The 35th century is a time of wonders that you all can't even conceive of. War? We've had global peace for generations. Scarcity? I'm not even sure what that is. No, seriously, I don't know what that is. Fill me in, okay? Thanks~ And crime? Well, we're still stamping out that. There's just this one last guy, right? Professor Chronogeddon. Ugh, what a jerk. Can you believe that the Universal League of Justice pulled me out of my Andromeda tour just to spearhead the final push? Oh! Right. Probably should mention that: I'm kinda a big deal in the future. Biggest pop star in the universe? Twelve galacta-iridium albums? You'll have to trust me on that, I suppose, since it... hasn't happened yet. Ugh, time travel makes my head hurt.
Right, so they found Professor Chronogeddon's secret lair. I have to admit, it was pretty well hidden. Nobody would have guessed he'd stick it in the middle of a singularity, but... he did. So me and some other heroes from the Universal League of Justice — Pandoria, Ultimax, and Zetta-Sigma-Seven-Ex — launched our attack. There were a ton of his chronobots to beat through, sure, but it's not like any of them were enough to put a scratch on us. No, it was pretty clear that he was just trying to buy time... but we didn't realize for what until it was too late. By the time we reached his inner sanctum, he'd bored a hole through time-space with his Chrono... Tunnel? I don't really know what it's called. Usually he's pretty good about monologuing and giving you the full technical details. Anyways, all sorts of chronotron distortions started popping up. I'm not, like, a crazy time scientist, but it didn't take a huge mental leap to figure out he was up to some time shenanigans.
So, while the rest of the team did their best to maintain the chrono tunnel, I barreled on through... to the past!
• How did you travel from the future to the present day?
Professor Chronogeddon's chrono tunnel! It's like you aren't listening to a word I'm saying, or... wait. Did I tell you that part already? Ugh, time travel makes my head hurt. Well... whatever. It spit me out in downtown Halcyon, right in the middle of one of your quaint super-squabbles, and that's pretty much that! There wasn't any real sign of Professor Chronogeddon when I came through, though, so... that kind of sucked!
How am I supposed to catch this guy, stop him from janking up the future, and get back home myself if don't know where he went? Honest question, there, I'm open for any 'pointers' you can throw my way.
• What keeps you from returning to the future?
There wasn't any sign of- Wait. Are you goofing on me? Is this one of your old-school Earth jokes? Oh my god. How did you even survive three centuries of this so-called humor? Alright, alright. For the sake of argument, I'll explain things one last time. I can't just leave the Professor alone in the past, right? Who knows what sort of insane dystopia he'd turn the future into! And... uh... y'know, he's the time-travel guy. I kinda hitched a ride. So... yeah. I might be a little stranded.
• Why don't you have perfect recollection of the future?
Oh, that one's easy! My chronitron isolation matrix — standard issue for anyone who fights the Prof and his time bullshit — was c̭̹͖͛͒̋͞o̳͙̬̝͈̅͐̃͡r̻̦̲͌̍͌̂̋́r̷̠͂ͤų͙̰͂̋̊͌ͦ͛ṗ͒̀͏̰̟̲̺̘t͕̥͚̪̤ͧͨ͗ͮ̓̆̕ȩ̗͚̗͖͔d̂ by excessive chronitron bombardment during the whole chrono tunnel deal. So... that's not ideal. Basically, what's going on is that I'm more or less insulated from the timeline changes that might result from his tampering. Or, to be totally fair, mine. But my internal historical records? Yeah, those are pretty much junk now. They get rewritten often enough that they're more interesting than useful. Like when I tried to look up what's-her-face (the cool one on the team, other than me), about all I could get was that she was a hero and then either... uh... ended life as we knew it or won a nobel prize. Either or.
Luckily, I think I've gotten that particular outcome ironed out? Took a little surreptitious talking and prodding and timeline tinkering, but... I think it worked! Pity about the nobel, but... it's not like she ever technically won it, right?
...Yeah, I'm gonna keep that under my hat anyways.
• What is the one thing you know for sure you've already changed for the better?
Well! That one's actually pretty easy. In about thirty years, a shadow organization working within the confines of your government goes rogue and launches an attempt at creating some sort of new world order. It actually works for quite a while. Like decades! Eventually some scrappy rebels take them down and free everyone, but it really puts a crimp in culture and global wellness for centuries to come!
Well, anyways, they won't. Not anymore. Have you ever seen someone having just the worst day? Like the kind of day that makes you want to destroy and/or take over the world? I have! It was this average looking guy. Joe, I think, was his name. Or Dave or something. Sounds like a nobody, right? Well, thanks to me and a little bit of applied cheer, he'll remain a nobody!
...In a good way!
Yep, turns out this guy was the org's supreme-leader-to-be. All he really needed was a break from the shittiest day of all time and, with luck, he won't try to take over the world!
• Why is this team the one you must join to achieve your mission’s goals?
My tacsims and predictive algorithms were pretty darn firm that this was the most historically significant collection of heroes in the 21st Century version of Halcyon City. And, you know, maybe there were some ulterior motives. The aesthetics that some of these heroes have is so... fashion forward! They wear such cute clothes! I'm secretly a giant super-fan of one of them!
...Er, uh, forget that last part.
Hero Name: Chromatik
Tricky fucked around with this message at Jan 14, 2018 around 01:28
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