• I'll say it again: your object MUST be your protagonist and point of view character. THIS IS GOOD
  
• That said, your POV can still be in first, second, or third person. You're not limited to first person. THIS IS CORRECT
  
• No seriously, you can't just have the object I give you simply appear in the story. Your object is the main character. YES
  
• Your object can't do anything a mundane object wouldn't be able to do. Again, I don't want you to anthropomorphize the object. THIS IS DIFFERENT YOUR OBJECT IS ACTUALLY A HUMAN PERSON WITH THE QUALITIES OF THE OBJECT
  
• That said, your object should still have some sort of inner life—a personality. YEAH THIS STILL MAKES SENSE I THINK
  
• You can have humans, animals, and (obviously) other objects in your story as long as none of the above rules are broken. COOL
  
• If I sense that you are trying to do something ~clever~ that isn't in the spirit of the prompt I will come down on you with all the piss and vinegar of my advanced years. I'M NOT SURE WHY I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO BE CLEVER SO YOU CAN BE CLEVER I GUESS
  

• ALLNEWJONASILK IS A CANDLE
  
• SITTING HERE IS A SHARK IN A JAR
  
• THRANGUY IS ALSO A CANDLE BUT ITS A BIGGER CANDLE
  
• STAGGER IS AN OLD WOODEN DOCK
  
• ANTIVEHICULAR IS A GRANDFATHER CLOCK
  
• HAWK LAD IS AN IKEA STORE
  
• DEPP IS A GLASS EYEBALL
  
• DELTA SQUID IS A VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL PAINTING
  
• YOURUICHI IS A FALSE DOOR OF KHA
  
• FLIP IS A LONG BOOK
  
• A WHOOPIE CAT IS A TV REMOTE
  
• ANONYMOUS BLOWOUT IS EARTH'S MOON
  
• QUOPROQUID IS A SEESAW
  
• CASCADE BETA IS A SILVER CIGARETTE HOLDER
  
• SPARKSBLOOM IS A SNAKE SKULL
  
• FUSHA TUDE IS A WARM WOOL SWEATER
  
• 420 SLUGGER IS A RUBBER DUCKER
  

JOHN MADNESS fucked around with this message at 04:22 on Oct 5, 2018

JOHN MADNESS fucked around with this message at 04:24 on Oct 5, 2018

• I was hoping things would be abstracted out a little further than just “she is our self-automated remote control” and “Fleur Estelle even looks like a giant remote.”
  
• I liked that you had the flip at the end with the protagonist becoming like her hated sister but you just went so literal with everything. Did you think I wouldn’t be able to keep up with your brilliant metaphor?

• So I enjoyed the dichotomy of the food stomach and the real stomach. And at first I was reading along and assuming all the weirdness is because I’m looking into the rattled brain of a post-apocalyptic survivor. A human survivor. But, no, your character is literally a bottle of aloe vera
  
• Did you miss the part of the part of the prompt that said “you are going to anthropomorphize your object so that it is all the way
  
• Did you miss the part of the prompt that said “your object is actually a human person with the qualities of the object”?
  
• I mean how?
  
• It was in all caps

• This is exactly what I wanted
  
• You did a lot with not many words
  
• The back and forth questions with () was a good device
  
• Sometimes I have a hard time hearing loud voices in writing unless I’m told beforehand. I think “My voice booms” should have gone first or been removed entirely.
  
• Your opening sentence is very strong and I liked how it came back at the ending, too.
  
• Also cool -- this guy could be crazy or could actually be supernatural and it doesn’t really matter either way which is cool

• I meant to write cheap joke not cheap drunk
  
• Nothing really happens here. A guy likes taking baths and so he takes a lot of baths. Here is a history of him taking baths. And then a selfie joke
  
• Darn millenials and their selfies

• Get it?
  
• It’s French and your story was kinda French
  
• Haha
  
• I can see where you took a lot of little things from your object and incorporated them into your story in lots of little clever ways. I like that. I like the cleverness.
  
• Leave the bayonet says a lot with very little
  
• See: THE IMPLICATION
  
• I am interested in the world you have made where this Gift seems unusual but not miraculous

• I think is probably a good story but I do not like it
  
• I don’t like the content
  
• It makes me feel queasy and that maybe I need to take a shower
  
• I guess if that was the goal then good job

• I don’t see-
  
• I DON’T SEE
  
• Funny
  
• I feel like there is maybe some crucial characteristic of a glass eyeball I can’t think of that is very important to me fully understanding this story. I guess you could say I don’t see it. Right now, there is a creepy man who is very nondescript and who makes the main character uneasy. She decides to give him a job despite no qualifications. I am missing something?

• Is that first sentence grammatically correct? The tense seems weird. “Is hitting” might be better?
  
• This is the opposite of Woopy Cat’s tv remote story. The metaphor of the object here ((an old wooden dock) is both obvious and subtle (as opposed to being so overt it is painful like it was with the tv remote). A father wants to be a harbour for his son. Easy enough. What I like in particular, though, are the layers to this. All the energy he is putting into rescuing his boat is just a substitute for what he wishes he could do for the relationship he has with his son. And when the boat is lost to the storm, it isn’t devastating because he has had it for forty years but rather because of what the boat represents.
  
• Cool stuff

• I was going to make my verdict something seesaw related how this one was all a good and not bad but I’m getting tired of reading all these stories
  
• This a very honest look at mental health. It was not romantic or even unrealistic. This is refreshing.
  
• Very good

• I enjoy your use of the prompt. Orbit was subtle yet powerful.
  
• I enjoy the holes you leave. They are large enough to drive a Mercedes through yet easy for me to fill in with my own imagination. Where did the burns come from? Doesn’t matter.
  
• I find the impulse to bath with the fish strange and out of place. Is it a drunk thought blurted out for no reason? That seems to be the implication but I would like to think it is something more complex than that that I just haven’t figured out yet.
  
• I will reread this one.
  
• Manipulation of Preston is realistic and good

• I don’t know if you were satisfied with this because it seems kind of scaled out
  
• Perhaps you had a story you wanted to tell but were overly constrained by the word count
  
• Too much summary, too much unimportant information
  
• For instance, the father armchair thing was good. The Waltzing Butcher just took up space.

• I thought this was going to be a lot different but I guess that’s life huh

• The wife lost her wedding ring but it’s okay because there are stars am I reading this correct
  
• Wedding rings are expensive
  
• I would be upset

• This is good
  
• This is a good use of your prompt and I’m not sorry for giving it to you because you did a fine job of it what a smart person I am for assigning it
  
• I like the concept of being in Rome and not hearing anything about Jesus that’s pretty funny