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Jewel Repetition
Dec 24, 2012

Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.


They hired Lin-Manuel Miranda, the Hamilton guy who cried because Barack Obama laughed at him, to write all the songs in Moana. Even though he's a sloppy, brainless lyricist who thinks he's inspired when he's just manic. He's pretty much this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFDU_R6ShmI#t=763s

But Shiny is the best song in the movie about the best character in the movie and sung by Jermaine Clement, so the lyrics are a true tragedy. Here's a full list of everything wrong with them:

  • "Did you granny say listen to your heart? Be who you are on the inside? I need three words to tear her argument apart: your granny lied!"

    1. How does he know what her granny said
    2. That's not tearing the argument apart, it's just a simple contradiction which is only the middle point in the argument pyramid

  • "I will sparkle like a wealthy women's neck. Just a sec. Don'cha know"

    Miranda was so desperate to fill this meter that he made it possible for crustaceans to have strokes

  • Rhyming "glitters" with "glitters"

  • Tamatoa's lips aren't synched at all as he echoes "seafood." In fact his mouth is wide open. Maybe he's got a second mouth in his throat like a xenomorph that sings extra growly for him

  • "Send your armies but they'll never be enough"

    The cultures presented in Moana don't seem to have armies, militias at most, and even if they did why would they go on a military expedition to stop a crab who does nothing but sing as he fucks a pile of goblets and chests at the bottom of the ocean

  • "Now I eat you so prepare your final plea... just for me"

    I don't actually have anything bad to say about this line, it's perfect

Jewel Repetition fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2018 around 06:58

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Power of Pecota
Aug 3, 2007

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


- Not shiny enough

504
Feb 2, 2016
RACIST, SEXIST, ABLEIST AND UNFUNNY THREAD-SHITTING DICKHEAD WHO LIKES TO TALK ABOUT WEIRD RAPE FANTASIES OFTEN

CHECK OUT THIS RAP SHEET AND THEN PLEASE CHAIN PROBE


Jeb! Repetition posted:

They hired Lin-Manuel Miranda, the Hamilton guy who cried because Barack Obama laughed at him, to write all the songs in Moana. Even though he's a sloppy, brainless lyricist who thinks he's inspired when he's just manic. He's pretty much this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFDU_R6ShmI#t=763s

But Shiny is the best song in the movie about the best character in the movie and sung by Jermaine Clement, so the lyrics are a true tragedy. Here's a full list of everything wrong with them:

  • "Did you granny say listen to your heart? Be who you are on the inside? I need three words to tear her argument apart: your granny lied!"

    1. How does he know what her granny said
    2. That's not tearing the argument apart, it's just a simple contradiction which is only the middle point in the argument pyramid

  • "I will sparkle like a wealthy women's neck. Just a sec. Don'cha know"

    Miranda was so desperate to fill this meter that he made it possible for crustaceans to have strokes

  • Rhyming "glitters" with "glitters"

  • Tamatoa's lips aren't synched at all as he echoes "seafood." In fact his mouth is wide open. Maybe he's got a second mouth in his throat like a xenomorph that sings extra growly for him

  • "Send your armies but they'll never be enough"

    The cultures presented in Moana don't seem to have armies, militias at most, and even if they did why would they go on a military expedition to stop a crab who does nothing but sing as he fucks a pile of goblets and chests at the bottom of the ocean

  • "Now I eat you so prepare your final plea... just for me"

    I don't actually have anything bad to say about this line, it's perfect

This hilarious post inspires me to say "Who give a gently caress you unfunny stinkyhole"

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





I avoid these problems by listening to the true version that Miranda had nothing to do with
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs7RUDUlKlM

Drunkboxer
Jun 30, 2007



The only song I liked was the one when they were on the boats.

IMB
Jan 8, 2005
How does an asshole like Bob get such a great kitchen?

My daughter has watched this movie so many times that I sometimes wake up at night with this song stuck in my head

Jewel Repetition
Dec 24, 2012

Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.


504 posted:

This hilarious post inspires me to say "Who give a gently caress you unfunny stinkyhole"

Thank you for your opinion on what's funny, GBS poster

Peanut President posted:

I avoid these problems by listening to the true version that Miranda had nothing to do with
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs7RUDUlKlM

Holy poo poo

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012


for 2018, can we stop doing the thing where celebrities earn praise for their talent, until 24/7 coverage of them triggers a backlash where people pretend they never had any talent to begin with

these boom and bust cycles are extremely boring and predictable whether it’s the hamilton guy, jennifer lawrence, or anne hathaway

Elfgames
Sep 11, 2011



Fun Shoe

1: he knows what her granny said because he knows he's in a disney movie since he references sebastian in the after credits scene and that's what all grandmothers in a disney movie say

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008






yw

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

shadow trust me this plan will be better because im gonna smoke my smart weed. im smarter when im high..




No, that was The Rock's song.

australiar
Dec 21, 2017

by Smythe


i'm never going to watch moana because the mental image i've built up in my head of a fabulous greedy singing dragon crab is too good to be tainted by reality

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





australiar posted:

i'm never going to watch moana because the mental image i've built up in my head of a fabulous greedy singing dragon crab is too good to be tainted by reality

Well do I have news for you
the song is sung by a giant crab covered in gold

Labes for days
Dec 14, 2010

damn this some good spine


Tamatoa is a demigod-like being and that's how he can break the third wall and summon backup singers like Maui. Like, duh.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009



Lipstick Apathy

I thought the whole second act was a disjointed mess and the coconut duders and the crab would've been better off replaced by a real Disney villain.

e: Better yet, have the coconuts be led by a classic Disney villain who interrupts near the end of Shiny and then shows up again during the final battle.

Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 52 minutes!


Buglord

He explicitly has at least one magic item embedded in his shell and seems to know what the heart is and want it beyond it just being a jewel. He is also giant and one of the only animals that is able to speak, he also lives in the land of monsters. He clearly has powers beyond what a crab would normally have.

australiar
Dec 21, 2017

by Smythe


dammit no he is just a crab. he is a regular crab, just huge and smart, and he likes to collect ornaments and sing songs about himself. he lays eggs, as all male crabs do, and when he sheds his skin an octopus takes up residence inside it. it's great, don't tell me any more

Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 52 minutes!


Buglord

australiar posted:

dammit no he is just a crab. he is a regular crab, just huge and smart, and he likes to collect ornaments and sing songs about himself. he lays eggs, as all male crabs do, and when he sheds his skin an octopus takes up residence inside it. it's great, don't tell me any more

At the very least he's a crab that owns a magic hook that was created by the gods and is the explicit source of nearly all of a demigod's powers.

australiar
Dec 21, 2017

by Smythe


shut up he's a big gay crab

Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 52 minutes!


Buglord

australiar posted:

shut up he's a big gay crab

he lives in the land of monsters, not the land ofcraps

Jewel Repetition
Dec 24, 2012

Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.


Labes for days posted:

Tamatoa is a demigod-like being and that's how he can break the third wall and summon backup singers like Maui. Like, duh.

It wasn't a backup singer, it was just him with his mouth open!

super sweet best pal posted:

I thought the whole second act was a disjointed mess and the coconut duders and the crab would've been better off replaced by a real Disney villain.

e: Better yet, have the coconuts be led by a classic Disney villain who interrupts near the end of Shiny and then shows up again during the final battle.

I thought it was cool that there was no villain. That's daring for Disney.

Jewel Repetition
Dec 24, 2012

Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.


australiar posted:

shut up he's a big gay crab

You're not wrong. He's also missing a leg and hobbles around it as he dances, and he has David Bowie heterochromia. He's probably my favorite Disney villain design of all time.

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010




Hair Elf

Shiney is conceptually and musically great but yeah it has some wonky lyrics, mostly saved by Jermaine Clement. But You're Welcome is the song that best exemplifies Lin-Manuel Miranda in that it's a fantastic broadway song, possibly one of the best Disney has managed in a long time, but it also includes a few lazy cringe-core rap lines at the end.

flashy_mcflash
Feb 7, 2011

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...


Ultra Carp

quote:

Send your armies but they'll never be enough"

The cultures presented in Moana don't seem to have armies, militias at most, and even if they did why would they go on a military expedition to stop a crab who does nothing but sing as he fucks a pile of goblets and chests at the bottom of the ocean
Here's a thing armies never do: get into idiot battles for treasure, or even the vague promise of treasure

Jewel Repetition
Dec 24, 2012

Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.


Mm, tacochima

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.


The barnacles who live on Tamotoa's teeth sing backup for him, they do a great impression of him and that's why his mouth doesn't movie for that second "seafood".

Your other points are valid.

trash person
Apr 4, 2006

Baby Executive is pleased with your performance!


I’ve had to see Moana way too many times

I feel like the movie would’ve sequenced better if they ran into the Kakamora after Maui got his hook back. Have pretty much the same scene you had before but with Maui still not being great with his hook, but also using the encounter with the Kakamora as the way Maui learns to use the hook again as opposed to the montage of him practicing with Moana.

The way it goes now feels off to me. Where he gets his hook back then the movie is literally

Maui relearns hook in montage -> Moana and Maui lose against Te Ka -> Moana and Maui beat Te Ka.

I feel like it should be broken up more. Like put the Kakamora scene after they lose against Te Ka the first time or something

E: the only thing I haven’t figure out is where to put I Am Moana (Song of the Ancestors) because that’s the best song and makes me tear up EVERY TIME

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 12, 2007

Ain't nothin' to fuck with

Owlofcreamcheese posted:

He explicitly has at least one magic item embedded in his shell and seems to know what the heart is and want it beyond it just being a jewel. He is also giant and one of the only animals that is able to speak, he also lives in the land of monsters. He clearly has powers beyond what a crab would normally have.

Go away oocc

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 12, 2007

Ain't nothin' to fuck with

Actually this is the best thing from moana


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9efmoXY3__I

BENGHAZI 2 fucked around with this message at Jan 4, 2018 around 07:44

LoseHound
Nov 10, 2012


when you use a turd to write with

it's called shitposting.

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006



Peanut President posted:

I avoid these problems by listening to the true version that Miranda had nothing to do with
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs7RUDUlKlM

Is this still Jemaine Clement? That's impressive!

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!


I do like that they actually did a Maori dub of Moana. That way at least a movie based in Polynesian myth is available in at least one Polynesian language.

the black husserl
Feb 25, 2005



The emotional climax when he sings "brightest thing that glitters!!!" is so incredible but then Miranda has to go and loving RUIN IT by having "glitters" rhyme with "glitters". It's like tossing water on cotton candy, it all just deflates.

R. Guyovich
Dec 25, 1991


[BENNY]
Yo,​
If I won the lotto tomorrow
Well, I know I wouldn’t bother goin’ on no spendin’ spree
I'd pick a business school and pay the entrance fee!
Then maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll stay friends with me!

I’ll be a businessman, richer than Nina’s daddy!
Donald Trump and I on the links, and he’s my caddy!
My money’s makin’ money, I’m goin’ from po’ to mo’ dough!
Keep the bling, I want the brass ring, like Frodo!

[USNAVI]
Oh no, here goes Mr. Braggadocio
Next thing you know, you’re lying like Pinocchio—

[BENNY]
Yo, if you’re scared of the bull, stay out the rodeo!

[GRAFFITI PETE]
Yo, I got more hoes than a phone book in Tokyo!

Wank
Apr 26, 2008


Business school isn't a great investment, just start a business. And the surname "Ho"... In Tokyo?

R. Guyovich
Dec 25, 1991


you can turn to any page of the in the heights libretto and find the corniest poo poo of all time

[USNAVI]
Bartender!
Let me get an amaretto sour for this ghetto flower!
How are you so pretty?
You complete me
You had me at "hello," you know you need me
Truly, madly, deeply, let’s get freaky
Oh I get it you’re the strong and silent type
Well, I’m the Caribbean island type
And I can drive you wild all night!

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!


That is painful. It can't be real, it has to be a parody.

R. Guyovich
Dec 25, 1991


i cheated a little by picking something intentionally awkward, but...

[DANIELA]
So, Nina, I hear you been talking to Benny

[NINA]
And what do you hear?

[DANIELA]
I hear plenty!
They say he’s got quite a big… taxi!

[CARLA/VANESSA]
No me diga!

[NINA]
Okay! I don’t wanna know where you heard all that!

[CARLA]
I don’t think I know what you mean…

[DANIELA]
Carla! He’s packing a stretch limousine!

Jewel Repetition
Dec 24, 2012

Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.


Jesus

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R. Guyovich
Dec 25, 1991


the man's dick is like a car.

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