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quote:Across the black abyss in the Mystic Sea on the Angelic planet Rahab, concealed by the cloak of secret shadows, sits Babylon. This city of erotic evil is the center of Satan's rebellion. I finally realized something that's been tickling the back of my mind since this started. This guy is trying to ape Simon R. Green. Very poorly, but now that I see it, it's so obvious to me now. Also, my alignment is erotic evil.
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Dec 24, 2017 19:01
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A human heart posted:That's also what Milton does in Paradise Lost What I'm saying is that Chris Robinson is one of the greatest authors in the English language.
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Dec 24, 2017 20:54
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I'm so loving excited for the Terminator Angels.
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Dec 25, 2017 03:27
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I 100% cannot handle the land of Vegan.
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Dec 25, 2017 03:50
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'Twas the night before Christmas, and what did I do? Read War of the Archangels, 'cause I love you. And I know it's a long post, but it must be done, Or we'll never get through this son of a gun. Page 20 posted:On the Earth's most luxuriant basin, against the murky backdrop of the mighty Nile, an Aquarian ship rises slowly over a herd of grazing Brachiosaurus, lifting a 30 thousand pound block of limestone, while hundreds of giants mix straw and mud in large pits. Other Aquarian ships of all sizes maneuver over the horizon, some landing at Giza and others transporting people to Heliopolis the greatest theological center in Egypt, and home of a powerful priesthood that provides political and spiritual guidance for the country. That's right, we're getting ancient aliens in this chapter! Or ancient angels, I guess, but the words are practically synonyms at this point. Ra, who has taken the form of a "winged falcon" (as opposed to wingless?), sits on a "topaz throne of swirling fire" in Heliopolis, where he is "teaching Earth's earliest Egyptians high mathematics, linear language, and psychics". This seems to directly contradict the introduction, since we have humans living not only with dinosaurs but before Adam and Eve "REPLENISH the Earth" in the wake of the angels' war, but what kind of spoilsport would care? A scribe asks Ra, "Master, tell us again about the flying boat." Ra says a bunch of technobabble gobbledygook about FTL spaceships (which are apparently powered by an "astral projection method" - no, I don't know either) and quantum teleportation. Page 21 posted:"This is beyond our grasp oh great god of the sun." A Sorcerer utters in despair as he wrestles with what he hears. Meanwhile, on the banks of the Nile, Neptune informs Poseidon (!) that Lord Iniquitous has cracked the code of DNA for Satan, which explains the creature that Michael fought in Chapter 2. Page 21 posted:"Just as Satan has foreseen ... what of Ra?" Ruh-roh! Back to Jandella, where Raphael is tormented by "the two midday suns" (ugh) and the heavy, dusty alien air. He's being held captive in the angelic capital, Falco, a city "steeped in the ancient philosophies and teachings of God, who visits there from time to time". Awfully nice of Him. Falco is specifically the angelic capital because this planet, shockingly, has more than one culture. It's simplistic and stupid, but I'm actually impressed with this fit of (relative!) non-hackiness from an author who seems to have learned everything he knows about science fiction from Revenge of the Sith: Page 22 posted:The rest of Jandella is ruled by four animal kingdoms; The Kingdom of the West is ruled by the Hemolites, ape like creatures that walk upright and speak in an ancient dialect. The Kingdom of the North is ruled by the Walepts, short pig like creatures, which walk upright, but who are less advanced than all the others. The Kingdom of the East is ruled by the Argonians, bird like beings who have the body and hind legs of a lion, the face and wings of an eagle and speak as the Angels. The Kingdom of the South is ruled by the Bacirian Tribal Warriors, who are brave cat like beings. Good job, Chris. Counting the angels, that's three more cultures than even Naboo got. Raphael shares a cell with Jumbla, a captured Hemolite general who informs him (somehow despite the Hermolite's "ancient dialect") of his situation. Page 23 posted:"Falco? Was I out?" Anton has been taken to the royal palace, but Raphael and Jumbla are going to fight in the arena. Gladiatorial combat had been outlawed on Jandella, but Satan "tore up the edict" and established "the Festival of Wickedness". Jumbla points out to Raphael that he, a Guardian Knight, should be able to get them out of this mess without breaking a sweat, but Raphael says that "the rules of engagement" mean that he has to play along and not go Super Saiyan (or "transfigure", to use the book's term). Whatever you need for your action scene, Chris. Page 24 posted:War drums thunder as the tense crowd grows more anxious. The self-imposed leader of Jandella, Bal Ram Pompe, legitimized his take over bid of the Jandella Senate by implementing a state of emergency and taking over the Imperial Jandellaian Army. Please, Chris! No more Star Wars! And no, I didn't leave out any line breaks there; Robinson just doesn't really know what a paragraph is. The arena's spectators shower Pompe with "cheers and roses" as he appears "with his bizarre lover Palatine". This may come as a shock, but Palatine is also male. Minotaurs dispense crude swords and spears to the gladiators, who receive a brief address before they're turned loose: Page 24 posted:Slithering through the doorway in a somewhat standing position is some kind of goo oozing slug, which has a humanoid face. Raphael recoils at the vulgar being and is repulsed by its disgusting stench. The battle starts. Raphael and Jumbla make quick work of "a gigantic Montroy, standing at 20 feet tall and 6 feet wide" and a centaur, but the deadliest enemy isn't a contestant at all: Page 25 posted:In the middle of the arena lies an open pit, full of a billion worms and one giant Gored Worm, which weights eight tons, has eight long tentacles, with razor sharp hooks embedded in them. Jumbla is almost immediately forced to the pit by three other fighters and caught by one of the tentacles, but Raphael is stuck fighting a giant spider. How will he save Jumbla without using his powers? Page 25 posted:The crowd goes wild, which Raphael uses as an indicator he must make a move now to save his friend. He doesn't want to use his powers as a Guardian Knight, but now time is of the essence, so he reaches out his mighty arm and blasts the spider being with a discharge of electric fire. The being explodes as Raphael flies at sonic speeds towards Jumbla with his outstretched sword, cutting the three attackers in half. Then with nuclear propulsion, Raphael eradicates the tentacle, only to be taken by another tentacle himself. Oh. Never mind. Page 26 posted:Before Jumbla can turn to see what's happening, Raphael is pulled into the pit, which draws horrified gasps from the crowd. All goes silent as a sadistic grin sashays across the face of Bal Ram Pompe. Pompe shouts for his "Serpentine Centurions" to execute Raphael, but they "just stand motionless, each looking at the other to see who would be dumb enough to face him". Raphael and Jumbla exit the arena to glorious applause; once outside, Raphael thinks solemnly about the Satanic creatures he's seen, as "the warmth of the two Jandella suns, which once threatened to choke the life right out of his body, seems to gently embrace him, as a mother might a child when giving a hug." Poetic. Suddenly, the two are cornered by "Reptilian war Angels", who are "huge in size, standing about 9 feet tall and about 4 feet wide, each brandishing massive swords of fire". But a friend has been following our heroes... Page 27 posted:"Uriel!" A relieved Raphael exclaims, as he catches a brand new sword of fire the Angel flings his way. The fight is short, but it does give Jumbla enough time to free the other captives. Against all odds, the good guys win! Pages 27-28 posted:"That wasn't so hard." Uriel says, giving a brief smile to his counter part. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 19:13 on Dec 26, 2017 |
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Dec 25, 2017 08:27
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We need to create a wiki to try and keep all of this straight.quote:"Just as Satan has foreseen ... what of Ra?" Oh no! They're creating the first detective fiction!
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Dec 25, 2017 19:49
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a blue fire burns inside this man
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Dec 26, 2017 09:26
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Chapter 4 explains some of the apparent contradictions that I mentioned last time, but it raises more questions than it answers:Page 29 posted:The earth has seen many ages come and go, its inhabitants unable to grasp the light and intellect of its Creator, thus causing them to fall into darkness and ultimately, be destroyed. Each age is devastated by some kind of cataclysm such as meteorite or flood or by enormous earthquakes, or extreme changes in climate. After the destruction, God raises up another age dotted with new creatures, including many different forms of humanoids such as the Java man, the Neanderthal, and other forms of cave dwellers. Setting aside that "Java Man" is an exceptionally archaic name for Homo erectus and that the Cro-Magnon fossils are just Homo sapiens, this is a ridiculous way to approach paleontology or the Bible or anything at all. Is the idea that Homo erectus didn't evolve into Homo sapiens but was raised up, destroyed, and replaced by divine fiat to look like evolution? Has the war in which Earth "was laid to waste" happened in each "dispensation" or just this one? If it happened in all of them, were there previous Satans before Lucifer got his turn? What happened to them? If it only happened this time around, where did the "Unholy" angels come from before, and why didn't they have a war? If these Cro-Magnon "humanoids" are living in the dispensation before humans, why do they have human cultures like Egypt? And how has Robinson spun all of this out of the first verse and a half of the Bible? Robinson blathers on about more ancient alien crap (in addition to Egypt, the angels have raised up "the kingdoms of Inca Gold", which somehow cover "lands that one day many millenniums from now, will be known as Peru, Mexico, and Central America") before revealing "the grandest empire of the humanoids, Atlantis": Page 30 posted:Atlantis is a civilization unequaled in knowledge and opulence. There, skilled metal workers create the most intricate detail ever known, as agriculturists cultivate the sweetest scented orchards ever seen. Wild animals tamed by the Angels, live freely among the humanoids and flourish. Stunning mansions made of bright white and red stone line the city, out done only by the Grand Palace and Poseidon's Temple. The sprawling Palace compound is pure splendor and was built and is protected by Atlas, the demon son of Poseidon. Robinson spends a few more paragraphs describing Atlantis, which naturally segues into the unrelated city of EnSidious (once again, in the land of Vegan): Page 30 posted:Within the sinister city of EnSidious, the mysterious murky dark gods reside and keep their temple. These horrific vampiric demons, these vicious creatures practice the secret mysteries of the Serpent and lust after the blood of strange flesh. They are evil, depraved, and live without shame in obscene darkness so black, that the most evil minds in the universe shutter at its presence. Their very DNA is encoded with decadent brutal ungodliness; they are the very stench of vile sin, the very seeds of filth, the very flies of Satan. In EnSidious is the temple of Babel, where Satan has come to take a look at the genetic engineering project of Lord Iniquitous: Page 31 posted:The huge doors open causing the lights in the tunnel to fade from red to blue, while the guards take their positions outside the elevator. The evil Emperor enters the most secret biophysics lab in the star system. The futuristic structure is alive and humming with some of the most sophisticated computers known to exist. Large and small Grey's feed information via pulse lasers to impulse receptors, which shoot down to the mainframe computer known as V-Scepter. This lower chamber of bizarre wonder houses genetic engineering equipment, clean rooms and state of the art robotics. Satan moves along a causeway, lined with oval glass containers measuring five feet wide and six feet tall. Inside each incubator lies Velosoraptors or a small T-Rex, and there are hundreds of them. An eight foot tall Grey known as Omega 7 approaches the dark king and bows. Given that Robinson doesn't believe that humans and dinosaurs coexisted, is this supposed to be where the ones in this story come from? Satan is growing vicious carnivores for use in battle, but up to this point, we've only seen herbivores living peacefully in a "Jurassic style neighborhood" and alongside Egyptians. Was that Satan's work? Why? The ancient alien stuff is supposed to be subverting humanity (hominidity?) in some way, if the ominous treatment of the "Mystery School" is anything to go by, but what part would harmless dinosaurs ever play in that? Omega 7 spends far too much time dryly explaining DNA to Satan (and getting it wrong, unless I'm seriously mistaken and every organism on Earth has 23 pairs of chromosomes) before getting to the dinosaurs: Page 32 posted:"We are dealing with minute particles, about the size of a pinhead, yet it contains information equivalent to about six billion chemical letters. So we have taken some of the DNA of the Dinosaurs and genetically altered it by splicing it with Draconian DNA and the results are electrifying if not staggering. I suppose that dragons genetically splice with dinosaurs better than, say, frogs would... but if you already have dragons, wouldn't bringing back dinosaurs just be gilding the lily? Satan and Omega 7 then wander through a conversation that's notably disjointed even for this book. This is going to be a long quote, but the chapter is short enough that I'll allow myself the indulgence: Pages 32-33 posted:"Good." Satan responds as he walks past cages that house full grown Tyrannosaurus Rex's, which recoil in fear. Omega 7 "projects a digital plasma grid from his hand and projects it horizontally like a movie screen", the third time so far that a hologram has been described that way (I ignored one near the end of Chapter 2). He explains to Satan that God is about to make a new creation that will break the cycle of dispensations, which raises the question of why God bothered with six doomed, dead-end races before humans. Page 33 posted:"The reason man is so special is because God will fashion him after Himself, made in his image, the image of God ... man will have the very genes of Yahweh." Finally, the chapter makes one last clunky shift, cutting to Michael at "the Kingdoms outpost known as, the Syrian Plantation" on the planet Tusk, where the war began. The war has turned Tusk to desert, "a horridly hot dust planet made up of gray ash and plum purple sand" - all the way through to the core, apparently. Pages 33-34 posted:The huge apricot sun has just settled beneath the horizon turning the atmosphere into a lilac picture of beauty. Michael pulls his aerial transporter into the neutral zone, which divides the Plantation from the rest of Tusk. He abandons the speeder and walks to a small ridge, which looks out over Terra Scorpius, a city of immense wickedness. Since this chapter is so short and ends so flatly, here's another random excerpt (which might be a spoiler, but who gives a crap?): Page 112 posted:The raven-haired princess lets her undiminished splendor shine in its totality, oozing sexuality from every pour of her full figured body, which holds no charm for Gabriel. He approaches her and lifts his gleaming sword to the necklace around her neck. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 14:53 on Dec 27, 2017 |
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Dec 27, 2017 12:02
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Gonna form a death metal band called Seeds of Evil, and the first song will be "Intellectual Filth".
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Dec 27, 2017 14:34
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chitoryu12 posted:Gonna form a death metal band called Seeds of Evil, and the first song will be "Intellectual Filth". I'll open for you with my prog-rock band Apricot Sun. Our set is just a single 45 minute song called DNA for Satan (Omega 7)
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Dec 27, 2017 20:52
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quote:The Torah is truly a Journey of Secrets ... we know very little. What we have concluded thus far is the Scroll is alive ... it's a template that contains the entire DNA encoding of history, and life in the universe from its inception to its conclusion as a conscious system. The wisdom contained therein is the foundation of all including the ancient mysteries. The Scroll is a conduit between this world and the unseen realms in which we traverse. Faith is delivered via the ikonos, which are floating rods of etheric plasma that move in a wave form through the dimensions and deliver the Alpha and Omega codes to the humanoids ... we can not truly fathom this, it's beyond our comprehension.
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Dec 28, 2017 00:31
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Page 35 posted:The origin of the dark gods dates back countless eons ago when Satan engaged in orgies with thousands of humanoid females, spreading the seeds of his filth across the civilizations of Earth. These cannibalistic Nephilim are cursed to live in the darkest darkness, their minds consumed by all things horrific and wicked. I love this book so much. Despite being on Tusk, the city of Terra Scorpius is a "Gothic kingdom" that's basically described as a Tim Burton set (then again, putting "jagged spirals" on pretty much any architecture will turn it into a Tim Burton set). The city's "concreted jungle" is filled with "the sound of a billions sins" and swarms of "fallen Angelic cockroaches" (!), and it is here that poor Blanor is held prisoner: Page 36 posted:Hidden in the murky gloom of the lightless night, inside a hellish tomb known as, The Serpents Den, a slaughterhouse of sin and defilement, all forms of strange acts known only to demons are being preformed. Ear shattering Speed metal is blasting as the most perverted acts of blasphemy ever conceived in the soul of Satan are being committed upon the Obscene Circle out on the dance floor. It is here that the Dragon Master, Dark Sidonian Orge, is holding Blanor. He is held in a very small bird like cage reinforced by high intensity ion beams, which hangs over the dance floor. The dark gods and visiting beings of total depravity cheer on the many guards that poke at him with Lightning Sticks.  Michael arrives at "the Guttural Provinces" outside the city (at this point, I'm fairly certain that Robinson considers all possible administrative divisions interchangeable), where he finds "carnage left by the dark gods, who have attacked a small village for sport". This small village is somehow littered with "tens of thousands of corpses", many of which are impaled on stakes arranged in pentagram formations. Robinson spends a paragraph describing the slow, horrible process of their execution in graphic detail, which I think the thread can do without. As Michael wonders aloud "what matter of beast" could do this, he is approached and surrounded by a group of them: Page 37 posted:The dark gods are wise in the ways of evil, and the black magic known as Demonica, but this great understanding in the forbidden knowledge has blinded them and made them arrogant, for they are about to due battle with the Angel of War, the Archangel of the universe, Michael. They fight. Although the agents of darkness are "maddened by the Satanic DNA coursing through their fibers" and heavily armed, they perish by Michael's flaming sword. Page 38 posted:As suddenly as it began it was over ... the mighty Angel falls to his knees and raises his hands to the heavens. A prodigious breeze rushes over him accompanied by a slight whisper. On Jandella, Raphael and Uriel are meeting atop "the hill of Assertion" with military leaders from the animal nations, "making a pack" to organize opposition to the planet's Satanic takeover: Page 38 posted:Jumbla sits, representing the kingdom of the west, the Ape like Hemolite's: Janzeen sits, representing the kingdom of the south, the Cat like Bacirian Tribal Warriors: Nector sits, representing the kingdom of the north, the Pig like Walepts: and Alion sits, representing the kingdom of the east, the Bird like Argonian's. No, I didn't mistype that. I guess that with so many planets falling to Satan, the Federation of Kingdom Nations really is coming apart.  The angels and animals mostly talk about how awful things will be if Satan wins, but Robinson has a surprisingly hard time articulating this. The "dictator" Satan is a "dangerous demagogue" who will simultaneously bring about "anarchy" and "fascism" - Robinson doesn't really know what these things are, but he's pretty sure that they're bad. After a page and a half of this wearying colloquy, the generals of Jandella light a massive torch as a symbol of their resolve, and "the many specie warriors" in the valley below respond by lighting countless torches of their own. It's all very rousing and heartwarming, which is boring, so let's get back to the sordid fun of Terra Scorpius. Or "Terra Scorpious", as Robinson has now decided to spell it; he does it twice on the same page, so I think he might mean it. Michael makes his way through "the conurbation of dark indulgence" to the Serpents Den, where Dark Sidonian Orge apparently rules the whole city "from his throne of obese lust": Page 40 posted:Michael enters the Serpents Den as if he owns the place. The music is loud, the inhabitants insane and their appearance bizarre. Humanoid females, wearing leather collars and not much else consort with the fallen ones and dance in cages. Live beast fight to the death in small pits to the cheers of the crowd, and drugs flow freely as the various mating rituals of the species are practiced right in the open. Vampiric dark gods drink blood from crystal goblets and eat cubed sized bits of flesh taken from their victims. Michael will have none of this, and the crowd parts in fear as he strides toward Orge. "The Dark Lord, who's covered in humanoid females" ignores the angel's demand for Blanor's release, so Michael silences and illuminates the building as a gesture of power. Page 41 posted:Breaking the heavy silence is the lone clapping of Dark Sidonian Orge. ...Did anyone think we'd make it through another chapter without running into Star Wars again? Michael threatens to "summons Yeshua" if Orge doesn't cooperate, so Orge lets him open Blanor's cage before immediately ordering the guards to kill the angels. This is a fatal mistake, and I can only do the consequences justice by transcribing the whole page: Page 42 posted:Beyond the celestial sea from the navel of Heaven, Michael summons a power beyond any ever known on Tusk. Suddenly rivers of rushing fire swirl in and around the dark warriors, in whirlwinds of gushing destruction. Crystal light radiates from everywhere, but yet seems to emanate from nowhere. The dealers of sin try to shield their eyes as Michael comes forth from the light itself, glistening brighter than a trillion suns. His hair seems to be a raging fire; an ocean of righteous anger illuminates everything and surges from his diamond eyes of power. His chest is as gleaming sapphire, his legs are as flaming emeralds, and his arms are as glistening turquoise, his feet as rubies, and his face blazes like a sun of holy vengeance. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 12:25 on Dec 28, 2017 |
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Dec 28, 2017 09:32
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I've gotta say, if the guy considers speed metal the most satanic music, someone really ought to broaden his horizons. Also God's power apparently manifests as nukes. Who knew?
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Dec 28, 2017 14:12
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i love the dialogue in this thing it all has the cadence of a bored teenager being asked to read aloud from a textbook
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Dec 28, 2017 14:13
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I wonder how long it took those dark gods to arrange 10,000 corpses into pentagrams. Were they big pentagrams or did they just use one body for each line? Also I think I found the soundtrack for evil: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfXmy6YCnZc
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Dec 28, 2017 15:53
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chitoryu12 posted:I wonder how long it took those dark gods to arrange 10,000 corpses into pentagrams. Were they big pentagrams or did they just use one body for each line?
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Dec 28, 2017 19:05
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Page 43 posted:The Orion Nebula is a cosmic gateway to infinity, the Divine Realm that transcends the space and time universe. There, millions of ships vortex in and out of the time matrix, traversing past Sirius and Nemesis on their way to Earth. These junkie sex dragons of Satan are "genetic blood drinkers, especially menstrual blood", can shape-shift and "vortex" between universes, and are masters of genetic engineering. They would probably be an intimidating foe if six nine-foot Reptilians hadn't been immediately killed when they attacked Raphael and Uriel outside the arena in Chapter 3. (Also, while the Draconians are called "sorceresses" here, I believe that that's an auto-correction to some mangled typo of "sorcerers", since the same thing happened when Robinson tried to write about the sorcerers of Egypt a few chapters ago.) The Draconians are revered as gods by the primitive peoples of Earth, even as "deadly Velosoraptors" ravage the villages and "giant T-Rex's hunt in packs" (nope). The Draconians' reach stretches across the globe, including Mesoamerica: Page 44 posted:The pre-Mayan civilizations in the far off jungles of the West, gather at the immense astronomically aligned pyramidal axis known as, 'The Way Of The Dead', which sits between the pyramid of the moon and the pyramid of the sun. The Indians beat their drums and dance to their god Noctunious in the Black Mass ritual, Feast Of The Virgin Birth. The pre-Mayan nations, with the instruction of Noctunious, have built a society that exhibits prodigious engineering feats including the bar-and-dot calendrical code. I don't believe that either the Maya or "pre-Mayan nations", of which these people are apparently both - and let's not forget that Robinson has already established "the kingdoms of Inca Gold" as covering this area - worshiped a god named Noctunious (or practiced voodoo, for that matter), so I'm at a loss as to why Robinson gave the character that name. It's especially strange because Noctunious is accompanied by "Xiuhcoatl, the fire serpents, which emanate burning rays capable of dismembering humanoids" - that's an Aztec name, but it's at least something. Given that both the Maya and Aztecs worshiped serpent gods (Kukulkan and Quetzalcoatl), it makes no sense that Robinson would pass that up for this goofiness, but I guess nonsensical goofiness has been his MO so far. The depraved Draconian demands blood sacrifice from the humanoids. They drag a prisoner to the altar and present Noctunious with a virgin priestess, who is given a golden chalice. As Noctunious brutally cuts the heart from the man on the altar, the priestess fills the chalice with her blood (an act that is conspicuously not described; take that as you will). Page 45 posted:"This is the flesh of the one who will come, and the blood of the precious womb that holds him." Noctunious yells as he holds the heart and cup high into the night air. So it goes. Meanwhile, Satan has invaded... somewhere: Page 45 posted:On the far side of Earth the military might of Satan has landed within reach of the Angelic city of Andoria undetected, for you see, Andoria is a peaceful city, a city of worship. I'm sure that Robinson meant Andorra (he also mentions Gerona), but I really want this to be the Star Trek planet, shrunk to the size of a city and populated by angels. The angelic general Gideon (is Robinson saying that the Gideon of the Bible was named after an angel?) and his soldiers look on as the invaders approach, "led by Lord Hideous": Page 45 posted:A dense fog settles in the valley, eerily hanging at the base of the trees of the Ahava forest. Through the dense mist, the Angels can hear the grunts, bellows, and roars of monsters past. The Angels try to focus on the shadows that move in the miasma, in the hopes of catching a good look at what kind of beast is approaching them. To their utter amazement, emerging out of the murkiness are the Serpentine Centurions, charging on foot with great speed, some of them riding gigantic T-Rex's and small Velosoraptors. For some reason, the armies' "nitro gunfire" quickly blankets the valley in thick smoke, in addition to the mist. Is "nitro gunfire" deliberately distinct from the "nitro laser fire" in Chapter 1? Are these angels shooting with black powder? The armies charge at each other "with nitro guns blasting and swords slicing": Page 46 posted:Shrieks of pain flow from the murky confusion someplace out of Gideon's eyesight, which reinforces his resolve. But there is not much he can do as the soldiers are floundering on top of one another. Gideon lays hands to his sword and repeatedly strikes a fallen Angel, until it's a bludgeoned mess. Gideon cannot see a thing through the smoke, he coughs relentlessly as tears stream from his eyes. Dark Angel after dark Angel wields death in the face of Gideon, only to be cut down by his gleaming sword. However, the numbers of the enemy are just too great ... the Royal Army is quickly run over by a chaotic stampede the likes of which none of them had ever seen before. While the walled city is protected from the foot soldiers, its "Electro-Nuclear Power Stations" (which supply the city with "more than five billion volts of power" - nope) are outside it on a nearby ridge. Through a "communication bio-tele-sender", the angels' Captain Ulm orders the stations powered up to "pyramidal force" (?), but Venom fighters suddenly swoop in "in ancient attack formation" and destroy them. This appears to have no significance, as no effects of this are described and the city's defenses remain fully powered, but I guess it's a bad thing. After some terrible Star Wars chatter between the angels manning the city's cannons ("Gold I, This is Gold II ..."), the Venom fighters abruptly pull away, and the real firepower approaches: Page 47 posted:"Land Destroyers in Red Zone 1, engage! Engage!" The angels do not stand firm for long before "the most fervent explosion ever encountered by the Royal Army" destroys the wall with a single blast of "volcanic heat", and the city falls to the horde of Lord Hideous. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 13:14 on Dec 30, 2017 |
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Dec 30, 2017 12:08
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How do you keep going in the face of... this? For some reason this lept out and assaulted my think-meats. quote:The Armored Triad Assault Destroyers stand over 300 feet high and are a mammoth 600 feet in width. Each Destroyer is constructed from a 100 million tons of reinforced black diamond alloyed steel and travels upon elongated wheels, which have six foot long protruding metal spikes, that helps the gigantic machines travel quickly upon all different kinds of terrain. Actually not "some reason" That much weight on such a small footprint should, at the very least, deform the earth's surface if not punch through the crust altogether. Leaving that aside, I'm guessing there's more than one but even if there's only that one not that much mass changing position on the surface of the earth is probably enough to change the planet's moment of inertia, seriously loving with the rotation of the earth. I'm not even touching the "black diamond alloyed steel"
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Dec 30, 2017 15:38
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The extremely detailed descriptions that defy any kind of logic makes it sound like he's actually describing something seen in a hallucination.
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Dec 30, 2017 17:55
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Wouldn't go that far, the AT-AD seems to be another Star Wars reference that he didn't think through. I do admit I have a pretty hard time imagining what the spikes are supposed to be for, though.
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Dec 30, 2017 20:08
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Proteus Jones posted:How do you keep going in the face of... this?  anilEhilated posted:Wouldn't go that far, the AT-AD seems to be another Star Wars reference that he didn't think through. I do admit I have a pretty hard time imagining what the spikes are supposed to be for, though. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Dec 30, 2017 |
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Dec 30, 2017 23:12
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Sham bam bamina! posted:Page 46 posted: So many contradictions in this...paragraph? However, it did make me think of those Frank Franzetta poster's of Conan standing on a giant pile of his enemies with smoke in the background as he looks on in triumph. However, this book is not deserving of such a poster. This book gets Groo.  Thank you for taking the effort to read this Sham bam bamina!. I'm interested to see just how far down the crazy track this book goes.
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Dec 30, 2017 23:32
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Yeah, take heart from the views. I think a lot of the lack of commentary is it's hard to write coherently when the brain is stunned from the contents of this book. I know I have to focus on a specific passage in my comments. If I tried to address your summary and quotes as a whole, I'd lock up in indecision on what to address first and how far down the rabbit hole I'd go. I'm afraid I'd start and still be writing two days later in a state of numb outrage at this all-out assault on not only narrative fiction, but on the English language as a whole.
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Dec 30, 2017 23:58
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Yeah, there's honestly not a lot to say except HOLY gently caress while I stare in slackjawed awe at this ungodly mashup of the Bible, Star Wars and Helena Blavatsky hitting the reindeer piss like a dinosaur-splatting asteroid.. I love you for doing this, there's just not much I can actually say.
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Dec 31, 2017 00:19
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i really appreciate the hard work you're putting into this and i wish i could say something less basic than "this is amazing" but it's really all i can say lmao
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Dec 31, 2017 00:20
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Proteus Jones posted:Yeah, take heart from the views. It really takes effort to parse this. Even without the spelling and grammatical mistakes, it's as dense as uranium and spilling over with superfluous and sometimes seemingly impossible detail. Trying to build a mental image of the scene in your mind is like sensory overload.
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Dec 31, 2017 02:03
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chitoryu12 posted:It really takes effort to parse this. Even without the spelling and grammatical mistakes, it's as dense as uranium and spilling over with superfluous and sometimes seemingly impossible detail. Trying to build a mental image of the scene in your mind is like sensory overload. It's really not that dense
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Dec 31, 2017 04:23
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Yeah, this is nothing. The other day, I found a used copy of a book called When Gods Walk Among Us, by Raoul Peter Mongilardi, and every page I flipped to was just an impenetrable mess of proper nouns - I'm not exaggerating when I say that there's probably an average of at least one per sentence - and jargon; I could barely read any of it without at least having started at the beginning (and probably keeping a notebook handy). I actually might end up buying it at some point, since it turned out to have a surprising amount of positive reception on the Internet for something so outwardly off-putting, but, good or bad, it would never work here. At the other end of the scale, you have simple but mind-numbingly homogeneous mush like Ulillillia's The Legend of the 10 Elemental Masters, which is immediately readable in the same way that a phone book or a manual is immediately readable. It's definitely an interesting book, but again, it's not something that can really be shared this way. War of the Archangels, despite its histrionics, is a book that communicates effectively and engagingly, regardless of what it's communicating. Robinson can barely type (at this point, I think that his ineptitude at usage and punctuation can probably be chalked up to dyslexia), but his sentences have nicely varied structures and always do their part to push the story along (until he gets carried away with setting a scene). And it is a story that he's telling! It's a ridiculous, shallow, pulpy story, but there's always something happening and a clearly motivated character who's making it happen. There is so, so much amateur writing out there that's both boring to read and boring in its substance (like we found out when On Matissia Wings wasn't hundreds of pages of Shartball and chybuts) that I honestly applaud Chris Robinson for having a big, crazy idea and and writing a small, crazy book about it without letting the energy ever flag. This is the kind of book that I'm always hoping to get when I pull an ugly, printed-on-demand paperback off the shelf.
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Dec 31, 2017 20:03
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Robinson seems to put a lot of effort into trying not to repeat his adjectives. This would be nice if it didn't result in things like "fervent explosion" and bludgeoning someone with a sharp sword. Maybe just take his thesaurus away? Speaking as an action movie fan, I don't think I've ever seen a fervent explosion. (Tons of giant fireballs from little hand grenades, of course.)
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Dec 31, 2017 22:49
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imo robinson has legit writing talent that could probably be nurtured into something great, but the nurturer would have to be supernaturally patient and not prone to nervousness or fatigue. hopefully one of these days he'll be visited by an angel (again) and next thing you know he'll be the king david of the 21st century
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Jan 1, 2018 00:14
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chitoryu12 posted:The extremely detailed descriptions that defy any kind of logic makes it sound like he's actually describing something seen in a hallucination. Hyper-specific descriptions of everything is very Biblical, although it's hard to tell if that's intentional or the byproduct of bad writing. 1 Kings 6 posted:1 In the four hundred and eightieth year after the Israelites came out of Egypt, in the fourth year of Solomon’s reign over Israel, in the month of Ziv, the second month, he began to build the temple of the Lord. For the sake of the OP, hopefully the book won't go into lineages.
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Jan 1, 2018 20:40
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Tulul posted:Hyper-specific descriptions of everything is very Biblical, although it's hard to tell if that's intentional or the byproduct of bad writing. Has there been any indication of why the Bible got into such specific measurements?
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Jan 1, 2018 21:13
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chitoryu12 posted:Has there been any indication of why the Bible got into such specific measurements? It was a fusion of mythology and simple history (because the distinction wasn’t strictly drawn back then). You see that kind of exactitude in a bunch of history books. Also, sometimes, the numbers had spiritual/poetic significance, because Judaism was pretty big on that.
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Jan 1, 2018 21:15
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A new year, a new chapter. Chapter 7 begins with Chris Robinson's vision of Heaven. If there's one place where it's appropriate for him to ramble, it's here, and I'll be generous with my transcription: Page 48 posted:Heaven, the eternal city of God sits in he furthest regions of the North, inside the walls of a quantum universe parallel to the one the earth resides in. Heaven is divided into two separated regions, one being an enormous enclosed garden planet called Eden, which is four times the size of earth. This virtual paradise is inhabited by most of the Angelic citizens, carefully cultivating exquisite plants, animals, music, and art. The perfection of earth is but a mirrored reflection of the walled park, a mere shadow of its immense mind boggling superlative flawlessness. The city, which is "nothing short of visual and sensual magnificence to the grandest degree", has 216-foot-thick walls built from twelve types of precious stones. 216 feet, of course, is roughly converted from 144 cubits; I'm surprised that Robinson left that up to me to figure out. Each wall incorporates three "Stargates, where the Angels vortex in and out of the time matrix by tunneling through the space—time continuum via wormholes". The angels of the city "go to and fro, either walking among the buildings, flying on their own power, or by air ship" and are dressed in robes, coats, and capes of every color. Processions "with full drum cores and multiple flag bearers" circuit the streets in constant praise of God. In this time of crisis, the Guardian Knights have been called to "the Court of Judgments" for a meeting in "the hall of Supreme Justice", a "stately spherical room made of ivory, marble, polished white sandstone and burnished cobalt onyx". Curiously, this place is adorned with "statues of the mighty Angels, who became famous during the infamous Wars of the Third Heaven and, first war of the species." I guess the questions I had for Chapter 4 about previous angelic wars are starting to be answered? Maybe? Whatever, it's finally time for some badass Old Testament angels! (And God!) Page 50 posted:In the center of the marble floor the Guardian Knight insignia proclaims its majesty, while burning candles in ornate diamond and gold candelabrums and menorahs encircle the insignia. Seated around the candles facing each other are the Elders, each Guardian Knight standing behind his mentor. The Cherubs are living creatures, humanoid in nature, but have four faces and six wings. They contain the hands of the humanoids, and the frontal face is like that of mortal man, but they also have the face of a lion on the right side of their head, the face of an ox on the left side and the face of an eagle facing backwards. They are the most powerful Angelic creatures, except for the mysterious six-winged Seraphim. The Cherubs are wise, ferocious and protectors of the Shekinah gate, but their primary function is to be the living chariot of God; they are the bearers of his throne. No word on the resemblance of His glow to a night light's, unfortunately. The angels, including one named Apocrypha, discuss the battles raging across the stars, even as far as "the Otter Regions". "Sounds like war of the species part two," Gabriel remarks. The angels are disheartened, but Yeshua tells them that this whole order is about to end: Pages 51-52 posted:"You wonder why I allow the war to continue ... I do not want a Kingdom built on fear and distrust. I want to be loved because I am worthy of love, and I want to give you love ... because I want to. There are many things, which you do not need to know, but there are others that you may. Knowledge is the function of the Spirit; emotion is tied to the soul. The Mystery of Elohim will be explained in the new creation called, Man. Man will be created in the very image of the Trinity, for He too will be a trinity, consisting of body, soul and spirit. I the living Word, the Holy Son will one day reside within man. The living Spirit of Fire will be the pillar of passion that connects heaven and earth; He will be the energy source that communicates between God and man. My Spirit will come to live with the soul of the ones who follow Me, and be the communication link between his body and the source of eternal life." God then tells the angels that the world of humans will be "how the universe should have worked from the beginning" - again, God seems very short-sighted to have gone to the trouble of all these faulty creations so far - and dispatches them to EnSidious. While you're figuring out what "humanoid" could possibly mean without the reference point of "human" or what "human" could mean in a world that's only seen humanoids, have some poetry! Page 52 posted:Suddenly emanating from the swirling spirit of light is a loud voice that proclaims to the future generations the proclamations of God. Shortly afterward, the archangel Mars is studying history in "the great Hall of Knowledge", the angelic library, where "the endless rows of holding units [...] tower 300 feet to the top of the vaulted ceilings". It probably would be difficult to reach most of the catalog on such high shelving - would be, without using the SOURCE: Pages 52-53 posted:An Angelic mind releases kinetic energy, which reverberates through the surrounding atmosphere, much like musical notes being played on an instrument. This kinetic energy when infused with the workings of faith can transpose itself into a physical manifestation, in this case by causing the books in question to un-shelf themselves and to glide over to the observation table. Neptune takes the opportunity to sort-of answer more of my questions from Chapter 4 and raise a whole lot more: Page 53 posted:"Yes ... the world in it's first dispensation was filled with all kinds of creatures, unicorns, Elves, Trolls and the likes ... Lucifer wanted to rule them harshly, but God would not allow it. So Lucifer devised a plan to take the Throne, he thought if he could control faith and the system in which it works he could create life or stop the creation process of the Creator, thus nullifying His power. Many believed this idea and war ensued in which the earth was destroyed. God granted Satan the earth and then filled it with dinosaurs and turned Satan into a Winged Serpentine Dragon. God's humor I guess, making Satan the king of the lizards and turning him into one." I have so many questions right now (particularly how Satan was back to being Lucifer and in charge of the other angels by the time of this story, another war and four destroyed dispensations later), but there's Star Wars to get to. Neptune, you see, has come here to tell Mars (Anakin) that he should be a full-fledged Guardian Knight (Jedi Master) and that the Counsel (Council) are blindly keeping him down. And, of course, this dissatisfaction that Neptune is cultivating wouldn't be complete without the facet of forbidden love: Page 54 posted:Sensing the Archangels frustration and uneasiness in being kept locked up like this Neptune manipulates a volume of his own to the table and opens it. Unexpectedly a scene of a beautiful Cro-Magnon woman kissing a well-built male begins to play itself out in front of Mars. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 04:04 on Jan 2, 2018 |
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Jan 1, 2018 22:33
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Darth Walrus posted:It was a fusion of mythology and simple history (because the distinction wasn’t strictly drawn back then). You see that kind of exactitude in a bunch of history books.
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Jan 2, 2018 05:01
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i want to make an illuminated manuscript with this guy
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Jan 2, 2018 05:02
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quote:"Yes, but their mating rituals are fascinating.... and the female humanoids are succulent. Look at her, she's radiant, listen to her moans, she wants to be ravaged, taken by a horse, not some puny humanoid." Yep. There it is.
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Jan 2, 2018 05:04
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Proteus Jones posted:Yep. There it is. Is he even slightly wrong?
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Jan 2, 2018 06:13
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australiar posted:the numbers are real, the significance is underlined by their inclusion in the book, so we know they mean something but it's left up to us to guess what it is Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 10:02 on Jan 2, 2018 |
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Jan 2, 2018 09:59
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 23:35 |
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Mind you, the best reason for including the exact measurements of the Temple would be realizing how many man/hours the scholars of the future are going to waste trying to reconstruct the thing. Also God sucks at poetry.
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Jan 2, 2018 18:51
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