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  • Locked thread
Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

Colonel, trust me.

Imperialist Dog posted:

(mumble) I said, DO YOU HAVE STAIRS IN YOUR HOUSE

hehe

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Jack Trades
Nov 30, 2010



"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my superior intelligence."
- Me



I think we should open our relationship.

goethe.cx
Apr 23, 2014

HOT DIGGITY


i pee on you when we shower together

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006


the cops are here ill call you later

Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

Colonel, trust me.

Would you like to see my homebuilt submarine?

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006


ikanreed posted:

If you leave me I'll kill myself.

Repeat until they want you dead

immediately leaves

Edgar Allan Pwned
Apr 3, 2011

Quoth the Raven "I love the power glove. It's so bad..."


look my phone told me a ballistic missile is coming and only i can really fit in this fridge so look the sex wasnt that great anyways i hope death isn't too painful.

*throws food out, crawls in fridge and waits 30 min*

tough stains
May 23, 2007

Desire gets the upper hand over insight and foresight and the results are often needless entanglement.


Talaq talaq talaq works fine every time

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

The door blew shut but here's the deal
Dreams are lies, it's the dreaming that's real


Nap Ghost

I'm sorry, but I can't allow my umami chakra to be influenced by your yin-type qi.

Kak
Sep 27, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 16 hours!


edit: nevermind that was loving terrible

Kak fucked around with this message at Jan 14, 2018 around 02:28

Casimir Radon
Aug 1, 2008



I understand. I hate me too.

Ponies Ist Krieg
Dec 10, 2017



Here's a real one that's funny in retrospect. The day after my birthday I go down to celebrate it with someone I was dating a little bit away. Anyway things are fine blah blah blah, than I hear the words "we need to talk" and Immediately know what's up.
At first they wouldn't tell me why they wanted to break up with me, but I, being a idiot decided to state that I was a adult and could handle it.
"I'm not attracted to you"
I didn't handle It well, obviously and broke down in the parking lot. Then when I got home I slashed my arms up a bunch and texted them photos. Don't date me, I'm completely insane, lol.

Streak
May 16, 2004


Ponies Ist Krieg posted:

Here's a real one that's funny in retrospect. The day after my birthday I go down to celebrate it with someone I was dating a little bit away. Anyway things are fine blah blah blah, than I hear the words "we need to talk" and Immediately know what's up.
At first they wouldn't tell me why they wanted to break up with me, but I, being a idiot decided to state that I was a adult and could handle it.
"I'm not attracted to you"
I didn't handle It well, obviously and broke down in the parking lot. Then when I got home I slashed my arms up a bunch and texted them photos. Don't date me, I'm completely insane, lol.

Wasn't going to

bag em and tag em
Nov 4, 2008


Let's have sex. With other people. and also do various couples activities with those other people, and not with each other anymore.

Ponies Ist Krieg
Dec 10, 2017



Streak posted:

Wasn't going to

can I have a lock of your hair

SciFiDownBeat
Jun 19, 2012


Dolphin posted:

I'm gonna give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, make you cry, say goodbye, and hurt you.

Oooh, so close.

SciFiDownBeat
Jun 19, 2012


SciFiDownBeat posted:

Oooh, so close.

Also this is my breakup one-liner

SPOOKCORE MEGGIDO
Aug 22, 2004

blub

Tinfoil Papercut posted:

"I love you"

(said 12 minutes into 2nd date)

Don't do what I did once and ignore this Red flag.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

I just can't be with someone unless I'm the biggest they've ever had and they've dated enough men to appreciate the fact.

Ponies Ist Krieg
Dec 10, 2017



I usually confess love on the first date, on the second date i bring them a pair of simulacrums of us together from items I've gathered from their relatives or close friends house under the cover of night.
sometimes i just like to sneak in and lay under their beds without them knowing.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

I flick my cigarette into his face and say "have a nice life, prick."

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008



I just can't get over the fact that you used to date Hitler.

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007

Suck the shit out of my own asshole, please

Smokebomb!!!

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

I just can't be with someone who doesn't "get" Archer. (used this one for real)

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006




'Do you know what happens to our relationship when we break up?'

*makes lightning noises with mouth*

'The same thing that happens to everything else.'

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007

Suck the shit out of my own asshole, please

Applewhite posted:

I just can't be with someone who doesn't "get" Archer. (used this one for real)

Do your partners know about your shameful online past

GORILLA BASTARD
Jun 20, 2005
SEXUAL DYNAMO

"You refuse to peg me"

Had that backfire on me twice.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

Do your partners know about your shameful online past

My wife is reading all my posts over my shoulder as we speak.

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007

Suck the shit out of my own asshole, please

Applewhite posted:

My wife is reading all my posts over my shoulder as we speak.



StupidSexyVaultGuy
Jul 26, 2003



I'm not gay, but I'll learn

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005

Idiot. Extremely deranged. Ignore me.

I'm OUT!

Then you pick that person up and drop them on the floor like a microphone.

KinkyJohn
Sep 18, 2002



Well we’ll see whos crazy when bittcoin is 100 000! Then you’ll come crawling back! up Up UP!

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless


brb

Minimalist Program
Aug 13, 2010

by Lowtax


soy posted:

I am gently caress

I am also gently caress.

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless


you told me to follow my dreams, and its just, on a professional level, the perception of being available is a really important part of what it means to be a wedding dj

SPOOKCORE MEGGIDO
Aug 22, 2004

blub

It's time we talked about my obsession with Hitler.

kecske
Feb 28, 2011





Pocket sand!!!

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless


honey, could u please join me at the top of the staircase

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006




Your lack of GI sepsis is a real bummer

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Grevling
Dec 18, 2016



Look, I did some soul-searching and finally realized that you can never replace Carlita. I'm sorry I made you wear your hair like her, wear her clothes and get all that surgery.

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