interviewing: The Land of the Rising Fig

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > interviewing: The Land of the Rising Fig

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FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

also the small chance of an equity payout bonanza if the startup is a big hit goes to zero if your "startup" is embedded in a large corporation

# ¿ Feb 19, 2018 19:03

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 02:13

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

ADINSX posted:

I don't know much about the android team

there is only one thing you need to know about the android team

it is this:

lol

# ¿ Mar 7, 2018 22:49

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

those who can, do

those who cant, recruit

# ¿ Mar 15, 2018 21:11

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

so why are the candidates always terrible?

the worst, un-hireable candidates are on the market the longest, and they apply to the most jobs. a good candidate might take ten interviews ever, in his or her entire career. a bad candidate might take over a hundred interviews in a single job search.

it's not that 99% of people are awful -- it's that the people who happen to be applying to your open position are more likely to be awful than the general population

joel spolsky talks a lot of nonsense but he was right on this - the people you most want to hire, the real 10x jedi ninja rockstar coders, never appear on the job market. they are busy fielding offers from friends and contacts and headhunters to go work for them, they dont have to put their resume out on the street and pound the pavement.

the fact that someone uploaded their resume to your companys jobs.careers page and clicked through all the nonsense already means theyre not tier-one material

also, bad candidates are on the market more often than good candidates (because theyre not very good workers and they get fired/laid off/encourage to find another gig more often) which means that the pool of active job seekers that a hiring company is drawing from is heavily tilted towards clunkers and mediocrities

of course, all this applies in the reverse too. really good companies dont have lots of open reqs and turnover. the counterpoint to "if youre such a good worker, why are you unemployed/unhappy with your current job" is "if your company is such a great place to work, why is this position even open for applications"

# ¿ Mar 19, 2018 17:44

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Dongslayer. posted:

do you tell them why at this point

agree to the interview, spend four months rescheduling it, then block the phone number and email address

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 21:02

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

HoboMan posted:

what questions should i ask on a phone screen vs a full interview?

1. are you a cop?
2. seriously, you have to tell me if youre a cop. its the law

# ¿ Mar 28, 2018 22:07

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

jony neuemonic posted:

barf. tell me more about how wanting to get paid is shameful, employers.

see also: that infamous rogue brewing job listing

ive come around to appreciating when employers tell me up front theyre going to shaft me on compensation and smile while they do it. makes it easy to cut the conversation short and move on to the next prospect

# ¿ Mar 28, 2018 22:10

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

happens to the best of us

and also tori

# ¿ Apr 23, 2018 16:01

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

The Leck posted:

getting flown out for an interview in a few weeks. good sign for them wanting me, hopefully i don�t see any red flags and they offer enough figgies.

once your on site, be sure to follow toris patented three-step plan thats guaranteed to land you that job

1. SUCK
2. THEM
3. OFF

# ¿ Apr 25, 2018 22:41

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Sapozhnik posted:

good heavens, an entire terabyte you say?

thats a lot of anime

# ¿ Apr 27, 2018 21:14

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

the fact that youre being called for interviews means you are qualified for these jobs. they threw away a hundred junk resumes to bring you and a couple of other people in. it doesnt seem like it but youre close. if you werent you wouldnt hear back from anyone at all, just sending out resumes and hearing nothing back, shouting into the void (been there, done that)

you just havent clicked with an interviewer yet (which, as this thread has amply demonstrated, is largely a matter of pure chance and utter bullshit). keep plugging away, maybe work on your interviewing skills. but dont give up or even slacken your search

# ¿ May 2, 2018 01:53

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

dragon enthusiast posted:

even though the onsite seemed to go really well its still really nerve wracking waiting for the phone call

burn off that nervous energy by hitting some job boards and sending out more resumes

# ¿ May 3, 2018 21:54

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Sapozhnik posted:

I mean this is a fine activity even when you are not waiting for an interview result

my theory of jobhunting is that you should keep sending out resumes and going on interviews right up until the moment your new job hands you your access badge

ive known multiple people whove have a job offer implode at the last moment and theyre back at square one of the job hunt because they shut down all their mid-process leads because they thought theyd landed their job and were done with it

# ¿ May 3, 2018 22:33

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

FamDav posted:

but people who use kafka are frequently p bad

this is also true of people who dont use kafka

# ¿ May 5, 2018 22:47

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Fiedler posted:

Just how bad is this bullshit? Like, so intolerably bad that it's literally making you suicidal?

he said "current job" not "youre posting"

# ¿ May 8, 2018 03:27

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Space Whale posted:

So, how do I appropriately rescind from for profit and say don't call me back ever?

call them up, say you have a few more questions about benefits, ask if the medical plan covers bofa

# ¿ May 9, 2018 22:59

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Space Whale posted:

WTF is BOFA?

bofa DEEEEZ NUTTTTZ

# ¿ May 9, 2018 23:07

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

cheque_some posted:

are these in dollars or "dollars"

amazon gift cards

# ¿ May 10, 2018 16:01

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

glassdoor is full of complainers thinking about leaving their job, so it skews low

ive thought about creating a glassdoor review bingo card with squares like: "management is clueless", "some good people here", "hard work goes unrewarded", "management should listen more", "need to offer better benefits", "feel unappreciated", and "they should promote more from within"

theyre really amazingly consistent across all companies and job types

# ¿ May 11, 2018 20:12

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Shaman Linavi posted:

also what is there to do in palo alto besides sit in my hotel room and look at cat photos

stanford has a rodin collection and a frank lloyd wright house to tour

# ¿ May 16, 2018 18:43

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

qhat posted:

IMO a lot of times I thought I nailed an interview I actually got rejected, probably because the interviewers just started taking it easy when they realise I wasn't a good fit.

yeah when your interview suddenly switches into easy mode, that means you blew it

# ¿ May 31, 2018 19:54

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Space Whale posted:

I just went from imposter syndrome to c level is excited about me

Wtf

step 1: fake it til you make it
step 2: make it

youve arrived at step 2. congrats

# ¿ Jun 6, 2018 23:15

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Valeyard posted:

a 45% raise

# ¿ Jun 8, 2018 18:44

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

most companys hr departments and processes are a complete shitshow. theres no figuring them, no reading the tea leaves. i see at least three possibilities for what happened.

1 they have another candidate theyre higher on than you and are stringing you along until he either accepts or rejects them
2 some key stakeholder went on vacation or is otherwise incommunicado and they cant move forward without him
3 theyre just that big of a disorganized mess inside

dont try to figure it out. just keep applying and interviewing right up until the moment they hand you your access badge

# ¿ Jun 26, 2018 23:59

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

cheque_some posted:

I've seen a place make you pick a salary range from a dropdown and not let you proceed without it. What do you do in that case?

strongly reconsider if this is a place you really want to work at, considering that theyre transparently trying to cheap-chisel you before you even fill out your employment application. what do you think their policies are going to be like when it comes time for promotion, or raises, or bonuses, or paying for continuing education?

# ¿ Jun 27, 2018 16:14

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Bloody posted:

lol if you think they're not just astroturfing

my companys breakrooms have posters in them straight-up asking people to go to glassdoor and post about what a fun exciting wonderful place this is to work

# ¿ Jun 28, 2018 00:46

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

hobbesmaster posted:

just skim them and see what they actually say

most reviews should have the tone �eh it�s ok I guess �

80% of them are "its ok, benefits could be better, management doesnt listen or communicate well but you work with some good people, they should have a better work/life balance and promote more from within"

the ones that are disgruntled axegrinding are funny as hell

# ¿ Jun 28, 2018 13:32

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

still better than ordering hr drones to make poo poo up

oh im sure they do that too

# ¿ Jun 28, 2018 14:19

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Schadenboner posted:

It's because contract-to-hire is never ever time-limited on the company side (and this is done at no expense to the company), 60 becomes 90 becomes "next quarter" becomes "next FY". You can't expect worker trust when a large segment of the industry's entire business model revolves around denying workers any stability or leverage in the employment relationship.

yeah in my experience "contract to hire" jobs often never quite get around to the "to hire" part. worse, its hard as an employee to know if a CtH position is an actually a gateway to a full time offer, or if they were planning to string you along the whole time, until you actually work at the job for a few months and figure out the lay of the land

my advice is to take the CtH position if it appeals to you (you need a job right now and cant be too choosy, its an opportunity at a company/field you really want to work for/in, youre changing career paths, etc) but to put a strict limit on conversion to full time - if after 60 days (or whatever) theyre still hemming and deflecting about bringing you on full time, restart your job hunt

# ¿ Jul 6, 2018 15:42

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

"hr" has such toxic associations that companies are forever looking to rename it

my current employer has a chief people officer

# ¿ Jul 14, 2018 03:16

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

chmods please posted:

now i need to figure out which headphones are good, lol

one of those special gamer ones with the shifting varicolor leds

# ¿ Jul 24, 2018 19:11

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

AWWNAW posted:

my latest company was really thorough checking references. they even checked one I didn�t give them

your parole officer?

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 19:34

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

raminasi posted:

good luck! remember that rejections aren�t necessarily your fault, even if you get a bunch in a row!

also: dont stop searching until your new job hands you your security badge (firm offers can sometimes evaporate at the last minute)

# ¿ Aug 12, 2018 15:30

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

boston struck me as a great city to be college-aged in, and less and less desirable the further you move from that age 18-22 demographic

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 00:32

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Sapozhnik posted:

oh god yeah london is loving dire

"yeaahhhh so we basically expect you to live in a closet or spend four hours a day commuting, and you're going to take it and you're going to loving like it because there is literally no work anywhere else in the country"

just think of the prosperity everyone will be enjoying when you finally brexit all those job-stealing poles out of your country next year!

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 22:07

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

yeah. there is literally no figuring what happens in a company after an interview. just keep applying and interviewing and tweaking your resume

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 23:16

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

ADINSX posted:

My greatest accomplishment? Probably the smiles I get when I delight users with bespoke algorithms that address their every issue without them even knowing.

interviewer: *leaning forward* tell me more

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 01:52

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 16:44

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

qhat posted:

If they didn't give you feedback then it can be literally anything.

ive said this before, but there is literally no figuring interviews. none. organizations make decisions based off of completely opaque criteria that will never reveal themselves to you. dont beat yourself up, just move on to the next job lead, and the next one, and the next one, until you land a suitable gig

jesus WEP posted:

they probably just had a person lined up for the job and have spent less than 0.01% of the time you have thinking about your answer to that question

this absolutely happens. the company knows who it wants to hire but they are required to go through the motions of conducting an open job hunt so its a waste of everyones time and energy, especially the poor candidate's. seems to be most prevalent in government agencies and school districts, where they are required by law to post all job openings.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 20:24

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 02:13

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
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Arcsech posted:

or somebody forgot they were supposed to follow up with you

or they ran into financial problems and aren't hiring anyone

try elsewhere, sure. but honestly probably not your fault

e: you could always send a follow-up email, I have literally had the "forgot to follow up" thing

its really impossible to describe just how shambolic the hiring process is at most companies

another common cause of radio silence is that the hiring decision requires signoff of multiple stakeholders, and at least one of them is traveling/in a death march/on vacation at any time so the decision gets mooted

the req for the position being withdrawn or suspended is another one

yeah, follow up. what have you got to lose?

# ¿ Sep 19, 2018 07:37

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > interviewing: The Land of the Rising Fig

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