Good reasons to use when trying to borrow can openers

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EorayMel: WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

#1 I don't have my own.

#2 I am lending mine out and charging interest on it yet I need to open this can of spaghetti-os.

#3 I will give you back two can openers when I am done at some point in the future.

#4 One of my canned goods is actually a bomb in disguise and a can opener is the only way to defuse it.

#5 I am going on a quest to fight the tin can elemental who is critically weak to can openers.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 04:46

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 09:42

alnilam

Wow way to take the 5 eaSy ones in the first post! Hmm uhhh

Need to let a smuggled exotic snake out of a can?

# ? Feb 3, 2018 05:09

Papa Was A Video Toaster

It's for my dog.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 05:17

alnilam

*awkwardly standing in front of my neighbor, not sure what to say first, trying to think of an opener*

# ? Feb 3, 2018 05:19

FreshCutFries

alnilam posted:

*awkwardly standing in front of my neighbor, not sure what to say first, trying to think of an opener*

*silently holding an unopened can of peaches with tears in my eyes*

# ? Feb 3, 2018 05:21

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Thingyman posted:

*silently holding an unopened can of peaches with tears in my eyes*

# ? Feb 3, 2018 05:26

Macnult

this weekend�s food drive was cancelled

# ? Feb 3, 2018 08:47

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

accidentally canned my car keys

# ? Feb 3, 2018 10:29

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

hey baby, do you have a can opener I could borrow, because I can see a great pair of cans I'd love to open

# ? Feb 3, 2018 10:31

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

there's a secret map on the inside of this can that leads to the hidden treasure of the foudning fathers

# ? Feb 3, 2018 10:33

Dads Dip Cup

"can" I borrow your can opener. haha, get it? it's a pun on the word "can". please let me borrow it or this will continue

# ? Feb 3, 2018 12:27

StandardVC10: This avatar now 50% more dark mode compliant

The best thing to do is to just take charge and make it seem like it's urgent.

I NEED A CAN OPENER. NO TIME TO TELL YOU WHY. I'LL PAY YOU BACK LATER.

Then you run.

This is also the best way to carry out a robbery, commandeer a vehicle, borrow money, make pancakes, etc.

# ? Feb 3, 2018 18:17

Dr. Yinz Ljubljana

something about the blockchain?

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:12

Papa Was A Video Toaster

darth_pizza posted:

something about the blockchain?

CanCoin is a new way to distribute canned goods. By "mining" "cans" with "can openers" we are revolutionizing the food paradigm. No more walking into a confusing produce section with all type of weird veg that you might not know how to cook. With CanCoin you can buy canned vegetables and meats!

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:16

alnilam

TVsVeryOwn posted:

CanCoin is a new way to distribute canned goods. By "mining" "cans" with "can openers" we are revolutionizing the food paradigm. No more walking into a confusing produce section with all type of weird veg that you might not know how to cook. With CanCoin you can buy canned vegetables and meats!

# ? Feb 3, 2018 20:40

Tiberius Thyben: Gone Phishing

I got Prince Albert in a can and I gotta get him out!

# ? Feb 3, 2018 22:21

Manifisto

*sets down bindle* there's things they don't tell you about the hobo lifestyle, friend

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 3, 2018 22:49

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

alnilam posted:

*awkwardly standing in front of my neighbor, not sure what to say first, trying to think of an opener*

lol

# ? Feb 3, 2018 23:44

FactsAreUseless

I need to cut my dick up real bad, man, I gotta really mess up my dick, okay?

# ? Feb 4, 2018 01:24

Peanut Butler

*plantively holds up a tuna can marred by a hundred wild stab marks in my bloody, bloody hands*

# ? Feb 4, 2018 01:34

FreshCutFries

TVsVeryOwn posted:

CanCoin is a new way to distribute canned goods. By "mining" "cans" with "can openers" we are revolutionizing the food paradigm. No more walking into a confusing produce section with all type of weird veg that you might not know how to cook. With CanCoin you can buy canned vegetables and meats!

# ? Feb 4, 2018 03:25

Robot Made of Meat

Hi Madge! I was just about to open a can of product, but . . . wouldn't you know it . . . the kids took my last can opener. So, I need to borrow yours. And I wouldn't recommend analyzing this situation too closely. It's, well, not in your best interest.

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Feb 4, 2018 04:31

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

I will murder you with this unopened can of beans if you don't give me a can opener.

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# ? Feb 4, 2018 04:51

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

Also I will share the beans.

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# ? Feb 4, 2018 04:51

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Mine's been confiscated as evidence, hook me up!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Feb 4, 2018 05:15

Papa Was A Video Toaster

I've invested many of my can openers with a Nigerian canning magnate. I simply need your can opener to cover the margin call.

# ? Feb 4, 2018 05:18

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

can't open'er

# ? Feb 4, 2018 06:01

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

I have to open this can

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# ? Feb 4, 2018 06:35

City of Glompton

*explains in exhaustive detail the history of canned food opening methods prior to the invention of the can opener*

...but seeing as I don't have a gun or a bayonet or a hammer and chisel, or any big rocks...I was hoping I might borrow your can opener, instead?

# ? Feb 4, 2018 06:46

Manifisto

Olive! posted:

can't open'er

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 4, 2018 07:37

Twenty Four

FactsAreUseless posted:

I need to cut my dick up real bad, man, I gotta really mess up my dick, okay?

lmao

# ? Feb 4, 2018 12:47

Twenty Four

alnilam posted:

*awkwardly standing in front of my neighbor, not sure what to say first, trying to think of an opener*

"think of an opener"

Are you trying to think of an opening line, or just remember what the heck a can opener is?

# ? Feb 4, 2018 12:49

Twenty Four

*Laying on my back next to the front door of my neighbors, trying to chew on an unopened can of corn until they take pity on me*

# ? Feb 4, 2018 14:18

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

�Hey buddy, can you spare a can opener for a fellow American who�s down on.his luck?�

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Feb 4, 2018 14:44

Papa Was A Video Toaster

Circumcision

# ? Feb 4, 2018 16:33

EorayMel: WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

My soul has been trapped in this can, and If I do not open it, I will never ascend to heaven.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Feb 5, 2018 22:17

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

I was giving a ride to my friend Shaquille O'Neal, aka 'Shaq', and now he is stuck in my '84 Yugo. He is tall, and the car is small you see. Also the car is comprised of thin cheap metal, like a tin can.

# ? Feb 6, 2018 01:10