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BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

If you open a bottle of wine near my cat he will leap up and snatch the cork in his mouth mid-air, then run off with it. We never find them.

Whenever company comes over my cat will try to convert them to his religion and it gets really awkward.

If a neighbor smokes weed the cat gets really judgey about me being out of weed and starts writing thinly veiled fiction for the New Yorker about it. He's sold three so far.

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Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

whenever we put in for pizza my cat says hes not hungry but then he eats like, three slices

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat says he's not a beer snob but if I get a wheat beer he insists on having a glass to swirl it in. I showed him about rolling the bottle gently first but he refuses, he HAS to have a special goblet or he won't even drink anything and whines until somebody goes back to the liquor store or hand-washes the nice party dishes.

spectres of autism



i wish my dang cat would eat the mice he catches instead of dropping them so they run over my feet

e: hes also addicted to benzos

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat watches so many horror movies that's all Netflix ever recommends anymore, and Netflix streaming sucks so it's not even like they're good horror movies, just cheap crap. I tried to get him to watch The Thing but I forgot it starts with a dog so he was just uninterested and never even got to the good poo poo.

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

My cat watches so many horror movies that's all Netflix ever recommends anymore, and Netflix streaming sucks so it's not even like they're good horror movies, just cheap crap. I tried to get him to watch The Thing but I forgot it starts with a dog so he was just uninterested and never even got to the good poo poo.

my cat changed my Netflix password and now he wont tell me what it is.

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat locks his bike to my bike so I can't leave until after he has in the morning.

spectres of autism



my cat has started performing Arcane rituals and speaking in human english. he just keeps saying "the nameless one is coming" over and over in a kind of screeching yelp.

hes also started smoking.

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat wants to go out dancing on weeknights and gets all butt-hurt when I say no because I have to work. If he goes out without me I have no clue how many cats he'll bring home and then they run the can-opener all night.

Dads Dip Cup


my cat has started pretending to be a japanese schoolgirl, it was cute at first but now it's just getting kind of annoying

HUSKY DILF

aggressively chill

cat used to post in FYAD but after getting run out is trying to make GBS cool and edgy worried he's going to get sentenced to only post here

RudeCat

The rudest cat for the rudest jobs
Hell yes, these are all good cats.

canyoneer
I only have canyoneyes for you
My cat isn't even supposed to live here. He asked if he could "crash on my couch for a week or two until I land on my feet". That was 2 years ago and he still doesn't have a job.

canyoneer
I only have canyoneyes for you
My cat is barely literate and terrible at spelling, but somehow pulls out these amazing 80 point words in Words With Friends. There's no way he isn't cheating

spectres of autism



canyoneer posted:

My cat isn't even supposed to live here. He asked if he could "crash on my couch for a week or two until I land on my paws."

UWBW

Permanently banned from the Alamo

My cat acts really excited to watch movies with me then spends 90% of the movie on his phone looking at pictures of mice.

My cat livestreams on the internet. It's a cool concept, sure, but all he does is play Clicker Games and HuniePop. I'm honestly thinking of changing the wifi password.

I'm almost certain that my cat has been selling weed to neighborhood raccoons.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

canyoneer
I only have canyoneyes for you

UWBW posted:

My cat acts really excited to watch movies with me then spends 90% of the movie on his phone looking at pictures of mice.

mine too. then midway through he says this movie's boring and he doesn't understand what's going on.

whenever i ask my cat if he wants takeout, he says "sure, whatever's fine", but then i suggest chipotle and he's all "naah, i don't feel like mexican food" then i say "ok, how about a sandwich place?" and he's all "naah, i don't feel like sandwiches either". then we finally settle on a barbecue place and it annoys me. don't say "whatever's fine" and then shoot down 4 places in a row.

my cat doesn't replace the toilet paper roll when it runs out, he just sets the new roll on top of the old one instead of threading it into the holder. it takes like 4 seconds man, maybe 10 seconds since you don't have opposable thumbs!

he also doesn't throw away his empty shampoo bottles, but leaves them in the corner of the shower like a shampoo bottle graveyard

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

my cat never wants to play video games with me when he hangs out, he just wants to watch.

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat leaves the paper liner to condiment caps in the cap instead of throwing it away so it gets soggy and nasty and falls on the floor when you open it.

I Dunno


My cat hogs my computer watching YouTube vids for cats all day. I ask him why he can't just look out the window but he insists the videos are better.

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat got an apartment fifty miles from his job and uses "traffic" as an excuse for being late to work every day even when he was clearly out partying late the night before. He even drunk-dials coworkers who ride the bus and show up on time.

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

RudeCat posted:

Hell yes, these are all good cats.

This forum was created to someday allow for this username/avvy/post/thread megacombo.

not ready


My cat steals my White Russians, gets wasted and then poops on the floor.

Koishi Komeiji


My cat got arrested for trying to sell fake cocaine to a bunch of 12 year olds behind a K-mart. And then he got kicked out of jail for being too fat and stupid.

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat started a non-profit but blew off making a board of directors and he wonders why he never gets any grants.

My cat gets Starbucks five times a day and complains about being fat and getting bad sleep.

My cat gets all his news from Facebook and believes contrails are caused by a "mouse/rabbit conspiracy".

Koishi Komeiji


I tried to get my cat to pay back all the rent he owes me (2 years unpaid) and he just ignored me, rubbed his face on the wall, and walked away. fml

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat leaves hair-care poo poo all over the bathroom sink every morning like a tornado hit a drugstore but if I walk away from an empty cereal bowl for two seconds I get an earful about "keeping the apartment nice".

Ultra Spoot


not ready posted:

My cat steals my White Russians, gets wasted and then poops on the floor.

I mean we've all been there

Ultra Spoot


My friend's cat gets super excited by those tie things they use to tie bags of bread and stuff, and meows at them and plays with them constantly. It's adorable, but I just worry she's spending too much time with bread ties and not enough time getting her life on track. His other cat is the real problem though, he spends all day on twitter liking black metal cat posts and defending pedophiles.

albany academy

I can't see shit!
Cat keeps knocking over my glasses full of water, and when I ask him why he says it's because the glass represents what my future will be if I don't get into Bitcoin soon.

canyoneer
I only have canyoneyes for you
cat eats all of my lasagna, and once tricked me into drinking dog semen

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!

My cat got a subscription to Barron's just to make me feel bad about living paycheck to paycheck. I'm pretty sure his "Dad's awesome financial advisor" is made up too.

cda


Cat saved teh lives of six million jews, making the Holocaust not real

cda


Nazi guard: I don't get how that cat keeps saving our prisoners.

Nazi guard 2: we better not tell Hitler about this, he'll never believe it

Nazi guard: agreed, we will pretend all is going according to plan

cda


Cat fell out of the guard tower

cda


Cat knocked archduke Ferdinand off of a table just to see what would happen

vanisher


Cat makes excuses for not working out 3 times a week until he stops doing it all together

I Dunno


Every morning my cat wakes me up to make food, but he has never offered for once to make food for me. He also never cleans up after himself.

Hugh Malone


My kitty refuses to maintain her car properly, despite my repeated reminders to change the oil, rotate tires, etc...

... inevitably calls ME to come help when she has a flat tire. Some cats should just take Uber ffs

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Duckbox


My cat keeps buying cheap "fixer upper" appliances, furniture, etc. to "flip" because it thinks it's a diy type when really it's just a cheapskate with more time than sense and now my kitchen looks like junkyard.

loving cat, why do we have three broken dishwashers? Get off Craigslist.

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