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Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Hey guys Sally's credentials didn't get ported to the new thread so I'm letting her use mine for the time being. I've also given her an unsecured USB drive with all our patient and financial data.

By the way, your countdown timer saying something about byte coins to celebrate the launch of the new thread is a bit late. It started after I gave Sally a copy of the files and now I can't open them anymore. I guess they're still being moved to the new thread, huh?

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Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Sally had trouble opening the files on her computer so we tried the USB drive on every computer. Now they're all counting down and nobody can get any work done because you guys still haven't finished moving the files to the new thread. This is not a good way to start the new year!

CC: CEO, CFO, Outside contractors
Attachment: Finances 2018.xls.exe; Patient List 2000-2017 (2) - Copy.rtf

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Farts posted:

People connecting to our webapp from Arkansas are getting timeouts every now and then.

Please check their network and see where the latency issues are.


That's all the information I've been given, I pushed back to at least get a phone number or an IP address, twice, while still getting daily annoyances about this issue.

Management "Well people in California don't see this kind of latency so it must not be an issue with the network traffic! Stuff from farther away works so stuff closer must work better right?"

Check for this. https://www.ibiblio.org/harris/500milemail.html

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




chin up everything sucks posted:

So, I just discovered that our cheapass ticketing system (FreshService) has a "feature" that automatically recognizes attachments that are containers and opens those containers so you only see the content files attached to the ticket.

That means that it, say, unzips a .zip file.

Or it takes an Outlook email that is attached to a ticket and turns it into .txt and .html files.

So when I need a user to give me an email that they think is a phishing email, and I need to LOOK AT THE HEADER INFO.... I can't see the header info, because the loving ticketing system stripped that info from the attachment without saying anything.

And of course there is no way to turn this helpful feature off.

Is your user savvy enough to change a file extension and trick the system?

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Zil posted:

Oh look, the clocks are speeding up for some reason.

You joke, but they're still fixing all the European clocks that derive time from 50Hz AC instead of network or atomic clock.

All because of a country not providing power to the European grid for political reasons and that caused the frequency to dip ever so slightly, clocks ended up 6 minutes slow.
And now they're running the mains at slightly elevated frequency to let those clocks catch up again.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Wibla posted:



This sounds super hosed up, got a source?

I didn't post one initially because I had only read Dutch articles about it, but here's one in English.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2...lectricity-grid

Googling European Clocks 6 minutes will give you a ton of other sources as well.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Office365 is down for large parts of the world. My work's ground to a halt. Good luck to any IT person that has to deal with it.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010





When I complained about my previous employer requiring a change in at least one of the first six characters of the password, this whole thread was falling over itself to say it was fine and no of course the password wasn't stored in plaintext.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




It's just one field. Child's play, really. You're an expert, aren't you?

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Oh poo poo, you got hit with the deleterious soft!

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




The Iron Rose posted:

Why would anyone use the mobile chrome browser...

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




GWBBQ posted:

ticket 115539 has been assigned to you or your group regarding:
[ no Description entered ]

Thanks, very helpful.

If there's no description, there's no problem. Just close it and congrats on a job well done.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Is it just me as an outsider, or is the solution painfully obvious?
Just give your poo poo logical names and append the fun one to it. That way if DNS-00445-HAMSTERBALL is down, you can still complain about how the hamster escaped from hamsterball, but at the same time you can figure out what it's supposed to be.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




GWBBQ posted:

Someone higher up seems to have overruled him. She wants a turn with the grinder.

I can't blame them. It's not every day that you get to brag about cracking a safe.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Methanar posted:

How well does rotational media work in zero G?


ConfusedUs posted:

Apparently well enough? It was a drive I recognized, a WD drive IIRC.

Now I wonder if some 2.5" HDDs with modified firmware might work as cubesat reaction wheels.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




spankmeister posted:

One of the things that really annoy me about Excel is that their formula language is different for different language versions of the software

So in English you'd do ISNUMBER and in dutch it's ISGETAL, SUM is SOM, AVERAGE is GEMIDDELDE.

It's infuriating

Thank god I don't deal with Excel on a regular basis and don't have to deal with end users.

At least it lets you open other language version files while dynamically translating the formula language*.

What's worst is that you can't enter other language formulas and you have to go looking for one of those translation sites for Excel formulas and hope they also properly change the commas into semicolons.

*If you have macros or formulas that reference graphs, filenames or other metadata you're poo poo out of luck, unless you feel like adding an IF statement that checks for errors and then switched to the other language version for every language your sheet might get opened in.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




TITTIEKISSER69 posted:

Uninstalled Excel?

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

I'm slated to lose almost 100 hours of vacation when the new year rolls over

Sounds to me like you've got roughly the rest of the year off.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




At least they tell you instead of silently truncating after the 8th character.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Renegret posted:

actually in my experience, the user has nothing open, there's nothing wrong with the computer, and the problem is imaginary

I once had a work computer that would just randomly decide to use more than 100% available RAM for svchost.exe and force the entirety of Windows to run off of 5400 rpm hard drive swap. Without needing to be running a million programs or having installed anything, this was just a freshly imaged computer from their stock.

Opening explorer took 30 seconds for it to start drawing the window and 2 minutes for it to finish and then start filling out the contents of the folder. Opening task manager took a minute and a half. Rebooting alleviated the problem for roughly 15 minutes, but when the reboot itself takes longer than that, it's not really that viable of an option.

Finally had a tech come by to look at it, and of course it was behaving properly. But at least I had screenshots of the issue, so he said to just lync him when it happened again and he'd remote in. When it happened again it took 10 minutes for the remote session to establish.
To this day we don't know wtf was going on, but after he re-imaged it again it was working fine.

What I'm trying to say is: sometimes "it's slow" and "I expect it to be not slow" are valid. But most of the time they're just caused by having 50 toolbars in IE and a Bonzi Buddy.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Use an interrobang (‽) instead from now on. No more ambiguity wrt mark/point/sign/symbol that you have with either ! or ?.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Shouting Stick and Curious Curve.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Weaponized Autism posted:

My coworker: "Why don't we document our static IPs in our password manager? We used to do this."

Me: "Password manager is for passwords. The static IPs are already documented on SharePoint plus our assets tool. Why do you want it documented in a third place that we now have to manage and keep track of?"

I sense im going to lose this battle.

Go for a compromise that requires IP addresses to have both capital and lowercase letters, numbers, symbols. And enforce a 30 day lifespan with no repeats allowed.

E: Don't forget to send out daily IP change emails starting 2 weeks before expiry.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




TWBalls posted:

PS2 connector.

DualShock

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




nexxai posted:

The argument against this point (not that I'm agreeing with it but simply that I've heard it enough times to believe it is the popular one) being that humans make a lot of stupid decisions based on "instinct", and so if you can't control your "instincts", you deserve any punishment that comes along with it. Sure, *you* may not sue, but they don't know you vs. someone else who might, so they have a blanket policy that covers everyone.

Does the company onboarding procedure include sticking your hand into a mystery box with a poison blade held against your throat, that'll slice you if you pull out before they say so?

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




GreenNight posted:

What the hell can clone a FAT16 drive though?

Macrium Reflect can, according to their knowledge base. You'll need to hook it up to a modern computer though.
https://knowledgebase.macrium.com/d...em+Requirements

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




I'm still waiting for the twist where GreenNight reveals that the drives he has to clone have crashed heads (or something similarly final), rather than this being a precautionary thing.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




CSV gets extra fun if you live in a country with decimal comma and people just copy/paste their stuff into files in notepad and then wonder why it broke.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Well, at least they're not saving plaintext passwords in the file.

On the plus side: this knowledge let me regain access to some files I'd lost the password to.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010





Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Those IT guys are obviously slacking. Better fire them and outsource. Look at how much money we'll save by doing so!

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Dirt Road Junglist posted:

A ticket came in...from a provisioning tech asking if we could download RAM.

It was not clear, for quite a while, whether or not he was serious. Dude just straight-faced an entire chat room for like 5 minutes before finally admitting he just wanted to see how far it'd go.

You glorious bastard, I'm definitely nominating you for one of our dumb internal awards next time they come around.

And yes, the chat did immediately get bombed by so many sheep emojis.

Should've sent him to https://downloadmoreram.com/

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




cage-free egghead posted:

A ticket just came in: Please work with Bob to help him use Skype.

Yikes.

Schedule a Skype meeting with Bob to show him the ropes. Then go take a nap because he won't figure out how to join and say Bob didn't show up when asked about it.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




I like the part where having ever at any time installed that garbage means it'll automatically reinstall if you want it or not whenever you visit a malicious site. Literally like malware does.
And much like malware, requires going out of your way to remove that "convenience feature" giant target on your back.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




I knew more about autoexec.bat in high school than the IT department and won the arms race by making my dumb custom boot logo that I put on all the computers autodeploy for the second boot after they got rid of it until they upgraded the computers to XP.

Also, the most complex my IT classes ever got was writing an SQL query. Outside of making a box change colors with rgb sliders in visual basic, we never did any programming whatsoever (super basic html doesn't count) and this is including advanced courses.
I mainly just breezed through the assignment and then played games on MAME or SNES9X during class.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Methylethylaldehyde posted:

One of the many reasons why tape is great, can't gently caress up backups when they're sitting in a tool box in your break room closet!

Are there any backup systems that offer a built-in write-access delay of (configurable up to) some hours just to prevent crypto attacks from quickly wiping them, while still letting overnight tasks be able to run?
Might make a nice selling point if there's a big crypto scare again after some giant institution gets hit.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Methylethylaldehyde posted:

Unless it's something you can only configure via some kind of front panel that's 100% isolated from any network interface or admin page, it would still be worthless, since by the time they're actively loving with the backup server and services, they likely have a domain admin account to play with.

I suppose you could set up something with a virtual tape library with the management interfaces on a completely isolated network, then setting all the tapes as WORM to prevent 'don't need this one anymore, overwrite with all zeros please from happening.

Yeah sorry, I didn't really word it very well. I meant that the delay would be some device-level configuration, preferably through some physical switch w/o servos that allow remote access to it.
Alternatively, selling it as snake oil for dumb C-levels is a good way to make a quick buck. Once it inevitably fails, just blame the admin for setting it up wrong. Then cite a $$$$$$$$$ course on correct setup and also threaten sue for defamation if they keep insisting its the system at fault.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




larchesdanrew posted:

I present my first ticket of the day in its entirety:


I have no idea who sent this. They sent it from a personal email address that has no identifying information in it. I am concerned, however, that they have apparently taken Chan hostage.



EDIT: A follow-up came in while I was writing that:


I still don't know who this is.

They're gonna torture Chan with a car battery! Don't take any chances, call the police! Let them handle this.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Did your filesystem get hosed up? Maybe chkdsk can fix it?

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Geemer
Nov 4, 2010




Can AutoHotKey detect headphone plug in events? Asking for an friend enemy.

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