• Alexa Bliss confronted Kurt Angle backstage to complain about being put in a match against Asuka tonight, claiming it made no sense (it didn't). Angle wouldn't let her get out of it though, and left her fuming as he went to the ring.
  
  
• Angle wished the crowd a Happy New Year and talked up the upcoming Men and Women's Royal Rumbles. Sheamus and Cesaro stormed out to complain about losing their tag titles last week. They demanded their rematch, and Jason Jordan came out to Angle's defense which lead to the announcement of Cesaro vs Jordan. Seth came out before the match could start to remind Jordan that he had to consider the team and not just the individual. The crowd chanted,"Daddy's boy!" at Jordan.
  
  
• Jason Jordan defeated Cesaro after a long match and Seth Rollins preventing Sheamus from attacking him. Afterwards Jordan snubbed Seth to celebrate alone.
  
  
• Backstage, Roman talked up his IC Title match against Samoa Joe. Sasha Banks announced she will be entering the Women's Royal Rumble.
  
  
• Bray defeated Apollo Crews even after the distraction of Dana Brooke being knocked off the apron onto Titus. After the match, Woken Matt appeared on the Titantron to declare he would DELETE Bray. He laughed as his image was split into dozens and then hundreds of tiny frames, and Bray looked like he couldn't grasp just what the gently caress was going on.
  
  
• Alexa wanted Nia to have her back against Asuka, but Nia was in a panic that Enzo was sick and unable to defend his title, and was rushing Chicken Soup to him to help him feel better.
  
  
• Asuka defeated Alexa Bliss in a weirdly long and drawn out back and forth match, with Alexa eventually tapping to the armbar.
  
  
• Samoa Joe did a loving awesome fired up promo (and got in a dig at Dean and Renee) insisting that he had Roman's number and would be the new Intercontinental Champion.
  
  
• Bayley announced she is entering the Women's Royal Rumble.
  
  
• Braun defeated Rhyno and Heath Slater. Initially his match was against Rhyno alone, but when Heath got on the apron, Braun grabbed a mic and insisted he either stay on the floor or get in the ring and fight. After pinning Rhyno, Braun was attacked from behind by Heath. Braun murdered Heath. RIP Heath.
  
  
• Roman met Seth in the locker-room. Roman insisted that Joe was a joke to him and he was going to show him that you do not mess with The Shield. Jordan showed up, stole Roman's catchphrase, and declared he and Seth would have his back if The Bar showed up.
  
  
• Kane met Braun backstage and tried to convince him to work in concert with him to take out Brock at the Royal Rumble. Braun said he didn't give a poo poo about any plan Kane had and he would deal with Brock AND Kane by himself.
  
  
• Finn Balor told Kurt he was officially entering the Royal Rumble, and that he'd also picked Gallows and Anderson to be his partners against Elias and the Miztourage tonight.
  
  
• Roman Reigns defeated Samoa Joe to retain his Intercontinental Title in a really drat good match.
  
  
• Paul Heyman approached Kurt Angle backstage to warn him that Brock would take matters into his own hands if Kane or Braun tried anything.
  
  
• Absolution announced they will be in the Women's Royal Rumble.
  
  
• Drew Gulak read out Enzo's written promo explaining that Enzo was sick and unable to defend his belt. Cedric demanded to know if Daivari or Gulak would step into Enzo's place. Drew and Daivari offered him a tag match with anybody willing to back him up. Goldust (!) answered the call.
  
  
• Cedric and Goldust defeated Drew Gulak and Daivari.
  
  

  Abroham Lincoln posted:

  
  

  
  
• Elias and the Miztourage did a musical performance, and this time the crowd booed it as they made it as awful as they possibly could before The Balor Club came out.
  
  
• The Balor Club defeated Elias and the Miztourage, with Gallows getting the hot tag, just running through the Miztourage and then he and Anderson hitting the Magic Killer, Anderson vaulting over the top rope to the outside while Finn hit the Coup de Grâce. Anderson in particular seemed more energetic than usual.
  
  
• The Miz returns next week.
  
  
• Paul Heyman delivered a promo with Brock in the ring, insisting Brock would win at the Rumble and that he feared no challenger or challengers. As they tried to leave, Kane showed up and chokeslammed Brock... and Brock sat up and laughed. The rest of the locker room emptied out and kept the two separated, bringing Kane back up the ramp. Brock posed with his belt and the show just kind of ended.
  
  
• Happy New Year!
  

• After a recap of last week's main event, AJ Styles came out to open the first Smackdown of 2018. He wanted to face Sami Zayn tonight, but also assurances that there wouldn't be a repeat of the distractions from last week's loss to Kevin Owens. Daniel Bryan and then Shane McMahon came out.
  
  
• Shane apologized to AJ for costing him the match, but claimed that Daniel had a blindspot for Owens and Sami. After claiming he wanted a match free of distractions, he announced that HE would be at ringside for the match tonight. Daniel said if Shane was going to be there, then (presumably to prevent Sami claiming bias) Owens might as well be too.... AND Daniel himself would be too. "What could possibly go wrong?" asked Corey Graves.
  
  
• Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable defeated The Usos to become the new Smackdown Tag Team Champions, leaving the Usos shocked. But as they exited the ring a second referee came down to explain the pin did not involve the legal man. After watching a replay, the referee rendered his decision null and called for a restart. Gable and Benjamin were furious.
  
  
• The Usos retained their Tag Titles after Gable and Benjamin were forced back into the match. Gable and Benjamin attempted to repeat the finish but the Usos were ready for it this time and pinned them.
  
  
• Sami and Kevin met Renee backstage and insisted that regardless of who was at ringside, Sami was going to beat AJ.
  
  
• The Bludgeon Brothers were murdering Breezango when The Ascension charged down to the ring to help. The Bludgeon Brothers proceeded to murder The Ascension.
  
  
• The New Day were having a New Years Celebration backstage to prep for Xavier's US Title tournament match. Rusev Day showed up to ruin the party. Mojo Rawley then did a pre-taped promo mocking Zack Ryder and claiming he was going to leave him in the past where he belongs.
  
  
• This time RUSEV sang the song lauding Aiden English! Xavier defeated English to advance in the tournament, much to Rusev's dismay. Backstage, a confident Jinder Mahal and the Singhs were watching.
  
  
• Carmella, Nattie, Tamina and Lana were interviewed backstage where they talked trash about the Riott Squad and how they were going to give them a beating and teach them a lesson.
  
  
• The Riott Squad defeated Carmella, Nattie and Tamina.
  
  
• The Riott Squad did a promo attacking the crowd and then announcing their entry into the Royal Rumble. Charlotte arrived to introduce her own allies, first Naomi and then - to the crowd's great delight - the returning Becky Lynch. They beat up the Riott Squad who escaped up the ramp.
  
  
• Baron Corbin did a pre-taped promo announcing he was going to be in the Rumble.
  
  
• Daniel Bryan attempted to keep Kevin Owens and Shane McMahon apart during the Main Event, while Owens asked the pertinent question of why Shane was even out there in the first place. After eventually the distractions settled down, the ref was accidentally knocked out of the ring when AJ had the upper hand.
  
  
• Owens "unknowingly" got in the way of the ref making it back to the ring so Shane McMahon got himself involved AGAIN and ordered Owens kicked out. Bryan got on the misc and said that if Owens was going, Shane had to go too. AJ attacked Owens which left himself open to the Helluva Kick, and Sami Zayn pinned the WWE Champion.
  
  
• Furious, AJ got on the mic and said he was tired of Shane and Bryan bickering like children, and Kevin and Sami constantly getting involved. He said they might as well make it a Handicap match, and a surprisingly gleeful Bryan agreed that at the Royal Rumble it would be AJ Styles defending his title against Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn in a handicap match.
  
  
• Are they seriously trying to make Daniel Bryan the heel in all this?
  

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 08:40 on Jan 3, 2018

Aphrodite fucked around with this message at 06:33 on Jan 2, 2018

Aphrodite fucked around with this message at 07:26 on Jan 2, 2018

MJeff fucked around with this message at 07:32 on Jan 2, 2018