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derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

i fcuking hate time travel stories. so i guess i'll be in

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derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Dr. Kloctopussy posted:

That's weird, considering you already wrote at least one.

peering into the past is not going there!

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

righting is hard

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

dammit!

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Slice of life
2010 words


removed

derp fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2018 around 19:52

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

yes tyvm apop

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

tyvm for your thoughts tyran!

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

SOMEBODY FIGHT ME

IM READY(butidontlikethisweeksprompt)

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Ur on looser

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

My animals are going to have such smarts. The best smarts. I know a lot of sapient animals and I can tell you mine are the smartest

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

crabrock posted:

lol. imma judge this because flerp derp

prompt: every species is sapient but can't recognize it in other species or communicate with them.

wordcount:1500 words

due date: Jan 27 11:59pm PST

derp, toxx up plz.

Residue
1375 words


removed

derp fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2018 around 19:52

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

woo, my first TD win

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

sebmojo told me not to ever eat anything larger than my head, but i have a very small head and that excludes most foods and i am a large man who needs much food so i starved to death and now i am a ghost. gently caress you sebmojo.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

hello. i'm having trouble writing lately so i guess i'll do one of these with a flash also k thanks.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Kaishai posted:

Thunderdome Recap!





*bumps into signpost, falls down, spends rest of life there*

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

A night at the theater:
removed


derp fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2019 around 17:52

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Okay I will write a story featuring a guy who is tough and or cool. Gimme a quote thing

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Tyrannosaurus posted:

"Do the animals still talk in your world?"


“For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully and found plenty to eat as there were lots of fish..."

You trying to force me to write about pirates? Self imposed rule: Idris has never been on a boat

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

ďFor the first ten days they sailed on beautifully and found plenty to eat as there were lots of fish..."

A Mother and a Father
Starring Janet McTeer as Zednia
And introducing Idris Elba as The Stranger


removed

derp fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2019 around 17:52

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Thank you for the crits up and all, lots of effort going into those for dumb forum words. We don't deserve it(I love it ty!)

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

hi hello i will do it.

thank you and good day.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Sitting Here posted:


Emotions: Grieving, embarrassed



best friends
1200 words


removed

derp fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2019 around 17:53

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

is there any rules about posting crits before judging has happened

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Ty!

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Prump?
Prom?
Print?
Pramp?
Pront?

Also ty for those krits

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

i dont think i took enough time with these to call them crits, but here are the thoughts i had while reading the stories.





Funhouse, m. propagandalf


Typoes. Iím having a hard time visualizing this off-putting man. Unsure how she can tell heís wearing blackface if heís wearing a mask. As Iím reading, many of these descriptions are hard for me to imagine. ďThe man pranced off as Yolanda followed suit.Ē she pranced as well? This strikes me as humorous, in a sort of Ďwalk this wayí kind of way. This whole thing could use some close reading and a couple more rounds of editing. I liked the unexpected way the man reacted like he was all hurt and sad that she didnít want to stay, that made me smile. Overall though this story wasnít very satisfying because Yolanda didnít do anything, it was all the manís actions (telling her where the plushy was, then giving her the special coin) that allowed her to leave.

Macadelic, allnewjonassalk

Oh boy, a poo poo story. The first sentence is where I would normally stop reading but Iíll go on for a crit. Well this certainly is miserable. Strikes me as kind of a gross out story, but it at least has a cynical edge, which I like. Not sure what to think of the message here. It seems to be a critical look at the way cities deal with their homeless, but then all the homeless are described as shitbags so...? Pretty well written, I chuckled a couple times, and the ending was unexpected. Not much of a story though, in a Ďcharacter trying and failing/succeeding to do somethingí kind of way.

Running up that hill, staggy

I liked this one. The beginning has a good hook and it held me all the way through. I really enjoyed that it didnít end in a sappy or dumb way, or a twisty way (almost thought he was gunna die on the hill WHATATWIST) but in a realistic Ďwork is hard, and it sucks, deal with ití kind of way. Nice work on the descriptions, too, really had me feeling the guys pain and frustration. Iíll probably think of this one again at some point, which is more than I can say for most of the stories I read here.

Twisted goose

I wanted to stop reading this cause who wants to read about these kinds of assholes, but I noticed that one of the words for your prompt was Ďdisdainí so, okay, I guess Iíll feel disdain. Pretty well written, pulled me along, made me want to know what was going to happen. I thought the story should have ended here ďThis is the Twisted Goose, he said impatiently, and itís how Iím finally going to grab Mindy Burbankís tit.Ē It was funny, and unexpected, made me laugh. After that though you kind of figure of course itís going to go wrong and are just waiting to find out exactly how. Not a bad read, though the content kind of brought it down, imo.

Little departures, sparksbloom

I guess it was written competently enough, but I just didnít care about anything that happened. Didnít seem like the character did, either.

Zodiac race, billy profane

You got a hell of a flash rule and did what you could with it. The reality show context is kind of amusing, but thereís really not much to pull this story along. Thereís no question i want answered, no tension, no Ďwhatís going to happen?í not bad for trying to fit 12 characters in 1200 words though.

Eyes

Good descriptions of his weird experiences i guess but I just donít care. Nothing changes, nothing is learned, nothing is tried, nothing is failed. A guy has some thoughts and then stabs himself.

Apophenium, bad math

I liked this one. Interesting, unpredictable and nothing is explained, which is as it should be. Would have liked a bit more of a sense of Jeremyís feelings of being trapped and resisting, so that the finale is more satisfying. But pretty good for the number of words you had. Also i liked that she died in the end. Would have ruined the story imo if somehow his shooting bart made her wake up. Yay. after reading everything I might pick this for a winner.

Lippencot, sunday dinner

Nice. I like this one too. I was really rooting for Abe. Made me feel the tension and feel that connection and internal cheering every time Abe held his ground. Took a little while to get going, otherwise great.

Antivehicular, blameless prisoner

Was interested to read this one after seeing the flash rule. I was definitely curious while reading it, itís an interesting premise and I wanted to find out more. Pretty good for a story where nothing can change, which means nothing really happens. The unanswered questions were good, just enough intrigue to leave me thinking about what kind of prison this is, what it means to be there, etc. pretty good. After reading everything, could be argued for a winner or hm

Tibalt, deescalation

Cut the second paragraph and this is pretty good. Can feel the guyís desperation and helplessness. Could use some editing and rewriting in parts to make it more snappy and sharp as the story itself is. But not bad.

Thranguy, for the love of god


This was a good read. Well written, good pacing, interesting characters and interesting plot. All around good. Not sure it fits the prompt to well and i donít get the title. But I enjoyed it quite a bit. Could be a winner.

Invisible clergy, starlight

Bored. Donít know what the point of this was. What was i supposed to feel or think... the best way to get a reader to care about or like a character (if thatís what you were trying to do) is to show them either being really good at something, or really bad at something but trying super hard at it anyway. He didn't seem like he had to try very hard, maybe thatís why I didnít care. I dunno.

Lead out in cuffs, suburban skategirls

This was pretty cute, and nice job on using the literal image lol. The skunks were kind of random though and a distraction cause I was trying to figure out what they meant or how they related to the prompt.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

okay i will do it

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Ty for your thoughts!

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Aeternum Vale
1261 words

removed

derp fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2019 around 17:53

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

ty for the crits Solitair and cant!

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

extremely happy i deleted all my posts from the old threads. holy crap this could be an embarrassing week for some people

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Did you know that the first train only had one wheel, and was built over one million weeks ago? Most people don't know, but the train was actually named after John Coltrane, and so was coal. This is why coal is often pulled around in trains. These cool conversation starters, as well as seventeen other interesting facts, are all available in Cool Train Facts by me, Turk Durkington. It can all be yours for the low cost of 1.99 trains. Buy my product.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Ah, my train has arrived, PROMPT as ever, and the conductor is asking who is going to get IN. I climb on board and we're off in a FLASH.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Okay I will do it

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Sitting Here posted:

you are a camera


Camera[b], 630 words

removed

derp fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2019 around 17:53

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

im in a zone and don't want to wait till monday or tuesday to start the next thing. somebody FIGHT ME

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Sitting Here posted:

you're all brawling each other.

Your prompt is two characters who can't communicate but must work together in some way.

1200 words
due date Saturday October 6, before you go to bed.
judge is me
es please

:Toxx: aww yah

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

haha ok

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

ty everyone for the fantastic crits on these v short stories. more effort than is deserved im sure

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derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Yoruichi posted:

"you're"

"opponent's"

Fart. Tit.

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