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Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Jerusalem posted:

Oh my God I'd heard of the King of the Road match but never really asked why it had that name.

Oh my God.

I was five minutes in before I was cursing whatever goon suggested I review the Uncensored series.

Then I looked back, and it was me.

I'm an idiot.

Honk honk.

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Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

A combination of circumstances has stopped my reviewing briefly. (less computer time due to a recurring rib injury being the major one)

Go read Rarity's stuff until I get the time to stockpile a few, and I'll resurrect this thread as soon as possible.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Get well soon, DK!

You need to be a full health to experience the suffering of New Blood Rising

Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


New Blood Rising isn't *so* bad that you have to go injure yourself!

(But seriously, get well soon!)

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Well, here it is. New Blood Rising.

As you can probably tell, this will be a VERY occasional series from here on in, as Rarity is killing it on the WWE PPV thread.

Also, half my screencaps are broken, and I can't be stuffed trying to fix them.

Let's get on with the show that nearly broke me.

===================================================================================


NEW BLOOD RISING

August 13th, 2000

Okay, let's get this over with. The New Blood Rising Pay-Per-View, named after a stable that had pretty much imploded already. Guess they already made the banners. I haven't watched this since it first aired, but it's always talked about as one of the dying gasps of WCW's final, painful terminal illness.

Wish me luck.

We kick off with a video package to set up the Main Event. It's Booker T vs Jeff Jarrett. Oh, goody.

Slapnuts count: 1. Plus one "Slapatory". No, I have no idea what that means.

Meanwhile, it's going to be Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner vs. Kevin Nash. Pass me a bowling shoe, I may need it for comparison purposes.

Outside, Canadian rednecks scream at the camera. Inside, firework explode from the cheapest loving set I've seen in the 2000's so far. It's literally a stage, a raised giant screen and a massive loving curtain blocking off the backstage area. Way to go, Vancouver. Was the Canadian dollar in a slump at this stage?

Out from the back bops the team of 3 Count, along with... holy poo poo, Dancing Fanboy Tank Abbott. (w/Nipple-Baring tank top) I forgot they made him a boy band groupie near the end of '00. Checking back on my Nitro reviews, I see he was choking out Mark Madden and challenging Goldberg just over FOUR MONTHS AGO! What the hell was being smoked back in the WCW management offices?


Something powerful enough to come up with THIS, that's what

He proceeds to dance (and SING!) with the boys until their opponents, The Jung Dragons appear. In hindsight, it's now REALLY obvious that Jamie-San is about as Japanese as Christian Renaldo. On the upside, this is a ladder match, so with any luck, someone will obliterate themselves in an amusing fashion.

In typical WCW booking, it's not a ladder match for titles, of course. No, above the ring is a gold album and a recording contract. If the Dragons get the contract, 3 Count can't record again.

Not sure that's legally binding, really.

Shane Helms and Jamie do a fifteen-second chain wrestling sequence before everyone bolts for the ladder. Shannon Moore and Yung Yang set up a ladder in the corner about twenty seconds later. Lay off the caffeine, boys! Shannon gets back dropped on to the ladder.

Make that AT the ladder, as he goes wide right and nearly breaks his ankle on it. Yang chases him up to the top, and gets dropped 'nads-first through the rungs. Okay, ouch. So more ladder-related chicanery happens as 3 Count pile up all the Dragons so Shannon can splash them. This thing is going 800 miles-per-hour and redefining the term "spotfest".

Both teams try for the ladder, leading to twin Springboard Doomsday Devices.

Sign in the crowd: "BRING BACK SCOTT HALL"-Why, do they have more insensitive booze-related poo poo for him to do?

Everyone ends up on the outside, so Jamie hits a mass crossbody off the top. Half of them are back on top of ladders within ten seconds. Nobody's selling jack poo poo in this one. Shannon and Helms start stealing Hardy Boy moves (Movez? It's 2000-, after all.) hitting assorted drops off the rop of the ladder.


"Don't catch me, I'd rather be on the injury list!"

Everyone pops back up again as everyone starts flinging themselves onto every available piece of steel. Shannon briefly sells something, flipping out of a spinning heel kick like he's trying for X-Games gold. Then recuperates a minute later to hit the same ricochet move that turned Joey Mercury's face into Face Tartare six years later. Luckily, nothing horrific happens here.

The camera crew totally misses an Asai Moonsault. Shannon gets superplexed in between two ladders and doubled splashed, allowing Jamie-San to climb up and retrieve the gold record.

This does not finish the match, as his team has to get the contract. Way to look like an idiot, Jamie Not-Really-Japanese.

3-Count dropkick the ladder out from him, resulting in Tank getting the record.


Shot of Tank Abbott FINALLY getting WCW gold

So the Dragons hit him with a ladder. Tank falls out of the ring in a fashion so clumsy it's like gravity just went "Sorry pal, I'm on a break. Improvise!".

The gimmicky ladder spots continue, with Evan having to actually roll himself into the ladder. Helpful! Jamie nearly snaps Shannon in two with a powerbomb, before there's a twin-ladder race for the contract. Tank leaps into the ring to stop it...

...and snags the gold record in the ring ropes, stopping himself cold. Seriously, this is inadvertent comedy gold! He pushes both of them off, allowing Shannon Moore to retrieve the contract for the win at 11:00.

Rating: 1.25 Clusterfucks of Confusion.

Well, that was something I would have liked when I was ten. Now it was just the ADHD-version of a ladder match.

Backstage, The Filthy Animals (Now with Disco Inferno, because why the gently caress not!) are in The Cats office. Or possibly the Cat's hallway, it's hard to see. They want to ref the tag-team titles match tonight. Hopefully that means all four of them crammed into a giant striped shirt.

Back to ringside, where The Great Muta is making his entrance. Looks like they were throwing contracts out left right and center, trying to stem the bleeding at this stage.


"Where the gently caress is the ring?"-Muta

His opponent is The Cat. Which begs to question of why Earnest was in his office, not at the Gorilla position.

I'm also trying to work out how this match got booked. The Cat calls for mike, mainly so he can bop Muta with it before the bell. Muta ain't having that poo poo, and tries to kick the Cat's face off. Hudson brings me up to speed on the setup, as apparently The Cat and Vampiro beat down Muta.

This should be sufficient, only to have Scott point out that the two in the ring seem to have "legitimate heat". drat it, Hudson, us wrestling marks are supposed to believe that EVERYONE has legitimate heat! I guess 3 Count and the Dragons are drinking beer with Tank Abbott right now, huh?

It's all kicking and chopping, as Madden and Schvionne bicker and Hudson confuses armbars with kneebars. Tigress wanders out after four minutes, which I guess counts as our first run-in. (or at least, a saunter-in)

Dragon screw legwhip and Muta slaps on a leglock, then hits a sloppy-as-gently caress backbreaker. Green mist, so Tigress hits a top-rope chairshot to Muta as the ref is distracted. Muta kicks out at two. So the Cat hits a bunch of stuff, then a Feliner for the win at 6:45.

Rating: 0.25 Mama's called.

Speaking of which, backstage is my favourite man in all the world, Buff Bagwell. And he's looking for HIS mama. This fed has issues.


He also has a length of rubber hose, but let's not dwell on that, shall we?

Next up tonight, Buff is in action in...

Oh gently caress me dead with a baseball bat. It's the "Judy Bagwell on a Pole" match, isn't it?

Goddammit Rarity, I will hunt you down for this, I swear by all that is holy! Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!

But first, "Positively" Kaynon makes his way out. There's a nickname that did not age at all well. Judy makes her appearance as well, as Chris drives her down to the ring on a forklift. Kaynon is fighting for the services of Judy as his valet.

I can't believe I'm typing this poo poo.


Proof positive I HAD to type this poo poo

Chris gets on the stick to run down Canada and make fat jokes about Judy. Buff finds out about this via the classic WCW "TV in a Hallway" bit. Who keeps leaving those things everywhere? Buff and Kanyon start an ECW-esque walk-and-brawl through the fans, which last about 1/30th of a Sandman entrance. They brawl in the corner until Kaynon hits a Side Russian Legsweep off the middle turnbuckle, and both of them sell it like they're dead.

The match is 45 seconds old. The Yung Dragons would have hit eight spots by now.

Chris removes a turnbuckle in front of the ref, so apparently "On a Forklift" matches are no-DQ. Kanyon slaps on a Kanyon Klutch, which is how I assume he spells it.

Crowd sign: "PUBES"-Thanks for the input, you loving Rhodes Scholar.

Buff reverses a Kanyon Cutter and drops Chris on the buckle for two. Kaynon hits a Kaynon Cutter for two. And cue the run-in music for...

...David Arquette.

Sorry, Former World Champion David Arquette.

gently caress me.

Buff makes a comeback, David bops him with a construction workers hat in the shoulderblades. It gets two. They double-team Buff, who makes me happy for the first time ever by hitting David Arquette (and Kanyon) with a Blockbuster for the win 6:40.

Ratings: 0.50 Scream Sequels.

Kanyon gives Arquette a Kanyon Cuttter after the match, turning himself face in the process.

Outside, Lance Storm arrives in a purple limo with ALL the belts! Thank God, he was one of the few bright spots of this fiasco of a federation for me at the time.

It's about now that Schivonne announces that Goldberg has been in a motorcycle accident the day before, and may not make it tonight.

Lucky him.

The Filthy Animals arrives to ref the next four-way match. So, eight men, plus four refs. This should be a clusterfuck and a half.

Entering first, the Misfits in Action. Hugh Smuttyname and Cajun Sterotype Leroux. Next up, Mark Jindrak and Sean O'Haire, aka The Tiny Shiny Shorts Brothers. Team Three is 'The Perfect Event", Palumbo and Stasiak. They have Mr Perfect's music, so I assume Rarity hates them already.


WCW: When you absolutely, positively have to have every last fucker in the match

Finally, Kronik(ly Dull). Konaan is now on commentary, trashing every other team for having no personality. Hey, he calls it like he sees it! Disco gets on the stick to let them know he's going to be the actual referee. Even money he's getting a rear end-kicking in the next ten minutes or so.

Adams controls things in the ring as the Animals beat up anyone thrown outside. Within a couple of minutes it's a confusing schmozz, which Konaan helps out by pointing out blown spots and making dick jokes. This was one of the real problems of late-era WCW, letting people have free reign to poo poo on other wrestlers without fear of reprisal. Konaan was one of the worst of the burial-squad.

The Animals hit the ring to land Bronco Busters on... *sigh* Hugh G Rection, only to have him get a foot WAY the gently caress up in Rey Mysterio's scrotal area. Disco is counting at glacial speed, making the odds of his rear end-kicking shorter by the second. Rection gets to be Designated Seller for a few minutes until some more abject chaos breaks out again.

Kronik finally look like they're about to hit a finisher when... well, you guessed it, it's run-in time! Because what an eight-man match with four refs needs is Vampiro and The Great Muta to help out. They gets taken out in seconds and by the next wide shot are wandering back to the locker room. Well, that was beyond pointless.

Diso still won't count anyone's pins, so Chavo (as "Lt. Loco") runs-in as well, clocks Disco and counts the pin for Kronik to retain in 12:00 or so, although it felt a LOT longer.

Rating: None whatsoever. Everyone tried their best, but it was a horribly-booked mess.

Backstage, Jeff fires of a "slapass" during an interview. No further "slapnuts" as yet, though.

In the ring, Shane Douglas calls out Billy Kidman for a Strap Match. He mentions a sex-tape angle, so I'm bloody relieved it's not the "Viagra on a Pole" match, although I'm sure I'll stumble over that crapfest at some stage.

Now I'm going to level with you. Half way through this plodding, boring-rear end match, sick of listen to the commentators yammer about the sex-tape angle, I turned off my TV and took a break.

A month-long break. I hated this match. It wouldn't end. It was interminable.

When I restarted it, I checked how long the match had been going so far.

Five minutes and five seconds.

Weird. I must have been stuck in a temporal vortex, or something.

Six minutes in, Kidman whips Shane in the balls, so I guess there was ONE highspot. Then Tori pops up on the apron ("She's turning heel!", squeals Madden as somewhere Jim Cornette gets an unexplained urge to kill)

She manages to accidently (and lightly) bop Shane on the head with it, which gets a two-count for Kidman.

In a strap match. After Tony explained about the "touch all four corners to win" rule. They trade rollups until Kidman hits the Kid Krusher ("THAT'S HIS MOVE! THGAT'S HIS MOVE!" Shut up, Tiny) for the three-count.

Rating: I'll tell you in a month. Be right back.

Post-match, Tori brings in a chair, holding it in the most awkward possible way, only to be spanked by Kidman. Shane revives and beats him down, as this feud must continue for reasons even God doesn't know. "Who cares who won!" shouts Madden, which I think was the motto of the WCW booking committee by this point.

Douglas hangs Kidman in the corner, prompting a save by... Big Vito? Was he drawn out of a hat, or something? Reno runs in the beat down Big Vito. Jesus, there's like 800 guys in the locker room at any given moment based on all these run-ins!

Outside, Booker T arrives, and is instantly jumped by Jeff Jarrett, because he's apparently being lying in ambush in the carpark for an hour. That's heel commitment, folks! He slams Books leg in the car door a few times to be a dick.

Back to the ring fot an "ROTC" match. What's that, you ask? Why, it's a "Rip Off The Camoflague" match between Major Gunns and "Miss Hancock." Madden immediately goes to 150% Lawler Levels of sexism, and yes, there's a mud-pit involved. gently caress you, Vince Russo.

Tylene and Stacey (because hosed if I'm using their WCW names) stare off until we get that most dangerous of opening moves, a slap. They gently caress up a whip to the corner and we're off and running in this shitasterpiece. Tylene hits two rolling moves, both done so slowly it's like watching a five-year-old show off after their first gymnastics lesson. A roll-up gets two.

Wait, why the gently caress is Li'l Naitch counting? YOU JUST SAID THE POINT OF THE MATCH IS TO STRIP HER! Is everyone in this federation a complete drooling moron?


Wait, why is the woman holding that sign? Oh wait Canada, right? Carry on.

Stacey gets two off a clothesline/crop top removal combo, and actually executes a leapfrog. She gets slammed into Tylene's crotch, who pantses her. In true WCW fashion, she's wearing camo underwear that actually in LESS revealing than her short-shorts. Tylene covers for two. Well, technically three as Stacey kicked out so badly her shoulders never left the mat, but gently caress it, let's just play along.

A blodyslam gets two more, (LIFT YOUR SGOULDERS, WOMAN!) as Madden has a sweaty verbal orgasm on the mike. They try some back-and-forth, with Stacey having to walk obviously into position for every move until Naitch literally makes a three-count after Stacey just flails her legs in lieu of a kickout.

It's not the finsh, so we'll just ignore that and move on. I think you can actually see the will to live draining out of Charles Robinson as we watch.

To the outside, where Tylene loses her top. The crowd bays like the concept of "a bikini" was never explained to them before now. They head to the mudpit, where Tylene takes the WORST attempt at a backdrop in recorded history, slithering over Stacey's shoulder and nearly braining herself on the edge of the pool. Stacey ends up in there too, throwing Tylene around until she suddenly cramps up and gets pinned after six minutes of Madden-scored torture.


Wrestling, circa 2000

Rating: Minus three stars for the wrestling, minus 22 MORE stars for Mark Madden.

Afterwards, Stacey does so sub-soap opera level acting while clutching her stomach until David Flairs runs out to help her. Oh right, they did a miscarriage angle, didn't they? Using a woman who was thinner than a anorexic rake. REAL convincing, guys.

Backstage, it's ohfuckmeIforgotaboutthisguy... *ahem*... the Kiss Demon, Vampiro and The Great Muta, as The Dark Carnival, aka "The Juggalo Army". How is this show not improving! Tonight, it's The Demon vs. Sting. That should be... something.

We get to see Stacey being wheeled out to an ambulance as Tony puts on his serious voice and finally calls her by her real name. Scott even waves his format at us to prove it wasn't scripted, making me want to get him a kayfabe-related beating. IT'S A SHOOT, FOLKS! (Spoiler: It's not a shoot)

I'm past the halfway point! 80 minutes to go! It's got to get better, surely?

The Kiss Demoin heads out to ringside for his match. Yeah, it's not getting better, is it? Sting rappells from the rafters and they brawl on the outside. Well, Sting just tosses the Demon into the barricades a few times, then into the ring. Stinger Splash, Scorpion Deathdrop and the Demon is offically buried in 1.11.

Rating: Best match of the night. Take all the stars.

HOW IS THIS NOT GETTING BETTER? gently caress!

Vamp and Muta run in (about 70 seconds too late, assholes. They try to choke Sting with his rappelling rope, so Kronik run in to make the save. They get on the mike and... challenge The Dark Carnival for a match, putting up their tag belts in the process. Dude, lay off the weed, that's not how it's supposed to work. Vamp and Muta accept, and once again, gently caress everybody in the world for letting this show happen.

To recap: Sting gets to be on the show for 2 minutes, Stacey and Tylene get three times that. Are we seeing the problem with late-era WCW?

Mike Awesome's music kicks in, playing for nearly as long as the Sting/Demon match until the dude shows up. SOMEBODY missed his loving cue. His opponent is Lance Storm, bringing a passle of cops and all three of his championship belts with him. I marked for Storm at the time, so this is a nice moment for me. Just hope they actually let him wrestle for more than ninety seconds. Negative: His generic rock music sucks sweaty ballsacks.


More pure wrestling happen in this promo than the last match

He gets to play to the crowd, running down the U.S.A and making a now-uncomfortable remark about being worried of a "terrorist attack" backstage. He then invokes Canadian Championship Rule #32B, which lets him pick a special referee. It's Rarity's favourite guy in all the world, Jacques Rougeau.

Then we get the Canadian National Anthem. In full. Holy poo poo, this match is going to be twelve seconds long just to gently caress over the fans, isn't it?

FINALLY the match is underway, and of course Mike DESTROYS Lance in the early going, slamming him all over the ring. Lance reverses, putting Mike into the ringpost. He chops the poo poo out of him and they do some actual wrestling, ending up on the floor. Mike brings out a table less than three minutes in, which remains set up in the aisle as Lance tosses him back inside and hits a beautiful springboard dropkick. Mike catches Lance off another springboard and suplexes the gently caress out of him. Wow, a nice, flowing wrestling match! How loving refreshing!

Mike goes up, slips on the turnbuckle and falls off again, which I guessed I asked for. He does manage to recover and hit a lariat, though. Awesombomb attempt is reversed into a backslide by Lance for two. Things get screwy as Lance runs into a pop-up powerbomb for a three-count for the U.S ref, despite obviously lifting his shoulder at two. Jacques disputes the call (rightfully!) and discusses the rules with the announcers.

Apparently in Canada, it's a five-count to win. So the match continues.

I pause now to ask why in the gently caress they needed this goofy poo poo in a match between Awesome and Storm? Those two could have wrestled a great match with their eyes glued shut.

Alabama Slam gets three for Awesome, who goes to a Dragon Sleeper instead. Lance taps out, meaning Awesome has now beaten your triple-champion twice in less than six minutes. Way to keep 'em strong, WCW! More Canadian rules, as no submission apply in Canadian rules. Storm gets three off a bridged rollup, with the ref hesitating massively on the three out of habit. You see, now the match is just a loving mess.

Release German suplex by Awesome gets a four-count, and goes up top, managing not to gently caress that up this time. Frog splash gets a five-count. Jacques pops back up, giving Lance a ten-count to get up from the fall. He does so, so Awesome brings in the table. Lance recovers and chairshots him in the head. It gets four. (Lance himself admitted online he used to throw a feather-light chairshot, so it's not surprising)

They fight on the buckles, with Mike slipping all over the place like his boots have been greased. Luckily he doesn't kill them both, finally putting Lance through the table with a butt-ugly slam. Jacques gives both men a ten-count to get up, then punches out Awesome at seven. Storm retains at 12: 00.

Rating: Let me consult my Canadian Ratings book. Hmm, 1.75 moose. Mooses. Meese.

Post-match, Brett Hart wanders out in street clothes, looking depressed. He hugs Storm. Way to earn a paycheck, Brett.


Hope it was in American dollars

Ooh, mail your Pay-Per-View receipt to the WCW and you get a free Vampiro t-shirt. I'd also ask for the cost of the show back.

Backstage, no sign of Goldberg, so Nah says he's "going over" Steiner for the title. Someone tell him he's no longer the booker.

The Dark Circus vs Kronik is next. Look at how loving happy this makes me. Kronik dominates with power moves right off the bat, getting a couple of two-counts. Including one where Vampiro seems to forget to kick out. So the ref just stops counting. Adams tries to murder Muta with a Full Nelson Slam as the crowd totally dies. Quick, send Bret Hart back out to wave at them!

Stuff happens and it's so enthralling I decide to download some Spotify playlists for my morning commute. Ooh, Bebop Essentials! That'll do. 80's Nu-wave? Yes, please.

What, something happened? Oh yes, Muta sprays the ref with green mist, who then spends a HILARIOUSLY long time trying to clean it off his face. It also makes him go deaf, as he misses the Harris Boys making a wander-in from the crowd to backjump Kronik. Moonsault from Muta gives the Dark Carnival the titles at 8:20.

Rating: There's still 47 minutes left of the show, so lets be generous and call it -47 face-painted assholes.

Booker T is backstage, don't hate the playa, etc. The three-way (we assume) dance is next.

Nash is first out, looking bored. Then it's Steiner, looking nine shades of crazy as usual. Goldberg's music plays, but there's no sign of him. Well, that ate a few seconds of time, I guess.

Crowd Sign: GOLDBERG FEARS GILLBERG-Why would you focus on that sign for so long, Mr Director?

They play Bill's music again. No Bill. Fine, start the match so we can all go home and drink this poo poo out of our memories.

Big Kev and Scott pretty much end up outside the ring instantly. Steiner gets dropped on the railing... and Goldberg runs down the aisle with bandaged ribs and a chair. EIGHTY SECONDS! You made the crowd wait less than a minute and a half before sending him out. Don't do speed and write wrestling shows, kids.

Nssh gets to lie on the floor and sell a single chairshot, which is probably his idea of a dream match at this point in his career. Goldberg takes a few clotheslines before shoulder-blocking Steiner out of the ring. Nash re-enters, catching his foot on the top rope and stumbling around like a Scotsman leaving the pub. Smooth, Kev. Norton makes me hate him even more by referncing Nash booking himself to beat Goldberg. Kayfabe? gently caress kayfabe, it's WCW, baby!

Five minutes in, and it turns into a bunch of kicks and suplexes. Well, no run-in at least, that's gotta be a record tonight. Nash sets up for the Jacknife, Goldberg just pushes him off and stomps out of the ring. He meets Russo in the aisle for a brief shouting match, resulting in a raised finger and "gently caress you!" for Russo. Well, we've all wanted to do that, right?


"gently caress YOU RUSSO *clap-clap-clapclap*"

I'm now getting seriously angry with this poo poo, as the announcers try to work out of Goldberg went off-script, and if Nash and Steiner will have to "improvise" a finish. gently caress ALL OF YOU! gently caress you for taking a giant, steaming dump on the business from low-earth orbit.

Out comes Midajah to hit Nash in the nutsack. Twice. THANK YOU MIDAJAH! *clap-clap-clapclapclap*

Nash no-sells both of them and DDT's Steiner. She runs in and hits him in front of the ref, who doesn't DQ anyone. Jacknife finishes it for Nash at 11:00 or so.

Rating: Minus all the fucks I have left to give. So zero, then

Right, Main Event time. There's less than twenty minutes left, and that won't all be match time, as we have to watch WCW throw another $2oK at Michael Buffer. Great use of your rapidly dwindling resources, guys. Gonna have to sell a lot of foam rubber Slap Nuts guitars to pay for that.

Booker arrives, affecting a slight limp. As you do after having a car door slammed on your kneecap multiple times.

We're off, and surprise, surprise, Jarrett goes after the knee. Booker quickly takes over and starts hitting kicks that require him to fully extend the bad leg. They head to the floor, where Booker completely stops selling the knee injury. It's a miracle! He crotches Jeff on the ringpost and heads up and hits a single-leg missile dropkick, allowing Jeff to take over with kicks to the knee. Then more kicks to the knee. Then a chair to the knee. Uh, ref, you saw that, right? You even told him to put it down? Nothing? Cool, just checking.

Boston Crab from Jarrett as the crowd sits with a variety of VERY bored expressions ion their faces. Another chairshot before Booker get's a butt-ugly roll-up for two. Double KO spot, which allows them to lie around and take a breather after SEVEN MINUTES of this epic battle.

Booker hits the Axe Kick and Spinarooni, managing to bump the referee during the latter. Now that's just silly, even for this show. Jarrett destroys Bookers leg with a guitar poo poo and slpas on a figure-four. He escapes to the floor, where Jarrett KO's the ref with a belt shot. There's a table set up outside, and Jarrett takes a Book End through it. It's a HORRIBLE spot as Jeff jumps through it feet-first. Some idiot in the crowd tries to start a "Holy poo poo" chant. No, kid. Just no.


Just stay down until they have to fade out, guys. Trust me.

Booker brings Jeff back in for a two-count. Jeff immediately rolls out to get a chair. Great selling, assholes. He swings blind and knocks out a second ref. Stroke in the general vicinity of the chair, a THIRD ref runs in for a two-count. "This is EPIC!" shouts Mark. Yes, an Epic Fail. Jeff takes a lazy neckbreaker onto the chair. (His shoulder barely grazes it, to be honest) It gets three. No, two, Charles Robinson hosed up the count. A Book End finally finishes it after 14 minutes.

Great idea to pan the crowd afterwards, which obviously doesn't give two shits. Apart form the people who hated the show enough to throw drinks at their babyface champion. After that show, he's lucky not to be dodging chairs.

Final thoughts: Horrible. loving horrible. If WCW hadn't shut down, they probably would have never sold another ticket in Canada for years to come.

Distorted Kiwi fucked around with this message at Apr 25, 2018 around 11:29

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014



Replying to an older post, but church buses are often decommissioned school buses

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




It's everything I ever dreamed it would be

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place
Where your crystal minds and magenta feelings
Take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chica cherry cola

-Cheap Trick


Doctor Rope

The 4 way tag match makes more sense when you realize that Disqo and the rest of the Filthy Animals has a match with the winner of the match the next night in Nitro.


So they basically spend the entire match engineering a scenario where they want Jindrak and O'Haire to win the match because they're power plant guys and green as hell. They have about a year of experience combined between the two of them.

It is kind of a subtle reason, but it makes sense that the semiheelish team of veterans with the next shot is going for the easy matchup.

Now this being WCW, the announcers never clue the audience in. Konnan outright comes and says it the next night on Nitro when questioned about it.

This also being WCW the angle is blown up twice in one night and the Animals beat Vampiro and Muta anyway.


Also the Viagra on a pole match was 2 weeks prior to New Blood Rising.

So you should totally review the 7/31/2000 Nitro sometime.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

exploded mummy posted:


Also the Viagra on a pole match was 2 weeks prior to New Blood Rising.

So you should totally review the 7/31/2000 Nitro sometime.

And I totally don't want to.

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place
Where your crystal minds and magenta feelings
Take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chica cherry cola

-Cheap Trick


Doctor Rope

Fine just go watch Halloween Havoc 2000

Xerzes
May 16, 2012


I was fascinated by the different spellings of Nash you affected. I'm not sure if you were drunk or just didn't give a poo poo about the show. Or both. Either makes sense.

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN

I still laugh that they named a show after a stable that already broke up, it's just purestrain WCW 2000.

Imagine if WWE ran a PPV called "The Shield Rising" a month after Seth turned on Dean and Roman.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Xerzes posted:

I was fascinated by the different spellings of Nash you affected. I'm not sure if you were drunk or just didn't give a poo poo about the show. Or both. Either makes sense.

Guilty as loving charged. Big Kev didn't seem to give two shits about the show and my spellchecker did the same.

And yes, it took a couple-three drinks to finish the thing.

Now thinking I should try recapping a WCW show while blitzed and post it verbatim. Might make it easier, even if it blots my pristine rap sheet.

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place
Where your crystal minds and magenta feelings
Take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chica cherry cola

-Cheap Trick


Doctor Rope

Distorted Kiwi posted:

Guilty as loving charged. Big Kev didn't seem to give two shits about the show and my spellchecker did the same.

And yes, it took a couple-three drinks to finish the thing.

Now thinking I should try recapping a WCW show while blitzed and post it verbatim. Might make it easier, even if it blots my pristine rap sheet.


exploded mummy posted:

Fine just go watch Halloween Havoc 2000

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"


Why do hate me?

Maxwell Lord
Dec 12, 2008

I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die.

I hope we both die.




Grimey Drawer

I love that cheap-rear end staging they set up for this show. It's very clearly trying to hide how low the attendance is by crowding everyone in and cutting off a good portion of the venue.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Maxwell Lord posted:

I love that cheap-rear end staging they set up for this show. It's very clearly trying to hide how low the attendance is by crowding everyone in and cutting off a good portion of the venue.

Almost certainly. The attendance was 6,164 according to Wikipedia. By their behaviour, they must have sold 24,000 beers, though. 😀

exploded mummy
Sep 10, 2008

Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place
Where your crystal minds and magenta feelings
Take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chica cherry cola

-Cheap Trick


Doctor Rope

Distorted Kiwi posted:

Why do hate me?

I don't, I have a half finished NBR review that I've been writing for a month or two that I keep stopping because it means I have to rewatch more of the show

I'm not even goinng to do that for HH2000.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Dude, you really should reward yourself by reviewing something good next. Just because we enjoy watching you suffer doesn't mean it's good for you to be always suffering.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Rarity posted:

Dude, you really should reward yourself by reviewing something good next. Just because we enjoy watching you suffer doesn't mean it's good for you to be always suffering.

Oh poo poo, am I allowed to do that? I might have to edit my watchlist...



Nah, I'm good.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014



Distorted Kiwi posted:

Oh poo poo, am I allowed to do that? I might have to edit my watchlist...



Nah, I'm good.

December to Dismember is one of the best ppvs of all time, do that one.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Randaconda posted:

December to Dismember is one of the best ppvs of all time, do that one.

Suspicion levels rising...

LORD OF BOOTY
Feb 11, 2015

THEY MAKE SURE YOU AIN'T BOOTY!!!


There's one WWECW PPV that was actually REALLY good and I think that might be the one. I'm not really sure, though.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

There's one WWECW PPV that was actually REALLY good and I think that might be the one. I'm not really sure, though.

That was probably One Night Stand '05, which I watched a while back. DtoDismember is purported to be... well, let's say, of a lesser quality as Vince decided to kill the brand once and for all.

Senerio
Oct 19, 2009

I call the darkness unto me from deepest depths of Earth and sea. From ancient evils unawoken, break the one that can't be broken. To blackest night, I pledge my soul and crush my heart to burning coal. To summon forth a deathly power, to see my hated foe devoured.


Watch NXT Takeover Fatal 4 Way

Kvantum
Feb 5, 2006
Skee-entist

Senerio posted:

Watch NXT Takeover Fatal 4 Way

Hell, ANY Takeover. All Takeovers. There isn't a single bad one. Not a one. Sure, some may have better matches than others, but NXT Takeovers are the most consistently good show WWE runs right now.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Kvantum posted:

Hell, ANY Takeover. All Takeovers. There isn't a single bad one. Not a one. Sure, some may have better matches than others, but NXT Takeovers are the most consistently good show WWE runs right now.

Hell, the last Takeover could be argued as one of the best PPVs that WWE has EVER done, it was that loving amazing.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Kvantum posted:

Hell, ANY Takeover. All Takeovers. There isn't a single bad one. Not a one. Sure, some may have better matches than others, but NXT Takeovers are the most consistently good show WWE runs right now.

Yeah, I've been working through the Takeovers since I got the Network, and there's very few dull spots on those cards.

Entertained a workmate by putting Takeover: London on the break room computer during lunch today so he could watch Asuka/Emma and Revival/Enzo & Cass. He enjoyed it a lot!

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Kvantum
Feb 5, 2006
Skee-entist

Jerusalem posted:

Hell, the last Takeover could be argued as one of the best PPVs that WWE has EVER done, it was that loving amazing.

Highest average Meltzer rating of any WWE event ever, that's for sure.

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