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Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



it's been well over 6 months since I've last played but what the hell, I'll do this again.

In(ner planes?)

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Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Jay W. Friks posted:

I rolled a 65 (65-66) you get the Windswept Depths of Pandemonium https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pande...ns_%26_Dragons)

Great now I have to take great care to avoid ripping off Harlan Ellison

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



East and West and We're In Between OR: Stuck in the Middle With You

(archived)

Pham Nuwen fucked around with this message at Aug 13, 2018 around 22:32

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



I usually skipped song weeks but I guess I'm in this week with him

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



other place

(archived)

Pham Nuwen fucked around with this message at Aug 13, 2018 around 22:33

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



curlingiron posted:

Thanks for the crits! 🐝

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Everybody always says I'm a tool so I'm in

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Regular cleanings are essential to good oral health

(archived)

Pham Nuwen fucked around with this message at Aug 13, 2018 around 22:33

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



pre-judgement bullshit

By 2030, the court system was so overloaded that new cases had to be scheduled years into the future. Seeing a market opportunity, Universal Cybernetics developed the Electro-Bailiff, an 8 foot tall robot which could walk at 30 mph and speak at over 250 words per minute. The first year of widespread adoption, the Electro-Bailiff saved over 250,000 man-hours just on the "all rise" announcements (assisted by pneumatically-operated seats in the juror box and gallery).

A few years later U.C. introduced the Automatic Juror, for rent by the hour to persons summoned for jury duty. The first model would do little more than repeat racist statements to get out of jury selection, but the Mark III was actually deemed suitable as an actual jury stand-in when, in an experimental case, one stood in for Ethel Jones (age 87, of Phoenix, Arizona) and successfully convinced a human jury to convict because "you know how those people are." The Department of Justice considered that sufficient evidence that a robotic proxy could accurately represent the beliefs and reasoning of a human juror. Within a year, the majority of juries were entirely robotic.

When Universal Cybernetics attempted to promote the Judgetron Mark I, it met with significant resistance despite the public's rapid acceptance of electronic juries and courtroom assistants. Public opinion changed following a dramatic demonstration in which a Judgetron was set in a race against 10 human judges over a 24 hour period. Despite the best efforts of the human judges--particularly the Honorable Jonathan Henry, who heard cases through the night before dying of a heart attack at dawn--the Judgetron ruled on more cases than all the human judges combined. The Department of Justice approved the Judgetron. The verdict was clear: Fast judging was, indeed, good judging.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



ThirdEmperor posted:

Hm. You know who's fault this is?

SittingHere. Yes, SittingHere, the loathsome and slothlike thing who promised to judge this brawl but then took so goshdamn long to get off her butt and post a prompt that, woops, here comes Chili with a yodeling ranger, and woops, there goes my chances at winning.

SH, as far as I'm concerned, y'all owe me a brawl scalp. I intend to collect in glorious combat.





What's that? A brawl in room 312? I'll be there straight away!



Pictured: SittingHere and ThirdEmperor

Prompt: Your story is set entirely in a hotel. It can be a space hotel, or a cool 20s gangster hotel, or whatever. I don't want any action to take place outside the hotel, not even in flashbacks.
Deadline: Monday July 30, midnight MST
Word limit: gently caress you, I'm not reading more than 1000 words of your garbage.

I see toxxes from you both, excellent, I'll see you in the lobby Monday night!

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



ThirdEmperor / Sitting Here brawl results

I asked for stories about hotels. I got a story about a couple hearing a weird noise in a Holiday Inn, and a story about two lonely sorcerers beefin' in Ye Olde Crusades Inne. Sitting Here, I really liked the characterization in your story, but at the end of the day I think ThirdEmperor told more of an actual story while still including some ~*~feelings~*~. Congratulations, ThirdEmperor, I name you winner of this brawl! Don't get a big head, though; I'd have put both stories firmly in the middle of the pack on a regular TD week.

Sitting Here, "S.E.P."
Kyle seems to live in his own head a lot. By telling the story in 3rd person but including Kyle's thoughts, it also makes it feel like Ashley doesn't worry about stuff as much, she's more easy-going. I like your characters; in the short word limit, you establish two people who I recognize. Kyle is basically me. My problem with the story is: what, and why? What was the "implication [that] reared its head"? I assume S.E.P. stands for "somebody else's problem", and while Kyle's response seems realistic, it's not very satisfying--"Frodo handed the ring to Elrond and went back to the Shire. The End." wouldn't be a very good story. My complaint with the story is that it's basically something your friend might drop over beers to little acknowledgment: "This one time we stayed at a hotel and there was this thumping from next door, but it was just a linen closet. Anyway we ignored it and had a pretty good time."

ThirdEmperor, "Hayyan"
As I read the title, I assume you've hit up name sites for a meaningful name which composes the title and possibly the main character's name. I think in at least one spot you forgot to replace the placeholder ("-"?) with "Hayyan", and I think in general another proofing pass would have done it a favor. I liked the story well enough; I like wizards, so it's an easy sell. I'd read a 4,000 word story about this pair where they did something exciting instead of conjuring at each other and being sad. Putting the showdown in the courtyard is skirting close to my "all action must take place in the hotel" but I'll allow it. I think you were going for an overall theme of loneliness and homesickness, and I do think you achieved it reasonably well.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



On a proper TD bingo sheet, the center space should definitely be "Dead father"

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



In.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Like Oil and Water
1215 words



(archived)

Pham Nuwen fucked around with this message at Sep 11, 2018 around 01:04

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



In, and flash me

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



AllNewJonasSalk posted:

One story about a presidential dead brain in a vase on the way. I'm always weary of writing any stories about the current political poo poo because it already seems like a wet dream fan fiction that somehow transposed itself on real life.

I recommend against making it Nixon in a jar or else you've got Futurama fan fiction

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



At the White Horse
850 words

(archived)

Pham Nuwen fucked around with this message at Oct 4, 2018 around 14:01

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



ThirdEmperor posted:

Built On Sand
715 words - The Bureaucrat

[...] I couldn’t even find a word of acknowledge that we were ever there. [...]

I give pre-submission feedback on this story and you have the audacity to accuse me of deliberately sabotaging you by missing this typo?

Brawl me, you gently caress. Acknowledging that you have a quote "busy brawling schedule" I'm fine with a deadline somewhere further out but this will not stand.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



ThirdEmperor posted:

And now you're drawing attention to said typo while the story is still being judged. Does your cowardly sabotage know no end? Does the shriveled traitorous lump of discount monkey-meat sitting in your chest and masquerading as a heart know no shame, sir?

One month from today. Bad words at ten paces. May the blood gods have pity on the loser's soul.

I'm in. My words are gonna be super bad.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



MockingQuantum posted:

I've always assumed seb is a singularity-like cyberpunk amalgamation of New Zealander sheep bent on world domination.

The O.V.I.S. Collective

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



I'm in, give me a random story please!

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Prompt: You, Me, and the Body by Jonked (https://thunderdome.cc/?story=4687&...2C+and+the+Body)

Haunts
1247 words

"What a prick," I said, looking down at the man standing over my body. He wiped his blade on my jacket, sheathed it, and started poking through the contents of my cart. Unconsciously, I floated a little higher to look over his shoulder as he fiddled with a lock.

"Yes, Julian is a real rear end in a top hat," said a voice behind me. I jumped, spun around. A dozen specters hung in the air, some watching me, some watching Julian, a few apparently absorbed in their own worlds.

The speaker, an old man in priest robes, fingered absently at the ragged slash across his throat. "I'd never have used such crude language when I was alive," he said, "but you see, I've had a bit of a crisis of faith after my death--this is hardly the eternal reward I'd always believed in."

I hardly heard him. I glared at Julian's oblivious back, encased in armor, as he rummaged through a small chest full of rare and expensive spices. I took a swing at the back of his helmetless head, but my fist just went straight through and I almost fell (as much as you can fall down while floating in the air). I noticed as I did this that I seemed to be significantly smaller in death than in life; my specter was only half Julian's height.

"That won't work, believe me," a young specter said. He was well-muscled and wore ghostly armor and a sword, both a match for Julian's. "He's not really a knight, you know. He stuck a knife in my ribs while I slept and stole my things."

Done rifling through my trade goods, Julian mounted his horse and set off down the road. I found myself gliding helplessly through the air behind him, along with everyone else.

"So we're stuck following him everywhere, and he doesn't even know we're here?" I asked.

The priest nodded.

"Hell with that!" I shouted. "He killed me! He robbed my cart! There must be something we can do to him. I remember this story from my village about a man who killed his wife, and she'd appear at his bedside every night wailing, until finally he--"

The priest cut me off. "The passions of the flesh will fade, my son. We all tried in our own way after we died; I tried to lecture him on the error of his ways, Alyssa the innkeep's daughter"--here he indicated a pretty young woman--"wailed like in your story, and brave Thomas hammered at his neck with that sword."

"And?" I asked.

"And nothing," Thomas said bitterly. "I gave up after a few days. What's the point?"

Alyssa nodded. "Friar Belpit says maybe we'll be free when Julian dies. So we just wait, now."

I wasn't going to wait. I seized on her words: if Julian dies, we'll be free. Thomas' direct approach wasn't the only way. Before Julian killed me, I was the most successful trader in 3 kingdoms, and I didn't get that way offering the lowest prices. By getting a courier drunk at the right time, I drove one trader to bankruptcy. Another competitor was found in possession of treasonous literature, a great surprise I'm sure. The point being, a small nudge can accomplish large results.

I set to it. Where the others tended to hang back, talking quietly amongst themselves or absently watching the surroundings, I stayed close to Julian. I focused on simple things: I spent a day flicking at his earlobe, trying to cause the faintest sensation or annoyance. I plucked at loose threads on his clothes, trying to get them to fray. I imagined myself a spirit of small domestic annoyances.

Friar Belpit counseled me against it. "Let it go," he said, "and accept your new life--er, afterlife--with composure. This obsession is unseemly; the rest accepted it within a few days, but you've been at it for weeks."

I mumbled a few noncommittal words while I continued to poke my incorporeal fingers into Julian's eyeballs. I could swear he was blinking more often than he used to.

Julian truly was a bad egg, a proper rake. Another old man and a woman joined us in the next few months as he robbed his way through the countryside. His knight act was improving; it seemed he almost believed he was a knight, although of course in private his actions were far from honorable.

At last, dragging along his host of ghosts, Julian came to a remote duchy plagued by a dragon. The duke begged Julian, the only knight they'd seen in years, to do as knights do and slay the dragon.

To our surprise, Julian agreed. Perhaps he had finally convinced himself that he was too much a knight to turn tail. Of course, in his fashion, he began plotting a stealthy approach to the dragon's lair, intending to slip and and assassinate it mid-day as it slept.

Even the most resigned and distant of my fellow spirits expressed some mild enthusiasm at the idea that Julian might be killed by the dragon. As for myself, I redoubled my efforts. I screamed in Julian's ear, tried to pull his hair, bit him, punched at his delicates. He certainly did seem a bit twitchier than before.

The day of the assault on the dragon's lair, I refrained entirely from bothering Julian. I simply stayed close and waited as he crept through the blasted forest and up toward the cave entrance, moving behind boulders and tree stumps quietly.

He drew his sword as he came near the entrance. As he crossed the threshold into the shadows inside, I made my move. I leapt, bit his ear over and over as hard as I could as I jammed my fingers into his eyes.

Maybe he had been lulled by my relative inactivity that day. Perhaps his nerves made him especially receptive to my interference. In any case, he jumped, raising his hand to swat at his ear while his eyes watered and ran. His foot came clattering down on a pile of scorched cattle bones.

The dragon stirred inside, then we heard it coming in a rush. Julian turned to run as the other specters shouted congratulations to me, speculated that they should soon be free.

Julian almost reached the treeline. His screams at the dragon's fire were rather satisfying. Blissfully, I felt everything begin to fade and flow away until--

I was looking down at Julian again. Misty, incorporeal, he was staring in shock as the dragon ate his body. Around him were the spirits of hundreds of men, women, and children, victims of the dragon.

I had shrunk again. Judging by my surroundings, I was no more than a foot high. Looking around, I saw Friar Belpit, Thomas, Alyssa, and the others. I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. I could see them moving their mouths too, but heard nothing.

The dragon turned and began to walk back to its lair. Julian and the other victims of the dragon were pulled along behind it, and after a second so were we, like a wagon train.

With no other ideas, I moved close to Julian's ear. Being mute was a problem, but maybe with time--first I'd figure out how to talk to him, then we'd try and get the dragon killed, and maybe then I'd finally be free.

I began trying to talk. After a while, I could almost imagine I heard myself.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



SABOTAGE BRAWL

A Few Things About This Are Alright
1265 words

(archived i guess, i kinda liked this one)

Pham Nuwen fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2018 around 00:33

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



While you wait for fast judging, good judging, why not head over to the Spooktober Story Contest thread and sign up? Submit horror or otherwise Halloween-appropriate stories of up to 6,666 words, deadline October 26. Prizes are SA upgrades so Lowtax can fix his spine (his spooky spine).

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Please don't try to switch to Discord, it's awful. IRC's really not that complex and if you get a decent client (I like Hexchat on Windows) you can even do things like ignore users (a good feature on any channel with me in it)

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Sitting Here posted:

I think it would be good if people who want to be proactive maybe list off what they're willing to do; for example, Tyrannosaurus offering to keep a year-specific scoreboard. I think there is a lot of potential for that concept. What I am personally willing to do next year:

-Pay for ads.

-If people want to brainstorm with me, I'd be willing to run/help run some sort of contest in another forum. Sadly I really only post in GBS, which is a dubious place to try running a fiction contest. I'm willing to give it a shot if Sebmojo wants to run it by the mods first, though.

-Run TD-sponsored events in their own threads. If there is an interest for like, TD-brand crits for longer contests or existing works, I would love to get my finger in that pie.

I'll join in on these commitments:

  • I'll buy at least 1 ad for TD in 2019. If I see a really kickass prompt, I will either make an ad (finally figured out how to make animated GIFs in Photoshop) or use one created by someone else. It was an ad for Wizard Week which brought me to TD in the first place.
  • I will help brainstorm and organize contests in other forums or within CC. I think the October story contest went pretty well even though I didn't get the thread up until like a week in. I'm also down to buy the occasional prize for such contests.

As for suggestions to improve TD... a moratorium on song prompts in 2019? That's just low-hanging fruit/a personal preference; I don't know how to solve things like new writers feeling there's an unwritten set of do's and don'ts that only the old guard know.

If I judge in 2019, I'm going to try and keep the kayfabe down while still pointing out problems. I think it's pretty common for new writers to have a great idea and execute it badly, so I think a combination of constructive advice and a venue to post re-worked stories would be helpful.

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Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



stats:

Entries: 6
HMs: 2
DMs: 1
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Failures: 0

Brawl Victories: 1
Brawl Losses: 0

Off-prompt bullshit: 1 (fast judging, good judging)

Sperg rating: 485.22

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