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Apr 10, 2012

I'm in like bellbottom jeans.

That is to say very.


Apr 10, 2012

Djeser posted:

Thunderdome 285: Tempus Fuckit

This week, you're going to write a story that looks back across the vast gulf of time. When I say 'vast', I'm talking thousands of years. Forgotten, distant history.

Real life is full of this. Egyptians worshipped gods so ancient they didn't even know what they were, just that they were real old, and real holy. Archaeologists dug up Babylonian ruins and found an ancient museum, where ancient archaeologists had preserved artifacts from the ruins they'd dug up. Hell, if you want to get real vast, At The Mountains of Madness is about unfathomably ancient civilizations.

Any setting you like is fine, real-world or invented. Any time period you want to choose works too; there's always been a distant past I don't care whether the bulk of the story is in the (relative) past or present: the story of an archaeologist's discovery works just as well as an ancient story framed by a modern translator's commentary, or a transmission received amid radio static by a probe in another galaxy, or whatever dumb bullshit you want to pull.

If you want to be an insufferable goon about it, I consider about five hundred years to be the lower bounds for "vast gulf of time".

Word count: 1800 maximum
Signups end 11 PM Pacific Friday night
Entries close 11 PM Pacific Sunday night

Sorry for this dumb question, maybe I'm just too drained mentally from work today which is why I'm asking, but to clarify the main prompt: it's more or less asking for a story that deals with something relating to history. Be it an obscure piece of history people don't know about or even a myth/religion people believed in at one point in time. Right? I'm just a little confused by the phrasing "looking across the vast history", is that meant for all the stories submitted or just our own individual one?

Again sorry if my brain probably is being stupid right now. I'm just a little confused.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 12:15 on Jan 17, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

Djeser posted:

What I want is a story where the vastness of time is meaningful somehow. I don't care if you make your story about 'history' or not.

OK, got it. Thanks!

Apr 10, 2012

Prompt: Thunderdome 285

Title: Choon-Hee & The Gwoemul
Word Count: 1721

As Choon-Hee crawled into bed, her head swirled with everything that had happened that day.

Her grandmother had asked her to enter the forest and search for firewood so that they could heat their ondol(1). As she had walked through the forest she thought of everything she had learned at school that day: of the Joseon Kingdom, it’s rulers, and the great spirits of the world.

“Today I met an Imugi(2) in the forest today.” Choon-hee told her grandmother as she settled into bed.

“Oh?” Halmoni(3) said, not truly paying attention.

“Yes! He was very nice, he showed me where to find lots of good trees for the ondol. He said he wasn’t the only creature like him to live in the forest and took me to the top of the mountain to see them. There was a Bulgassari(4) and a Samdugumi(5)! If I am good I can meet them someday, but I need to also be careful because of the evil Tiger that live in the forest.”

“That is nice dear.” Halmoni said to Choon-Hee as she tucked her in and turned out the light.

“Please. You must come to the forest with me tomorrow, you can meet them!” Choon-Hee pleaded.

“Sweetie you know I can’t go, I am far too old.” Halmoni replied as she began to close the door, “Besides, I wish you would focus more on your schoolwork and less on these silly stories you make up in your head.”


The next day Choon-Hee wandered through the forest again, eager to meet with the Imugi and other mythical creatures she had seen the previous day. After hours of searching though, she could not find them anywhere she had seen them. She eventually made her way to the top of the mountain that overlooked the forest where the Imugi took her to the previous evening, hoping to see the slightest hint of them.

“If you’re looking for the Gwoemul(6) they left for the Heavenly Kingdom.” a raspy old voice spoke.

Choon-Hee turned around to see who had said that. She didn’t hear anyone walk behind her, she could have swore it.

“I’m down here.” the voice said, this time closer and at Choon-Hee’s feet. As she peered down towards the voice she saw what had spoken to her. An old orange tabby sat looking up at Choon-Hee.

“Excuse me?” Choon-Hee said “But are you a talking cat?”

The tabby looked up at Choon-Hee silently. It’s eyes glowed with a soft orange tint as it locked eyes with her. “Of course I am. Have you never met a spirit before?” it said at it scratched behind its ear with its hind leg.

“I’ve only met an Imugi, but I saw other spirits yesterday. Do you know them? Can you tell me why they left for the Heavenly Kingdom?” Choon-Hee asked.

“Yes, we were friends a long time ago. Your friend the Imugi is with Hwanung now in the Heavenly Kingdom, they’re at a festival celebrating Seollal(7).”

“Who is Hwanung?” the child asked the cat. Choon-Hee had never heard the name before then.

“You do not know of Hwanung?” the cat asked in an almost shocked voice. “He is why we are both here now. We both owe everything to him.”

“No, I don’t know of him, I’m sorry. Could you tell me who he is, and what you mean?” Choon-Hee replied as she sat down on a large rock, putting herself at equal height with the strange animal. Something about this talking cat intrigued Choon-Hee. She felt at ease around such a strange creature.

“Certainly” the cat said as it shifted its weight, laying on its side.

“Long ago the Lord of Heaven, Hwanin, ruled the skies. He is the one who seeded the earth with all the animals: tigers, sheep, and so on. He is also the one who created the mortal beings he called humans. However, he chose to keep himself in the Heavenly Kingdom leaving the creatures of Earth to do as they pleased.”

Choon-Hee stared at the cat as it told it’s tale wondering what sort of place the Heavenly Kingdom looked like.

The cat continued it’s story, “One day, Hwanin’s son, Hwanung, was found crying as he watched the creatures of Earth.

‘What is wrong my son?’ Hwanin asked, puzzled by his child’s sorrow.

‘The mortals of Earth, father,’ Hwanung sobbed, ‘I am worried that they will become lost and die out without guidance.’

Hwanin was touched by his sons words, he had not considered that mortals guidance when he created them.

So, Hwanin took his son’s hand and told him, ‘My son, I am moved by your compassion. I will allow you to descend from the heavens to help the mortal creatures on Earth. Take with you three thousand servants, and my ministers Pungbaek (Wind), Usa (Rain), and Unsa (Clouds) to help create your new home.’

And so Hwanung left his home in the Heavenly Kingdom, and settled at the base of Baekdu Mountain. His three ministers traveled the land and gathered for him the wandering tribes of man, bringing them to his new city; Sinsi(7).

After some time they discovered they needed the help of animals to survive the winter, and so Hwanung spoke with the animals of the forest and asked several to join him. However, not all the animals were chosen.

Tiger and Bear wished to join Hwanung in Sinsi, as there was plenty of food, water, and warmth for them to stay safe and live long lives. They were never asked by Hwanung, and so one day they were heard begging him to be changed into humans so that they may enter Sinsi.”

As the cat continued its eyes began to grow brighter, shifting from a soft calming orange to a bright and firesome yellow. Choon-Hee barely noticed this as the story had gripped her imagination firmly.

“Touched by their desire to join his new family on Earth, Hwanung said that he could not change them into humans right away,” the cat continued, “as Tiger and Bear were known to attack humans in the forest. So, Hwanung was worried they would create chaos within the city if they were allowed in.

Instead he offered a compromise, he would create sacred food made of garlic and mugwort, and they would have to eat only this meal for 100 days. He told them that this was to show that their desire to be human was pure.

Tiger and Bear agreed to Hwanung’s offer and returned to the forest with their food. For days they both ate the sacred meal, eager to prove to Hwanung they were of honest intent. After one week Tiger began to feel sick, missing the taste of meat. He had never gone so long without tasting the flesh of an animal he had caught. Bear however, was happy to eat the plants as she ate both berries and meat her whole life.

By the twentieth day Tiger could no longer stand the taste of the stale plants and cried out ‘Please oh great Hwanung forgive me! I can not stand this food anymore!’ before running deep into the forest. Changed by the sacred food forever.”

“How was he changed?” Choon-Hee interrupted.

“Hmmm? The sacred plants had granted his spirit to be able to live long past its body. The tiger had become a spirit of the forest.” The cat answered.

As Tiger’s fate was told to Choon-Hee, she hadn’t begun to notice that the cat’s head had become much larger. Still, she was enchanted by the cat’s tale. The animal continued its story as Choon-Hee listened closely.

”Bear though, ate the sacred plant as Hwanung had instructed her and as promised, Hwanung transformed her into a beautiful woman and named her Ungnyeo. Grateful for her acceptance into the city, Ungnyeo prayed for Hwanung and his family to grow large and healthy.

Hwanung, still an unmarried man, heard Ungnyeo’s genuine prayers for his happiness and saw that she no longer worried only about herself, but for the happiness of others. Moved by her compassion, Hwanung took Ungnyeo to be his wife to help him oversee Sinsi. Soon after they had a baby boy, who was purely mortal, and named him Dangun.

Decades later Dangun took over ruling Sinsi after his mother and father’s spirits returned to the Heavenly Kingdom. Dangun founded another city called Wanggeom, creating a kingdom. The people of that land called it Gojoseon. Many centuries later Gojoseon became Joseon. This, is where your family and every other person living in both Koreas come from.”

As the cat finished it’s story Choon-Hee realize that she was no longer looking at a tabby. Over the course of the legend, the cat had slowly revealed its true self. No longer did Choon-Hee sit face to face with a cat, but instead she found herself eye-to-eye with an elderly tiger. Her heart began to race, she wanted to run but her body wasn’t responding to her frantic pleas.

“So you see little girl, this is how you arrived here. Hwanung is why you humans survived so long ago. Do you understand? The cat asked.

“Yes.” Choon-Hee responded, her voice shaking with fright. “That means you’re the Tiger from the story, aren’t you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“I am,” the Tiger acknowledged, “but you do not need to be afraid of me. You have shown me the kindness I have not received since Hwanung himself offered me a chance at humanity. I thank you.” As it said this, the tiger worked its way to its feet and began to walk back towards the thick trees.

“Where are you going?” Choon-Hee said

“It is getting late and the Gwoemuls will return soon. I must return to my home deeper in the forest. I suggest you do the same, you can see them tomorrow.” The tiger said as it disappeared into the woods.

Choon-Hee sat there for a moment, thinking about what she had just experienced. After she was able to wrap her head around how Hwanung, centuries ago, had caused everything to happen Choon-Hee returned to her grandmother’s house. As Choon-Hee entered through the door she began to tell her grandmother a story that Choon-Hee wasn’t sure even she could believe.

Korean Word Reference

    1. Ondol - Floor heating system used in winter.
    2. Imugi - A lesser dragon.
    3. Halmoni - Korean for grandmother.
    4. Bulgasari - A mythical iron-eating monster.
    5. Samdugumi - A three headed, nine-tailed, earth spirit.
    6. Gwoemul - Korean word for monsters and/or mythical beings.
    7. Sinsi - “City of God.”

Apr 10, 2012

Should mention that any critique on my entry is welcomed.


Apr 10, 2012

Deltasquid posted:

I'll have a look at your story sometime after the results are in next week.


sebmojo posted:

This is every story, all the time. You dont need to say it. Anyone who wants to crit should just do it like a crazy person, just fuckin do it.

Ah gotcha. I vaguely remember in the past it being necessary for someone to say they wanted critique but maybe I misremembered.

Apr 10, 2012

Okua posted:

hey I read your text very fast and wrote stuff.
take from it what you will. and I hope the google docs format works out.
(NB: English is my second language).

I took a quick skim between classes and this is really helpful. I'll read through it more thoroughly when I'm not phone posting.



Just got to reading the comments about the piece and these were really helpful. I'll be sure to keep these in mind for my next entries and work to avoid the mistakes I made.

I won't lie or pretend otherwise, I felt a bit lost with the prompt. Which maybe caused some of the story specific errors I made (eg. telling a folktale within a story) and not my grammar/writing issues.

Thanks again.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 05:36 on Jan 23, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

sebmojo posted:

Infinitely no-one cares

Fair enough.

Apr 10, 2012

In and I'll take a flash rule, with a side of shrimp cocktail.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Jan 23, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

Prompt 286

Word count: 761

My Last Day

The two men clearly hated each other, that was immediately clear as soon as they both sat at the table. This was emphasized even more later on when the larger man cracked the smaller one with a hard right. Honestly, I could have prevented it, but I had already mentally checked out of this job and was trying to find my way to someplace exotic and fun. Forget Tucson is what I had decided.

Eldorado Casino doesn’t like it when people cause trouble, especially my manager Greg. For whatever reason these two buffoons decided that tonight was a good time to let out their anger, and just so happened to pick my table. Which was why I found myself sitting in an office being chewed out by my idiotic, sweaty, fat, balding boss for not spotting their mood earlier.

Greg routinely enjoyed reminding me that I was just a dealer and that he was the boss, with only the owner Lou being above him. He liked to think he was hot poo poo, especially around the young women who got hired, but in reality he was just a pathetic looking excuse for a man. That didn’t stop him from lording over others though.

“Jesus Christ Sarah, are you really that incompetent? How am I going to explain to Lou that we had an Austrian dentist performing free dental work on that Jap grocer in the middle of the pit?”

“He’s Chinese.” I replied.


“He’s Chinese. He was speaking Chinese, not Japanese. I think he said he was from Shanghai.”

“Who gives a poo poo? The point is you hosed up, and to be honest there’s not much I think I can do to stop Lou from deciding to fire you after this.”

As Greg gave me the news, he positioned himself closer to me. His cheap Walgreen's cologne reeked of a mixture of his own sweat and what could only be described as faux sandalwood. I could feel the bile building up in my throat.

“Sarah look,” Greg said as he touched my leg, “I don’t want you to get fired so I’ll make you a deal. You do something for me and I’ll make sure this doesn’t get back to Lou. Deal?”

I knew exactly what Greg was thinking. Nobody in this day and age hears that and thinks “Oh gee, what a good idea!”, especially not with a little toad like Greg saying it.

Instinctively I pulled his hand off my leg and stood up. That, of course, did not make Greg happy as he then grabbed around my waist and pulled me in closer to him.

God his cologne had such an awful smell.

“Listen you little bitch, I can make your fuckup go away so you can keep this job or you can get blacklisted from every casino in the state. I know people.” he gritted.

That’s when I threw up in his face.

Now, I wasn’t planning to throw up in his face but with that awful stench mixed in the with the mental imagery of being forced to have sex with a grotesque slob of a man like Greg in my mind, my body decided to take over.

I was somewhat happy for that to happen. Greg however wasn’t.

As he recoiled from the horror of having a bucket full of half eaten panini and Starbucks hit his face, he fell over his desk and cracked his head on the floor. He didn’t get up right away.

Panicking I ran over to his body to check for a pulse. Thankfully, he wasn’t dead, but he was for sure going to have one hell of a headache the next morning.

That’s when I saw the bag of money and a passport on his desk. It hit me as hard as that dentist hit the grocer, the rear end in a top hat was skimming off the casino and about to skip town. So, I figured, quite reasonably, I’d do the same. Then I realized Greg could make a good distraction for my getaway, and called the cops with his desk phone telling them that there was an injured man in the office. Maybe they’d notice what I saw and he’d get what he deserved in the end.

Leaving the noisy, loud, and lavish casino I hopped into Greg’s douchemobile, a yellow Camaro, and drove south on I-19 towards the border. And that is how I ended up here in Mexico with a nice $200,000 in cash to take me to wherever I want to go next.

I’m thinking Rio de Janeiro.

Apr 10, 2012

poo poo. :smith:

Apr 10, 2012

I guess I'll try for a hat trick while not really meaning to suck at writing. Count me in.

Apr 10, 2012

Thanks for the crit Exmond!

Apr 10, 2012

Thanks for the feedback Antivehicular. I'll try to make sure my entry this week is at least a step in the right direction.

Apr 10, 2012

Prompt: (287) Bad Romance

Word Count: 881


Marie contemplated her next move. Before her laid a great challenge; she must attempt to swim across the dangerous river.

Pausing, Marie looked out across the water finally seeing the the ferry that she had been waiting for. The elderly attendant pushed his pole into the water slowly, but surely, edging the boat closer to the dock with each passing moment.

By the time the ferry reached the port Marie waded into the water, her mind began to race. This would be the most dangerous part of her journey but Anna, her love, was waiting for her.

“Child,” the ferryman shouted from the boat, “before you attempt to cross consider this. While you lack my fee, you are still free to venture forth. Should you fail though, your soul will be lost in the river for all time. Nobody, not even I, will be able to help you.”

As Marie heard the ferryman’s words, she took note that should she fail she would never see her Anna ever again. However, she was determined to see her sweet Anna again. To hold her in her arms once again, and to forever be with her as they had dreamed. The love she felt for Anna was why she was now so far away from home risking her very soul.

Their relationship had begun as all do, innocently glancing at each other. They took turns trying to see what the other was like. Marie was intrigued by Anna’s face and her flowing red hair that perfectly framed it. Her piercing eyes felt as though they were able to see into Marie’s very soul. Meanwhile, Anna viewed Marie’s bright colored and matching personality to be her greatest feature.

With each glimpse they caught during their days in the marketplace, they would both ask to themselves; Do you even know who I am?

The answer was simple; Yes.

Time passed on and the two young women began to recognize their building affection for one another. It was Anna who made the first move, leaving a flower at Marie’s stand. In return, Marie decorated Anna’s front door with a flower wreath. Both innocently denying they knew who had performed such acts to their family when questioned.

For months they continued to share more symbols of their building affection. One night after a festival, Anna found Marie and asked her to take a walk through the grove that Marie’s family owned. They walked for hours talking about their hopes, their dreams, and most importantly their feelings for one another.

This became their most treasured way of spending their evenings. Each night they would wait until the entire village was asleep, and then they would sneak out of their homes and walk through the groves of olives and junipers.

One such night, Marie waited for Anna until the moon had reached its peak. Concerned she walked to the section of the village Anna’s family lived in. Along the way she heard the moaning and the wailing, making her heart race faster.

Marie’s walk turned into a sprint as she ran to Anna’s home. The lights were on, and the wailing was even louder. She slowed as she approached the building, slowly and quietly moving towards the window to see what the cause was. Peering through an open window, Marie saw the cause for the deep sobbing.

Anna laid in her bed, coins on her eyes, with her family crying around her.

“My poor baby girl!” her mother cried into her husbands shoulders.

“I’m sorry my dear. The horse broke free crashing into her. The priests did all they could but she was far too injured for their medicine to help. Come now, we must prepare for her journey to Hades.”

Marie gasped at the news.

As the tears began to well up in Marie’s eyes she felt lost. She had never cared for someone so much in her whole life, nor had she experienced the tragedy of death. As the family placed the burial cloth over Anna’s body, Marie pulled herself away from the window. With her eyes full of tears she weeped all the way back to the grove she and Anna would walk through.

Resting next to a juniper tree, she broke down completely. Her joy, her happiness, her comfort was now gone from the world. Marie sat there, crying the whole night.

By the time the sun rose, tears would no longer flow but still she cried. Her mind filled with grief, took her to the edge of the grove that overlooked the sea. Determined to see her Anna again she plunged herself over the edge, falling to her death.

When she awoke, she was at the edge of the river Styx where the dead were to take Charon’s ferry across into Hades. Without tokens to pay for her passage across she was forced into her only option: swim.

As Marie finally reached the shore her body ached but she had made it to the land of the dead. She had risked everything she could offer, just to be with her beloved. As she caught her breath a figure came walking over a nearby hill, it was her Anna. They had both made it to the land beyond, and they would be together for all eternity.

Apr 10, 2012

Exmond posted:

I am going to do LiveCrits, since it worked well last time. This will also be my second read of some drafts so huzza

Cheers. Definitely going to do a rewrite thanks to this feedback.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 03:37 on Feb 6, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

In with Regulate by Warren G (feat. Nate Dogg).

Edit - got the song name wrong.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 02:13 on Feb 7, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

I'm up to judge if allowed.

Apr 10, 2012

Tyrannosaurus posted:

I'm neither Antivehicular or Unfunny Poster but seeing how long judging took y'all will be waiting until July for crits.

I'm nt even halfway done with crits but thats due to timezone fuckery and lots of events getting in the way. Expect my crits on Thursday at the latest.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 11:44 on Feb 28, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

In and :toxx:

Apr 10, 2012

Word Count: 1061

The crowd roared as Gordon Pierce entered the arena. The walk to the cage served as his final few moments to mentally prepare himself for this final test. For five months he trained in every martial arts discipline he and his coaches felt he needed to come out on top. Mixed Martial Arts is a challenging sport in that regard and Gordon was at the top of his game, making the walk towards a title fight being watched by several million people around the world.

These steps helped serve as the final mental preparation. For the past week he had been calm, letting the defending champion, Steven Carlucci, do all the trash talking that these sort of fights inevitably involve in the final build up. Gordon knew he could beat Carlucci. He could beat him standing with his powerful shots, and he could twist him up into a pretzel if the fight went to the ground. Confidence was not only Gordon’s key to defeating Carlucci in the media, it’s what he knew would help him in the fight.

Carlucci’s style was more of a point fighter. He never fully committed to shots and played his striking on the outside, keeping his opponents from being able to take him down. Gordon knew this, his coaches knew this, and they knew how to beat it. Push in close, and as soon as Carlucci was close enough to the wall of the cage shoot for a takedown and beat him up. Rinse and repeat until Carlucci’s questionable stamina petered out and then finish him. Five rounds of five minutes gave Gordon all the time he needed to work with to do this.

Once Gordon was through the final check by the athletic commission officials he entered the cage and waited for his opponent. The lights went out and the familiar blas of Beastie Boys’ “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn” that signaled the world to the arrival of Steven Carlucci, Middleweight Champion of the world.

As Carlucci walked towards the cage and entered it, Gordon stared him down. Daring not to break eye contact with his final hurdle into stardom. His mind was so focused on Carlucci, Gordon barely recognized the referee’s final instructions. He was a caged animal, ready to finally be set free and attack.

With the referee’s hand motion, marking the start of the fight, Gordon rushed into Carlucci’s range cutting the middle of the cage off from him. This is what his plan called for to get the fight started. A quick sidekick to Gordon’s body was Carlucci’s way to telling him “No, you can’t come this close and get away with it.” Their attempts to punish each other’s bodies would be the only way these two communicated.

A swinging right by Gordon barely missed Carlucci’s chin. The crowd recognized the potential danger of it and cheered loudly. Gordon was going to catch Carlucci, he knew it. Carlucci’s distance was shrinking and Gordon knew in just a few moments he could force the fight to the ground or better yet land a powerful overhand right hand.

Carlucci though didn’t let this deter his offense. His quick jabs were peppering Gordon every few moments, and midway through the round blood was starting to flow out of Gordon’s nose. Then, suddenly, a well timed combo caught Carlucci hard and dazed him. Gordon rushed close and started to dig in hard shots to Carlucci’s body and head. In response, Carlucci threw wildly catching Gordon with solid punches as well. The crowd was loving every moment of it. Before either fighter fell, the bell rang and the referee stepped in to stop their brawl.

“Good! Good! That’s how you do it Gordon! Very nice!” Gordon’s coach, Rafael. shouted as Gordon sat down on the stool in his corner.

Gordon’s other two cornermen swarmed him, one focusing on putting ice onto the back of is neck while Rafael spoke to him directly with words of encouragement. The fight turned ugly and that helped Gordon more than it helped Carlucci in terms of strategy.

“OK now Gordon, breath man. Breath. You’re killing him out there now. Just four more rounds and all that hard work will pay off brother. Take him down, and beat him up. If you find the opening to finish it, do it!”

Rafael and the other cornerman left the cage at the behest of the ringside officials. As the one minute rest period ended, Gordon’s felt reinvigorated. Once the second round started Gordon again took the center of the cage and looked to establish dominance over Carlucci for a second time that night.

Carlucci looked tired, but not entirely out of the fight. His stamina was starting to wane and that was perfect. As Gordon worked his way closer to Carlucci, throwing jabs and combos in the process, he saw his opening. As soon as Carlucci’s back touched the cage wall, Gordon changed level and shot in for a double leg takedown.

That’s when everything went black.


Gordon’s eyes opened up and he was looking up at three faces. One of them he recognized, but the other two weren’t too familiar looking.

“OK Gordon, can you move your toes?” one of them asked.

Gordon moved his toes

“Good, now can you tell me what today’s date is and where you are?”

Gordon told him the date and where they were.

“Excellent. Now, do you feel any pain anywhere?” the unnamed man inquired.

Gordon told him he didn’t feel any pain.

“OK, let’s sit up onto the stool.” the man instructed.

Gordon sat up and onto the stool. He looked around and recognized where he was. He was still in the cage but there was a lot more people than just himself, Carlucci and the referee inside. Gordon caught the announcer saying “..and still undisputed Middleweight Champion of the world, Steven “The Brooklyn Terror” Carlucci!”

“He caught you with a knee man,” Rafael told him as the realization dawned on Gordon, “you shot in and he timed it perfectly.”

Gordon sank his head as the news hit him. Tears started to well up but he pushed them back down. All his work and preparation destroyed in an instant. This would set his career back possibly further than anyone could imagine. You don’t get redos after being knocked out cold in front of millions of people.

Apr 10, 2012

I'm bad, I'm bad, really really bad.


Apr 10, 2012

Also thanks for the crits. Will post/ask questions in the IRC when I can for some clarifications on them.

Apr 10, 2012

Antivehicular posted:

Thanks for the Week 291 crits, folks. They're much appreciated.

I'll get mine in.


Apr 10, 2012

The Wolf
Word Count: 1351

Jung-hoon and Ji-hoon ran through the woods just outside of their hometown of Osan, South Korea. The young boys enjoyed playing in the thick wooded area not far from their modest home each day after school. Each day they would head to the woods after school, and this wet November day was no different.

“Race you to the waterfall,” Jung-hoon shouted as he sped past Ji-Hoon.

“Hey! Not fair Jung-hoon,” cried the younger Ji-hoon as he picked up his speed to catch his older brother.

The boys shoes squeaked as they slipped on the wet leaves as they ran down the path towards a modest waterfall that fed into a small creek. This served as a boundary that helped divide the woods in half. The boys huffed and puffed as they reached the waterfall, their competitive nature meant they were not likely to slow down until they were sure to have won the race.

Jung-hoon reached the edge of the waterfall first and triumphantly raised his hands as he stopped near the edge of the cliff that overlooked the creek. However, Ji-hoon was not so quick to stop, and slid on the wet leaves yet again, losing his footing and stumbled into Jung-hoon, knocking both of them over the cliff. Jung-hoon was able to quickly grab a low hanging tree branch and secure his footing his twelve year old muscles straining to keep him upright. His younger brother, however, was not as strong. Desperately, Ji-hoon tried to grab hold of a branch of his own to stop his momentum but his hand was too weak to firmly grasp the branch. Jung-hoon shouted in agony as he saw his brother disappear past rocks lower down the cliff.

As he scrambled back to the edge, Jung-hoon frantically tried to catch sight of his brother. When he finally saw him terror struck into him as he could see his brother lying motionless on the edge of the creek, his body contorted this way and that.

“Ji-hoon!!” echoed throughout the immediate area as Jung-hoon descended the cliff and headed towards the creek. Soon he reached the bottom and moved briskly toward the body of his brother. A light gray mist now covering the area where the body was laying. This was an oddity given the time of day but Jung-hoon didn’t have anytime to consider this as he raced to check on his sibling.

Once he finally made his way to the bottom of the cliff, Jung-hoon sprinted towards Ji-hoon’s motionless body but suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. Standing next to Ji-hoon was a large white dog. Jung-hoon thought it may be a stray Jindo and continued to make his way towards Ji-hoon. It was only when the dog lifted his head up to look at Jung-hoon did he stop a second time, this time letting out a gasp of fear. The animal standing next to Ji-hoon was not a dog, but rather a wolf and looked at Jung-hoon inquisitively before bolting deep into the wooded area by the creek. Once the animal was out of site, Jung-hoon immediately went to the side of his brother, checking for any sign of life. Ji-hoon was unresponsive, and his body was already cold. Jung-hoon refused to leave his brothers side until their parents found them later that night.


20 year old Jung-hoon looked up from the Korea Times and wondered. The article in the paper was just like previous ones from 1980, 1984, and 1988. Every four years there would be an article detailing how a boy from the Osan area had been found dead along a creek that ran through the woods just south of his parents home. Always occurring in November, local authorities could not determine why this pattern had formed or what it meant. Some, mostly the jaded elderly type, had speculated it was the spirits punishing naughty children but nobody really paid much attention to those sort of theories. Plus, Ji-hoon was a good kid if a bit loud at times but who wasn’t at four? Authorities were cautioning people to stay away from the wooded area, with the police having promised to patrol the area in hopes of ensuring any children who may get lost can be found before the worst could happen.

Jung-hoon rubbed his eyes and contemplated the article. He wondered about the first strange death when it had occurred in 1980, when Ji-hoon died. The second happened in 1984 while he was in high school, this time a young girl just a little bit older than Ji-hoon was when he died. Finally there was this most recent incident, again a child around the same age as his brother had been suddenly was found dead in the woods. This was too specific of a pattern to be passed off as accidental.

As he finished his coffee, Jung-hoon decided that he had to address his nagging curiosity. That weekend he drove to his old neighborhood and parked next to his family home. With the death of his parents a year prior, the family home was now owned by a young family. Jung-hoon paused as he looked at his old home, knowing that the young children now living there could be at risk to whatever caused the deaths of those children.

After a few moments, Jung-hoon headed into the woods following the paths he had once played on with his brother. Eventually he reached the wooded area where he had last seen Ji-hoon. Once again, he descended from the top of the waterfall to where he had held his baby brother all those years prior. Tears rolled down Jung-hoon’s cheeks as he looked at the place where his brother drew his final breathe. Guilt rushed through Jung-hoon, he should’ve done more. He should’ve been quicker to catch Ji-hoon. He should have not started that silly race. He should have...

As Jung-hoon blamed himself a rustling came from the woods adjacent to him. A white wolf stalked its way towards Jung-hoon, baring its teeth as a low growl rumbled from it. Jung-hoon didn’t run, instead he stared at the ground and spoke to the animal.

“Ji-hoon, it’s me Jung-hoon. I have come to talk to you brother.”

The growling slowly stopped, but still the wolf bared its teeth as it looked at Jung-hoon.

“It’s been you hasn’t it? You’re the one killing the children who have come into the woods. Your soul has been twisted by your anger that your life was taken so young. Please, you have to stop this, they’re just children. They don’t deserve to die, just like you didn’t deserve to die all those years ago.”

Jung-hoon eyes were fixated on the wolf.

“If you don’t let go of this anger, you will never have peace. You are better than this. We mourned for years after you passed. I did too. We loved you.”

With its head hung low, the wolf let out a soft whine. Jung-hoon was convinced that the animal had to be Ji-hoon. Somehow. The real question was if he was able to get through to his brother.

“Please brother, you need to let go. Mom and dad are calling to you, can you not hear them? Please, join them and you’ll finally find peace.”

The wolf looked up at Jung-hoon for a moment. The two locked eyes as the wolf’s color started to change. The white fur started to shift darker until it eventually reached a deep gray. Once again, a light mist formed as the wolf trotted back towards the woods. Jung-hoon shivered as he watched the animal leave, he wasn’t sure if any of this was real or if he was so grief stricken he had developed some sort of psychosis. Ultimately, he didn’t care. If he was able to help his brother one last time, then that’s what he did.

As Jung-hoon made his way back to the top of the waterfall’s cliff, he peered back trying to catch a glimpse of the wolf. To his surprise, only his footprints remained where he and the wolf had stood face to face.

Apr 10, 2012

In less than a month I've jumped to one of the all time losingest TD contributors.

Go me?

Apr 10, 2012

Yeah I misread the stats page. Still pretty abyssmal performance so far.

Apr 10, 2012

Exmond posted:

We would hate to see you leave

What? I'm not gonna quit. Just being a big baby and am gonna stop whining about it now.

Thanks for the crits Chili.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 13:44 on Mar 13, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

In with Arnold of Soissons as my savior.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 23:08 on Mar 13, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

I may be able to do a late entry post deadline of thats OK. Would be submitted no later than 12ish hours from now.

Apr 10, 2012

In on this.

Apr 10, 2012

In with this possibly cheating painting of the Colonel Meow drawing I found.

Also going to :toxx: for this as I've missed 2 weeks of stories due to being bad.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 00:37 on Mar 28, 2018

Apr 10, 2012

The Rise of Comrade Colonel Meow
Word Count: 1090

Several shadowy figures were meeting in the old cave near Acadamia De Gatos. Many of whom hunched over with age, showing their fragility to each other.

A match struck to light up a cigar firmly in the mouth of the largest of the group, Comrade Colonel Meow. He took a drag and began to speak. “Operation Vermin has begun comrades, how goes your part of our campaign?” he asked through his thick accent. The sort of accent that told you he was not only was he dastardly, but not originally from the United Litters of Felinia.

“Yes comrade Colonel Meow” Snowflake said in response. Snowflake was renowned for his ability to collect riches beyond comparison in the nation.

“We continue to flood the market with counterfeit catnip through our financial manipulation starting in 1982. The fools still believe that they’ll be able to recover from the damage our manipulation has done. Not to mention the upcoming release of our Catnip Virus.”

Shadow, the ambassador of the ULF to the United Animal Kingdom, said “We have pushed both the Empire of Dog and the Kiwi Bird Republic to the brink of war. Our Catnip Virus will be blamed on the Dogs, starting our planned world war.”

Tiger, a brilliant scientist who was in charge of creating the virus the group was planning to release said “Our Catnip Virus will do the trick perfectly, even if our manipulation of the others fails. Testing indicates a high lethality rate.”

“Bien” said Comrade Colonel Meow. He continued “our mercenaries will take over in a dozen countries as soon as our plan begins next week. There will be chaos throughout the world. Once started I will blackmail el presidente and the rest of the government with our Catnip Virus to ensure his obedience. We may need to deal with some attempts to take over in the chaos, targeting us for our roles within the ULF society. I suggest you go to the safe houses. Personally I will be at the one in La Hermosa Playa, the sun is very warm there. Now, I bid you adieu.”

Later on the 21st of the month, Comrade Colonel Meow sat with the President of the ULF who was yowling in horror. He pushed his control panel that released the Catnip Virus, which suddenly and without warning overtook all the computer systems of the world, the military, the economy, the entertainment, it was all under his paw. Immediately it caused weapon systems to target pre-determined targets creating a mass of destruction across the planet save for the ULF. Wars were beginning with nobody knowing who struck first, not that it mattered. The animals for years were already inching closer and closer to destruction. The dream of the United Animal Kingdom was just that, a dream. Nobody cared for peace. There were too many hard feelings from the pre-industrial era. Too many wars and too many destroyed relationships.

As all of this happened, Comrade Colonel Meow touched the presidents knee and said “You must blame the attacks on terrorists. Take a firm stand against the chaos, declare martial law and control the situation before it gets out of control.”
Comrade Colonel Meow knew this would not be possible with the president. So then he offered his Plan B, have the president resign due to emotional trauma and insert Comrade Colonel Meow as president of the ULF. This would, of course, create a potential civil war which was why as soon as Comrade Colonel Meow was installed as president he took the presidential plane to La Hermosa Playa. Comrade Colonel Meow looked out of the window and smiled to himself.

At the conference call meeting that night, Comrade Colonel Meow proudly said “THE WORLD IS UNDER OUR CONTROL! Key supplies are within our grasp and already foreign powers are begging for us to support them in their power struggles.”

Snowflake interjected by saying “Sir, there is still the issue with the Governor of Scratchington in the ULF and the Panda Confederation.”

Comrade Colonel Meow laughed, “We’ll just use the Catnip Virus to cause their weapons to turn on them. Besides the Panda Confederation are pacifists we don’t need to worry about them. This Governor though, he can easily be taken care of with a single phone call.”

Snowflake was still worried “The Governor escaped from our custody and has mobilized his own militia! We may have a mass revolt in one of our biggest regions. Thankfully the lack of communication has prevented him from spreading any influence.”

Tiger added, “The Catnip Virus has been a brilliant success. We’ve been able to reduce the population of the world by 15% thanks to collateral damage and purgings by new governments that took over in the chaos. Due to how the virus was made, it will continue to replicate and spread to systems that we do not have access to. I surmise it will take around another week before everything is firmly within our control, including personal devices.” Tiger smiled broadly at their accomplishment. They had spent years developing the AI systems, all for it to fall perfectly into place.

Within a few hours of Comrade Colonel Meow’s ascension to office, counterrevolutions erupted throughout the ULF, the last place on the planet that had any semblance of a functioning society. Despite his assurances his control over the nation was firm, Comrade Colonel Meow faced an all out civil war the likes of which neither he nor his conspirators predicted would happen. In response, the president chose to wipe his adversaries from the face of the planet with nuclear weapons.

A gigantic Mushroom cloud exploded as Comrade Colonel Meow denounced their actions and accused them of creating the crisis, a clever ploy that worked in his favor. This only solidified growing groups of rebellions into a new faction within the country the “Free States of Feline” who banded together under the leadership of the Governor of Scratchington.

Seeing what their efforts would result in, the FSF reformed their military into a roving band of guerilla fighters. The surviving political opponents of Comrade Colonel Meow began their own campaign of propaganda and attempted to shut down all of Comrade Colonel Meow’s influence, only to be met by his loyalist mobs and his hired mercenaries. With the Beast Wars having begun, Comrade Colonel Meow reached out to a surprising and unlikely nation in seek of assistance quelling his own uprising.

The Animal Republic of Vultures were all too glad to have carrion to feast on.

Especially cat.


Apr 10, 2012

Edit - I'm a dummy and used the wrong prompt loving everything up.


Mekchu fucked around with this message at 13:23 on Apr 2, 2018

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