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Samizdata
May 14, 2007


Mootallica posted:

Please route this request through to the appropriate department.
Ticket closed.

Good luck finding out which department to talk to - I just know it's not mine.

CC: CEO, CIO, CTO, CFO

See? This is why we need to get rid of our IT. We can overseas it, save money, AND they will know they are a service position to the rest of the company. Let's see if we can turn this into a profit center, instead of an unnecessary drain on the yearly books. I feel we could really synergize our partnership with an overseas helpdesk AND monetize that paradigm shift! Please, do the needful!

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Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004





Knormal posted:

Tell them you did as requested and ordered the biggest computer you could find.



Do you think she's proud of "doing the work of two people", and not saying to her manager "hey how about a raise since I'm apparently worth twice as much now".

Grassy Knowles posted:

lol remember microsoft briefcase

gently caress, I do now.

Fil5000
Jun 23, 2003

HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS


Knormal posted:

Tell them you did as requested and ordered the biggest computer you could find.



Insufficient computer.



Please note that this computer also replaces the break area.

Sormus
Jul 24, 2007

PREVENT SPACE-AIDS
sanitize your lovebot
between users


Samizdata posted:

CC: CEO, CIO, CTO, CFO

See? This is why we need to get rid of our IT. We can overseas it, save money, AND they will know they are a service position to the rest of the company. Let's see if we can turn this into a profit center, instead of an unnecessary drain on the yearly books. I feel we could really synergize our partnership with an overseas helpdesk AND monetize that paradigm shift! Please, do the needful!

Dont make me pull out the email signature again.

The Macaroni
Dec 20, 2002
...it does nothing.

sfwarlock posted:

"Oh, my hard drive crashed? Ah, that's fine, I have all my files backed up on a thumbdrive. This one, right here, on my keychain."

"But you-"

"I update and check it every day. It's fine."

I plugged it in. Wanna guess what was on it?



"Yes, that's the backup! Just click on it, they'll all be there!"

Bonus: he had been doing it the right way before, but then he discovered this trick that was much faster!
Can't remember if I posted about the terrified grad student who brought in a floppy disk (this was 1996), saying her dissertation file was corrupt.

Me: It certainly seems like the file is in bad shape.
Student: [begins weeping]
Me: Please tell me you have a backup?
Student: Ah, yes! I do!
Me: Oh thank goodness! Where's the backup?
Student: On the same disk! Is that a problem?

I was able to recover one of the files for her, and I gave her a stern lecture about keeping multiple backups and even emailing herself the file once a week.

Fortis
Oct 21, 2009



Dunno-Lars posted:

The way I am reading this, you are now the boss of IT. How about those raises for your team members that you want to keep? I would guess you are in a position to go bat for them now.

If that fails, ask the IT director for a job.

Iíve considered that aspect of it, believe me. In the short term that would be awesome, but in the long term... I saw what happened to the former director. Also, he went to bat for us constantly and was shut down almost every time because thatís the kind of place this is. Iím gunning for Assistant Director; the responsibilities are actually in my wheelhouse and I can advocate for the team way better if Iím not constantly under assault from the other directors with a vendetta against us.

Bigass Moth
Mar 6, 2004

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...


Bigass Moth posted:

Heyyyyyyy Iím just going to run some updates to this thread between 8 am and 5 pm tomorrow, thanks. Should be 8 or so hours of total downtime and Iíll also be leaving the office without my phone while I do it.

Didnít get to this at 8 but Iíll run it when I get time today with no warning.

Entropic
Feb 21, 2007

patriarchy sucks


Knormal posted:

Tell them you did as requested and ordered the biggest computer you could find.



This is a great post for phone browsing because I thought it was one of those chunky little cube towers but then had to keep scrolling and scrolling down.

TheFluff
Dec 13, 2006

FRIENDS, LISTEN TO ME
I AM A SEAGULL
OF WEALTH AND TASTE


Slippery Tilde

A slackchat message came in to the department's "#general" chat with about a hundred people in it, asking "is anyone else having this problem?". "This problem" was a screenshot of our timesheet reporting system's login page saying (paraphrased): "Due to organisational changes and various end of year activities the timesheet reporting system is closed until January 17. Please keep track of your worked time manually until then."

Well, yes, I think a lot of other people are having that problem, friend. We were also all informed before the holidays that this would be happening. I'm getting more and more convinced that writing helpful error messages is completely pointless, because users seem to go out of their way to not read them at all.

TheFluff fucked around with this message at Jan 2, 2018 around 14:32

Judge Schnoopy
Nov 2, 2005

dont even TRY it, pal

Jaded Burnout posted:

Do you think she's proud of "doing the work of two people", and not saying to her manager "hey how about a raise since I'm apparently worth twice as much now".

You absolutely know this is the case. "I'm saving this company single handedly! I'm so important! It's worth the daily stress every morning when I'm panicking over breakfast because this business and everybody else depends on me!"

If they're lucky they'll connect the dots and realize their extra work puts money in their bosses pockets while they get a hearty pat on the back before they collapse of heart failure at the family picnic.

Steakandchips
Apr 30, 2009



Any update from Larches?

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006



Bleak Gremlin

Steakandchips posted:

Any update from Larches?

Collapsed from heart failure at a family picnic.

ilkhan
Oct 7, 2004


Kyrosiris posted:

I know mine did, at least - got laid off in June, signed an offer letter last week for a job that starts 1/2. 50% raise from the place that laid me off.
Laid off in December, on a Monday, signed an acceptance the following Monday in the new city I wanted to move to anyway, with a 20% raise and another 5% in 90 days. :Too:

Renegret
May 26, 2007


THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Grimey Drawer

A critical application for the call center broke.

Rather than notify me (the NOC) so I can escalate to all appropriate groups, the call center management skips the middle man and notifies all the SMEs and the application's vendor themselves. I only found out because another department saw the e-mail chain and said, why isn't the NOC on this if they're supposed to be the first point of contact?

An hour later, call center management came in to complain to me that I wasn't doing my job correctly because they did my job for me without telling me there was an issue in the first place.

Fortis
Oct 21, 2009



Came in to 238 emails (I've been out since the 22nd), literally nothing from the COO about how he is going to replace IT's missing management. He's known about this, and has been in this office, since the 26th.
I checked our payment processing system and I still only have authority over the 5 support guys & sysadmins. It still says I report to my old manager.



edit: i should have expected this tbh

COO posted:

A search for [Former Director]'s successor is underway. In the interim, I will be the Acting Director of IT. As such, you may route matters to my attention. Thank you.


So is Dice still the best site to use or what

Fortis fucked around with this message at Jan 2, 2018 around 15:44

Irritated Goat
Mar 12, 2005

I'm the tag team champion!

Steakandchips posted:

Any update from Larches?

Run over by the CE's truck.

ConfusedUs
Feb 24, 2004

Bees?
You want fucking bees?
Here you go!
ROLL INITIATIVE!!


Fortis posted:

Came in to 238 emails (I've been out since the 22nd), literally nothing from the COO about how he is going to replace IT's missing management. He's known about this, and has been in this office, since the 26th.
I checked our payment processing system and I still only have authority over the 5 support guys & sysadmins. It still says I report to my old manager.



It was the week-ish of Christmas and New Year's. I've never had a company that got anything worthwhile done in that time.

Maybe you're right, but maybe everyone was out on vacation, or at least enough of them to make handling something like that impossible.

Fortis
Oct 21, 2009



ConfusedUs posted:

It was the week-ish of Christmas and New Year's. I've never had a company that got anything worthwhile done in that time.

Maybe you're right, but maybe everyone was out on vacation, or at least enough of them to make handling something like that impossible.

Anywhere else and you'd be right, but the COO isn't one to let people being on vacation get in his way, plus everyone who would have made any decisions was in last week. I'm 99% sure the only reason the COO sent us the email in my edit above is because we asked HR what the gently caress was going on.

AAAAA! Real Muenster
Jul 12, 2008

My QB is also named Bort



Bigass Moth posted:

Just save all your new threads as AAAAAAAAnewthread.txt so they go to the top.
You rang?


By the way, the thread is updating really slow. I had it open all weekend and when I came back in after the holiday break it was still only at one page. What gives?!?

HardDiskD
May 6, 2009

HaHAHhehehehuhehahehhahahhaue



Grimey Drawer

AAAAA! Real Muenster posted:

You rang?


By the way, the thread is updating really slow. I had it open all weekend and when I came back in after the holiday break it was still only at one page. What gives?!?

Have you tried locking it and unlocking it again.

AAAAA! Real Muenster
Jul 12, 2008

My QB is also named Bort



HardDiskD posted:

Have you tried locking it and unlocking it again.
Once I hit the reply button to ask, it updated! There are three pages! I wonder why mine wasnt updating when I was spending all that time looking at it...

Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004





Fortis posted:

edit: i should have expected this tbh

Oh man how did I not see that coming. "I'm now doing the job of two people in addition to my own aka I'm not going to do it at all but technically the role is filled" is absolutely a COO move.

Jaded Burnout fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2018 around 12:40

18 Character Limit
Apr 6, 2007

Screw you, Abed;
I can fix this!


Nap Ghost

Jaded Burnout posted:

If I were to guess I'd say he burned out of the school job and found somewhere mediocre like the rest of us, not interesting enough to talk about, went through two girlfriends and then either settled down or relegated himself to a lonely future, hoping to eventually escape to the coasts. At least that's the trajectory I saw in his future.

Help, the new ticket thread is generating weird fanfic about posters that the old thread didn't do. Please open a vendor case.

Fortis
Oct 21, 2009



I wore my nice shoes today because I expected to be stuck in meetings all day with people who care about that and now I scuffed them.

Jaded Burnout
Jul 10, 2004





18 Character Limit posted:

Help, the new ticket thread is generating weird fanfic about posters that the old thread didn't do. Please open a vendor case.

Look into your heart, you know it to be true.

movax
Aug 30, 2008



Old thread was transferred to the GOLDMINE server. Check with your manager re: GOLDMINE access.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





I have a new shitposter who started TODAY that does not yet have thread access WHY WAS THIS NOT COMPLETED BEFOREHAND no of course I didn't fill out any paperwork JUST GET IT DONE

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418


Entropic posted:

This is a great post for phone browsing because I thought it was one of those chunky little cube towers but then had to keep scrolling and scrolling down.

looked like a Buffalo Terastation to me

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

movax posted:

Old thread was transferred to the GOLDMINE server. Check with your manager re: GOLDMINE access.

God damnit. We actually have a Goldmine server.

The Iron Rose
May 12, 2012


AAAAA! Real Muenster posted:

Once I hit the reply button to ask, it updated! There are three pages! I wonder why mine wasnt updating when I was spending all that time looking at it...

I actually can't tell if you're joking or not here because this is a legitimate known issue that happens on SA

Weaponized Autism
Mar 26, 2006

All aboard the Gravy train!

I do all my shitposting in Production.

kensei
Dec 27, 2007

He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!



GreenNight posted:

God damnit. We actually have a Goldmine server.

I got to deal with that a couple jobs ago. I was so happy when the Sales VP changed and the first thing he did was go to SalesForce.

Brightman
Feb 24, 2005

I've seen fun you people wouldn't believe.
Tiki torches on fire off the summit of Kilauea.
I watched disco balls glitter in the dark near the Brandenburg Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like crowds in rain.

Time to sleep.


I used to read the old thread and not have much to contribute since I didn't really get tickets all that often. Before my current job I was at a help desk so there was a lot but that was before I found the thread, now I'm in development so it was either nil or something like "this client doesn't know how to make a file".

The company got big enough that we decided to get a Product department, so now I have more tickets than are necessary, and about 4~6 times as many meetings. Like I can see the value of breaking up an issue into discrete problems, but the issue won't actually be solved or even testable until all three tickets are done. Granted in the recent example of this one ticket was just the general issue anyway.

Also I know this shouldn't bother me as much as it did but I had some tickets a bit ago that they titled as FTP issues, when the actual problem was we had a new client that wouldn't rename files to match our naming scheme for a custom file processor, and we receive files via ftp. So for a few months I kept getting asked about ftp issues and then even thanked for my work when we received a test file via ftp when I hadn't done anything. I'd like to note that the reason this took so long to resolve is because I had other assignments and the fact they wouldn't rename a file so that we knew what format it was in, instead of "Report [date].doc", caused my boss to mark this as low priority, that plus communication with them was sorta slow, and initially when the problem was discovered they insulted our dev team while talking to our sales guy, so that didn't help.

Unrelated to all that, I've been getting a decent number of tickets where someone has been nesting quotes when they shouldn't, and some others that were CNRs where someone internally was doing something users can't do anyway. "Stop doing that" hasn't been a well received response so far.

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

Clapping Larry

GreenNight posted:

God damnit. We actually have a Goldmine server.

You are giving me the worst flashback to the late nineties...

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

kensei posted:

I got to deal with that a couple jobs ago. I was so happy when the Sales VP changed and the first thing he did was go to SalesForce.

Goldmine isn't so bad. Just a SQL backend and it's relatively inexpensive.

kensei
Dec 27, 2007

He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!



GreenNight posted:

Goldmine isn't so bad. Just a SQL backend and it's relatively inexpensive.

Ours was out of date and out of contract so it was a mess.

ratbert90
Feb 12, 2009
JUST FUCKING STOP, JESUS H. CHRIST


Judge Schnoopy posted:

You absolutely know this is the case. "I'm saving this company single handedly! I'm so important! It's worth the daily stress every morning when I'm panicking over breakfast because this business and everybody else depends on me!"

If they're lucky they'll connect the dots and realize their extra work puts money in their bosses pockets while they get a hearty pat on the back before they collapse of heart failure at the family picnic.

My friend two days ago passed away from Leukemia, and it put things into perspective for me. Life is too short for this kind of bullshit, and my skills allow me to work from basically anywhere. Life is too short to work more than 40 hours a week for a company. I am never doing it again. My family and friends are more important than my career.

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

Clapping Larry

GreenNight posted:

Goldmine isn't so bad. Just a SQL backend and it's relatively inexpensive.

Back when I used it it was a horrible piece of poo poo that constantly blew up and the support was worthless.

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

kensei posted:

Ours was out of date and out of contract so it was a mess.

That makes sense. We have SA on Goldmine and get it updated either yearly or every other year depending on features.

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ratbert90
Feb 12, 2009
JUST FUCKING STOP, JESUS H. CHRIST


Dick Trauma posted:

Back when I used it it was a horrible piece of poo poo that constantly blew up and the support was worthless.

So... enterprise software?

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