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Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


It's a new year and Spider-Man continues to be printed in newspapers worldwide! You can go talk about his regular comic book adventures over here. THIS thread, however is about a dumber, wackier, overall more fun version of Spider-Man: the daily comic strip "The Amazing Spider-Man" by Stan "The Man" Lee and "Laughin'" Larry Lieber*. Newspaper Spider-Man features all the characters you know and love: Peter Parker, MJ (still married!), J. Jonah Jameson, Robbie, and whatever other characters Stan and Larry decide to bring in. It's run in a serial format, so every day matters! Stories generally start or at least include Peter getting hit by someone or something since his spider-sense is completely useless and also everyone seems to like hitting him, including other superheroes. He rarely actually solves the problems being presented to him, instead he tends to make them worse. Some past stories have included Peter getting smacked around by Iron Man since Newspaper Iron Man doesn't have night-vision, Peter fighting a clown named Clown-9, and Peter fighting Jameson in an old Iron Man armor - with his face projected on the front. The past year of stories had Pete and MJ start on a road trip to LA for a movie premier and adopt a beautiful trash-eating space-son along the way, fight subterranean armadillo monster Lenny, Pete break up Aunt May's wedding to the new love of her life, and then fly out to Miami, where Pete remembers his old buddy The Lizard lives now. Kurt is still trying to inject himself lizard serum but it definitely won't turn him into the Lizard this time, promise, and they manage to run into the Hulk, which brings us to today...



*Stan probably doesn't contribute a whole lot anymore, but writing is still credited to him

The current storyline involves Iron Fist, the first hero Pete has actually been able to dunk on. He even got to write a story for the Daily Bugle (as transcribed by Johnny Walker)!

quote:

IRONFIST
by Peter Parker

A masked man brought another man to a hospital last night. The other man was an FBI agent. The masked man had saved him from an attack by some other other men. These other men were bad men, according to sources. The masked man did not attack the agent and then bring him to the hospital, as initially suspected by some sources.

The masked man is called IronFist, because he has a fist that is really hard (reports say it also glows and cuts up webs somehow so those are useless against it so don't even try that). Anonymous sources say you should not punch him in the fist if you are punching him, which you shouldn't be because he was not one of the bad men who attacked the FBI agent. You might think at first he is a bad man and then you will start to fight him, and perhaps he will think the same thing about you and will start to fight you, but eventually you both will realize you are both not bad men and stop fighting, according to sources. But if you punch him really hard directly in the fist it will really hurt your hand a lot is the point sources are making.

That case of mistaken identity thing described above is exactly what happened between IronFist and Spider-Man! They fought for a minute, but then realized they were both on the same side--the good one. They then saved the FBI agent from another attack by some other bad people (this time one was a woman), who then disappeared somehow and so did we, sources revealed.

After that, they considered teaming up, but then IronFist revealed his identity (he was NOT Danny Rand of the Wall Street Journal) to Spider-Man and said to team up Spider-Man had to reveal his, sources say.

As of this printing, Spider-Man refused to reveal himself because I had to protect my secret identity, according to sources I talked to as a reporter to get these facts.

Want more Newspaper Spider-Man goodness? Well click below to read more!

1999: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2000: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2001: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2002: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2003: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2004: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2005: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2006: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2007: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2008: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2009: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2010: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2011: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2012: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2013: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2014: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2015: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2016: [Jan] - [Feb] - [Mar] - [Apr] - [May] - [Jun] - [Jul] - [Aug] - [Sep] - [Oct] - [Nov] - [Dec]

2017: [Jan]

Endless Mike fucked around with this message at Jul 25, 2018 around 00:18

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Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

I feel the pressure,
under more scrutiny
And what I do,
act more stupidly


Ah fresh new thread smell. *bricks fall*

Also a link to the previous thread in there so we can see people lose their minds following the Ant-Man, Rocket Raccoon and Mole Man arcs. https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3789826

PAST HIGHLIGHTS:

.














Synthbuttrange fucked around with this message at Jan 2, 2018 around 08:08

Zerilan
Jan 11, 2008

I have to believe I can do this.



Synthbuttrange posted:

Ah fresh new thread smell. *bricks fall*

Also shove a link to the previous thread in there so we can see people lose their minds following the Ant-Man, Rocket Raccoon and Mole Man arcs.

Ant Man and space son arcs were great but I don't think anything broke my brain reading it more than how they lured away the armadillo monster.

Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

I feel the pressure,
under more scrutiny
And what I do,
act more stupidly


Its either that or the fact that the fountain of youth had a giant bathplug

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

gimme those gat dang candies



having rocket fight a coyote for the privilege of eating out of a trash can is the definitive take on the character, and perhaps all characters in all works of fiction.

Zerilan
Jan 11, 2008

I have to believe I can do this.



Peter's deadeyed stare as he pulls Rocket back into the motel room, and father and son flexing together were great too.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006




I'm still curious how Peter plans to get Connors out of a swamp. It would be far more dramatic for them to induce the Hulk knowing he isn't trustworthy but is still their best chance of getting Connors to help in time.

Then again these are all crazy people who put themselves in the middle of the Everglades for no real reason.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Zerilan posted:

Peter's deadeyed stare as he pulls Rocket back into the motel room, and father and son flexing together were great too.

Rocket convincing Peter they hadn't just murdered Ronan and stuffed his (possibly) dismembered corpse into Rocket's ship were also highlights. God I loved that entire storyline.

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!

I hope they get attacked by another snake, IMO.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

gimme those gat dang candies



mind the walrus posted:

I'm still curious how Peter plans to get Connors out of a swamp. It would be far more dramatic for them to induce the Hulk knowing he isn't trustworthy but is still their best chance of getting Connors to help in time.

Then again these are all crazy people who put themselves in the middle of the Everglades for no real reason.

they are already at the dock. they just assumed that an ambulance would not be available despite never actually calling emergency services.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


EorayMel posted:

I hope they get attacked by another snake, IMO.

The appearance of Curt Connors and The Hulk just being a precursor to the return of The Serpent Society would be right up this beautiful strip's alley.

Chinston Wurchill
Jun 27, 2010

It's not that kind of test.

2017 was a roller coaster of a year with a whole lot of lows, but at least we could always trust NSM to provide wacky daily entertainment. Here's hoping for more of the same in 2018!

Push El Burrito
May 9, 2006

SKATE FAST
EAT ASS


Soiled Meat

I hope Pete has swung halfway across Miami before realizing he's carrying a fully enraged Hulk and not Curt.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006




I would settle for Lizard

Zerilan
Jan 11, 2008

I have to believe I can do this.



Jerusalem posted:

Rocket convincing Peter they hadn't just murdered Ronan and stuffed his (possibly) dismembered corpse into Rocket's ship were also highlights. God I loved that entire storyline.

My favorite single panel is still Ronan just vacuuming up all the food.

Lurdiak
Feb 25, 2006

I do not like to see you post.


Where are all the highlights.

bobkatt013
Oct 8, 2006

You’re telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?


EorayMel posted:

I hope they get attacked by another snake, IMO.

Watch out for snakes

business hammocks
Aug 20, 2006



Broken Cake

So did Aunt Mays frustrated near-marriage to Mole Man reference the other time she almost married him? That was only five or six years ago, I think.

Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

I feel the pressure,
under more scrutiny
And what I do,
act more stupidly


business hammocks posted:

So did Aunt Mays frustrated near-marriage to Mole Man reference the other time she almost married him? That was only five or six years ago, I think.

Yes that's exactly why they decided to get hitched again since he was exiled to the surface this time.

Johnny Walker
Jun 14, 2005

I've got a home for
Bloggers Let's exchange
ideas,stories and photos
with friendly writers
and editors.


Fun Shoe

Lurdiak posted:

Where are all the highlights.

Proteus Jones
Feb 28, 2013



College Slice

Synthbuttrange posted:

Yes that's exactly why they decided to get hitched again since he was exiled to the surface this time.

Wasn't it the same drat priest, too?

Otherkinsey Scale
Jul 17, 2012



Lurdiak posted:

Where are all the highlights.

Hey wizard taking a selfie, how come you're not in the OP?

David D. Davidson
Nov 17, 2012

Orca lady?

Proteus Jones posted:

Wasn't it the same drat priest, too?

Yes, yes it was.

Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

I feel the pressure,
under more scrutiny
And what I do,
act more stupidly


Lurdiak posted:

Where are all the highlights.

Edited into the second post!

DACK FAYDEN
Feb 25, 2013

Bear Witness

I do appreciate that Bruce Banner has enough brains to figure out that Spider-Man did not, in fact, throw Peter Parker off the tiny little boat. Like, by newspaperverse standards, yeah, super-scientist right there.

Lurdiak
Feb 25, 2006

I do not like to see you post.


Synthbuttrange posted:

Edited into the second post!

That's pretty good, but I would suggest adding Ronan's hammer eating a sandwich.

Zerilan
Jan 11, 2008

I have to believe I can do this.



Really every page of Ronan/Rocket arc could be a highlight.

Also every strip of mole man just frowning while Peter says something stupid.

Mierenneuker
Apr 28, 2010



Endless Mike posted:

It's run in a serial format, so every day matters!

This is a blatant lie brought into the world by the weekday artist, who is clearly jealous of the skilled (and handsome) weekend artist.

Elfface
Nov 14, 2010

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

Have another highlight from the high-point of 2017 - Spider-Man's cameo in the Heroic Adventures Of Mole-Man


The Unfetered One
May 31, 2011

by Lowtax


The two panels of Spidey and Ant-Man on the subway set weeks apart from each other (reader time) will never not be funny

The MSJ
May 17, 2010



If I have the money, I want to buy prints of these from Comics Kingdom.



Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


Pretty much every Rocket reaction panel is fantastic.

Also I realized it's been over a year since they were in New York.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006




Elfface posted:

Have another highlight from the high-point of 2017 - Spider-Man's cameo in the Heroic Adventures Of Mole-Man



I had forgotten. Jesus Peter really is legitimately stupid.

Proteus Jones
Feb 28, 2013



College Slice

Elfface posted:

Have another highlight from the high-point of 2017 - Spider-Man's cameo in the Heroic Adventures Of Mole-Man




It's like a child hiding behind a curtain, not realizing their feet are sticking out.

Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

But that's FORBIDDEN LOVE!

My favourite pair of strips will forever be during the Ant-Man storyline in 2016.

Peter and Ant-Man (Scott Lang) meet up, compare notes, and realise oh no! The bad guy's gonna kill Hank Pym! We have to go ask JJJ where the bad guy is!



And then, after they beat the bad guy, everything's fine! ...Except they're still in the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere, New Jersey.

SilverSupernova
Feb 1, 2013



Time for the highlights from the thread during the Rocket Raccoon arc.















EDIT: I'm just going to go ahead and edit this post to put gems from this thread on the first page.

Daeren posted:



I call it the Herpetologist's Apprentice.

SilverSupernova fucked around with this message at Feb 22, 2018 around 16:10

Haifisch
Nov 12, 2010

You'll never see it coming.


Fun Shoe

Endless Mike posted:

Also I realized it's been over a year since they were in New York.
They're going to spend so long traveling the country the writers themselves will forget where they're supposed to live.

And it's not from a recent arc, but I think this strip perfectly encapsulates the spirit of NSM:

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

gimme those gat dang candies



nah, because in that strip nsm is 1. outsmarting someone and 2. solving a problem.

Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


Man how dumb do you have to be to get outsmarted by Newspaper Spider-Man?

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SilverSupernova
Feb 1, 2013



Endless Mike posted:

Man how dumb do you have to be to get outsmarted by Newspaper Spider-Man?

Well Curt Connors is in the current story arc.

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