on sales.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:26

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

Over There posted:

My coworker says she always picks up a bottle when she goes on a cruise. Can't find it anywhere else around here

I buy my Henny at Costco

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:27

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

If you're going to mix it with something just get schmirnof. That stuff is fine.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:29

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

spacetoaster posted:

If you're going to mix it with something just get schmirnof. That stuff is fine.

It's got a bite, get absolut on sale, much better. Or Stoli, even.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:31

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I like svedka

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:32

GORILLA BASTARD: Jun 20, 2005; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Blue Train posted:

Just drink sailor jerry

Sailors take it in the rear end. Just release The Kraken!

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:33

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

Blue Train posted:

I like svedka

I quit drinking before I could try it. Oh well I'm better off. If I posted drunk I would BE VERY DIFFERENT.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:33

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

Spinster posted:

It's got a bite, get absolut on sale, much better. Or Stoli, even.

What if I like things with bite?

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:34

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Spinster posted:

I quit drinking before I could try it. Oh well I'm better off. If I posted drunk I would BE VERY DIFFERENT.

Aw now I'm curious

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:36

Whooping Crabs: Apr 13, 2010; Sorry for the derail but I fuckin love me some racoons

Spinster posted:

They spent $200+ these drinks were ? I don't remember, $13 each. You're taxed on sales.

Is the state assuming you are making a 20% gratuity on your sales? If so, I had no idea. I've always tipped 20%+ for food but only a buck for each drink at the bar. For some reason I thought bartenders and waitstaff were paid and taxed differently.
Course I'm usually ordering a beer and not a double scotch.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:36

Velvet Elvis: Jul 1, 2007

just another posted:

9 times out of 10 "enjoying scotch" is just LARPing masculinity.

What is drinking Hennessy LARPing?

Hennessy is expensive garbage. Get a modest single-barrel bourbon instead. Evan Williams is an easy sipper for beginners.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:39

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

Whooping Crabs posted:

Is the state assuming you are making a 20% gratuity on your sales? If so, I had no idea. I've always tipped 20%+ for food but only a buck for each drink at the bar. For some reason I thought bartenders and waitstaff were paid and taxed differently.
Course I'm usually ordering a beer and not a double scotch.

I don't remember the percentage, it was Wa., but bartenders taxed like any other server for sure. A buck a beer or regular drink is great, no worries.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:40

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Velvet Elvis posted:

What is drinking Hennessy LARPing?

Hennessy is expensive garbage. Get a modest single-barrel bourbon instead. Evan Williams is an easy sipper for beginners.

Brandy and bourbon are completely different

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:41

Velvet Elvis: Jul 1, 2007

GORILLA BASTARD posted:

Sailors take it in the rear end. Just release The Kraken!

Both of these rums are absolute garbage. Try El Dorado 12 for an entry-level sipping rum.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:41

Velvet Elvis: Jul 1, 2007

Blue Train posted:

Brandy and bourbon are completely different

Correct. And bourbon is the superior spirit.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:42

Velvet Elvis: Jul 1, 2007

Spinster posted:

It's got a bite, get absolut on sale, much better. Or Stoli, even.

Terrible vodkas. Belvedere or Chopin are far more palatable.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:44

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

Spinster posted:

It's got a bite, get absolut on sale, much better. Or Stoli, even.

I've never noticed. :colbert:

Seriously, if the guy is mixing it why spend more money?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MuiCZLSWgU

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:44

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Blue Train posted:

Just drink sailor jerry

I like the Sailor and will grab it if there's a significant price differential but in general I prefer Kraken.

e: but the expensive poo poo was really good. It's the only rum I've ever bought that I'd drink straight on purpose.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:46

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

OXBALLS DOT COM posted:

Looking to get some sherry, anyone got any good sherry recs?

I thought sherry was only for making chicken marinades and poo poo.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:49

the black husserl: Feb 25, 2005

hennessy is an overmarketed ripoff and remy/courvasier are even loving worse, buy martell if you want a decent mass market cognac

if you want the real good poo poo you gotta shell out for boutique stuff that cost a lotta scrilla

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:50

Buccaneer: Jun 24, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

I recommend getting Newports with it and putting them both in the freezer if they have those in your country

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:50

Shaddak: Nov 13, 2011

For vodka I go with Reyka

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:51

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Spinster posted:

For just a few months after I left the Hotel I worked in a lovely little bar in a La Quinta (A previous Food and Beverage Director ran it and offered me the job, ok, I'll try it.)
The other main bartender was a previously gorgeous banquet bartender from the Hotel, I was still pretty ignorant about meth, but learned right away that's what had taken all of her top teeth but the 4 right in front. I knew she was on the way out and the bar would be mine; I would go in to open and she'd be at the bar, still playing the video Trivia game since she closed up the night before, so high she couldn't speak.

Anyhoo, just a month later or so I'm running it, it's late on like a Sunday and these two young guys come in, order 2 double Hennesseys in snifters and start playing a game of pool on our one table.There's a couple businessmen in a corner, them and me.

I notice two things right away. They are not speaking with each other and they both are dressed like thugs and UNBELIEVABLY both are wearing necklaces that have images of Pacino's Scarface face done in like a 3D lazer/changes with the light to a pile of coke or the word cocaine giant pendants. I could not believe how stupid it was.

As time went on, (they kept alternating who bought the rounds) I became more and more convinced I was serving 2 rival thug punk coke dealers. They never spoke but to me and real softly. I knew 1) I was going to get a poo poo tip despite the giant tabs
2) I wanted them the gently caress out.

I killed them with cold professionalism, but yup, like $10 bucks total after they drank the bottle+. They didnt come back again, but I only worked there for 2 months. The pendants were the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen anyone wear, ever.

Are all your bar stories from Vegas or also other places? I read some of your thread but not enough to know for sure or at least not enough to remember.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:52

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

the black husserl posted:

hennessy is an overmarketed ripoff and remy/courvasier are even loving worse, buy martell if you want a decent mass market cognac

if you want the real good poo poo you gotta shell out for boutique stuff that cost a lotta scrilla

Remy is gross af

# ? Dec 12, 2017 03:55

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

fishing with the fam posted:

Imagine that ad with the crying Native American but its instead a pirate or something.

Could that be a successful youtube channel? Aren't there people that buy new iphones or something and then blow them up with fireworks? I could buy a 500 dollar of whiskey and then use it to flambe a banana or something?

Here's the fancy rum bottle

# ? Dec 12, 2017 04:05

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

veiled boner fuel posted:

Are all your bar stories from Vegas or also other places? I read some of your thread but not enough to know for sure or at least not enough to remember.

None are in Vegas, I just played a lot of poker. I bartended in Pacific Northwest.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 04:07

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

veiled boner fuel posted:

Could that be a successful youtube channel? Aren't there people that buy new iphones or something and then blow them up with fireworks? I could buy a 500 dollar of whiskey and then use it to flambe a banana or something?

Here's the fancy rum bottle

A YouTube channel of going for the first pour of an expensive bottle then dropping and breaking it on the ground

# ? Dec 12, 2017 04:08

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Velvet Elvis posted:

Both of these rums are absolute garbage. Try El Dorado 12 for an entry-level sipping rum.

Yes, because that was what people were talking about. Sipping rums.

You dildo.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 04:18

GORILLA BASTARD: Jun 20, 2005; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

veiled boner fuel posted:

Could that be a successful youtube channel? Aren't there people that buy new iphones or something and then blow them up with fireworks? I could buy a 500 dollar of whiskey and then use it to flambe a banana or something?

Here's the fancy rum bottle

That's a nice rum. If I could find it for under $100 I'd probably nab it but wouldn't share it.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 04:22

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Spinster posted:

None are in Vegas, I just played a lot of poker. I bartended in Pacific Northwest.

Ah, then I really didn't pay enough attention.

Regardless I appreciated the ones I read. I worked at a bar (club? idk, it had a large capacity) from the age of 21-24 or so and I was one of the relatively few full time employees so I did basically every job they had. It was really great in a lot of ways (the full timers really were a family) but also not so great in some ways. Anyway I'm just saying a lot of the stuff you posted resonated with me.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 04:25

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

GORILLA BASTARD posted:

That's a nice rum. If I could find it for under $100 I'd probably nab it but wouldn't share it.

I think I paid slightly over 100 at Total Wine but it was quite a while ago so I'm not totally sure. It is definitely tasty though.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 04:26

Duke Pukem: Oct 23, 2010; Three cheers for dark beer!

Shaddak posted:

For vodka I go with Reyka

I just go with Russian Standard. Reyka is fine, though

E: as for entry level rum, I'd go with Mt Gay or Appleton. El Dorado 12 is good but not really entry level.

Duke Pukem fucked around with this message at 05:40 on Dec 12, 2017

# ? Dec 12, 2017 05:37

Lena Dunham: Sep 19, 2017

E&J is the best brandy-type liquor for getting f*cked up on the low

# ? Dec 12, 2017 05:45

scott zoloft: Dec 7, 2015; yeah same

try red stag

# ? Dec 12, 2017 05:53

Mermaid Autopsy: Jun 9, 2001

the Cadillac of fine liquors

# ? Dec 12, 2017 06:16

Beard Dandruff: May 10, 2017; Want to win a consultation with Tiffany? Click here.

fishing with the fam posted:

I used to think rum was only supposed to be a part of mixed drinks. Then I had some kind of 20 year aged rum straight, and it was a holy poo poo moment. Tasted terrific.

Moral of the story: good booze tastes good.

Rum is the first thing I ever drank myself sick on. When I mustered up the courage to buy some more, the same drat thing happened. Never again, its just too drat sweet.

# ? Dec 12, 2017 07:15

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

It's made from sugar

# ? Dec 12, 2017 07:16

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

morally adept posted:

Rum is the first thing I ever drank myself sick on. When I mustered up the courage to buy some more, the same drat thing happened. Never again, its just too drat sweet.

You should try drinking less next time

# ? Dec 12, 2017 07:17

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 13:34

just another: Oct 16, 2009; these dead towns that make the maps wrong now

Velvet Elvis posted:

What is drinking Hennessy LARPing?

Hennessy is expensive garbage. Get a modest single-barrel bourbon instead. Evan Williams is an easy sipper for beginners.

Idk but I bet they wear a trilby or listen to three six mafia or both

# ? Dec 12, 2017 07:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I'm going to buy my first bottle of Hennessy.

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