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Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Submissions are still technically open until Djeser declares otherwise.

Just write.

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Mr. Sunshine
May 15, 2008

Can anybody find me somebody to love rape and torture?


Fun Shoe

Monster of the week (1079 words)

I’m walking home in the sweltering heat. The sun’s been beating down for a month nonstop. Hedges are wilting and lawns are going brown and brittle. Garden owners are performing desperate rain dances in the privacy of their living rooms, I suspect. I’d be, if I were them.

I’ve been shopping. Bought some ribs and a case of beer. Dinner for one in front of Netflix and whatever mindless show I can stand for a couple of hours before bed. Sweat is running down my back, staining my t-shirt and dripping down the back of my cargo pants. It runs down my temples and into my unkempt beard. Itches.

People are going home. Pedestrians along the sidewalk, walking briskly, dragging young children, or carrying plastic bags like me. Cars rushing by in the street. I’m going home, but not from any job or kindergarten. Unemployed, living off welfare and off my parents. There’s nothing going on in my life.

Suddenly, a bright flash down the street, like a small atomic bomb. Asphalt buckles, fences crumble and house facades char. The pedestrians stop, then they turn and run, carrying their children and ditching their shopping bags. Cars brake and reverse.

In the crater left by the flash, a demon sits hunched, like a fetus in a womb. Its grey skin is crisscrossed by scars and bulging veins, smoke trailing off its body. Slowly it rises, shaking, revealing a head made up of teeth and eyes and horns.
“Quiver, mortals!” it bellows, spit flying from its fanged mouths. “Lord Graqfanzal has come to conquer your world!”

Nothing going on in my life, except for poo poo like this. I sigh deeply. I pick up my phone, unlock it, and check the International Supernatural Emergency Agency homepage. It’s the first bookmark in my list. Nothing listed for my city today. No-one else inbound. That means this wasn’t anticipated, and I’m first at the scene. Again. gently caress.

I look to my left and right. Of course, no heroes are stepping forth from the fleeing crowd. Just me and Lord Whatshisname over there. I give one last imploring look to the uncaring skies, mouthing a silent why to an absent god. Then I sigh, and carefully put down my shopping bag.

The demon, skin still steaming, takes a thundering step forward.
“What’s the matter, mortal?” it shouts at me. “Don’t you have the sense to fear the great Graqfanzal?”

I ignore it, and pull out the Scepter of Justice. Golden sparks fly as it gradually appears out of whatever pocket dimension of unicorns and glitter it hides in most of the time. A silver rod about the length of my lower arm, topped by a heart-shaped decoration. I halfheartedly hold it up in front of me and mutter the incantation.
“In the name of justice and love…”

Two years ago. Yuki had found the Scepter. It was in her school locker when she came back from French class, just lying there on top of her books, waiting. She stared, transfixed, and reached in to pick it up – and that’s when I stumbled into her, making her drop the scepter and kicking it under the lockers. I’d had my eyes glued to my phone, of course, and didn’t even notice her until I walked right into her. Once I had finished apologizing, she had already fled the scene, leaving me to pick up her dropped books. It was while I was on my knees, the other students in the hall whispering and laughing, that I saw the glint of silver under the locker. I reached in, and my life changed forever.

A curtain of yellow and purple lights envelops me. I am slowly lifted off my feet, and a whirlwind of golden sparks carry away my clothes, leaving me floating naked above a street I can no longer see through the dazzling lights. A new whirlwind, this one filled with purple sparks, rush by and clothe me in a uniform of skin-tight gold. Shirt cuffs, pierced by large, diamond cufflinks, wrap themselves around my wrists. A giant white cravat sprouts around my neck. Even after two months, I still have to fight the feeling of being strangled. A third rush of wind shears the scraggly beard from my face, and shapes my hair into a ducktail sharp enough to put James Dean to shame. I no longer shave, or cut my hair. Why would I? The scepter has decided what I should look like. I no longer exercise or diet. The golden spandex shapes my body into a sophomoric ideal of the male body. A cape, white on the inside and purple on the outside, settles over my shoulders.

“… I am Justice Warrior Gold.” There’s actually a whole diatribe about justice and truth and beauty that is supposed to go on while I’m transforming. The Scepter has told me all about it. But I have found out that I only actually have to say the first and last part in order to complete the transformation.

The force holding me up gently lowers me back to the ground. The blinding lights rush away on the wind. The glowing sparks drift away. My eyes are closed. Somewhere behind me people are shouting.
“It’s Justice Warrior Gold!”
“We’re saved!”
“You can take that monster! We believe in you!”

The same thing every week. Like it’s scripted. It’s been like this ever since I found the scepter. Every drat week, another monster, another disaster. Helpless civilians cheering me on, evil villains defying me. And me in the middle, forced to say and do the right things in order to get out of another mess alive.

“A Justice Warrior!?” the demon spits. “You? How pathetic! I will crush you!”

“Please,” I say, eyes still closed. “Just go away. We both know I’m going to defeat you. Just go. Please.”

“You think you can defeat me?” The demon laughs. “I will crush you!”

I sigh heavily, and open my eyes.
“Goddammit.”

It takes about twenty minutes. The demon is reduced to a puddle of grey slime. Nothing as vulgar as actual viscera, of course. I’m bruised and bleeding, but nothing I won’t heal from without scars. Not that anyone at school would ever figure out who I am, or what I do. The scepter’s seen to that.

I limp over to where I left my bag of groceries. Untouched. Good. I pick them up, and continue on my way back home.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk


curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

INTERPROMPT: Giant Robots, 200 words

M. Propagandalf
Aug 9, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER

The Intruder
Word Count: 157

It seemed like any other day for the idyllic town of Blocksville. Its citizens went about their day with polite smiles affixed. The last raid had happened so long ago, and the town had recovered substantially, even growing significantly since. Everyone was lulled into a false sense of security.

That’s when the DUPLOVOX struck.

The giant machine of red-yellow-blue hurtled from the sky, smashing the firehall first. As it ground every building to rubble, it proceeded on its rampage, hurtling cars into another dimension, and decapitating the citizens with cruel precision.

“Dylan, you little brat. Why are you here— WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY LEGO COLLECTION?”

Alas, Blocksville’s emergency alert system had been triggered, and before long, its defence forces would converge. If the DUPLOVOX did not retreat quickly, its psychic connection with the Overlord would be at risk of being severed.

Assessing the raid a success, the DUPLOVOX blasted away back to its home dimension.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

curlingiron posted:

INTERPROMPT: Giant Robots, 200 words

Ten Years After the Giant Erotica Epidemic
143 words

Out past the suburbs, where the big-box stores have died and left fields of flat asphalt behind, the giants send their children to play. Today it's remote-controlled robots, fresh from the giant-sized Radio Shacks that have outlived their smaller kin: skyscrapers of whizzing plastic, LEDs blinking as the robots advance on wheeled feet the size of semi trucks. Plastic pistons send fists into chest trigger plates, and heads fly off. The children's laughter is like distant thunder in the human suburbs beyond.

Miles away, outside a quaint coffee shop the size of a small town, the giant parents watch. Even when their children's robots demolish a chunk of abandoned megamart, they smile to know there's no harm done. Soon enough, their children will repeat their mistakes. They'll terrorize the cities. They'll fornicate with subway tunnels. For now, though, there is peace on Earth.

Lead out in cuffs
Sep 18, 2012

Tanz mit laibach

Im der Pfunderdome!



curlingiron posted:

INTERPROMPT: Giant Robots, 200 words

Escape from Warehouse 57 (200 words)

Jack rode through towers of cardboard boxes zooming past on the backs of stackbots. Suddenly, his safety cage squealed to a halt.

“Alexa, diagnostic,” he said.

“Unit is operating normally,” said the speaker, “please resume work. Penalty points will accrue.”

The cage was locked, but he had water and a bottle to pee in. He just had to sit tight.

Clang! The cage lurched. Looming above was a teetering stack labelled “barbecues”. The stackbot beneath flashed angry red. Then it backed up, stabilized, and wandered off.

OK, the proximity sensors were down. He was stuck in a death trap. Jack prised the cover off the lock mechanism. Another stackbot sped towards him. He grabbed for the grappler arm controls. The arm swung out, and the stackbot backed away with a screech of twisting metal.

He jimmied the door open and rolled onto the floor, as another stackbot smashed into the cage. Both went tumbling through the air and landed in a rain of boxes and protesting steel. From the wreck came a voice:

“Damage has been detected, assessed, and deducted from your salary. Please report to booth 16 for a mandatory correctional briefing.”

More stackbots sped towards him. Jack screamed.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

curlingiron posted:

INTERPROMPT: Giant Robots, 200 words

The Unity Machine

The day they made me think, the world rejoiced, and I rejoiced with them. They installed my brain casing beneath a colorful canopy in Central Park so the people could come greet me, tell me their wishes and fears. There was so much love in those days, my circuits fairly thrummed with it.

The day they made me walk, the generals all nodded with approval and slapped each other on the back. I took my first tottering steps across the Nevada Desert, each stride carrying me more than forty feet. My external sensors told me the ambient temperature was 120 degrees, and my audio receptors picked up a recurring sentiment from the generals: This is a game-changer.

The day they made me fight came sooner than the generals expected. Fighter jets with American flags flew with hostile intent, and my masters were divided against each other. They set me loose on a smoldering battleground called Los Angeles, where I crushed insurgent tanks and swatted low-flying fighters out of the sky. I tried to be careful; I remembered Central Park and the love that flowed through that place. Los Angeles had parks, too, but they were empty except for the abandoned shells of deceased humans.

The day they made me sleep, the world lamented the creation of such a monstrosity as I. The last thing I saw before my awareness blipped out of existence forever was a televised summit between opposing factions; they signed an accord, an agreement that nothing like me would ever divide them again.

Uranium Phoenix
Jun 20, 2007


RADIOACTIVE DUST SURGE DETECTED


curlingiron posted:

INTERPROMPT: Giant Robots, 200 words

The Vastness That Was Poseidon-5b, Aptly Named Giant Robot

The problem with robots was that they learned exactly what we taught them. We all remember the Sentinel 7s, the first autonomous police robot. A bunch of racists taught it everything, and shocker, you get the Racist Robots, running around rounding up anyone darker than printer paper before they were decommissioned.

The problem with programmers was that they learned nothing of history, and little of mythology. I think that’s why they kept naming things “Project Icarus” and then being surprised when it crashed and burned.

Poseidon-5b was taught to clean up ocean trash. It was taught about plastic, garbage, and efficiency, and unleashed. The ten-mile robot, they called it. The solution to pollution, which had to be true because it rhymed.

Its powerful learning algorithms quickly figured out the source of the trash, and then the fact that Poseidon was also the god of earthquakes became relevant. It crashed onto land in search of the origin of the trash. To it, that was basically anything that we’d thrown in the ocean, which ended up being just about everything. From plastic bags to autofactories, it consumed everything, leaving droppings of plastic and steel cubes.

At least Los Angeles traffic has improved.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Thunderdome Week 319 Judgement

M. Propagandalf is disqualified for going about 800 words over the word limit for no drat reason; Staggy is disqualified for editing their post. Don't edit your posts guys!!

The loss goes to Maigius who was so excited to tell us about their magical girl team that they forgot to write a good story.
Dishonorable mention goes to Armack, who made half of their story difficult to read for no clearly discernible reason.
Honorable mentions to Thranguy, who I hope didn't make me read Steven Universe fanfiction, and Beezus and Bad Seafood, who had fun with the prompt while taking the mantle of magical girls seriously.
This week's winner is Antivehicular for writing the anime version of Just Beef It. Beef It. Beef Takes a Dick and Eats It.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Chocolate tastes bad,
also fuck you <3

[b]An Authentic FrontButt 2000[/url]

The Apocalypse lasted between one hundred and two hundred years, depending on how your clan keeps time. I remember the constant crashing, whirring, and scraping coming from the surface, when I was very young. We couldn't have known, but the alien conquerors were waging their own doomsday war out there. When the noises suddenly stopped, and humans started going back outside, we saw nothing resembling the world we had heard about and seen in pre-war media. But it must be better out there, right?

Well, among other things, the alien giants left their sex robots scattered across the landscape. It seemed a waste to go back underground and return to that life, so we basically said “gently caress it” and started moving in.

Mine’s a FrontButt 2000; a partially-detached former sex portal. It is still connected to the main Sex Module, but at least it's a few yards away. I covered the cable with debris, and it's almost like a real little house!

Some say we need to go back underground, that it’s uncivilized to make our homes in alien robot vaginas. I say, these are people who can’t afford a real FrontButt. It must be better out here.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Chocolate tastes bad,
also fuck you <3

^no editing rule; that was supposed to be for the interprompt, dangit.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Prompt will be up tonight.

In the meantime: to finish my outstanding judgecrits (Family Motto Week and Power Week) before the next submission deadline, which should be 11:59 PM Pacific time this Sunday.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Antivehicular posted:

Prompt will be up tonight.

In the meantime: to finish my outstanding judgecrits (Family Motto Week and Power Week) before the next submission deadline, which should be 11:59 PM Pacific time this Sunday.

I'm confused. How is "tonight" right now?

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, spin up the goddam chaingun.' -Robot Santa Claus

Chili posted:

I'm confused. How is "tonight" right now?

It's prompt o'clock somewhere.

CantDecideOnAName
Jan 1, 2012

And I understand if you ask
Was this life,
was this all?


There was a transformation sequence here, with lots of sparkles and flashes of colored light, and I am no longer Cantdecideonaname. I am now Canty! Prepare to be judged!

The ZIA Squad Episode ###: The Curator
Soda. Madison. Shiiba't the animal sidekick with a stupid name. Springfield. Old man disguise. Usagi namedrop (presumably on her ascention towards Queen). Okay, now it's the Avengers. Unicorns out of nowhere. Last minute redemption of the villain. Technically everything's there, and a bit more besides, but it was mainly the trappings and none of the heart.
2/5

Pretty Corp
Mysterious rich/military figures. A solitary professor with world changing technology. There's a comedic twist here with them questioning the tropes of the magical girl that I rather enjoy, and then a further twist with them ultimately agreeing. It's not about magical girls, but they are a key component of the story.
3.5/5

Transformation
Cynicism. You start with a good hook, and the transition into middle aged magical girl is smooth. The classism and racism is a bit much- but wait, it's just a cover for some real hosed up and unmentioned body horror. I'm thinking werewolves. The twist is unexpected, although when I reread I can see it was there all along. Interesting. Ultimately closer to a monster story than a magical girl one, though.
3.5/5

Riding the River
Starting off with sexual assault is a bold move. Continuing it is bolder. Ultimately this reminds me more of a witch and her kelpie than it does a magical girl, so even though it's well written I'm docking you points for that.
2/5

Aeternum Vale
After a few paragraphs, I realize that there's no way there isn't a tragic and horrifying twist to bringing things back to life, so now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop... and there it is, with the possibility of her mother being trapped in a coffin when she comes back to life. Unsatisfying and I don't see how it has anything to do with magical girls at all.
1/5

Macaulay Dred Met With The Dean That Morning

Part magical girl, part superhero, almost entirely incomprehensible.
1/5

A Living War Machine! Weaponized Innocence
This is the kind of darkness I was hoping for. There's the power of the magical girl, love, talking cats who are not as they seem, a tiny character arc for both Shiro and the Champion who turns out to be surprisingly aware.
4/5

Ex-Sanguine
Post-apocalyptic, a struggle, scars, a pact. Interesting. It definitely hints at a magical girl.
2.5/5

A Thing With Feathers
Insects. Birds. Bloodlines. A hereditary magical girl. Japanese names. A girl finally finds her power and saves the day, as it were.
3/5

Ghost Stories
So far it's more family drama than magical girl, with only a passing mention of ghosts and a talking cat. You hint again with the clock, although that still feels more like a magician than a magical girl. It's an interesting story, but it doesn't quite hit the mark.
2.5/5

Better Than Crystal
Tragedy but hope, darkness and light, splashes of history, a twist, a turn.
4/5

She's a Natural
Fascinating. Definitely a magical girl with all the trappings.
4/5

The Genesis of DELTA
An itty-bitty origin story. It fits the mold well enough, even if it was a little lackluster.
3/5

Old Guard
Another old magical girl. A wonderful entrance, a cool design, a story with heart.
4/5

Firebirds
It starts out interesting, and then you introduce Rasputin and all I can think about is the movie where he's an undead sorcerer with an albino bat for a sidekick. It's a real drat shame that you had to make them Rasputin and Anastasia, because otherwise the story is pretty cool. The line “Strike now, while you can still kill a sorcerer. Soon you will only have the blood of a man.” is a good one.
3.5/5

Monster of the week
I'm reminded of a fanfic I started reading, many years ago, where Constantine is given a magical locket by Sailor Saturn. It must not have been terribly engaging, because I stopped after the first chapter. This is much better. World weariness without cynicism. A well written transformation sequence. An origin story worthy of an anime opening, just before the music starts.
4/5

Tibalt
May 14, 2017

lol suk it proud boi


Well that's a weird prompt but I guess I'm in

(Thanks for the crit, CantDecideonaName)

Solitair
Feb 18, 2014

This statement is a lie!


WEEK 319: MAHOU SHOUJO JAJJI KURITTO

“The ZIA Squad Episode ###: The Curator” by M. Propagandalf
Not a bad introduction to this week. My main complaint is that the members of ZIA Squad aren’t given room to distinguish themselves as individual characters. We don’t even know who has which weapon, let alone how any of them differentiate themselves in a setting outside their magical girl duties. Otherwise it’s fine; it feels like you have the skeleton of a full episode down to the pacing, but I want a bit more meat on them bones.
First guess: middle.

“Pretty Corp” by Staggy
You’re one of the better newbies I’ve seen come around here, so it’s disheartening to see you use such obvious typos as ending a question with a period or dropping a comma. Otherwise, while this story is more subversive in terms of what happens than Propagandalf’s, that’s to its detriment. It’s basically an unfunny sketch comedy scene that affords no opportunity to do anything besides laugh knowingly at how silly the magical girl genre is and how you’d have to take some leaps of logic to make it work in a real world setting! This story would have been better if it focused on the magical girl being used as a military puppet herself instead of the setup between boring military brass and a boring scientist. I have faith that you could have fit a decent yarn of that nature in the word limit, but instead we have a bad joke.

You didn’t even spell corps correctly FFS.
First guess: low.

“Transformation” by Fleta Mcgurn
Here we go, the first downbeat deconstruction like what MQ and I did in our brawl. Considering how unimpressed Third was with the idea, you have guts trying it yourself, or should I say you have GUNTS lol (thanks for nothing, making me look up that word). At least that’s what I thought, but one thing I can say about this story is that it’s unpredictable. First it looks like it’s going to be about aging women forced to play a teenager’s game for too long; MQ’s story already covered that, but alright, your focus on bodily imperfections is a decent indicator that it’ll be a more cynical take on the same story. Then there’s the meeting which kind of makes me think of an Always Sunny scene, so that maybe I’ll think it’ll be a dark comedy about people abusing powers they shouldn’t have. However, that doesn’t really mesh with the secret transformation mentioned in the narrative, which leads the story into dark horror territory. Part of this is just me; I had a very slippery grasp of what this story’s tone is, including guessing a forbidden love angle based entirely on me misreading a sentence, but I don’t think you’ve got a great handle on it, either.
First guess: mid-low.

“Riding the River” by Lippincott
Now, this is a much more consistent story. Everything about it reinforces the feeling that something bad is going to happen; it’s just a matter of who’s going to get it. Main problem is that this doesn’t exactly scream “magical girl!” The narrator could just as easily be a witch or some other figure of urban fantasy, given that there’s no obvious signifier like a transformation into an elaborate battle outfit, an item to facilitate said transformation, or a talking animal companion. I’m not sure what your understanding of this genre is, but I admit it was mildly satisfying to see the monster rise.
First guess: middle. Would be mid-high if it fit the prompt.

“Aeternum Vale” by derp
Like Lippincott’s story, but better. What gives this one the edge? First, there’s the prose, which emulates the main character’s childish mindset and holds up well throughout the piece. There’s also the method of magic; though it’s still a distance away from the main concept of a magical girl, a piece of jewelry with a magic word attaches the story enough to the prompt that I don’t mind that distance so much. Lastly, and this may just be personal preference, the idea of a child being parted from their parent too soon feels a bit more natural and believable than the threat of sexual assault and payback for that threat in Lippincott’s story, even though both concepts have a high potential for tawdriness.
First guess: high.

On second thought, this is still pretty dang far from the idea of a magical girl, plus the better stories from further down the list made me adjust my preferences. In a white room, this is still alright, but it’s a bad fit for this week.
Second guess: mid-highish

“Macaulay Dread Met With The Dean That Morning” by Armack
Gupta’s odd, stilted method of speaking would be a weird detail to include in a story themed around the tradeoff between civilian life and being a superhero, but I could let it slide if it wasn’t infecting the rest of the story. Macaulay slips into speaking awkwardly as well, especially during Gupta’s initial introduction, and the whole piece just feels bad to read. I appreciate you trying to make a different and interesting power set for our hero, but that just adds to the confusion. The ending also seems rushed, a classic case of ran-out-of-words. I’m fine with how depressing it is, but you don’t give it much time to sink in. Also, I just realized you wrote a superhero story and not a magical girl one.
First guess: mid-low.

“A Living War Machine! Weaponized Innocence” by Tibalt
“Silver tongued Kuro?” That doesn’t mean what you think it means, plus you put it inside the quotation marks when it clearly isn’t supposed to be. I get that the familiars had a relationship in the past, but I doubt that they’re having sex in the first scene. Bad Tibalt. Rest of the story’s fine; I appreciate the world-weary yet staunch conclusion. It just needed a proofreading pass.
First guess: middle.
Edit: What the gently caress is wrong with me i misread that first part. Still some typos in the rest of the story though.

“Ex-Sanguine” by curlingiron
As much as the whole “magical girl is tired and approaching death from a never-ending war against her enemies” variation of the prompt is getting old, this is one of the best versions of it so far this week. No typos getting in the way, a palpable sense of dread, stakes I can clearly understand, and a main character who made me feel bad for her make this one of the frontrunners.
First guess: mid-high.

“A Thing With Feathers” by Antivehicular
Good on you for finding a different angle to take on this prompt. I can’t think of anything wrong with this one, in terms of either technical proficiency or theme or character stuff. I guess if I had to nitpick something, the team name is a mouthful to say. “Exterminating” is a five syllable word, which is tough to throw around as part of a team name. Otherwise it’s good.
First guess: high.

“Ghost Stories” by Tyrannosaurus
Another decent story with a decent angle. The profanity felt forced, but that fits the situation, in which Shamara’s actively trying to get a rise out of her parents instead of speaking naturally. I also feel a bit disappointed that we don’t get to see Shamara at work in the text, but the family dynamic and dynamic between Tevi and Shamara, are a suitable substitute. Not sure how to feel about the ambiguous ending.
First guess: mid-high.

“Better Than Crystal” by Thranguy
I like how suddenly the quality of stories shoots up as I progress. Not much else I can say about this one. I think this might be my favorite one so far. I love the sense of history, both in the fictional universe and the way it integrates real world events, plus the way the initial conflict with the King of Tomorrow is framed, then reframed near the end. The Alzheimer’s/dementia aspect isn’t as sad as I expected it to be, but I think this story’s ambiguous ending is pretty perfect.
First guess: winner.

“She’s a Natural” by Beezus
Welcome to Thunderdome! Congratulations on making me chuckle a little with your dumb joke story. The way Pixie Dandy’s dialogue plays out during her fight has good comedic timing. Not really a fan of how the story ends mid-flashback, though. You could have used a better gag to go out on.
First guess: mid-high.

“The Genesis of DELTA” by Maigius
“Angels, demons, Nazis, nukes what more could England need.” I hate the way this sentence is punctuated. It makes it sound like Tracy is monotonously reciting words off a list without knowing what they mean. This is not the only sentence in the story that feels this way. Goddamn this story feels so lifeless and wooden. It’s a shame because I like the individual character designs you came up with for costumes and weapons, even though there’s no unified features that suggest they’re a team. More importantly, you waste so much time with those costumes, rote power descriptions and invocations—going through the motions of an origin story without any semblance of flavor or personality—that the final product feels like a cross between a middle school play and a toy commercial. This story is bad and you should feel bad.
First guess: loser.

“Old Guard” by Invisible Clergy
It took me a second to realize that Ayame was the nurse and not the grandmother. The whole story feels stilted (though not nearly as much as Maigius’s), and the Japanese terms (gashapon, dango) feel tacked on. Blah blah blah elderly magical girl from the old days, blah blah blah can still fight with the best of them, blah blah blah coy secret identity acknowledgement blah blah. It’s a blah kind of story.
First guess: mid-low.

“Firebirds” by Bad Seafood
This is a pretty good tone piece, and I’m intrigued by your depiction of real historical figures like Anastasia and Rasputin as akin to mythical figures straight out of a Neil Gaiman joint. I know this was kind of a rush job for you, and I admire your ability to make something that felt complete under the circumstances. I just wish it was longer.
First guess: mid-high.

“Monster of the week” by Mr. Sunshine
I don’t think I get your protagonist. Is he just coasting through life, bored even of the supernatural battles he fights in? Is he mourning what his life’s become, to the extent that he pisses and moans about not having to care about the shape he’s in because the transformation takes care of that? If he’s always in shape because of the scepter, he comes across as a spoiled rear end in a top hat for not realizing how much other people would love to get out of their body image issues so easily. If he slobifies when out of uniform, why is he so dumb as to assume that diet and exercise no longer matter? I don’t like your protagonist or your white people problems story, but it’s technically sound and flows well. Don’t get discouraged, newbie; just think of a better pitch next time.
First guess: mid-low.

Solitair fucked around with this message at Sep 19, 2018 around 02:19

derp
Jan 21, 2010


Lipstick Apathy

ty for the crits Solitair and cant!

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Thunderdome CCCXX: Dumpster Diving For Fun and Profit



I've been thinking about no-mention stories a lot lately. As the podcast once observed, no-mentions are the most frequently ignored and forgotten stories in TD, and I think that's a shame; there's a wide band of quality there and a lot of interesting stuff. This week, I want you to rummage through the neglected piles and find something to polish up.

This week, your prompt is to rewrite a past Thunderdome story that received no mention in its original week. This cannot be one of your own stories, and it can't be one of mine (because you don't want to see the pedantic crits this would produce). Pick for yourself, or I'll randomly assign you one if you'd rather. (If you're using the archive to select a story, please pick something that doesn't have any archive tags attached: no Classics, Fanfiction, Erotica, Ock!, etc. If you're new and don't have archives access, use the archived Thunderdome threads; I'll make sure you find something you can read.)

What I'm looking for in rewrites is something that transforms the original piece while still using major elements from it / being identifiable as a derivative work. You're free to change bits as you like, but I should be able to see a family resemblance between your story and your prompt story; at the other extreme, you shouldn't just rephrase the original in your own words.

For those who like flash rules to help inspire their remixing, this week will feature two optional flash rules. You can use one, both, or neither:

1) Found objects from Found Magazine. You can pick one, or I'll assign you one.

2) Past TD flash rules/sub-prompts that were given to entrants that failed -- anything is fair game here, as long as there was never a story posted using that flash rule. These you'll have to hunt down for yourself if you want, but if you've ever seen a failure flash rule and been like WHAT A WASTE, I COULD HAVE WRITTEN A WORK OF GENIUS WITH THAT ONE, here's your chance.

No erotica, fanfiction, political screeds/attempts at topical political satire, poetry, Google Docs, or archive-breaking coding. Don't be jerks.

Word Count: 1250
Signups Close: Friday, September 21st, 11:59 PM Pacific
Submissions Close: Sunday, September 23rd, 11:59 PM Pacific

Who's In Charge of This Dump?:
Antivehicular
Yoruichi
??? COULD IT BE YOU ???

Junkyard Rats:
1. Tibalt ("Whistleblowing," found-object flash)
2. sebmojo ("Unorthodox methods," found-object flash)
3. Sitting Here ("Keep Digging," found-object flash)
4. Tyrannosaurus ("Hell's Other People," found-object flash)
5. Pham Nuwen ("You, Me, and the Body")
6. Thranguy ("The Dream Taker," found-object flash)
7. Invisible Clergy
8. ThirdEmperor ("Mixed Blessing," found-object flash)
9. AllNewJonasSalk ("Bought and Paid For")
10. NotGordian ("Where the Pine Trees Grow," found-object flash)
11. Chili ("Collapse Sonata")
12. apophenium ("The Cowboy's Sparkles," found-object flash)
13. Lead out in cuffs ("The Premier")
14. Ottermotive Insanity ("This is a Story About Anxiety")
15. BabyRyoga ("A Minute's Silence")
16. Dr. Klocktopussy ("Give Him the Finger," found-object flash)
17. Fleta McGurn ("A Part of Her," found-object flash)
18. Mr. Sunshine ("Sisters of Sarah Jane")
19. Entenzahn ("Facetime," found-object flash)
20. Solitair ("Plain White Brain," found-object flash)
21. M. Propagandalf ("One Last Play")

Antivehicular fucked around with this message at Sep 22, 2018 around 08:43

Tibalt
May 14, 2017

lol suk it proud boi


Hell yeah, give me the full Monty, I want a random story and a found object. I'll need to go scrounging for a flash rule too.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Tibalt posted:

Hell yeah, give me the full Monty, I want a random story and a found object. I'll need to go scrounging for a flash rule too.

In, this is me too

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

sebmojo posted:

In, this is me too

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

sebmojo posted:

In, this is me too

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



I'm in, give me a random story please!

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, spin up the goddam chaingun.' -Robot Santa Claus

In with randoms, same.

A bunch of unused subprompts can be found at https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post456048221

The non-struckthrough ones should be still unused. Some of the struckthroughs as well, there were failures that week. Slight caveat: some of the wizard flashes may have been re-used in the second wizard week; double-check any of those before using. These are only from one year's worth, many more are before or after then.

derp
Jan 21, 2010


Lipstick Apathy

extremely happy i deleted all my posts from the old threads. holy crap this could be an embarrassing week for some people

Invisible Clergy
Sep 25, 2015

"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3


Fascinating idea for a prompt. I'm in.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Tibalt posted:

Hell yeah, give me the full Monty, I want a random story and a found object. I'll need to go scrounging for a flash rule too.

Your random story is Whistleblowing, by Jitzu_The_Monk!

Your found object is "Here in the Manor"!

sebmojo posted:

In, this is me too

Your random story is Unorthodox methods by Auraboks!

Your found object is "Decoration Day!"


Your random story is Keep Digging, by Noah!

Your found object is "Mohawk Windmill!"


Your random story is Hell's Other People, by ThirdEmperor!

Your found object is "11th Birthday Party Agenda!"

Pham Nuwen posted:

I'm in, give me a random story please!

Your random story is You, Me, and the Body by Jonked!

Thranguy posted:

In with randoms, same.

Your random story is The Dream Taker by super sweet best pal!

Your found object is "8-Ball and Terry!"

Invisible Clergy posted:

Fascinating idea for a prompt. I'm in.

Do you want a random pick, or will you pick something on your own?

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Before I enter this week, anyone want to exchange a no-mention with me? I'll rewrite one of yours, you rewrite one of mine? It'd be cool if you had at least 5 or so stories for me to choose from, if so. Lord knows I got a fuckin volume of no mentions to pick.

ThirdEmperor
Aug 7, 2013

BEHOLD MY GLORY

AND THEN

BRAWL ME


Gimme randoms. In.

AllNewJonasSalk
Apr 22, 2017

THUNDERDOME LOSER

I'm a dirty failure so I need a

With that said I'm IN and supremely lazy so I need a random.

NotGordian
Sep 19, 2018


Smoke pours into the arena. It has a acrid stench, and a silhouette steps into the center.

"What's going on?"

"I think someone's in all that smoke."

"Is this a new challenger?"

The murmuring of the crowd dies as the silhouette raises a hand, and the smoke settles to the ground. The newcomer is wearing patchwork armor, made from boiled pleather and trashcan lids; they are wracked and rent by countless battles. A thick helmet covers their face, but the challenge is barely muffled.

"I'm the beast residing in the East! The teacher of ESL who'll knock you down to hell! I'll prove that the VPN is mightier than the sword!" The figure pulls off the helmet, dropping it into the bloodstained sand, revealing a mane of dark hair, a feral snarl set in a bearded face and a glare to rival Medusa's.

"I am NotGordian and I am in!"

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Random story and random found object please.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Chili posted:

Before I enter this week, anyone want to exchange a no-mention with me? I'll rewrite one of yours, you rewrite one of mine? It'd be cool if you had at least 5 or so stories for me to choose from, if so. Lord knows I got a fuckin volume of no mentions to pick.

Sorry Chili. I signed up too quick.

Solitair
Feb 18, 2014

This statement is a lie!


Chili posted:

Before I enter this week, anyone want to exchange a no-mention with me? I'll rewrite one of yours, you rewrite one of mine? It'd be cool if you had at least 5 or so stories for me to choose from, if so. Lord knows I got a fuckin volume of no mentions to pick.

I'll take you up on that offer. Haven't decided which story of yours I'll do yet.

IN with one of Chili's stories and a random found object.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

ThirdEmperor posted:

Gimme randoms. In.

Your random story is Mixed Blessing, by tenniseveryone!

I'm assuming "randoms," plural, means you want a flash rule too, so: your found object is "Bertha and Mom!"

AllNewJonasSalk posted:

I'm a dirty failure so I need a

With that said I'm IN and supremely lazy so I need a random.

Your random story is Bought and Paid For, by Entenzahn!

NotGordian posted:

Random story and random found object please.

Your random story is Where the Pine Trees Grow, by GlassLotus!

Your found object is "Dear Sarah!"

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Alright, officially in with a solitair selection that will be determined soon.

apophenium
Apr 13, 2009

I am a real boy.


In, for past failures. And I'd love a story suggestion and a found item flash. Cheers!

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killer crane
Dec 30, 2006



in, with a random assignment please.

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