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Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






uniball posted:

i worked at the genius bar 2010-2013, which was during the final days of disc drives in apple laptops. i got a lot of stuck DVDs out, but this one was my favorite (nsfw)

Back at the same horror-story-soaked retail job, one morning, this in a construction truck drops off a laptop. It's a normal Dell Latitude, extremely common, only a little dirty. He says his kids got on it and set a password and then forgot what it was. (I know, likely story, but given the sheer amount of illegal and immoral poo poo happening there, this is the least of our sins.) He asked if he could come pick it back up after his first job of the day, so I had about an hour to get in with a Hiren CD and crack the password. Sorted. Booted it up to make sure it would log in automatically...

...his desktop background was a photo from a Polish-URL'd amateur porn site, and featured a woman whose individual breasts are about the same size as my torso. Each. Like, I don't even know how they get that big. Elephantiasis? Like, that's gotta be a disorder or something, lady, maybe you should talk to a doctor and not a photographer? But fine, whatever, job done.

When he came in to pick up the laptop, he refused to pay for it until I turned it on and watched it boot up in front of both of us. He didn't make a single comment about the desktop background, just nodded, said thanks, paid the shop rate, and left. I have no idea if he was harassing me or it was a good faith, "I want proof that the work was done," situation.

I have a photo of the laptop on my phone, but in the interest of not posting porn on the forums, you'll just have to live with not having witnessed a naked Polish woman with Q-cups.

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dragonshardz
May 2, 2017




Dirt Road Junglist posted:

Back at the same horror-story-soaked retail job, one morning, this in a construction truck drops off a laptop. It's a normal Dell Latitude, extremely common, only a little dirty. He says his kids got on it and set a password and then forgot what it was. (I know, likely story, but given the sheer amount of illegal and immoral poo poo happening there, this is the least of our sins.) He asked if he could come pick it back up after his first job of the day, so I had about an hour to get in with a Hiren CD and crack the password. Sorted. Booted it up to make sure it would log in automatically...

...his desktop background was a photo from a Polish-URL'd amateur porn site, and featured a woman whose individual breasts are about the same size as my torso. Each. Like, I don't even know how they get that big. Elephantiasis? Like, that's gotta be a disorder or something, lady, maybe you should talk to a doctor and not a photographer? But fine, whatever, job done.

When he came in to pick up the laptop, he refused to pay for it until I turned it on and watched it boot up in front of both of us. He didn't make a single comment about the desktop background, just nodded, said thanks, paid the shop rate, and left. I have no idea if he was harassing me or it was a good faith, "I want proof that the work was done," situation.

I have a photo of the laptop on my phone, but in the interest of not posting porn on the forums, you'll just have to live with not having witnessed a naked Polish woman with Q-cups.

...For the sake of figuring out exactly how shocked I should be, Q as in 17", or are we sticking in the weird double-letter cup sizes that the USA insists on?

Either way, gently caress. That's terrifyingly huge - literal beach ball size.

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007


Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952





uniball posted:

i worked at the genius bar 2010-2013, which was during the final days of disc drives in apple laptops. i got a lot of stuck DVDs out, but this one was my favorite (nsfw)

Back before optical drives finally went away in the iMacs I had to retrieve stuck flash cards from cameras. Y'see, the daycare center on campus too a ton of photos. All day, every day, every kid. So they beat the poo poo of their 8870 color printers, we got a lot of calls from them. What we also got, in my first six months on the job, was teachers missing the flash card slot and dropping the card in the optical drive. One a month.

That card is 100% not coming out while the drive is in the machine. To get at the drive, you have to pull the glass panel, and the LCD assembly. This involved gloves, suction cups, and annoyingly powerful rare earth magnets (those iMacs had magnets on the display outside the visible area, and rare earth magnets in the LCD assembly to hold the glass in place). Once you fight the screws out past the magnets you tilt up the display and reach under it to get 3 cables, increasing your angle after each cable is loose. Reversing the process takes a friend, a flashlight, and patience. Once the LCD assembly is off you have access to the guts of the machine. Getting the optical drive out is a snap. So is getting a spudger in there to free the camera card.

After the sixth time it happened in six months I happened to mention it to the group during a smoke break. One of the senior people knew the director at the daycare center. One call from him and the next time I touched a daycare iMac there was blue tape over the DVD drive. And every other one in the center.

Arquinsiel
Jun 1, 2006

"There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

God Bless Margaret Thatcher
God Bless England
RIP My Iron Lady


The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon is striking me with the word "spudger" and I somehow never heard of them before this weekend. Now I must own some.

Wizard of the Deep
Sep 25, 2005


Spudgers are pretty sweet. I'm a big fan of iFixit gear in general, and their spudgers are cheap enough to add a few extras to any order you're already making, but there's probably plenty of no-name knock-offs on Amazon/eBay/AliExpress.

Arquinsiel
Jun 1, 2006

"There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

God Bless Margaret Thatcher
God Bless England
RIP My Iron Lady


Wizard of the Deep posted:

Spudgers are pretty sweet. I'm a big fan of iFixit gear in general, and their spudgers are cheap enough to add a few extras to any order you're already making, but there's probably plenty of no-name knock-offs on Amazon/eBay/AliExpress.
Aaaaand bookmarked.

orange juche
Mar 14, 2012





Upset Trowel

Spudgers own and they should be a part of any tinkerers toolkit, especially useful for gaining access to parts of devices the manufacturer thought you shouldn't have access to.

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






dragonshardz posted:

...For the sake of figuring out exactly how shocked I should be, Q as in 17", or are we sticking in the weird double-letter cup sizes that the USA insists on?

Either way, gently caress. That's terrifyingly huge - literal beach ball size.

Oh, I just picked a letter towards the middle of the alphabet for emphasis. I have no idea how breasts are meant to be measured or what Q-cups would even be rated at if they exist. (And, despite being a life-long boobs haver, I seriously don't know my specific measurements and it's never been a problem.)

But yes, beachball sized is accurate.

//EDIT: Forgot to mention, spudgers rule. In a pinch, a guitar pick can work! They tend to be soft, fairly flexible plastic with a beveled edge and a variety of point shapes.

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007


Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952





They're one of my favorite tools ever. I've spent a lot of time inside MacBook Pros and a good spudger is essential when working on those things,

e.

Dirt Road Junglist posted:

//EDIT: Forgot to mention, spudgers rule. In a pinch, a guitar pick can work! They tend to be soft, fairly flexible plastic with a beveled edge and a variety of point shapes.

Oh. Oh my. Oh my goodness.

CollegeCop
Jul 11, 2005

You're right. I'm not a real cop. Those are imaginary handcuffs. And in a minute, we'll be going to the make-believe jail.

Wizard of the Deep posted:

Spudgers are pretty sweet. I'm a big fan of iFixit gear in general, and their spudgers are cheap enough to add a few extras to any order you're already making, but there's probably plenty of no-name knock-offs on Amazon/eBay/AliExpress.

Back in the late 90's, I was running a little side gig buying PalmPilots with broken screens from eBay, replacing the screens, and re-selling them for a tidy little profit. I had been buying screens 1 and 2 at a time wherever I could find them cheap, and one day I stumbled across a place that would drop ship a case of the screens from China for literally pennies per screen.

6 to 8 weeks later, when the screens finally arrived, there was a little tool kit in the box with plastic spudgers, wedges, and prying tools. That little kit came in quite handy over the years, and I always try to keep at least a few spudgers around the workbench.

AlexDeGruven
Jun 29, 2007

Watch me pull my dongle out of this tiny box




Every time I buy a replacement screen (I have 3 boys, I replace at least one iPad mini screen annually), the package always comes loaded with awesome opening tools.

Re: boobs (because why not?) - I dated a girl with US H cups for a while.

Re: thread content - I have to get my datacenter guys to move cables yet again, because apparently we don't plug cables in with any sense of order. 2 fiber cables, then a RJ 45 empty, then the 1 RJ45 I need.

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418


Jesus Q cups are bafflingly huge.

But based on my experience at Best Buy, dude wasn't messing with you, he just didn't see the giant boobs as possibly offensive

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






RFC2324 posted:

Jesus Q cups are bafflingly huge.

But based on my experience at Best Buy, dude wasn't messing with you, he just didn't see the giant boobs as possibly offensive

That’s the impression I got. Cuz he wasn’t acting like he was trying to get a rise out of me, but it also seemed a bit weird.

Then again, I once worked a college tech bar where we threw a student machine on the bench, and didn’t realize their screensaver was pics from their porn folder. Dude was into bestiality. It was awkward, and after that we added “disable screensaver for duration of troubleshooting time” to the checklist.

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418


For me it was the 90s, so I don't have the bizarre stories from when computers and internet became commonplace, we just dealt with Karens

This was the Best Buy Service desk, that years later became Geek Squad.

Darchangel
Feb 12, 2009

Tell him about the blower!



Dirt Road Junglist posted:

//EDIT: Forgot to mention, spudgers rule. In a pinch, a guitar pick can work! They tend to be soft, fairly flexible plastic with a beveled edge and a variety of point shapes.

iFixit also has guitar picks.
They include them and spudgers i several of the tool kits, which kits I really like and have used for years. I should note that I've worked n Macs for years as well, and there is a correlation there.

dragonshardz
May 2, 2017




Dirt Road Junglist posted:

Oh, I just picked a letter towards the middle of the alphabet for emphasis. I have no idea how breasts are meant to be measured or what Q-cups would even be rated at if they exist. (And, despite being a life-long boobs haver, I seriously don't know my specific measurements and it's never been a problem.)

But yes, beachball sized is accurate.

//EDIT: Forgot to mention, spudgers rule. In a pinch, a guitar pick can work! They tend to be soft, fairly flexible plastic with a beveled edge and a variety of point shapes.

So...gently caress it, we're already derailed. For reference to those who aren't lifelong boob-havers and might be confused, cup size is a letter that correlates to the difference between measuring around the chest below the bust (band size) and measuring around the chest across the widest part of the chest.

So someone's bra size being 34C means they have a torso with a circumference of 34", and their bust adds 3" to that. In the US, Q = 17, so ok fine even though E-G are double, triple, and quadruple D from some brands. In the UK, however, they go A, B, C, D, DD, E, EE, F, FF...

But anyway, enough about boobs (which are awesome), spudgers are immensely useful for modern tech and you should have a handful of them.

dragonshardz fucked around with this message at 18:47 on Sep 8, 2020

Data Graham
Dec 28, 2009





As a lifelong non-boob-carer-abouter, that's actually something I've never even wondered about before but it's awesome to learn a new thing at today years old.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless You Ants, Blants



Fun Shoe

Dirt Road Junglist posted:

That’s the impression I got. Cuz he wasn’t acting like he was trying to get a rise out of me, but it also seemed a bit weird.

Then again, I once worked a college tech bar where we threw a student machine on the bench, and didn’t realize their screensaver was pics from their porn folder. Dude was into bestiality. It was awkward, and after that we added “disable screensaver for duration of troubleshooting time” to the checklist.

Isn't that a "report this guy" level event?

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






Thanks Ants posted:

Isn't that a "report this guy" level event?

He was a student, not staff.

Shugojin
Sep 6, 2007

THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...



Dirt Road Junglist posted:

He was a student, not staff.

Is bestiality not illegal wherever you were?

my cat is norris
Mar 11, 2010

#onecallcat




Toilet Rascal

Shugojin posted:

Is bestiality not illegal wherever you were?

Bestiality isn't one of those crimes where the Clery Act requires you to report anything. If the acts were discovered to have occurred in campus, that might be a different story. Even then...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal...e_United_States

Also, students staffing a college-run support desk may not be treated as mandatory reporters in general? Especially if this was awhile ago. I'd tell that guy to never bring his poo poo back, though.

i had to look this all up just now thank you for that

my cat is norris fucked around with this message at 21:51 on Sep 8, 2020

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

Now you're on a list.

The Fool
Oct 16, 2003



tbf though, they were probably already on a list

my cat is norris
Mar 11, 2010

#onecallcat




Toilet Rascal

This is just one of many.

Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

Success!



tbh i don't think i'd need to be compelled by law to report bestiality.

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






my cat is norris posted:

Bestiality isn't one of those crimes where the Clery Act requires you to report anything. If the acts were discovered to have occurred in campus, that might be a different story. Even then...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal...e_United_States

Also, students staffing a college-run support desk may not be treated as mandatory reporters in general? Especially if this was awhile ago. I'd tell that guy to never bring his poo poo back, though.

i had to look this all up just now thank you for that

We were mandatory reporters, but only for things involving children, or if the student was doing something illegal on camera/video.

There was also free counseling for anyone who found child porn, which happened to a few of my co-workers

Thanatosian
Apr 16, 2013

Angrier, Bitterer Man


Grimey Drawer

Is possession of bestiality porn even illegal? Like, you're allowed to have a video of someone doing something illegal in most cases (child pornography being the immediate exception that comes to mind). I mean, if it is, a lot of us are gonna need to be thrown into prison based on one of the most popular shock images of the 90s/2000s.

Which is not to say it's okay to have bestiality porn as your screensaver, because WTF?

Gunjin
Apr 27, 2004

Om nom nom

Thanatosian posted:

Is possession of bestiality porn even illegal? Like, you're allowed to have a video of someone doing something illegal in most cases (child pornography being the immediate exception that comes to mind). I mean, if it is, a lot of us are gonna need to be thrown into prison based on one of the most popular shock images of the 90s/2000s.

Which is not to say it's okay to have bestiality porn as your screensaver, because WTF?

According to the internet it is in the UK but it is not in the USA.

senrath
Nov 3, 2009

Look Professor, a destruct switch!



More specifically it's apparently legal in most of the US, but illegal in Oregon and the US Virgin Islands.

The Fool
Oct 16, 2003



This is a baa’d derail

Super Soaker Party!
May 4, 2006

He may be a madposter but he's OUR madposter

Clapping Larry

The Fool posted:

This is a baa’d derail

I wish ewe'd stop it.

Arquinsiel
Jun 1, 2006

"There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

God Bless Margaret Thatcher
God Bless England
RIP My Iron Lady


Dirt Road Junglist posted:

There was also free counseling for anyone who found child porn, which happened to a few of my co-workers
Yeah... that's one of those things that happens eventually.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012






My project manager is almost endearingly earnest sometimes.
"Hey <Me>, there's a ticket in our backlog assigned to <User>, i went ahead and assigned it to you."
"It's assigned to <User> because she doesn't have all the criteria for it yet from her superiors, she'll assign it to me when the requirements are complete."
"...Oh."

Email received 5 minutes later posted:

Ticket X has been updated by <PM>
Assignment: <Me>
Comment: Assigned to <My name horribly misspelled> for completion

Email received 1 minute after that posted:

Ticket X has been updated by <PM>
Comment: Assigned to <Me> for completion

Email received 1 minute after that posted:

Ticket X has been updated by <PM>
Comment: Assigned to @<Me> for completion

Email received 5 minutes after that posted:

Ticket X has been updated by <User>
Assignment: <User>

angry armadillo
Jul 26, 2010


Super Soaker Party! posted:

I wish ewe'd stop it.

Right, time to moo've on

Sormus
Jul 24, 2007

PREVENT SPACE-AIDS
sanitize your lovebot
between users


angry armadillo posted:

Right, time to moo've on

Thats udder bull-ox.

nexxai
Jul 17, 2002

quack quack bjork

Fun Shoe

That's weird, did reddit get a Something Awful theme?

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007


Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952





LOL @ Global Security. I think they just flagged a false positive on one of our lab system for Wannacry. AV is current, fireeye is current, KB4012212 is installed, system has extended support and is patched through 08-2020, and neither the service not processes expected are running.

We'll run the process on it, but I flagged the ticket as "don't panic". I love a little security theater in the morning.

Oyster
Nov 11, 2005

I GOT FLAT FEET JUST LIKE MY HERO MEGAMAN


Total Clam

Hospital printer tech checking in.

Ticket came in for a machine not booting up. Yup, hangs on the boot screen. Status LED's indicate it's either hard drive or motherboard. Swapped the drive, no go. Swapped the board, still nothing. Noticed that the new board doesn't even have the status LED's. Escalated twice and just found out that a vendor can't produce a certain chip anymore, the firmware is different, and on this particular model it can't be loaded.

Nice of my company to provide any documentation at all about this issue that literally bricks $800 printers of which this hospital has literally 1,023 of.

I have an interview in 20 minutes that a goon helped me procure, here's hoping it goes well.

Arquinsiel
Jun 1, 2006

"There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

God Bless Margaret Thatcher
God Bless England
RIP My Iron Lady


mllaneza posted:

LOL @ Global Security. I think they just flagged a false positive on one of our lab system for Wannacry. AV is current, fireeye is current, KB4012212 is installed, system has extended support and is patched through 08-2020, and neither the service not processes expected are running.

We'll run the process on it, but I flagged the ticket as "don't panic". I love a little security theater in the morning.
If you're paying for FireEye you may as well tell the NX to isolate the device and talk it up for next year's security budget.

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Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






Fun waking up two days in a row to messages saying the VPN went down during European business hours, followed by a message saying, “please remember to disconnect from the VPN after authenticating with [video collab software] so the bandwidth used won’t cause the VPN to jam up.”

I know I’m bad at networking, but couldn’t they just route that traffic out the split tunnel instead of asking our users to do something counter intuitive and require they be proactive?

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