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Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


Alright itís time to play Jumanji but if we donít want to end up fighting crocodiles, getting menaced by spiders, or stalked by a lion we gotta figure out a game plan. We could try:

-Having everyone roll the dice on their turn as fast as possible without pausing to read messages. We might finish in under a minute, or get halfway and be killed by a flood, stampede, and quicksand combo.

-Play atop a wind turbine wearing hazmat suits. Would shield against ground animals and mosquitos, but leave us vulnerable to big game hunter sniper fire and an earthquake would be certain death.

-Play one turn with rifles on hand, 50/50 odds whatever emerges would be killable. Live for 60 more years carefully tracking the stock market, then finish the game and warp back in time to corner the market.

What are your suggestions for being in it to win it?

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Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

500 GOOD DOGS/COMFY FLEECE SWEATER ALT ACCOUNT

Buglord

I want to die so Iím just gonna play to die op

Ruggan
Feb 20, 2007

WHAT THAT SMELL LIKE?!

Play the game in OPs moms basement. No wilder creature than that yeti, so I figure weíd be safe

EX250 Type R
Mar 7, 2013



https://www.teamdan69.com


I like when the monkeys steal the police car

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

I choose to expose myself

Nap Ghost

Ruggan
Feb 20, 2007

WHAT THAT SMELL LIKE?!

Oh I know, Iíll bring my 20 sided dice

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009



Agreed. Do we even need "strategies" for a game where The Rock is a possible player character?

I mean I guess if you're the loser stuck playing as Jack Black, then maybe.

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005

Idiot. Extremely deranged. Ignore me.

My plan: Just keep yelling JUMANJI!



JUMANJI!






JUMaaaaa~shot dead.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

The trick is to keep moving constantly. Don't give the danger time to get too dense in any one area, and already be leaving an area by the time a hazard starts to manifest (like those carnivorous plants).

Woden
May 6, 2006


Send a couple of people in to chill while the other players figure out good stocks, lotto tickets and whatever to buy.

Do multiple short playthroughs so none of your friends end up way older than you.

Always pick The Rock.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Play in a major city. The National Guard will get called out to come shoot the lions and elephants and Ross from Friends will collect the monkey to live with him, then right before the last roll just live your life normally until you're about to die and then finish the game to be transported back to youth. You could essentially live forever by playing the game over and over.

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Yams Fan

if you cheat you get turned into a monkey, there has to be a way to use that to your advantage

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Cubone posted:

if you cheat you get turned into a monkey, there has to be a way to use that to your advantage

You don't know if you get turned into a monkey every time. That was just the instance we saw. You might end up as a banana slug.

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007

Suck the shit out of my own asshole, please

Flip the board over and hang myself in a parkinson's-addled huff

Commie NedFlanders
Mar 8, 2014



ima be the white race

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Yams Fan

Applewhite posted:

You don't know if you get turned into a monkey every time. That was just the instance we saw. You might end up as a banana slug.

no natural predators

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Cubone posted:

no natural predators

Jumanji is, by definition, supernatural.

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007

Suck the shit out of my own asshole, please

You think that english hunter guy ever said the n word?

Holllaaaaa holllaaaaaa hollla

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Yams Fan

Applewhite posted:

Jumanji is, by definition, supernatural.

hm yeah that hunter guy would probably gently caress me up if I was a banana slug

back to the drawing board

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Play the game on a spacewalk. All the animals that spawn will die immediately and there is no land for earthquakes or atmosphere for bad weather.

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013



Jumanji ruins everyone's goddamn lives. It's an evil pointless game.

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005

Idiot. Extremely deranged. Ignore me.

CelticPredator posted:

Jumanji ruins everyone's goddamn lives. It's an evil pointless game.

Does it? I mean the Robin Williams character probably has PTSD after being in a jungle.

Jenny, eh, has a deep understanding of how people can treat a person when they think she is crazy, but she has a leg up on the next 40 years. Though those two kids have no problems, and their parents live at the end.

I Dunno
Apr 6, 2014



Isolate the game board in a deep underground bunker, and everyone plays the game far away with remote controlled robot hands.

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013



mazzi Chart Czar posted:

Does it? I mean the Robin Williams character probably has PTSD after being in a jungle.

Jenny, eh, has a deep understanding of how people can treat a person when they think she is crazy, but she has a leg up on the next 40 years. Though those two kids have no problems, and their parents live at the end.

Imagine living your whole life twice but the first half was filled with misery and horror.

The new movie actually fixed that where it had the time periods be a bit different. 20 years in the game only felt like a few months. Tbh thatís a bit easier to swallow.

Xtra Innings Lovin
Nov 11, 2016



CelticPredator posted:

Imagine living your whole life twice but the first half was filled with misery and horror.

The new movie actually fixed that where it had the time periods be a bit different. 20 years in the game only felt like a few months. Tbh thatís a bit easier to swallow.

Whoa how about some spoiler tags you god drat r word

Neurolimal
Nov 3, 2012

by R. Guyovich


I would be very good at jumanji because I would use my sporting skills to go big or go home and earn the final touchdown

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl42ZHr7Xv4

Labes for days
Dec 14, 2010

His third chybut sack swelled.


Applewhite posted:

Play the game on a spacewalk. All the animals that spawn will die immediately and there is no land for earthquakes or atmosphere for bad weather.

Thousands of fire ants spawn in your spacesuit.

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

Breakdancing is serious business, Midoriya.


Yams Fan

Labes for days posted:

Thousands of fire ants spawn in your spacesuit.

The most painful way to die thread is thataway.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Labes for days posted:

Thousands of fire ants spawn in your spacesuit.

Coat yourself in insecticidal gel before putting it on.

Neurolimal
Nov 3, 2012

by R. Guyovich


Labes for days posted:

Thousands of fire ants spawn in your spacesuit.

jokes on you thats my fetish

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


Applewhite posted:

Play the game on a spacewalk. All the animals that spawn will die immediately and there is no land for earthquakes or atmosphere for bad weather.

Dang thatís a good concept for the 3rd movie. Or a Mars mission. A massive stampede of rhinos and elephants asphyxiates immediately and NASA has 20 tons of protein to harvest. A tremendous flood would provide drinking water. Trap someone on Earth, launch the game to Mars, extract them there to save fuel.

Dammit I want to see this movie now.

Rex-Goliath
Nov 12, 2016

HIS ROYAL MAJESTY


Applewhite posted:

Play the game on a spacewalk. All the animals that spawn will die immediately and there is no land for earthquakes or atmosphere for bad weather.

you can't roll dice in space ya dingus

Copper Vein
Mar 14, 2007

...and we liked it that way.


all the dangers in the new movie were caused because nobody blew out the game cartridge first.

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

Well, hell doesn't want you
And heaven is full
Bring me some water
Put it in this skull


I would become a badass jungle survivalist and grow a huge beard and do a bunch of cocaine and play videogames and then after a long career and battle with mental illness take my own life. Your move, game.

Donovan Trip
Jan 6, 2007

gotta love me

Cubone posted:

no natural predators

kids with bb guns

Hometown Slime Queen
Oct 26, 2004

DOCTOR'S ORDERS!


Have everyone roll super fast, like boom boom boom boom. All the dangers descend on you at once, but maybe they'll start fighting each other and you quickly leave the area.

Of course, this also has the chance to just compound the jungle animal menace, like making a lion that can shoot mosquitoes out of its mouth or something.

Paranoid Peanut
Nov 13, 2009


Where do the jumanji creatures live before they are summoned? Like where was that hunter before he got rolled in

ditty bout my clitty
May 28, 2011


Fun Shoe

I can't believe jack black is getting paid to be in movies

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


Paranoid Peanut posted:

Where do the jumanji creatures live before they are summoned? Like where was that hunter before he got rolled in

Hell dimension? Also, police officer David Alan Grier was nonchalant about the British hunter trying his best to kill him with a rifle. He didnít report ďattempted murderer on the looseĒ with his radio, just resumed searching for Robin Williams to ask questions about running into the street in odd clothes.

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BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

Well, hell doesn't want you
And heaven is full
Bring me some water
Put it in this skull


ditty bout my clitty posted:

I can't believe jack black is getting paid to be in movies

Why not

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