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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy



Aw man Idris Elba is SO COOL guys. Have you seen him in literally anything ever? He's handsome as gently caress and he's got a beautiful voice and he's an incredible actor and I think he is just the coolest. I want more Big Driis, guys. Give. Me. More. That's your prompt. Write me a story keeping my man in mind for one of the characters. Pretend, if it helps, that your work will one day be adapted into a brilliant film or tv show or live-action theatrical play and in this unrealistic idyllic future where you are loved and successful, MR. ELBA HIMSELF will be portraying one of the characters.

Probably the main character. The first season of Luther? Beasts of No Nation? My James Bond fanfiction? Killer stuff. Now does he have to be the main character? No, no, no, of course not, of course not. He’s a scene stealer. Take Stringer Bell in The Wire or Heimdall in Thor. Those are great roles. Does he even have to be human? Nope. Dude straight up murders it as Shere Khan in Jungle Book and Chief Bogo in Zootopia. Basically what I’m trying to say here is that things are pretty open guys. I’m looking for juicy characters.

But just so we’re super super super clear, Idris Elba is an actor. He portrays characters. He shouldn’t be a character. He should not literally appear in your story. That would be both meta and bad and I don’t want to read things that are meta or bad. I don’t want to read fanfiction, erotica, or poetry either so don’t submit any of that.

I’ll give you a quote to kick start you when you sign up. I know y’all love that random generator poo poo.

sign ups close friday midnight est
subs close sunday midnight est
tell me which role is his when you submit.
1300 words

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Apr 17, 2018 around 12:03

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

judges
me
solitair
third emperor

writers
chili
thranguy
flesnolk
djeser
derp self flash: Idris Elba has never been on a boat
cptn_dr
rather watch them
captain_person
surreptitiousmuffin
sebmojo
bubble bobby to win!
sparksbloom
yoruichi
exmond
noah

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Apr 21, 2018 around 04:12

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Oh gently caress yeah. I love me some Idris. Throw a quote my way, please.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Chili posted:

I need to write more. I am pre=emptively going in. T-rex, consider this an entry and if I need to pick anything or whatever, I will. Or if you need to assign me something, go ahead.

"Do you know how the cuckoo bird survives? By preying on a mother's weakness. The cuckoo bird is too clever to raise its young. Instead it sneaks its eggs in nests of simpler birds. So when they hatch the mother bird is fooled. She feeds them, nurtures them and do you know what happens to her own chicks? They starve and die from neglect. All because a mother loved a chick that wasn't her own."

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.' -Samuel Johnson

Yeah, in.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Thranguy posted:

Yeah, in.

"Don't you ever worry that you're on the Devil's side without even knowing it?"

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

If only, THUNDERDOME


While I'm not totally sure I get what you're asking for, I'll give it a shot.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Flesnolk posted:

While I'm not totally sure I get what you're asking for, I'll give it a shot.

"write a story where idris elba could play one of the characters"

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

Djeser posted:

"write a story where idris elba could play one of the characters"

good lord man speak sense

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Flesnolk posted:

While I'm not totally sure I get what you're asking for, I'll give it a shot.

"I knew that if I wanted to be all I could be, I would have to go to the U.S. It took three years to get the accent right."

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

If only, THUNDERDOME


Djeser posted:

"write a story where idris elba could play one of the characters"

Idris Elba is a good enough actor that "Idris Elba could play one of the characters" is sort of vague. I know screenwriters sometimes write roles with specific actors in mind, but not being a screenwriter I was a bit "???". Also, gently caress off.

Flesnolk fucked around with this message at Apr 17, 2018 around 01:00

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

Flesnolk posted:

A) gently caress off with being rude.
B) Idris Elba is a good enough actor that "Idris Elba could play one of the characters" is sort of vague. I know screenwriters sometimes write roles with specific actors in mind, but not being a screenwriter I was a bit "???".
C) Seriously, gently caress off.

you can't fight here, this is the thunderdome

BeefSupreme
Sep 14, 2007

DOUBLE BEEF ACTION

Tyrannosaurus posted:

Write me a story keeping my man in mind for one of the characters.

basically a direct quote from the prompt, but it's cool, you can be salty about it

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I won a rosette in the Thunderdome


sebmojo posted:

you can't fight here, this is the thunderdome

Is this the part where we stand in a circle and start chanting FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT? Because I've got my chantin' voice ready

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



lol

in, gimme that good stuff tyranno

derp
Jan 21, 2010

a little less conversation and a little more filthy rodents


Lipstick Apathy

Okay I will write a story featuring a guy who is tough and or cool. Gimme a quote thing

Schneider Heim
Oct 17, 2012


Thanks for the crit guys.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Djeser posted:

lol

in, gimme that good stuff tyranno

"Do the animals still talk in your world?"

derp posted:

Okay I will write a story featuring a guy who is tough and or cool. Gimme a quote thing

“For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully and found plenty to eat as there were lots of fish..."

derp
Jan 21, 2010

a little less conversation and a little more filthy rodents


Lipstick Apathy

Tyrannosaurus posted:

"Do the animals still talk in your world?"


“For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully and found plenty to eat as there were lots of fish..."

You trying to force me to write about pirates? Self imposed rule: Idris has never been on a boat

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011

HELP! I'VE FAILED AND I CAN'T SUBMIT


Grimey Drawer

Competition Crits Part 1 of 2

cptn_dr: House Special

Your opening makes me want to know more about why Robert Pinery is out of the shipping game, but that never goes anywhere. I am also intrigued by the presence of his mother and why she seems to move a lot, but once again, my curiosity is not satisfied.

Once we get into the dark descriptions of the town itself, you start building the sinister tone of it all, and I like that. You did an effective job throughout with appealing prose that makes me shiver.

He sees a tavern and, despite being near broke as can be, decides to get a drink. There’s untapped potential here for a story about a man who has a serious drinking problem, which I believe is what you were going for, but the problem is it wasn’t obvious on first read. Not only that, but it’s almost immediately contradicted by stating that everyone did “drink and throw dice every night” on the ship, which… it’s not an alcohol problem if it’s normal.

“His grin was wide and friendly. Robert shivered.” Great stuff.

Dialogue of Nick the Satan-thing is a bit… off, and not in the way that contributes to the story’s sense of off-ness.

Bit confused as to how Nick has enough to play the game if he already spent the last of his scraps on a slug of whiskey.

“What’s the catch.” Nick’s grin… This part makes it seem like Nick is the speaker, even though it’s Robert.

From here there’s not much to note; there’s the drinking contest, the mood gets more and more warped as the story goes on in a way I enjoy, and Robert passes out.

I’m not happy with the resolution, because I have no idea why this happened to Robert. I have no idea why I was even following Robert, except as a vehicle to show off your admittedly engaging description. What this story lacked, but sorely needed, was for me to understand a little more about Robert, his mindset and goals, and for the challenge and outcome to somehow tie to that.

***

BeefSupreme: Hearts in Two

The immediate contrast between Charlotte’s good mood and being soaked tells me a great deal about the situation. That a squeal then wiggles out of her tells me a great deal about the type of person she is.
The family mood of her calling her father, who immediately responds by calling her sweetie-pie, works to endear me to the family and serves to differentiate from the later sour mood with regard to the mother.

The continued bombardment of saccharine banter hurts good.

And when I finally am hit with the revelation of the mother, it works well. It makes me wonder, what exactly happened? I don’t think later revelations do much justice to the set-up, but that’s not a problem with the set-up.

When we get to the mother, it’s pretty obvious who she is far before the reveal, but that’s fine. Same as what she’s there for, but that’s also fine. Overall, the second scene is fine. It sets the stage for the conflict and doesn’t waste too many words doing so.

The third scene is a bit of a drag, though. It doesn’t push anything forward, spending way too many words to give me a slight glimpse that maybe Charlotte misses her mother, but still no solid explanation as to what went down.

The last scene sits them in a coffee shop, offering the potential for both explanation and resolution. It stays too vague, though. There’s a possibility here that Charlotte hates her mom because she cheated on Charlotte’s dad - that seems to be what’s being implied, but it’s not solid enough to say for sure. Not only, but the conflict between the actual characters over it in this scene is so minimal before the finale bomb drops that Charlotte is just giving away the job to her mom. This fails for several reasons - we don’t get to see the emotional change Charlotte goes through (we got a glimpse last scene of how she feels but we have no reason to believe she changed), we get no sense of stakes for Charlotte’s mother as to why she needs it bad enough for Charlotte’s sacrifice to be meaningful, and ultimately Charlotte’s mother is a non-actor in the scene, making no struggle and accepting victory weakly.

The resolution itself may or may not have worked if you chose to tell me more about what happened or what the stakes were, but it definitely didn’t work without telling me that stuff.

***

SchneiderHeim: Together, Their Best Shot

First scene sets the story, which works, but isn’t particularly exciting.

Can I just state that I hate the word thesismate?

It’s hard for me to pin exactly why, but I’m not engaged by your initial introduction of the two main characters. They don’t feel particularly set apart in anything but current life status - there’s not much that makes me feel like they have different personalities. It feels like it might be because there’s not a strong conflict between them at the start; some light ribbing, but not a conflict. Could be their dialogue that feels stilted. Could also be because you didn’t put to the page what made them unique in your head. With a setting this fantastical, there was an opportunity for you to give us characters who were turned up more than a few notches on the unique-o-meter. The setting was, sadly, not highly leveraged.

The flashbacks have a lot of telly bits, and I feel the story may have worked better if you had either cut them entirely or limited yourself to a single, short one later in the story.

And then the end - it all happened rather quickly, and because there wasn’t a good conflict between the characters that felt the same, them coming together for one last job didn’t hold weight, nor did Mika’s subsequent decision to come back, especially since I never got a clear idea as to why Mika dropped out in the first place, emotionally speaking.

***

Deltasquid: Strada Chiusa

My co-judges had a problem with the slow start, but I personally felt that it played to good effect. The description of the car, and the two characters musing about the mountain road left a strong, lingering question as to why they were there, with a racing car, a question that you didn’t take too long to answer as a character asked, “So, tell me. How did you pull it off back in ‘96?”

That back and forth serves to immediately establish the motives of both our characters - beating the record and getting the other character to get over beating the record. This is the tension that pulls us through the various attempts, with prose that’s easy to read. Additional information to fill out the conflict is introduced in pieces between the action, which is a great technique to not bore the reader.

There are also additional pieces of information about the characters that are not conflict-central, but help fill them out as people.

What makes the piece ultimately work so well in my opinion - I’m talking to you, other writers - is that the conflict isn’t the competition itself, it’s a conflict of outlook, of worldview, of character. We get a sense for these things as we continue through the story. The competition is just the stage for that to take place. When the story resolves, there is a winner to that conflict.

Jon Joe fucked around with this message at Apr 17, 2018 around 03:47

BeefSupreme
Sep 14, 2007

DOUBLE BEEF ACTION

thx for the crittin, Jon Joe

also here's one:

Critique of Sitting Here's Freeroot Climbs Toward the Celestial Branches

This critique will be structured in three sections:
1. a summary, focusing on plot detail
2. an analysis, focusing on themes, ideas
3. comments, providing my reactions, questions, suggestions, and anything else

The first two sections will contain no commentary, to give you a sense of what I, as a reader, took from this piece at face value, without assumptions about authorial intent, etc--this is what I think the story says, and this is what I think the story means, as it is written.

Section 3 is where I deliver the ol' thunderdome bloodbath, of course.

As always, further discussion can be had in IRC. But you know this already, of course.

SUMMARY
Freeroot begins her ascent upward toward the canopy of a tree, and along the way, stuffs her pack full of supplies. Soon after, Freeroot hears the protestations of Lowbranch, whom she has deceived, and with whom she has previously worked and has a greivance against (he took credit for her work). She continues climbing, making observations about the tree's ecology as she goes, and listening for Lowbranch but soon not hearing him. Eventually, she encounters what she calls 'venom's beard', a lichen that stings. It causes some blistering, but she keeps climbing. Then it begins to numb her arm and shoulder, so she stops.

At this point, Lowbranch appears, having caught up to Freeroot without her being aware of his presence. He chastises her, then provides an antitode to the poisonous lichen, and then they argue. He wants them to go back, she wants to press on. He apologizes for stealing her credit, but she claims now to only want to see the top. She starts to go up, but Lowbranch attempts to convince her to stop, and then physically tries to restrain her. She breaks free. He follows, this time unable to keep pace, and we hear fragments of his cries as they climb.

Eventually, she rests, and Lowbranch is there when she awakens. He reveals what he believes to be the truth: there is no reaching the top. It extends into eternity. Freeroot believes that perhaps he has simply not climbed high enough, and then says she can try, and at the very least, her bones will be a waymarker for the future. Lowbranch follows.

ANALYSIS
This is a story about the hubris of youth, and also about the failures and betrayals (both perceived and real) of the older generation. It might also be about the insatiable and wisdomless nature of the pursuit of scientific discovery. Lowbranch fails his protégé by taking sole credit for work they apparently did together, presumably out of greed, ambition, conceit, or some such personal failing. The sad consequence of this action is that Lowbranch loses credibility with Freeroot, and directly leads to what follows.

Freeroot, disillusioned with her partner and mentor, strikes out on her own. Lowbranch's betrayal has robbed Freeroot not only of her research partner, but also of all the things that Lowbranch could provide, as the more experienced member of the community and researcher--wisdom, knowledge, experience, guidance, etc. This is the cost of betrayal--both the relationship, and all the benefits that the relationship could provide. Of course, Freeroot believes she no longer needs the wisdom and guidance of her superior, and this directly leads to some of her folly and recklessness. Lowbranch's betrayal has not only robbed Freeroot of his place in her life, but has also exacerbated her youthful tendencies and led her into danger. She also seems to believe that her youthfulness makes her better than Lowbranch, but his ability to outpace her, despite her lead and youthful vigor, as well as to be more prepared, despite his lack of prep time due to her deception, provide her with object lessons in his ability and experience. Despite her confidence, she has not yet surpassed the master (she lacks wisdom, of course).

Tangled in all of this is apparently a lesson that Lowbranch learned, and Freeroot has yet to learn: the pursuit of scientific discovery is unending, and can even kill you, if you're not careful. Freeroot brushes up against poisonous lichen, and learns the effects live and direct--blistering, numbness, fatigue. If not for Lowbranch's reappearance, she would probably die--and if Lowbranch had not already encountered the plant previously, she would anyway. It was her fervor for discovery that led her there. Then, later, as they climb toward the canopy, it is her fervor for discovery, her need to see the unseen, that pushes her to continue into what Lowbranch believes to be a suicidal effort to reach the celestial branches.

Perhaps this story is not a polemic against science, but against ambition, and it's ability to divide relationships and drive individuals past the point of reason, and past the point of survival. I'd buy that also.

COMMENTS
This is a pretty good story. It did not mention, and I think that is correct--certainly not a negative mention, no, but not quite strong enough to merit an HM. It is marked by the characteristic strong command of language and the inventiveness possessed by most Sitting Here stories, but I was left feeling a little cold--especially by the story's ending. The story is marked by cliches familiar to master/apprentices, though not to the degree that I would call this story cliche'd. It is simply not particularly original in it's story beats. The ending feels very familiar, and the line "I can try" was particularly weak in my mind. The sentiment is fine, but I don't believe you quite earned it.

This story presents a problem to its author: how much worldbuilding to do? If this were a novel, the first chapter would be spent telling us all about the tree-world these people (I am assuming they are people, though I wasn't sure for most of the story, and, in fact, am still not entirely certain that the characters are human) inhabit. Shoot, if it's a fantasy novel, that'd be the whole drat book, let's be honest. But you're better than that, thank God, and trust your reader to figure things out. Unfortunately, I think there is a little too much left unsaid here, as it leaves me without a clear sense of the stakes involved. I gather that they live within the ecosystem of a single tree, and that they cannot cross to other trees by the valley floor (because of predators), nor by the canopy (because they cannot reach it). Do they have a strong need to do this, outside of scientific curiosity? I am not sure. Do the celestial branches hold some special significance in the religion or traditions of these people? Are Lowbranch and Freeroot crazies seeking scientific discovery in a world that cares little for that, or are these two revered as the vangaurd of knowledge? I don't think you need to do much more worldbuilding, but a little bit would go a long way in grounding the reader within this story.

I could also do with a bit more of a backstory on the relationship between Freeroot and Lowbranch. This betrayal is significant, as it essentially drives the story, but I know very little about it. Just a bit more backstory would lend significantly more bite to their interactions. I also know very little of their place in this society, which is not of tremendous concern, as it isn't central to the story. However, I do feel that fuller characters would lend strength to the ideas you have at play here. Basically, I'm saying this story could have used a couple hundred more words. It is written well enough and is interesting enough to merit further exploration, and in fact just a bit more explanation would significantly strengthen the story's quality.

As for the ideas themselves, this story isn't breaking new ground. There's some Moby Dick here, some Old Man and the Sea, etc., etc. The folly of youth, the betrayal of the elders, the consuming nature of ambition. Perhaps this is a failing of all stories this length, though--there just isn't enough room to develop ideas fully, to let them breathe. So my crit is either: a) you didn't quite pull off enough here to make this story successful, either by strength of characters, strength of the world, strength of the prose, or otherwise; or b) you tried to do too much. I am not sure what you could have cut out, but this story is ambitious. And maybe that's the lesson: ambition is doomed.

cptn_dr
Sep 7, 2011

It's just so good!


Thanks for the crit, Jon Joe! Really appreciate it. I might try and tidy up my story and enter it into the sci fi competition from the other week, since my one from that week was so dire, so the feedback is super helpful.


Also, IN for this week.

Rather Watch Them
Mar 28, 2012

Don't worry loves! NEED A CAVALRY HERE!


I'm going to regret this. IN

Captain_Person
Apr 7, 2013

That was a BAD business decision!


IN. I'll take some flash too, cheers!

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


In with Idris Elba as a dashing pirate captain

Solitair
Feb 18, 2014


If chair recognize my rear end, I volunteer my services as judge.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013


SCREAMING YES
MOTHERFUCKER
I AM GUILTY, I AM DEATH


I'll be juj to

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

cptn_dr posted:

Also, IN for this week.

"There are some new recruits with us I should introduce. But I'm not going to because I don't care."

Rather Watch Them posted:

I'm going to regret this. IN

"You know what we got here? We got an elastic product. You know what that means? It means that when people can go elsewhere for they printing and copying done they gonna do it. You acting like we got an inelastic product, and we don't."

Captain_Person posted:

IN. I'll take some flash too, cheers!

"A world that’s infected can be dangerous. It is truly beautiful."

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

In with Idris Elba as a dashing pirate captain

"Did you think I would let you grow old?"

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

hit me up bithc

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

also if you failed last time you entered,

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

sebmojo posted:

hit me up bithc

"It was a good moustache. Good times."

sebmojo posted:

also if you failed last time you entered,

This. This right here. If you failed last week then you should the gently caress up. I don't appreciate failure.

Bubble Bobby
Jan 28, 2005


drat I came in last lol. Well thanks for reading anyway, I'm IN this week and toxxing myself that I'll have the best story

Exmond
May 31, 2007


im doin it ma im writing

THUNDERDOME


Bubble Bobby posted:

toxxing myself that I'll have the best story

Wowsa, good luck Sir/Madam!

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Alright, gonna clear out my crit dad before fatherhood sweeps in and it becomes unlikely to ever happen. Still don't think redemption stories should count against a total, but hey.

Go here to see my comments: https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

And below are the crits I've left at the bottom of the stories.



Week 231 No Grown Ups

BeefSupreme's The Great Train Robbery

Meh. Critting old things like this is kinda silly, cos you’ve definitely gotten better. Anyhow, this is fair standard and not terribly exciting. There are some unnecessary scenes in here (the scene with the mom comes to mind) and it’s generally kinda predictable and baggy. The story suffers from knowing what the prompt is. It would be more fun if you told a straight train heist and in the end, it was just kids playing around. Your prose isn’t great in here either. Some passive problems and general lacking in rhythm.



Week 234 Binging on Bad Words

Julias's Desperate Jasper

Ugh. OK, I guess you didn’t write this story to be read by a professional therapist. But, that happened. This is not a good encapsulation of a therapy session whatsoever. And sure, not every therapist has to be amazing but we’re talking about basic fundamentals not being addressed. I’m not sure if you hold cynicism for the field or just wanted to write about a bad one. But nothing about this session rang true at all. Anyhow, before we get there we see a… very uneven… abusive scene play out in the therapist’s house? The language is weak and the people sound realistic. If you go back and read your dialogue out-loud, I suspect you’ll see what I’m talking about. Anyhow, be glad this was a late sub or I probably would’ve fought for at least a DM, maybe the loss.



And that takes me to 100%! Now nobody ask me to judge again, y'hear?

sparksbloom
Apr 30, 2006


in

Jay W. Friks
Oct 4, 2016

Six of one, half dozen of another.

Grimey Drawer

Basketbrawl crits

Contained in the link are crits for Sebmojo's "The Oberth Manoeuvre", Exmond's "The Oberth Manoeuvre Part 2", and Sittinghere's "The No One Girl and the Mouth of Hell"

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1h5...iew?usp=sharing

Jay W. Friks
Oct 4, 2016

Six of one, half dozen of another.

Grimey Drawer

Third v. Jonjoe "Two of the Same Suit" Brawl

Third, you expressed a desire to see your crits so I decided to get to them today.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zr...iew?usp=sharing

Jonjoe, here are your crits too.

http://szzljy.com/images/zero/zero4.jpg

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Bubble Bobby posted:

drat I came in last lol. Well thanks for reading anyway, I'm IN this week and toxxing myself that I'll have the best story

that's bold af and i love it. good luck and godspeed.

"He has a flair for…you know, making the unrealistic seem realistic."


"You don't start off at kidnapping, you work your way up to it."

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Mercedes posted:

THE TIME IS NOW MY DOMERS!!!

The writer babies have submitted their work, sacrificed their livelihood so that we, Reapers of Words, can lay destruction upon their weak, soft Critters of words can crit their stories.

Please, go forth and fix these teenagers and mold them into strong enough writers so that they would at the very least avoid a DM if they ever decide to join Thunderdome proper.

Also, thank you for helping. In all seriousness, a lot of these kids were super excited for this. I'm glad we're able to have the chance to give these kids a chance to flex their creativity in ways many do not. You guys are great! gently caress you! Get critting!!

Edit: It has come to my attention that googledocs is not as versatile as I initially thought it would be. It doesn't create two separate links where one can view and the other can comment; so I'm asking you guys to do a liiiitle bit more work. Please copy and paste your story to your own googledoc (if you're doing line by lines) or just write your crit in another googledoc and put that link next to your sign up. I'll periodically check and add your crits as comments myself. Thank you for your flexibility.

Editedit: Please don't be bad and make sure your doc has the proper permissions.

Editjesuschristedit: Anyone can edit the main doc. Do that. gently caress.

Quoting this for the next page. I plan on having my contributions done sometime tomorrow, if that's ok.

Adbot
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BeefSupreme
Sep 14, 2007

DOUBLE BEEF ACTION

Bubble Bobby posted:

drat I came in last lol. Well thanks for reading anyway, I'm IN this week and toxxing myself that I'll have the best story

WITNESS HIM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KlSuGNt8e4

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