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snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Hey welcome to the Australian Football League 2018 thread, the thread about Australian Rules Football, for 2018, the year of our saviour Jesse Hogan.

What’s the game about : a 360 degree, high scoring, full contact, bureaucratically officiated mess of a rolling brawl played on a stupidly big field. Watch this for an explainer by an over-excited voice over guy for more information (a code of football which has kicking?? What a world!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMZYZcoAcU0

The game has been around in Australia for over 150 years, but the AFL is a national competition that was made by bolting on new interstate teams to the existing Victorian Football League, which is why the Victorian teams claim premierships from a hundred years ago as a way to make themselves feel better whenever they’re poo poo for a decade. Interstate teams in the same situation just get to keep themselves warm with their massive inferiority complexes instead.

All you really need to know: 18 teams, 23 rounds of football (including 2 byes for each team), the top 8 teams get to play in the finals. The top 4 teams on the ladder get a double chance to stay in if they lose in the first week, and everyone else does elimination finals from the get go. The final 2 teams play in the Grand Final for the Premiership.

The best player of the year is awarded the Brownlow medal, which is voted by the umpires. The reigning Brownlow medallist is Richmond’s future cautionary tale of fame and excess, Dustin Martin.

The AFLW (the womens league) also kicked off its first full season last year, with Adelaide taking out the inaugural premiership. The game is rapidly developing to try and secure what sporting talent it can while competing with the other professional womens leagues popping up, and the league’s style of play has an entertaining 80’s-style crash and bash mentality which evaporated in the mens game decades ago. At the moment only 8 teams hold licenses, with 2 more teams to come next year I believe.

THINGS TO CARE about :

Richmond managed to win the premiership. The perennial kings of mediocrity won the 2017 premiership. Will they back it up this year? Almost certainly not. Is their name in the records books for all of eternity as the 2017 Premiers? *checks records books* well... there they are. They sure did win that premiership.
The womens footy is almost back, kicking off on Feb 2nd. In its second year now, Adelaide will be looking to back up their maiden premiership, while musical chairs between the other team’s lists will see which competitors will be able to challenge. Don’t get too attached to your favourite players!
The mens 2018 season kicks off on March 22nd. Who will improve? Who will get worse? Who will be new to the finals? Who will be unable to back up their surprise premiership win by crashing to a bottom 4 finish?? It’s a mystery that will only be told in time.
The indigenous round jumpers are always cool.
The absurd amount of close games in the 2017 home and away season.

THINGS TO NOT CARE about :
The JLT Community season. The pre-season competition is a good opportunity for clubs to give their players a run in hot conditions in country towns for meaningless games so they can get all their ACL injuries out of the way nice and early. It kicks off on Feb 24.
Western Bulldogs drought breaking 2016 premiership. Get out of here doggies, there’s a new feel good (or feel something, at least) premiership story in town.
The Footy Show.
Football fan’s ideas on race relations.
That the 2017 finals series, apart from one cracking game, being heavily lopsided the way through.
Predominantly white Clash jumpers (Carlton and Fremantle excluded).

The teams, in order of 2017 ladder, and thus as good an indicator of importance as any heading into this season:


ADELAIDE CROWS
First AFL season: 1991
Premierships: 2 - 1997, 1998
Make fun of them about :
Not even bothering to turn up to the grand final. A 48 point loss was pretty poor against a side that probably won’t be remembered as one of the better premiership teams in history, especially when Adelaide had thrashed Geelong by 10 goals the week before.
Their fans insistence of Victorian conspiracy theories at every chance.
That nobody wants to live in Adelaide, but only when playing for the Crows.


GEELONG CATS
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 9 - 1925, 1931, 1937, 1951, 1952, 1963, 2007, 2009, 2011
Make fun of them about :
Being a walking midfield with the depth of a kiddie pool.
Being blown out of the park in the first quarter of the prelim against Adelaide.
Losing to Collingwood, Gold Coast and Essendon in consecutive weeks.
Tom Hawkins surprise at finding out you can’t punch other players in the face.


RICHMOND TIGERS
First VFL season: 1908
Premierships: 11 - 1920, 1921, 1932, 1934, 1943, 1967, 1969, 1973, 1974, 1980, 2017
Make fun of them about :
Man, this topic used to be never ending. Most 9th place finishes than any other club in the last 30 years. Having lost 3 games in a row by a goal or less TWICE in the space of 5 years. Their history of horrific drafting blunders. Finally making the finals in 2012 after a string of 9th finishes only to lose after being in front at 3QTR time to a side that actually finished 9th that year but were granted a spot after Essendon were banned from competing in the post-season. I mean I could go on, but *checks record book* 2017 Premiers, Richmond Tigers. Huh.


GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY (GWS) GIANTS
First AFL season: 2012
Premierships: none
Make fun of them about :
Being openly run by lizard-brained vampires, as opposed to other clubs which are only secretly run by lizard-brained vampires.
Their club colours and jumper have all the charisma of an off brand cereal package.
Drafting a bunch of fuckwits.
Toby Greene being inevitably charged with some heinous thing on or off the field at some point only for the club to stand by him and talk about what a good bloke he is.


PORT ADELAIDE POWER
First AFL season: 1997
Premierships: 1 – 2004
Make fun of them about :
Fans who keep getting banned from games for hurling racist abuse at players.
Their president’s outspoken ‘everybody’s fault but mine’ philosophy.
If their ‘kid in a candy shop’ recruiting spree backfires horrendously, then that too.
The fact that a lot of them are actually proud to represent the bogans of Adelaide. Just imagine.
They still have Jimmy Toumpas on their list.


SYDNEY SWANS
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club (as South Melbourne)
Premierships: 5 - 1909, 1918, 1933, 2005, 2012
Make fun of them about :
Their soft players. Can’t even take a punch to the jaw while looking away, what wusses.
Losing the first 6 games straight.
Finishing the year with a wet fart of a performance in the finals after looking like the form side of the competition in September.


ESSENDON BOMBERS
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 16 - 1897, 1901, 1911, 1912, 1923, 1924, 1942, 1946, 1949, 1950, 1962, 1965, 1984, 1985, 1993, 2000
Make fun of them about :
Running a club sanctioned performance enhancing injection program in 2012.
Losing a game to Sydney in one of the most creative chokes ever seen.
Their fans insistence that the club is still a powerhouse despite the glaringly obvious evidence to the contrary.
Picking up Jake ‘cheats on his pregnant missus with a schoolgirl’ Stringer from the Doggies.


WEST COAST EAGLES
First VFL season: 1987
Premierships: 3 - 1992, 1994, 2006
Make fun of them about :
The fact a not small amount of their premiership team from a decade ago enjoyed the nose candy a bit too much.
making GBS threads the bed last time they made the Grand Final in 2015.
Winning one of the all-time great elimination finals against Port Adelaide before getting blown off the park the next week against the Giants.
Their constant home ground umpiring advantage and their fans insistence it’s not true and the umpires are in fact screwing the Eagles even when they win the free kicks 24-10.


MELBOURNE DEMONS
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 10 - 1900, 1926, 1939, 1940, 1941, 1948, 1955, 1956, 1957, 1959, 1960, 1964
Make fun of them about :
Their womens team missing out on making the final by 2 goals.
Their mens team missing out on making the finals by 2 goals.
Being the worst team of the modern era, the same era which has seen 2 new expansion clubs created from scratch.
Once losing a game by 186 points, then following that up two seasons later with a 146 point losing margin.
Now trying to add ‘dirtiest team in the league’ to their repertoire (picking up Jordan Lewis was a success!).


WESTERN BULLDOGS
First VFL season: 1925
Premierships: 2 – 1954, 2016
Make fun of them about :
After winning the premiership from 7th on the ladder in 2016, their 2017 tactic of trying to win it from 10th backfired horribly.
Trying to fix their forward line problems with Travis Cloke.
Tom Liberatore’s raging premiership hangover.


ST KILDA SAINTS
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 1 – 1966
Make fun of them about :
Making a big old step backwards in 2017, especially compared to the sides around them in development.
Picking a captain who wouldn’t make it in most club’s best 22 – man up and give it to Jack Stevens, or at least give co-captaincy for Jack Stevens and Jack Steven’s mullet (RIP).
Tim Membrey’s Jimmy Buffet wallpaper tattoos.
Winning a wooden spoon (last place finish on the ladder) approximately once in every 4 years of their existence.


HAWTHORN HAWKS
First AFL season: 1925
Premierships: 13 - 1961, 1971, 1976, 1978, 1983, 1986, 1988, 1989, 1991, 2008, 2013, 2014, 2015
Make fun of them about :
Being the mustache twirling Bond villains of the league for the last decade.
Their horrendous club colours.
Paying through the nose to pick up Jaeger ‘The Albatross’ O’Meara from Gold Coast.
The Ty Vickery experiment didn’t last long with him retiring early, but we can still get some good jabs in if we hurry.


COLLINGWOOD MAGPIES
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 15 - 1902, 1903, 1910, 1917, 1919, 1927, 1928, 1929, 1930, 1935, 1936, 1953, 1958, 1990, 2010
Make fun of them about :
‘Biggest club in Australia’ they say, similar to how melanoma is the biggest cancer in Australia.
Giving a $2 million 4 year deal to Chris Mayne, which will never not be funny.
The constant lack of basic skills they displayed for most of 2017 kept their clown car crash of a season interesting for neutrals.


FREMANTLE DOCKERS
First AFL season: 1995
Premierships: none
Make fun of them about :
Picking up perennial gently caress up Harley Bennell from Gold Coast.
Harley Bennell’s tattoo.
Trusting Ross Lyon, a man known for his ‘blood out of a stone’ approach to list management, to rebuild their list.
Losing 3 games by over 100 points in 2017, including back to back 104 point losses.
Cam McCarthy’s haircut and mustache combo.


NORTH MELBOURNE KANGAROOS
First VFL season: 1925
Premierships: 4 - 1975, 1977, 1996, 1999
Make fun of them about :
Their coach’s legendary level of whinging.
Their general air of irrelevance, like that weird loner at the bus station who talks loudly about how much of a badass he is despite the fact he clearly still lives with his mum at the age of 40.
The fact their best player literally looks like Sideshow Bob.


CARLTON BLUES
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 16 - 1906, 1907, 1908, 1914, 1915, 1938, 1945, 1947, 1968, 1970, 1972, 1979, 1981, 1982, 1987, 1995
Make fun of them about :
Thinking the coach was the problem in 2012.
Being unable to kick a score over 100 points at any point in the 2017 season.
At least their ‘sometimes to get better you have to get worse’ philosophy is working. They are certainly getting worse.


GOLD COAST SUNS
First AFL season: 2011
Premierships: none
Make fun of them about :
Bizarrely enough, being the first group of fans who decided to start booing Adam Goodes in 2015.
Having the most aggressively bland club logo and colour scheme. Beige would have more character than what they put together.
Their general air of irrelevance.
Coughing up pick 2 to trade a fringe 50-game player just because he won’t want to move somewhere else.


BRISBANE LIONS
First AFL season: 1997 (merger of Fitzroy Lions and Brisbane Bears)
Premierships: 3 - 2001, 2002, 2003 (8 as Fitzroy - 1898, 1899, 1904, 1905, 1913, 1916, 1922, 1944)
Make fun of them about :
That nobody wants to live in Queensland, although that’s not so much weird as its basic common sense.
The very worst thing of all: being harmless. Even Luke Hodge feels sorry for them and its been scientifically proven he has no soul.

snaeksikn fucked around with this message at Jan 18, 2018 around 10:01

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snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



See drunkill's post below for more info on AFLW

TIPPING

FootyTipping hasn't rolled over yet for some reason but if you were in it last year you should be automatically entered in it this year.

If you're new or got purged the link is thus:
http://www.footytips.com.au/comps/SASTips
pw: goons

snaeksikn fucked around with this message at Jan 11, 2018 around 08:38

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Fox footy is saying Thompson was arrested in regards to an investigation into drug trafficking

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



how come the crows won't have to cough up players to the other aflw teams? south australian bias!!

logos also updated in op

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



harperdc posted:

Good loving god you give it to two separate players for having lovely tattoos and don’t even mention Jake Stringer’s lion-belly? Shameful.

I only had room for one nickname per player and I felt the schoolgirl diddling out ranked his amazing tattoo

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Looking like a couple of Dr Seuss characters

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Was Clayton Oliver injured?

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



First complaint about umpiring for the year, footy is back!

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



i thought if you retire then you arent entitled to the full amount of your remaining contract? or maybe it depends on the terms of each contract

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



demons have found some retro inspiration to replace their white clash strip



i don't hate it at all, and its the same jumper as my first footy club the aranmore cardinals

the dees will also retain the redback strip they picked up from the womens team, marking a rare occasion where all 3 of the clubs strips are pretty sweet. plus we've had a good record with the indigenous round jumpers as well on top of that.

snaeksikn fucked around with this message at Jan 22, 2018 around 09:20

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



We'll be wearing the redback design against the dogs and eagles, with the royal blue clash strip used in all other away games

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



we should be up there, we won 5 games out of the 7 last year, (with one of those losses being by 5 points after kicking 1.9 against GWS) and we've held onto all the key players in the list. the dees have one of the strongest nucleus groups in the league, the biggest thing they were missing was a high quality marking forward which we've now got having been gifted bianca jakobssen from carlton, plus went for a few extras in the draft.

daisy pearce is one of the best womens players in the country, we have effective flankers and wings in paxman, phillips and o'dea, and some really talented smalls like kat smith and lily mithen. despite a relatively low profile our ruck lauren pearce was really influential last year as well

plus jayden hunt personally vouches for one of the new recruits http://www.afl.com.au/news/2018-01-...-torn-to-shreds

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Was it the angle of the replay or did she just straight kick her in the crotch?

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



The bulldogs player doing commentary is jacked

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



the crowd was still pretty healthy

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



50m penalties are pretty harsh in the women's comp

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Our disposal efficiency is somehow higher than GWS

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Hore obviously is a bit nervous with her finishing but she's had like 3 shots on goal so far which is a good sign

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



That was great composure and execution from Cranston

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



We're gonna lose

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



We're not gonna lose

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Chairchucker posted:

OH, Erin Phillips is out? Well then. Here's where my tipping gets screwed probably.

Quad injury at training

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



D'Arcy offered 2 weeks for kicking Hosking in the crotch. Too soft.

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010




I'm now more optimistic that the game is going to involve multiball segments and at least one player using a scooter on field

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Solemn Sloth posted:

i'm having a zooper dooper right now, how many points do i score

A several game suspension from your MCC membership

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Chairchucker posted:

I still don't 'get' AFLX. 20Twenty cricket makes sense as a way to make a boring as hell sport somewhat interesting, but AFL is already fast paced enough.

Agreed, the first 10 minutes of most footy games are usually the worst parts until the players find their rhythms

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Dees are gonna go undefeated and lose the grand final imo

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Lol they're going to change the footy over to the yellow version. Who knew a graphite coloured ball was a bad idea???

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



A lot of people in the US talk about watching the VFL on ESPN back in the day, surely the AFL could look at putting it back up on one of their sports channels for the US audience again? At a guess I'd say nostalgia alone would get a bump in viewership out the gate.

Disclaimer: I have no idea if the AFL has actually been trying to do this in the last few decades or not

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Lol Norf looks like they picked about their best possible team

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



I'd prefer to keep him on the field

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Hopefully he turns to commentary after he retires in 10 years time with 5 premierships as a one club player

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Jetta looking like he's keen to get suspended there

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



lol the ground is basically empty at the aflx today

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Yeah they do

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Lot of players burning a lot of energy so far

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Apparently Jordan Lewis is one of our Vice Captains now??

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



AFL have announced no rule changes for this year.

2nd year in a row they've decided the 50m penalty for protected zone infringement is reasonable. Cool, cool cool.

snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



werent the demons the previous holders of biggest win in aflw?

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snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



lochland is a midget

e: imagine if brennan was out there

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