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PokeJoe
Aug 24, 2004

hail cgatan




im pretty sure every impactful thing that could happen has already happened so i'm safe on that front

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qhat
Jul 6, 2015




ok boomer

CarForumPoster
Jun 26, 2013
I have a high school diploma AND a hobby coin project

Now that you're sufficiently in awe, you motherfuckers shut up and let me tell you how human safety in your self driving car works in the REAL WORLD


PokeJoe posted:

im pretty sure every impactful thing that could happen has already happened so i'm safe on that front

uhh have you heard about that 14 yo that made trading card securities tho? you can buy 1/10th a Fleer Ultra MJ rookie slabbed and graded at 9.5! thats only gonna go up!

cinci zoo sniper
Mar 14, 2013



CarForumPoster posted:

uhh have you heard about that 14 yo that made trading card securities tho? you can buy 1/10th a Fleer Ultra MJ rookie slabbed and graded at 9.5! thats only gonna go up!

https://twitter.com/zemnmez/status/1443821271045845005

Kazinsal
Dec 13, 2011



how the gently caress do you write a resume these days? like, what even do you put on it? I don't even know what people are looking for in the way of bonus experience etc

I just read my manager's assessment of me ahead of my year end review and despite feeling real fuckin good about myself right up until 15 minutes ago I'm now thinking it's time to look elsewhere but I haven't put together a resume since college

tk
Dec 10, 2003



Nap Ghost

Kazinsal posted:

how the gently caress do you write a resume these days? like, what even do you put on it? I don't even know what people are looking for in the way of bonus experience etc

I just read my manager's assessment of me ahead of my year end review and despite feeling real fuckin good about myself right up until 15 minutes ago I'm now thinking it's time to look elsewhere but I haven't put together a resume since college

https://www.canva.com/resumes/templates/

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004





quote:

KAZINSAL

Computer toucher with over N years of embedded experience and a particular interest in stuff and things

Skills
Languages (proficiency): Computer, English, C
Languages (familiarity): Spanish, microcontroller, Prolog
Frameworks & Technologies: idk fill this poo poo on
Other (proficiency): pwning n00bz
Other (familiarity): pwning ATMs

Experience
Oldjob
Senior computer toucher May 2015 - Present
* Shitposted, mostly, on company time
* Increased department revenue 4x by not coming to work
* Increased team velocity 1.5x by trolling the lovely chud into quitting
Computer toucher Apr 2015 - May 2015
* Got high with boss's kid, free promotion

Jobbeforethat
Junior computer toucher Hbag's birthday - Apr 2015

Selected OSS projects
* leave it out if you dont have public contributions

Talks & presentations
* leave it out if you dont have any

Education
* put that here, leave out GPA

Certifications
* shitposter first class, funky order of the yos

Achmed Jones fucked around with this message at 22:57 on Nov 24, 2021

CMYK BLYAT!
Nov 7, 2011

tolko zhaesh, poshli ikh na X
ne umru ya, moi drug, nikogda!



Kazinsal posted:

how the gently caress do you write a resume these days? like, what even do you put on it?

put your contact info and then the job posting text verbatim; nobody is going to read it other than the applicant tracking system

Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.




CMYK BLYAT! posted:

put your contact info and then the job posting text verbatim; nobody is going to read it other than the applicant tracking system

Iím like 80% sure this is terrible advice. Iíve read that ATS auto-rejects happen a lot less than people think.

cinci zoo sniper
Mar 14, 2013



Kazinsal posted:

how the gently caress do you write a resume these days? like, what even do you put on it? I don't even know what people are looking for in the way of bonus experience etc

I just read my manager's assessment of me ahead of my year end review and despite feeling real fuckin good about myself right up until 15 minutes ago I'm now thinking it's time to look elsewhere but I haven't put together a resume since college

spend more time on writing the 3 intro sentences than basically the rest of it, because you have to click bait the reviewer into reading your experience and poo poo

Kazinsal
Dec 13, 2011



rad, thanks folks. actual review went alright but if they don't come through on the figgies I'm going to start shopping myself around. that kind of spike in stress isn't worth not getting the dosh

raminasi
Jan 25, 2005

a last drink with no ice


a surprising performance review is a red flag in its own right

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007





raminasi posted:

a surprising performance review is a red flag in its own right

Xarn
Jun 26, 2015



Look at all those templates with huge photos of you, I am sure HR will be super glad to distribute these around, there is no reason to reject them whatsoever.

qhat
Jul 6, 2015




a photo on a resume, especially someone who is not from a minority group, is at best creepy and at worst a fully privileged dick swing. Also if your photo is taking up that much space, it looks like you donít have very much of substance to actually talk about.

cinci zoo sniper
Mar 14, 2013



qhat posted:

a photo on a resume, especially someone who is not from a minority group, is at best creepy and at worst a fully privileged dick swing. Also if your photo is taking up that much space, it looks like you donít have very much of substance to actually talk about.

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

I love peeps

Nap Ghost

completely standard in korea and japan, try to literally never do it unless you're an actor or other person who is a professional good lookin person in america. euroland it differs

cinci zoo sniper
Mar 14, 2013



in europe i would strongly advise against it in all circumstances other than being an a presenter of sorts, or if youíre setting up a europass cv for a public institution

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

I love peeps

Nap Ghost

yeah the europass poo poo is where it differs. usajobs expects no face

Xarn
Jun 26, 2015


I've seen europass once in my life, it looked really bad and the person was useless. So my advice would be to avoid :v:

cinci zoo sniper
Mar 14, 2013



Xarn posted:

I've seen europass once in my life, it looked really bad and the person was useless. So my advice would be to avoid :v:

for a non-insignificant amount of public hiring (universities and eu institutions especially), non-europass cv get automatically deleted from inbox. for private industry, tech especially, theyíre woefully unnecessary, but banking, for instance, will gladly review those

thankfully, places that want to see europass usually are quite explicit about it

AnimeIsTrash
Jun 30, 2018



jesus WEP posted:

now? having a bizarre personal lexicon has been bdidís gimmick forever

Some people use "things" and "stuff" to describe the world, bdid uses "peeps" and "dealios".

Esposito
Apr 5, 2003

Sic transit gloria. Maybe we'll meet again someday, when the fighting stops.

Still pretty common in Germany to submit your CV to midcap or traditional companies with a modelled headshot in an expensive binder to make a good impression. Pretty ridiculous. Also pretty common to not acknowledge that this could lead to discrimination. Better among newer and larger companies afaik though

Gazpacho
Jun 18, 2004

NUKE THEIR ASS
TAKE THEIR GAS


Slippery Tilde

I just got a recruiting call at 8PM Pacific. The phone number was in New York and the recruiter sounded high or at least caffeinated.

e: sorry for the absolutely pitiful bump, idk what got into me

Gazpacho fucked around with this message at 05:24 on Dec 1, 2021

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'


raminasi posted:

a surprising performance review is a red flag in its own right

barkbell
Apr 14, 2006

woof

they sounded caffeinated

my stepdads beer
Feb 24, 2001




what if you're extremely good looking. should you use a headshot then

Acer Pilot
Feb 17, 2007
put the 'the' in therapist

:dukedog:



my stepdads beer posted:

what if you're extremely good looking. should you use a headshot then

I legit received a resume a couple weeks back with a picture of the candidate in the corner.

thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

EIDE Van Hagar
Dec 8, 2000

Beep Boop

my stepdads beer posted:

what if you're extremely good looking. should you use a headshot then

depends. how *white* and good looking are you?

bob dobbs is dead
Oct 8, 2017

I love peeps

Nap Ghost

theres also a cottage industry of social scientists sending out identical resumes w names like tyrone jenkins and william duxbury the fourth and seeing the effect

the result: theres an effect

champagne posting
Apr 5, 2006

YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER


Gazpacho posted:

I just got a recruiting call at 8PM Pacific. The phone number was in New York and the recruiter sounded high or at least caffeinated.

e: sorry for the absolutely pitiful bump, idk what got into me

a recruiter who can afford cocaine surely is successful at placing people and thus worth giving the time of day

Fart Sandwiches
Apr 3, 2006



thanks to some sales dickhead saddling us with an impossible contract to fulfill, i've been working insane crunch time and i finally had enough. i've been with this company 10 years (silly me) and i've always had very reasonable deadlines because i made them myself. we made money, we had work to do, all was well. got my department shifted to a different business unit in the company and now we're hyper-capitalist work to the bone type shop and i don't believe them when they say it won;t happen again, so it's new job time.

this was literally my first job out of the military and i've been comfortable enough with the different things i do to stick around, but the time is right.

so how the gently caress do i do any of this? i think i have a decent resume, but where do i start? i set linkedin to looking for job, and that's about it so far. i guess reach out to friends to see what's around? are there any sites that aren't terrible? (yes i know im using linkedin...)

poo poo's scary yo

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004





setting your linkedin is the first bit. make sure that it's up to date with recruiter buzzwords that apply. if you want, post your resume and i/we will take look at it

it might be kinda slow for you depending on location - it's the end of the year. faangs can accommodate, i imagine other big places can too, but i expect a bunch are gonna take a few weeks of recruiting break

cinci zoo sniper
Mar 14, 2013



spend some time connecting to your coworkers and people you vaguely know for work reasons, on linked in that is. once the app sees that you're doing rounds there, it's start to put you up before 'crooters' eyeballs

raminasi
Jan 25, 2005

a last drink with no ice


- it is a crapshoot, do your best to not get discouraged by failure
- recruiter attention is not consistent. you will get ignored for a few weeks (especially around now) and then four people will contact you in a day.
- third-party recruiters, 90% of the time, are useful for knowing about open positions and filling out job applications for you, and nothing else. use them for this but don't invest too much in them or get sad when they're idiots or ghost you.
- first-party recruiters who reach out to you are a great sign and way more useful. treat them nicer!
- seriously, it's a crapshoot

Fart Sandwiches
Apr 3, 2006



raminasi posted:

- it is a crapshoot, do your best to not get discouraged by failure
- recruiter attention is not consistent. you will get ignored for a few weeks (especially around now) and then four people will contact you in a day.
- third-party recruiters, 90% of the time, are useful for knowing about open positions and filling out job applications for you, and nothing else. use them for this but don't invest too much in them or get sad when they're idiots or ghost you.
- first-party recruiters who reach out to you are a great sign and way more useful. treat them nicer!
- seriously, it's a crapshoot

thanks for this and the other posters. I almost posted my resume but even with scrubbing some things Iím worrying about doxxing cause my resume is almost word for word in my LinkedIn.

I have some time, this thing is almost done, but Iíll keep looking to try and get something at the new year.

qhat
Jul 6, 2015




here are some tips which help me write about my job on my resume:

- start with your name and contact info at the top, followed by a one line headline, followed by brief table of tech to summarize you, then work experience, then education, and then anything supplemental that could make you stand out for this particular role. pay attention to formatting; every bit of white space is real estate that isnít selling you, but donít just pack a bunch of bs really tightly, your resume should be a pleasure to read and look at while also giving me all the information I need to say to quickly say ďyeah this person fineď
- no walls of text. act as if every point is an expertly crafted tweet; concise, informative, hard hitting. each thing the hiring manager reads should serve to grab an extra ten seconds of attention from them. you have about sixty seconds in total before they decide to shortlist or move on, but much less if youíre boring them.
- show, donít tell. nobody cares that youíre a hard worker, a team player, innovator, etc. talk about a project youíre very proud of which, in itself, demonstrates those core qualities. the more recent the better. give details, situations, actions, results; details sell. but donít forget youíre still writing a tweet, write it concisely and move on. this is the hardest part.
- everything you write on the resume you should expect to talk about in detail in the interview, so donít mention small useless stuff from ten years ago that you can barely remember. feel free to summarize all the unmemorable crap into a single point about providing support for so and so or whatever.
- if this is your only job for ten years, expect to spend most if not all of the first page on this role. second pages for additional qualities, like your military work experience, education, etc are okay but you should act as if the hiring manager isnít going to read it right away. make sure the very important stuff relating directly to the new role is on the first page. donít ever get past 2 pages, nobody ever reads the third page and beyond unless you are extremely distinguished.
- get someone you trust to read it over. you can spend hours and hours on the perfectly designed resume, but like code another set of eyes will almost instantly tell you whatís wrong with it. this is a very important part.

and thatís it. for my advice, anyway.

QuantumPotato
Feb 2, 2005



Fallen Rib

oof. had a first interview for a senior position at SketchUp yesterday, things were going pretty well, then in literally the last 5 minutes had a technical question sprung on me, it wouldn't have been so bad except they wanted me to write actual code in a shared google doc. was the classic "find the longest consecutive string of 1s in an array of 1s and 0s" question, but with the abrupt context switch from personal questions, the awkwardness of coding in a word processor, and the time limit, i blanked and things didn't go well. i was able to fumble out a solution, but it wasn't great.

Shaggar
Apr 26, 2006


Nap Ghost

use of google docs is a huge red flag

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Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.




QuantumPotato posted:

oof. had a first interview for a senior position at SketchUp yesterday, things were going pretty well, then in literally the last 5 minutes had a technical question sprung on me, it wouldn't have been so bad except they wanted me to write actual code in a shared google doc. was the classic "find the longest consecutive string of 1s in an array of 1s and 0s" question, but with the abrupt context switch from personal questions, the awkwardness of coding in a word processor, and the time limit, i blanked and things didn't go well. i was able to fumble out a solution, but it wasn't great.

Ew, they couldn't even spring for a CoderPad?

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