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Merijn
Nov 7, 2005

The pirate code is really more of a guideline, than actual rules.


Nap Ghost

Agrikk posted:

Pack everything up and go home, folks.

You will never see anything better on the internet than Larches saying this.

I don't know man, even in that last post I can spot 2 or 3 hints of gigantic tales that larches might, at some point, wish to tell.

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larchesdanrew
Apr 21, 2005

I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.


Merijn posted:

I don't know man, even in that last post I can spot 2 or 3 hints of gigantic tales that larches might, at some point, wish to tell.

Hahaha, I'm not even close to being done with stories from that place (or the television station and CE, for that matter).

But yeah, I don't think I'm going to have many more that end with me considering the pros and cons of waking up in the morning.

Darchangel
Feb 12, 2009

Tell him about the blower!



larchesdanrew posted:

But yeah, I don't think I'm going to have many more that end with me considering the pros and cons of waking up in the morning.

Oof. Yeah, that would be rough times.

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






larchesdanrew posted:

Anyways, point being I am powerful and unstoppable and I am flourishing.

That is great to hear

AlexDeGruven
Jun 29, 2007

Watch me pull my dongle out of this tiny box




Where the gently caress is sfwarlock? Getting blue balls over here.

Filthy Lucre
Feb 27, 2006


Maybe they got him?

GnarlyCharlie4u
Sep 23, 2007

I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof


Agrikk posted:

Pack everything up and go home, folks.

You will never see anything better on the internet than Larches saying this.

I am kind of hoping that it's a really small town and whomever the school hired is actually the former CE of Larches TV station job.

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

I am kind of hoping that it's a really small town and whomever the school hired is actually the former CE of Larches TV station job.

She didn't mention a single Buffalo device, it can't possibly be the CE.

Relentless
Sep 22, 2007

It's a perfect day for some mayhem!




larchesdanrew posted:

Anyways, point being I am powerful and unstoppable and I am flourishing.

You should preemptively work out the math on your consulting rate for the school district for when somebody asks you for help.

150/hour base, another 50/hour for travel considerations, another 220/hour in I Told You So fees comes out to $420/hour.

Sarern
Nov 4, 2008


Won't you take me to
Bomertown?
Won't you take me to
BONERTOWN?



Relentless posted:

You should preemptively work out the math on your consulting rate for the school district for when somebody asks you for help.

150/hour base, another 50/hour for travel considerations, another 220/hour in I Told You So fees comes out to $420/hour.

And charge a 6.9 hour minimum for all issues.

larchesdanrew
Apr 21, 2005

I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.


Relentless posted:

You should preemptively work out the math on your consulting rate for the school district for when somebody asks you for help.

150/hour base, another 50/hour for travel considerations, another 220/hour in I Told You So fees comes out to $420/hour.

My going rate is already $200 an hour with a two hour minimum. They'll never pay


Sarern posted:

And charge a 6.9 hour minimum for all issues.

UCS Hellmaker
Mar 29, 2008



Toilet Rascal

Larch as someone that loves to read the tales.of.triumph from this thread congrats on getting somewhere that you can finally be happy. And the Denver area is wonderful and I hope to buy you a beer if I ever get out there to visit my wonderful friends that live on the Northside in the year 2025

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






larchesdanrew posted:

My going rate is already $200 an hour with a two hour minimum. They'll never pay

When I left a job, and was asked to come back for a fixed time consulting gig, I quoted them something in the ballpark of $200/hr.

They balked, and I said, "You could have asked me to do it when you still paid me an hourly rate as an employee, but you didn't. So...yeah."

I didn't end up doing any work, but I felt good about myself for standing up to them.

Moo the cow
Apr 30, 2020



You don't hear the word 'flourished' much these days.

It's quite nice to hear it in a positive manner for someone.

Hughmoris
Apr 21, 2007
Let's go to the abyss!

A friend just received this:



To be fair, 'Power of the Eye' would be a great app name.

Hughmoris fucked around with this message at 19:18 on Jul 30, 2020

ConfusedUs
Feb 24, 2004

Bees?
You want fucking bees?
Here you go!
ROLL INITIATIVE!!


Hughmoris posted:

To be fair, 'Power of the Eye' would be a great app name.

I remember "The All-Seeing Eye" for browsing game servers back in the day. It was great.

Moo the cow
Apr 30, 2020



Hughmoris posted:

A friend just received this:



To be fair, 'Power of the Eye' would be a great app name.

I'm still convinced that 'PowerBI' is some kind of sexual nomenclature.

duz
Jul 11, 2005

Come on Ilhan, lets go bag us a shitpost




If you tell them a large $, there is a small change they might actually pay it.

Do this instead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6CVvNRQcvE

sfwarlock
Aug 11, 2007


larchesdanrew posted:

But yeah, I don't think I'm going to have many more that end with me considering the pros and cons of waking up in the morning.

So glad you're out of there.

AlexDeGruven posted:

Where the gently caress is sfwarlock? Getting blue balls over here.

Every time I start to post, something new happens!

But here's where we are: on Monday the 20th, Mitch put in a ticket saying that a certain webapp was down, specific wording was "When I click on the link, nothing happens."

Our webapp support team are hardasses about doing local diagnosis before passing the ticket to them - which I'm sure is well earned, but at the same time tends to piss me off when they could chime in real quick. look at their dashboard and say "looks green here" or "yeah, just did a deploy five minutes go, maybe we broken it." - and you WILL jump through all the hoops or they'll send the ticket back down and nastygram your supervisor.

I didn't get the ticket, a junior colleague of mine did (let's call him Greg), and he sent back something along the lines of "hi, before I can transfer this to the team that supports that app, I need some basic information:

a) have you cleared cache and cookies recently
b) have you rebooted
c) have you tried a different browser / private browsing mode
d) is it working for other people on your team"

That's only about half of the list, and it's shorter than it used to be. Before COVID WFH, it included things like having people swap around computers to see if the issue followed them, and blowing away and recreating the userprofile.

Let me repeat: They want us to do all this before they even talk to us about an issue. Even if it's multiple reports from multiple sites. Even if no one can access, they still want "basic troubleshooting" before they'll lift a finger.

But I digress.

Mitch puts this request in on 7/20. Greg responds in the ticket within 15 minutes. Mitch does not reply.

7/22: Greg updates the ticket and also sends an email.

7/24: Greg updates the ticket again, with a note that if he doesn't hear back by Monday 7/27 EoD, ticket will be closed.

7/27, 16:30: Greg closes the ticket, figuring it was probably a glitch that fixed itself.

7/27, 16:32: Mitch sends an email to Greg's boss, his boss, and his boss, calling out "lazy IT people who lie and don't do their jobs".

7/28: The poo poo hits the fan throughout the day between various managers about Mitch not responding to Greg, Greg not being proactive enough (?!), the whole thing about the webapps support team wanting all this crap. Someone pings me to find out if this really is the SOP with webapps support, which is how I heard. Mitch has a massive meltdown about being targeted, claims he never got the emails from the ticketing system or Greg. Someone goes in and figures out Mitch read and deleted Greg's email and calls him out on it.

7/29: Rumor has it that in a Whatsapp group chat, early in the AM, Mitch repeated his rant and added "Maybe we need to hire more Americans around here. "

At this point I should note that Greg has a Hispanic last name, and the person who did the email investigation has an Asian last name.

The message was deleted, but not before screenshots were taken and sent to HR.

At about 14:30, a break-glass termination ticket is filed for Mitch, which is almost instantly retracted. My grandboss reaches out to HR and is told to take no action yet.

That's the last thing that filtered down to me.

Weedle
May 31, 2006




sfwarlock posted:

7/29: Rumor has it that in a Whatsapp group chat, early in the AM, Mitch repeated his rant and added "Maybe we need to hire more Americans around here. "

i imagine these people are just gritting their teeth constantly throughout the day, visibly sweating, trying desperately to contain their opinions about minorities, until finally the seal cracks

orange juche
Mar 14, 2012



Upset Trowel

Weedle posted:

i imagine these people are just gritting their teeth constantly throughout the day, visibly sweating, trying desperately to contain their opinions about minorities, until finally the seal cracks

Pretty much, it's really fun though when the mask slips and you can get them on paper or have photo evidence of the mask slipping.

luminalflux
May 27, 2005



ConfusedUs posted:

I remember "The All-Seeing Eye" for browsing game servers back in the day. It was great.

And now we have Palantir started by the weirder of the elon musk / peter thiel duo

ConfusedUs
Feb 24, 2004

Bees?
You want fucking bees?
Here you go!
ROLL INITIATIVE!!


sfwarlock posted:

So glad you're out of there.


Every time I start to post, something new happens!

But here's where we are: on Monday the 20th, Mitch put in a ticket saying that a certain webapp was down, specific wording was "When I click on the link, nothing happens."

Our webapp support team are hardasses about doing local diagnosis before passing the ticket to them - which I'm sure is well earned, but at the same time tends to piss me off when they could chime in real quick. look at their dashboard and say "looks green here" or "yeah, just did a deploy five minutes go, maybe we broken it." - and you WILL jump through all the hoops or they'll send the ticket back down and nastygram your supervisor.

I didn't get the ticket, a junior colleague of mine did (let's call him Greg), and he sent back something along the lines of "hi, before I can transfer this to the team that supports that app, I need some basic information:

a) have you cleared cache and cookies recently
b) have you rebooted
c) have you tried a different browser / private browsing mode
d) is it working for other people on your team"

That's only about half of the list, and it's shorter than it used to be. Before COVID WFH, it included things like having people swap around computers to see if the issue followed them, and blowing away and recreating the userprofile.

Let me repeat: They want us to do all this before they even talk to us about an issue. Even if it's multiple reports from multiple sites. Even if no one can access, they still want "basic troubleshooting" before they'll lift a finger.

But I digress.

Mitch puts this request in on 7/20. Greg responds in the ticket within 15 minutes. Mitch does not reply.

7/22: Greg updates the ticket and also sends an email.

7/24: Greg updates the ticket again, with a note that if he doesn't hear back by Monday 7/27 EoD, ticket will be closed.

7/27, 16:30: Greg closes the ticket, figuring it was probably a glitch that fixed itself.

7/27, 16:32: Mitch sends an email to Greg's boss, his boss, and his boss, calling out "lazy IT people who lie and don't do their jobs".

7/28: The poo poo hits the fan throughout the day between various managers about Mitch not responding to Greg, Greg not being proactive enough (?!), the whole thing about the webapps support team wanting all this crap. Someone pings me to find out if this really is the SOP with webapps support, which is how I heard. Mitch has a massive meltdown about being targeted, claims he never got the emails from the ticketing system or Greg. Someone goes in and figures out Mitch read and deleted Greg's email and calls him out on it.

7/29: Rumor has it that in a Whatsapp group chat, early in the AM, Mitch repeated his rant and added "Maybe we need to hire more Americans around here. "

At this point I should note that Greg has a Hispanic last name, and the person who did the email investigation has an Asian last name.

The message was deleted, but not before screenshots were taken and sent to HR.

At about 14:30, a break-glass termination ticket is filed for Mitch, which is almost instantly retracted. My grandboss reaches out to HR and is told to take no action yet.

That's the last thing that filtered down to me.

I'm 100% not surprised to find out Mitch is a racist jerk on top of being a regular jerk.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006



Bleak Gremlin

larchesdanrew posted:

Anyways, point being I am powerful and unstoppable and I am flourishing.

All that's left is to die from accidentally inhaling too much canned air:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...1#post449159741

quote:

The Chief Engineer is called into the conference room on a Friday afternoon. As he walks through the door, he sees the heads of every department sitting around the large decorative table, eyes locked on him. Sitting between the General Manager and the President is myself, hands clasped on the table in front of me.

"What's all this about?" He asks, a look of concern flashing across his face momentarily.

"Oh, we just wanted you to test our new management tool," I reply.

At this point, he seems to notice the miles of metal tubing, wires, gadgets, gizmos, and gewgaws suspended from the walls and ceiling. I motion to a single red button in the center of the table.

"If you would, please press that button," I request.

He balks at this. The President and General Manager stare sternly at him. Eventually, he concedes and pushes the button. Nothing happens for a few seconds and I feel a slight panic rising. Suddenly, though, a clockwork whirring begins, and a single metal ball bearing begins it's journey along the maze of piping. All eyes dart around the room watching the ball as it travels from pipe to pipe, clinking and clanking its way to its inevitable goal. The room-sized Rube Goldberg monstrosity carries on its task, becoming increasingly more complex. No one talks; no one moves. Every person's attention is transfixed on the small bearing.

Half an hour has passed since the Chief Engineer pushed the button. The ball is still pinging and clinking through the obstacles ahead of it. Suddenly, it drops into a small cup suspended from pullies, the weight of the bearing pulling the cup down. A hidden network of painstakingly interconnected pullies begins to pull taut, and the final phase of this machine has commenced.

I am lifted from my seat, the wires attached to my body cleverly hidden beyond the curtains behind me. At an agonizingly slow pace, I float above the table and am carried towards the Chief Engineer. As I make my way towards him, a piece of paper lowers from the ceiling and suspends itself right in front of his face. Written on the paper are two words: You're Fired.

"Fired," he exclaims incredulously, "what am I being fired for?"

At this point, my journey has ended. I am now floating with my face mere centimeters from the Chief Engineer's face. I close the distance and put my lips right next to his ears.

"That's really none of your business," I whisper, "You just let me handle this."

His chair then catapults him through the window and I am crowned the new Chief Engineer. After the applause dies down, with all hands thoroughly shaken and backs sufficiently patted, I stand to make my grand acceptance speech.

"I just want to take this opportunity to say something I've wanted to say for a long time now." All eyes are staring at me intently, hanging on the wisdom I am about to impart.

"Y'all suck a lot. I'm out of here. Peace."

I take my leave. The room is filled with the sounds of defeated sobbing.

I spend the next three years trying to find employment and eventually die from accidentally inhaling too much canned air.

The end.

Acid Reflux
Oct 18, 2004



larches, as an on-and-off thread (and previous iterations thereof) lurker for years now, I just wanted to tell you how genuinely happy I am to read about all of the positive things that have been happening for you lately. I hope everything just keeps getting better.

GnarlyCharlie4u
Sep 23, 2007

I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof


Hughmoris posted:

A friend just received this:



To be fair, 'Power of the Eye' would be a great app name.

Better than my former boss who asked me if he could "get into Power Bottom"
Didn't realize it was a freudian slip at first and immediately replied with, "oh totally. I thought you already were"

Antigravitas
Dec 8, 2019

Outside Context Problem


Due to vacations I'm currently doing end user tickets. But it's slow thanks to nu-SARS and vacations…

Ticket came in: Printer on a non-networked lab PC doesn't work anymore.

I answered, with the full might of over 10 years of experience in the field: "Have you tried turning it off, and then on again?"

They user did as instructed, and the issue was solved.


And that, my friends, is why they pay me the big bucks.

They really don't

Antigravitas fucked around with this message at 22:03 on Jul 30, 2020

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless You Ants, Blants



Fun Shoe

I used a DTMF app on my phone the other day to play tones into my headset to join somebody into a Teams meeting (you can't dial out and then use the dialpad to navigate a phone tree for some reason, Teams just assume that if you're calling someone to dump them into a meeting then you have their direct dial). Felt like Captain Crunch.

larchesdanrew
Apr 21, 2005

I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.


A ticket came in

quote:

when

These are DOCTORS, ya'll.

I love it.

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



larchesdanrew posted:

A ticket came in

These are DOCTORS, ya'll.

I did IT support for a medical college for a couple of years, that's child's play. Call us when being unable to access Facebook is impacting patient care.

Darchangel
Feb 12, 2009

Tell him about the blower!



larchesdanrew posted:

A ticket came in

quote:

when

These are DOCTORS, ya'll.

I love it.

Reply: Soon.

TITTIEKISSER69
Mar 19, 2005

I'M JUST HERE TO KISS TITTIESS AND WIN FOOTBALL GAMES!
(AND GET EVERYBODY FIRED)


Pillbug

(Pouring) "Say when!"

GnarlyCharlie4u
Sep 23, 2007

I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof


Thanks Ants posted:

I used a DTMF app on my phone the other day to play tones into my headset to join somebody into a Teams meeting (you can't dial out and then use the dialpad to navigate a phone tree for some reason, Teams just assume that if you're calling someone to dump them into a meeting then you have their direct dial). Felt like Captain Crunch.

This makes me so happy.
But yeah teams is awful with DTMF support. It doesn't exist on the PSTN like at all.
Rather: DTMF during a conference aren't passed to the PSTN, they're just used to control the conference
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us...e2-5620cfd41234

Here's a deep dive of a very interesting issue if you're a phone nerd:
https://techcommunity.microsoft.com...ing/m-p/1003327

GnarlyCharlie4u fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Jul 30, 2020

The Fool
Oct 16, 2003



Thanks Ants posted:

I used a DTMF app on my phone the other day to play tones into my headset to join somebody into a Teams meeting (you can't dial out and then use the dialpad to navigate a phone tree for some reason, Teams just assume that if you're calling someone to dump them into a meeting then you have their direct dial). Felt like Captain Crunch.

Joybubbles was cooler

Data Graham
Dec 28, 2009





larchesdanrew posted:

A ticket came in


These are DOCTORS, ya'll.

I love it.

Surprised it was legible

Super Soaker Party!
May 4, 2006

He may be a madposter but he's OUR madposter

Clapping Larry

Thanks Ants posted:

Felt like Captain Crunch.

That's a deep cut for anyone younger than 30. (Hell took me a second and I'm...not younger than 30).

would you say you...


hacked the gibson?

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

PopeCrunch
Feb 13, 2004

internets



Salad Prong

The Fool posted:

Joybubbles was cooler

Joybubbles was an ABSOLUTE TREAT of a human and one of the sweetest, kindest people I ever spoke to. For the longest time, he would take out a classified ad in the minneapolis free paper that was just a different message every week encouraging the reader to inject joy and positivity into their surroundings, and would even occasionally call people out specifically for praise if he knew it was their birthday. Complete sweetheart and the world is poorer for his loss.

sfwarlock
Aug 11, 2007


Weedle posted:

i imagine these people are just gritting their teeth constantly throughout the day, visibly sweating, trying desperately to contain their opinions about minorities, until finally the seal cracks

Right now all I can think of is that jackass who confronted a full-blooded Native American Arizona state legislator and demanded to know if he was in the country legally.

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klosterdev
Oct 10, 2006

Na na na na na na na na Batman!

"Are you?"

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