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 Namaste Cocksuckers, it's your boy Joey “Coco” Diaz and I'm here to break it down for you bitches and present the game day thread for UFC 221: Ogun vs. Rockhold Saturday, February 10th. Remember this is a pay per view so don't be some half a momo and post streams. Uncle Dana needs to upgrade a couple ring girls and ski on his front yard so if you're gonna follow that skinny gently caress on twitch who pretends he's playing the video game then Dana will send Kalabib Numbera... Nurenbergov... Kabieber Nurmgadagodov over to your crib to turn you into a pretzel. Dana will send him over your house to gently caress you up, ok. On to the fights. For the interim Middleweight Title Ogun  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwHYqeN97oc#t=14m57s vs. Luke Rockhold  Luke Rockhold's no underdog here, Joe Rogan. He ain't cocky no more. After the Bisping fight. You look at him before the fight, he's smoking out of bongs, partying, cumming in girl's mouths, doing coke off their pelvic bones but now he's a new man. When Matt Bisping knocked him out and took his title that got to him. He's focused now and he's more dangerous than ever. You know I had a friend growing up who looked just liked Jake he looked just like Luke Rockhold. We used to run together, Joe Rogan. I would stand across the street from the park, in a dark little alleyway and he would hang out under the street light out in front of the park. He'd roll up his shirt a little bit, show off his abs, ok. And sure enough, some guy would drive up in his truck. Talk to him out the window a little bit, he would say, hey you out here alone? Yeah, it's just me. You alone tonight too? Yeah, you know hey what can I get for 50 dollars? Come with me. So my friend, the one who looks just like Mark Rockhold he would take him over to this tree in a dark spot of the park. And he would unzip this guy's pants, ok. And that was my signal, I would step out of the alley into the light in the street, and I would give the signal to my buddies hiding up in the tree and they would jump down on that motherfucker's head and rob him. That poor sucker's got his pants around his ankles, tripping over his boner and we snatch his wallet up. We made 10,000 dollars over a summer jumping out of trees and mugging people like monkeys Joe, that's what it was like back then in New Jersey. That's what life was like back then and it's different now. With all that said, Romero smashes him. Romero, Round 1, by felling Rockhold with his mighty iron axe as if Luke were a wild jungle tree, making way for the civilization of Man “Super Samoan” Mark Hunt  Motherfuckers still don't know. Tarantino put the line in the loving movie, he said don't try to gently caress with these god drat Samoans. That movie came out in 1994 Joe Rogan and I don't know if motherfuckers forgot or if they just didn't learn. 1994. October 14, 1994 I remember the date because I had kidnapped a guy I'll never forget I kidnapped him the 16th . I'll never forget the date I kidnapped a guy that same week I threw him in my car and put a bag over his head and I had just watch Sam Jackson that bad mother fucker. Anyway, I got a lot of respect for Mike Hunt, Joe Rogan. He was over there in Japan, didn't fight any these loving scrawny Japanese guys. Cro Cop was beating up a pro wrestler every other weekend, and they threw Hunt in there against Fedor. And then they threw him in there against prime Overeem, juiced up Overeem, horse meat and horse steroids and slinging that horse cock, that Overeem and he fought like hell. Don't gently caress with this Samoan. vs. Curtis “Razor” Blaydes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb4j2UqkOJ0 This mother fucker's serious Joe. This Teddy Pendergrass looking motherfucker, remember he had the song Turn Off the Lights, this motherfuckers turning motherfuckers lights off. 7 of his 8 wins are goddamn TKO Joe Rogan. His only loss is to, goddammit I'm gonna gently caress up his name Joe Rogan, Francis Mofongo? Francis Bongo. You know who the gently caress I'm talking about. Anyway Blaydes, he fought that Russian, and he's got that Russian comrade quitting, that Russian son of a bitch what's his name Alex Ovechkin he's been in a hundred loving fights and he can't handle the razor blade. That Russian cocksucker knew if he lost that fight Putin was gonna kill his dog for disrespecting Russia and that cocksucker was in the octagon and he said sorry Fido I'm not getting back in there with Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes this motherfucker Be for Real. This is gonna be a good fight Joe Rogan I'm telling you don't count out Teddy Blaydes. All that said, Mark Hunt, Round 3, walk off KO Tai “Bam Bam” Tuivasa  I already told you about Samoans, Joe. They've got big rear end bones, they got soup bones for fists. This Tully Tavaso, you take his femur, or you take his ulna, watch Joe, you give one of those Samoan bones to one of those big bloodhounds you got at home, that puppy will have the time of it's life. That's like heroin to canines. Not one of these Pacific Islanders is less than a heavyweight. This Timmy Tabasco, I bet you he was 200 pounds at 11 years old, hair on his ballsack, the whole shebang. You take this motherfucker's tibia, you use that as stock you make some ajiaco criollo, you make some sofrito on the side it's the best meal of your loving life. “Silverback” Cyril Asker  What's this guy's gimmick? This fat white guy? He's from France? Joe Rogan, did I ever tell you about this French girl I knew? I had a dealer, she was a French girl and she was great you would call her house and her sister would pick up, every time and she would have to go grab the girl because she was always passed out in the bathroom. But she had great stuff, you snort it and it would taste different than the poo poo nowadays. They don't make it the same way. And I was an animal back then you know? So after a set one night at the store I invited her back to do coke with me. We're doing coke at my place, listening to Stevie Wonder then seven o clock in the morning she tells me, Joey, if you can guess what color panties I'm wearing, I'll take them off for you. I said red. She said they're green but close enough. We had sex and my dick was red for a month I don't know what I loving caught but I was a loving savage back then Joe Rogan. Last I heard she had two kids and runs a Yoga studio out in Boulder. It's funny how these things happen. Anyway, I wish Charlie Whiskers the best in his career but Saturday night, Bam Bam, Round 2, TKO. “The Leech” Li Jingliang  I've seen this Chinese kid, and I'm impressed with him Joe Rogan. Got some power in his hands, he can strike a little bit. Joe Rogan: Have you heard about this? They're saying now that in China, some of their experiments with genetic engineering go back to the 80's. There's a good chance that all the pro athletes starting to come out of China now are genetically engineered. It's likely that scientists built this guy's DNA from the ground up and stuck it in some random woman. Let me tell you about the Chinese, Joe Rogan. You look at what they do with the Olympic gymnasts. Those Chinese Gymnasts, let me tell you something there's no doctor over there touching those little Chinese girls because if The Party hears you're loving around with those little gold medalists, let me tell you there won't be no trial, capiche? Now, you take that determination, you apply that to fighting, there's no limit. This motherfucker's six feet tall Joe, they're already transforming. Let me tell you about Bruce Lee movies Joe. I used to have the poster in my room, I used to do coke and listen to Black Sabbath and do Bruce Lee moves in my bedroom for hours on end Joe. He was a loving hero. You had these skinny Asian kids, when the hell were people ever afraid of skinny Asian kids Joe Rogan? Bruce Lee changed the whole game. I would do coke for hours watching Bruce Lee movies. In Game of Death when he poked out all those paper windows the light was hurting my eyes just as much as Kareem's. That's how strung out I was. Jingaling Lee is Bruce's loving grandson. This guy's gonna be a loving star, gently caress a million Asian women just like Ghengis Khan, with their little feet, you watch Joe Rogan he'll be passing that DNA down. “The Celtic Kid” Jake Matthews  So this kid Jake Matthews was on TUF. You wanna talk about tough, I was living in a building with nothing but trained killers, too. I was in prison Joe. And you know what I learned there? Same thing those kids learn on the Ultimate Fighter. I learned nothing and it was a waste of my time. Happiest day of my life was the day I got out. Same story, bunch of idiots with lovely tattoos. Luke Matthews is gonna look like a little bitch in that cage on Saturday, mark my words. Li GATTACA, 30-27 Unanimous Decision Tyson Pedro  I'm gonna tell you something here Joe Rogan. Tyson Pedro ain't gonna be poo poo. He could fight another thousand years and he ain't gonna beat nobody. Don't tell me you're a loving fighter and you don't have a nickname. You may have smashed the Bear Jew, but that don't make you better let me tell you something nobody calls you the Bear jew if you sit around all day blowing dandelions ok? Don't talk to me about Pedro Tyson. They shouldn't even let you in the cage without a nickname. You shouldn't have the honor of Bruce Buffer, that maniac, yelling your name, ok Joe Rogan. I don't give a gently caress if he's Mike Tyson's cousin I ain't watching him. Saparbek Safarov  Jesus loving christ you want me to talk about a guy who doesn't have a nickname and who lost to Gian Villante? You've gotta be loving kidding me. What trash heap did you find this balding gently caress in? I've got more hair on my head than this chomo looking gently caress and I'm 54 loving years old. I am gonna be eating those edibles early, if they ain't kicking in before either of these two jamokes come out of the tunnel I'll go apoplectic. Refs decision is to go stick their thumbs up each other's asses instead of watching the fight, who gives a poo poo. FS1 Prelims Damien “Beatdown” Brown vs “The Maestro” Dong Hyun Kim “Razor” Rob Wilkinson vs. “The Last Stylebender” Israel Adesanya Alexander “The Great” Volkanovski vs. “JBC” Jeremy Kennedy Jussier Formiga vs. Ben “10” Nguyen UFC FightPass Prelims “The Real Deal” Ross Pearson vs. “Pugnus” Mizuto Hirota “Yashabo” Teruto Ishihara vs. Jose “Teco” Quinonez Luke “The New Jedi” Jumeau vs. Daichi Abe Official MMA Snack Rating: Canna-Banana Bread https://www.leafly.com/news/lifestyle/cannabis-infused-banana-bread-recipe Start to finish: 1 hour 20 minutes (active: 20 minutes) Yields: 12 servings Approximate dosage: 10 milligrams per serving* Ingredients 1 ¼ cups sugar ½ cup cannabutter, melted 2 eggs 1 ½ cups (3 to 4 medium) overripe bananas, mashed ½ cup buttermilk 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 tablespoon orange zest (optional) 2 ½ cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon cinnamon (optional) 1 cup chopped nuts (optional) Directions 1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter and flour the bottoms only of two mini loaf pans, or one large loaf pan. 2. Beat the cannabutter and sugar with a hand mixer or the paddle attachment of a stand mixer. Add the eggs, one at a time, and beat at a low speed until well blended. Add the mashed bananas, buttermilk, vanilla, and orange zest. Beat at medium-low speed until smooth. 3. Sift together the flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Add them to the wet mixture while beating on low speed, and continue beating until just moistened. 4. If using nuts, fold them in and pour the mixture into pans. 5. Bake two mini loaves for 50–60 minutes, or one large loaf about 70–75 minutes. When done, a toothpick inserted into the center should come out clean. Let them cool completely (approximately two hours) before slicing. If stored in an airtight container, loaves will keep about five days at room temperature, or 10 to 12 days refrigerated.
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Feb 9, 2018 23:57
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If there's a fan dressed like Ogun in the full traditional garb, like how some dude had the Predator mask on when Ngannou fought, than you have to save a gif for me
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Feb 9, 2018 23:59
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Well done
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Feb 10, 2018 00:07
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Stealth Tiger posted:I was in prison Joe. And you know what I learned there? Same thing those kids learn on the Ultimate Fighter. I learned nothing and it was a waste of my time. Beautiful 
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Feb 10, 2018 00:17
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Stealth Tiger posted:I would do coke for hours watching Bruce Lee movies. In Game of Death when he poked out all those paper windows the light was hurting my eyes just as much as Kareem's. That's how strung out I was. Jingaling Lee is Bruce's loving grandson. This guy's gonna be a loving star, gently caress a million Asian women just like Ghengis Khan, with their little feet, you watch Joe Rogan he'll be passing that DNA down. lol
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Feb 10, 2018 00:28
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God tier OP, good loving work
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Feb 10, 2018 00:33
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Ha ha, Love it! I could totally hear his voice while reading through that. Maybe not enough "gently caress"s though.
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Feb 10, 2018 00:38
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A+ 
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Feb 10, 2018 00:45
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teruto will gently caress
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Feb 10, 2018 01:02
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I just watched the clip of him talking about Ogun and had a good laugh so this timing was perfect. Well done. I dig Li Jingliang and hope he brutalizes Jake Matthews in front of his countrymen.
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Feb 10, 2018 01:35
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Lmao
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Feb 10, 2018 01:42
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Who the gently caress is Ogun Better yet who the gently caress is Luke Rockhold and why does he have top billing over the only guy on this card I have actually heard of, Mark Hunt
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Feb 10, 2018 01:45
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Luke Rockhold is extremely hot and I hate him.
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Feb 10, 2018 01:48
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Fantastic OP
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Feb 10, 2018 02:14
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I had someone try to tell me that Romero isn't known for his standing knockouts. Which is an...interesting take.
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Feb 10, 2018 03:46
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Weigh ins happening now, strange there's no early weigh in. Adesanya's opponent looked like death warmed up
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Feb 10, 2018 04:18
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Snowman_McK posted:I had someone try to tell me that Romero isn't known for his standing knockouts. Which is an...interesting take. This is true. He's known for his flying knockouts and his savage knockouts on the ground.
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Feb 10, 2018 04:29
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CommonShore posted:This is true. He's known for his flying knockouts and his savage knockouts on the ground. I do think you're crediting this guy with a lot more nuance than he had.
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Feb 10, 2018 04:32
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No-gun-a make weight, more like.
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Feb 10, 2018 04:52
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Seriously are the weigh ins right now or something? I'm out at a bar and dudes are getting naked in front of the whole crowd. Did they not do the whole routine they've done the past year or so? Is it official that Luke is the only one who can take a title tomorrow?
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Feb 10, 2018 05:02
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Rockhold looks rough as well https://twitter.com/ufconfox/status/962172850286206977
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Feb 10, 2018 05:10
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Stealth Tiger posted:Seriously are the weigh ins right now or something? I'm out at a bar and dudes are getting naked in front of the whole crowd. Did they not do the whole routine they've done the past year or so? Is it official that Luke is the only one who can take a title tomorrow? They finished like an hour ago, Romero has 50mins to make weight or he can't win the interim
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Feb 10, 2018 05:11
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I woke up this morning and checked twitter, and was confused why there was no early weigh in. Went to the Arena for the ceremonial weigh ins and only worked out they were legit when Formiga missed by 0.15 pounds lol
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Feb 10, 2018 05:13
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Yeah Australia still has the dumb weigh-in rules. Half an hour for Yoel to make it or there's only one man fighting for a title tomorrow. Maximum comedy option: he doesn't make weight and then wins.
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Feb 10, 2018 05:29
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Romero only managed to get to 187.7. No title shot for him
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Feb 10, 2018 05:59
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Memento posted:Maximum comedy option: he doesn't make weight and then wins. I figured out what the better comedy option is: he doesn't make weight (which he didn't), wins, and then Rockhold gets the title shot coming off a loss.
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Feb 10, 2018 06:01
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Brown Paper Bag posted:Romero only managed to get to 187.7. No title shot for him Cuban Missile Crisis is not clear for launch
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Feb 10, 2018 06:03
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Brown Paper Bag posted:Rockhold looks rough as well https://twitter.com/ufconfox/status/962172850286206977 He says he's moving up to LHW now that Cormier is at HW (and retiring soon). Probably a good move.
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Feb 10, 2018 06:13
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OP is TREMENDOUS Dawg!
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Feb 10, 2018 06:30
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Word on the tweets is that the main event is not yet official. Rockhold's camp are bitching about the weight issues. edit: https://twitter.com/SubmissionAus/status/962188707053764608 The state of Yoel's face when he sees the readout on the scale Memento fucked around with this message at 06:44 on Feb 10, 2018 |
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Feb 10, 2018 06:31
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Digital Jedi posted:Cuban Missile Crisis is not clear for launch If only his nutritionist properly translated "lunch" to the other members of the team.
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Feb 10, 2018 06:47
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I know weight cuts are tough, but Rockhold sounded drunk in that interview. Must have been a rough one.
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Feb 10, 2018 06:50
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https://twitter.com/arielhelwani/status/962204480203907072
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Feb 10, 2018 07:19
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https://twitter.com/bokamotoESPN/status/962211618477060102
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Feb 10, 2018 07:32
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Huzzah
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Feb 10, 2018 07:34
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Memento posted:I figured out what the better comedy option is: he doesn't make weight (which he didn't), wins, and then Rockhold gets the title shot coming off a loss. You could have Rockhold/Whittaker with the co-main event being a fight for the vacant interim welterweight championship. It is promotional gold!
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Feb 10, 2018 07:39
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yoel is such a cheater lol
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Feb 10, 2018 07:44
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Yoel’s just listening to all the fans who complain about there being too many interim belts
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Feb 10, 2018 08:44
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I'll be at the fight tomorrow any other Perth goons going?
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Feb 10, 2018 11:25
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Scapegoat posted:I'll be at the fight tomorrow any other Perth goons going? i was going to but gently caress me the prices were high. good luck with the crust of northbridge scum
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Feb 10, 2018 12:28
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