Hello. I'm Cortana, your personal assistant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Hello. I'm Cortana, your personal assistant

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myDad: Jan 20, 2010; ce n'est pas ma m�re; College Slice

I still use Windows 7 Not Genuine Edition

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:13

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 17:58

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

cortana bring me back to my childhood

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:15

scott zoloft: Dec 7, 2015; yeah same

420 SWAGLORD posted:

Long term service enterprise/educational edition that doesn't come with cortana, ads, or (n edition) media stuff and does activate from 'your organizations' totally legit server

You would like it. Imagine the tech of win10 at the 'users are a product' level of win7. Regular education edition is fine though and super widely available for cheap, almost everyone on n editions is going to install the media pack about 5 mins in anyways

I work for a school and we install Windows 10 enterprise without turning off any of the ads, store, store search, or Cortana poo poo cause we're an unapologetic waste of public funds.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:16

scott zoloft: Dec 7, 2015; yeah same

Smash it Smash hit posted:

cortana bring me back to my childhood

Cortana downloads nesticle and a megaman 3 rom. Cortana has notified the police.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:17

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

scott zoloft posted:

I work for a school and we install Windows 10 enterprise without turning off any of the ads, store, store search, or Cortana poo poo cause we're an unapologetic waste of public funds.

I respect your honesty.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:19

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

wow how did cortana know that i served hard time?

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:19

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

Smash it Smash hit posted:

wow how did cortana know that i served hard time?

probably should not address cortana as "Cortana, you cheekbustin' motherfucker..." if you don't want her to know you did time.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:24

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

but thats what i called my mother :[

# ? Feb 2, 2018 16:55

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

Gay Weed Dad posted:

Windows 10 for pedants, dweebs, and Autismos

exactly

it's pretty good, no forced feature updates, but still has forced security updates which is fine by me, no store, no ads in my god drat OS

I really wish I didn't have to use my MSDN access to get it, I wish windows "pro" still actually meant something. this should be what you get at the consumer "pro" level, let grandma have her built in games and media editing or whatever

# ? Feb 3, 2018 11:28

The Dennis System: Aug 4, 2014; Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.

Can't believe they named it after a Halo character.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 12:01

New Zealand can eat me: Aug 29, 2008

Cortana show me gunt

# ? Feb 3, 2018 13:10

TheMostFrench: Jul 12, 2009; Stop for me, it's the claw!

show bob and vegen.

e: Cortana,*

# ? Feb 3, 2018 13:36

paul_soccer10: Mar 28, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I will never leave Windows 7

# ? Feb 3, 2018 14:06

unpacked robinhood: Feb 18, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

TheMostFrench posted:

show bob and vegen.

e: Cortana,*

Cortana: "want FAQ ?"

# ? Feb 3, 2018 15:02

scott zoloft: Dec 7, 2015; yeah same

Code Jockey posted:

exactly

it's pretty good, no forced feature updates, but still has forced security updates which is fine by me, no store, no ads in my god drat OS

I really wish I didn't have to use my MSDN access to get it, I wish windows "pro" still actually meant something. this should be what you get at the consumer "pro" level, let grandma have her built in games and media editing or whatever

hook me up with an iso and some of your vol license! Or can I get it myself?

# ? Feb 3, 2018 17:47

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Cortana, I cant find my keys

# ? Feb 3, 2018 17:57

yogizh: Oct 12, 2015; Dumb Helicopter Joke Enthusiast

"Cortana, kde je najbli��ia krčma ?"
"Sorry, I didn't understood that."

# ? Feb 3, 2018 18:31

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

mind the walrus posted:

# ? Feb 3, 2018 18:33

dpush: Nov 10, 2009

In every sci-fi movie or TV show ever made, when somebody wants to talk to a computer they say "computer". I won't use any of these services until I can say "computer" to turn them on.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 18:37

DamnCanadian: Jan 3, 2005; Perpetuating the stereotype since 1978.

Open the pod bay doors

# ? Feb 3, 2018 18:58

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

dpush posted:

In every sci-fi movie or TV show ever made, when somebody wants to talk to a computer they say "computer". I won't use any of these services until I can say "computer" to turn them on.

That's dangerous though because you might use the word computer at some other time and then it perks up and is listening to what you say. "Bitch if you don't get off the computer I'm going to have to call you an ambulance cuz you're taking a fast trip down the stairs" and then boom an ambulance shows up when you don't want it because your computer was like "oh poo poo 911".

You gotta think of it like a safe word during rough sex, pick something that's not likely to come up.

AppleBananaTaco please order Pizza Hut. Large, extra pepperoni. DIET coke.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 19:15

hip check please: Jan 11, 2012

Cortana kill yourself to show me that you really love me.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 19:24

Whooping Crabs: Apr 13, 2010; Sorry for the derail but I fuckin love me some racoons

mind the walrus posted:

Clippy is also a mask. Underneath is Microsoft B.O.B.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 19:55

Dr. Yinz Ljubljana: Nov 25, 2013

Me : Cortana show me the weather

Cortana : *Bing* ok, here's Facebook photos of your exgirlfriend Heather.

Me : that's not... Well... I mean... Jesus, she had a baby last year?

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:21

nullEntityRNG: Jun 23, 2010; Mostly pseudo-random.

Cortana please search for Minecraft sex porn bobs and verginas.

I have that stuff turned off on my main machine. Surprisingly setting up a local account (instead of a ms one) makes it a whole lot easier to keep it from activating too.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:34

scott zoloft: Dec 7, 2015; yeah same

the students at my school use Cortana to search for Minecraft, Roblox, and asmr slime poo poo mostly

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:55

unpacked robinhood: Feb 18, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

scott zoloft posted:

the students at my school use Cortana to search for Minecraft, Roblox, and asmr slime poo poo mostly

What age bracket are we talking here ?

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:57

scott zoloft: Dec 7, 2015; yeah same

unpacked robinhood posted:

What age bracket are we talking here ?

K-12

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:58

Doctor Dogballs: Apr 1, 2007; driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

minecraft was a mistake

# ? Feb 3, 2018 21:02

Cephalectomy: Jun 8, 2007

paul_soccer10 posted:

I will never leave Windows 7

ive had the same install of win 7 since the free beta before release. windows 8 and 10 are garbage.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 21:02

Lodin: Jul 31, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

The Dennis System posted:

Can't believe they named it after a Halo character.

It actually makes perfect sense. Siri is a pretty normal name in Scandinavia so it causes a bunch of problems for people with iPhones.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 21:12

unpacked robinhood: Feb 18, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

"Cortana smash the cd tray into my retard face with incredible violence"

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You retard."

# ? Feb 3, 2018 21:20

berth ell pup: Mar 20, 2017; I am a business magnet.

i thought cortana was a lovely font

# ? Feb 3, 2018 21:23

The Dennis System: Aug 4, 2014; Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.

dpush posted:

In every sci-fi movie or TV show ever made, when somebody wants to talk to a computer they say "computer". I won't use any of these services until I can say "computer" to turn them on.

Same.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 22:14

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

mind the walrus posted:

AI clippy would have been amazing. Cortana is a crappy attempt to cash in on a dead franchise.

Also iirc she is the villian of the latest game so yeah that was smart microsoft.

# ? Feb 4, 2018 23:16

amusinginquiry: Nov 8, 2009; College Slice

If Nintendo had an OS who would their AI be?

# ? Feb 4, 2018 23:40

berth ell pup: Mar 20, 2017; I am a business magnet.

amusinginquiry posted:

If Nintendo had an OS who would their AI be?

An autistic manchild in a fedora who is struggling to breathe probably

# ? Feb 4, 2018 23:52

a peck of pickled peckers: Aug 3, 2014; I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!

amusinginquiry posted:

If Nintendo had an OS who would their AI be?

The same Siri/Cortana format, but she�d only be able to talk about contemporary nostalgia subjects and how much fun things used to be when you were a kid having Mario Party sleepovers with your friends.

# ? Feb 4, 2018 23:57

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

amusinginquiry posted:

If Nintendo had an OS who would their AI be?

I guess Toad except he doesn't talk so, uh, Maybe one of those second rate princesses. Not Pech, the other ones who show up in the back field of the biggee team sport games

# ? Feb 5, 2018 03:17

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 17:58

Avalanche: Feb 2, 2007

mind the walrus posted:

# ? Feb 5, 2018 03:20

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Hello. I'm Cortana, your personal assistant

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