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On a Saturday night a few weeks ago, I was drunk as hell. My wife and I had been at one of those board game nights that's all the rage right now. We got home about 11pm. I drunkenly went upstairs to change and was making my way back down the stairs. My left foot slipped off the step, and I fell backwards, cartoon-style straight onto my rear end. I rode my rear end like a sled down the rest of the 8 or so stairs left. It was a very bumpy ride but I had no choice but to just accept gravity was doing its thing. My wife in a panic screamed "are you ok!?" and being drunk, I told her I was fine, feeling basically no pain and went on with the rest of the night. The next morning, I was very sore. It loving hurt to stand up. I put up with the pain for a few days before finally going to the doctor. They x-rayed my rear end and gave me some prescription strength ibuprofen. A few days later the x-ray came back and luckily I didn't break my rear end! Just bruised the everloving gently caress out of my tailbone. I've never had a bone bruise before, but apparently recovery time is 1 - 2 months. So my rear end will be sore for at least several more weeks. Working in an office, I sit at my desk virtually the entire day. I had to buy one of these: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06Y1DF7VJ/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 It makes a nice cradle for my tailbone to take some of the pressure off. I can't sit on hard surfaces. All told it's a pretty minor injury that is just an annoyance I'll have to deal with for a while. How have you hosed yourself up while drunk, high, or whatever else?
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Feb 14, 2018 14:21
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 14:29 |
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I have never injured myself in such a way. Either I don't drink very much or my life is too sedentary to ever be at risk of movement related injury.
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Feb 14, 2018 14:23
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one time I tried to cut a piece of stale bread with a bread knife holding the bread in my hand. I still have and feel the scar across my fingertip.
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Feb 14, 2018 14:26
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uhhh i jumped up and grabbed the top of a fence on a patio and gouged all four of my fingers end to end on some rusty nails
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Feb 14, 2018 14:29
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How about injuring the bank account? I've heard intoxication is how babbies are made. I thought it was storks, though.
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Feb 14, 2018 15:12
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I had a friend jump head first into my double glazed bathroom window, smashing it, trying to kill himself while having a freak out on acid op. he hosed his shoulder up real bad and lost tons of blood but didn't go through at least. I was real hosed up and only noticed like 8 hours later
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Feb 14, 2018 15:26
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bradzilla posted:prescription strength ibuprofen
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Feb 14, 2018 15:32
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Capri Sun Tzu posted:Buddy... Yes it's weak poo poo but I don't really care, it helps. I don't need opiates for a bruised rear end.
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Feb 14, 2018 15:34
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Fun fact from someone who sees a lot of this: All else being equal people who are really drunk in motor vehicle crashes tend to sustain less injuries than sober people in crashes. The alcohol blunts their reflexes so they don't tend to tense up and are rag dolls during the sudden impact forces. A sober person realizes what's happening and maintains muscle tone. It's kind of unfair and I don't have any studies but if you talk to ER people they'll all confirm it.
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Feb 14, 2018 15:37
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I also once bruised my coxis in grade school. It hurts like hell dude
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Feb 14, 2018 15:38
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Jose posted:I had a friend jump head first into my double glazed bathroom window, smashing it, trying to kill himself while having a freak out on acid op. he hosed his shoulder up real bad and lost tons of blood but didn't go through at least. I was real hosed up and only noticed like 8 hours later lol bradzilla posted:Yes it's weak poo poo but I don't really care, it helps. I don't need opiates for a bruised rear end. And this is why youre poor and posting here instead of pulling in the big rush limbaugh bucks
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Feb 14, 2018 15:40
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Amarcarts posted:Fun fact from someone who sees a lot of this: All else being equal people who are really drunk in motor vehicle crashes tend to sustain less injuries than sober people in crashes. The alcohol blunts their reflexes so they don't tend to tense up and are rag dolls during the sudden impact forces. A sober person realizes what's happening and maintains muscle tone. It's extremely fair and why I refuse to drive sober https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZDkjpHGOyo
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Feb 14, 2018 15:42
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Jose posted:I had a friend jump head first into my double glazed bathroom window, smashing it, trying to kill himself while having a freak out on acid op. he hosed his shoulder up real bad and lost tons of blood but didn't go through at least. I was real hosed up and only noticed like 8 hours later 
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Feb 14, 2018 15:51
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Jose posted:I had a friend jump head first into my double glazed bathroom window, smashing it, trying to kill himself while having a freak out on acid op. he hosed his shoulder up real bad and lost tons of blood but didn't go through at least. I was real hosed up and only noticed like 8 hours later drat dude, can't help but see that as kind of a revealing glimpse into some pretty rough living.
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Feb 14, 2018 15:59
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chopped off part of my thumbnail while slicing a lime to squeeze into my 7th G&T
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Feb 14, 2018 16:01
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Moon Atari posted:drat dude, can't help but see that as kind of a revealing glimpse into some pretty rough living. 🙄
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Feb 14, 2018 16:04
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bradzilla posted:I don't need opiates for a bruised rear end. thats what she said
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Feb 14, 2018 16:08
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Broke my ribs on two separate occasions. Once passing out on to one of the big boulders people have at the end of their driveway, and once falling down my steps. Recently slipped backwards on ice and bashed my elbow on the ground and pinched a nerve. I woke up and my hand was asleep. It didn’t wake up for two weeks. That was some scary poo poo.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:08
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I am sure there ise something that gets metered out eventually. Like talking to others that ran into freak nature.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:09
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I managed to not actually injure myself but one time I got so baked that I passed out on the toilet and fell off and hit my head on the wall, then narrowly missed hitting it on the tub as I was getting back up and passed out again. That was some gooooood poo poo.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:12
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All my toenails are hosed up from stumbling around drunk in flip-flops, it took many years but all ten toes are hosed up looking.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:13
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A friend and I were at a bar and someone blocked him in in the parking lot so he decided he was in an action movie and went to punch his window out and shattered a bone in his hand. The window of course was not damaged. Had to get two pins and a cast.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:16
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I knew very well around age 13 that skateboarding wasn't for me: never got injured on one, put it to rest. Then one day 22 year old me, in the midst of some good day drinking, decides to get on a janky-rear end Penny Board, and ride it downhill. Ended up trying to stop by myself by planting my right leg hard, knee went in a direction it isn't supposed to. Still bugs me occasionally to this day.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:17
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One time I went to the kitchen to make myself a drink and then took a running leap and vaulted over the back of the couch. I almost made it but hammered one of my toes straight into the couch back. It was broken, I never did anything about it, and now 10 years later I still can't bend that toe  e: I didn't spill a drop off booze during the whole maneuver, which I was very proud of at the time
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Feb 14, 2018 16:20
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veiled boner fuel posted:A friend and I were at a bar and someone blocked him in in the parking lot so he decided he was in an action movie and went to punch his window out and shattered a bone in his hand. The window of course was not damaged. Had to get two pins and a cast. Your friend thought it would go like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9hctehAHKA
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Feb 14, 2018 16:20
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Well buzzed on two shots of gin on an empty stomach after work at a restaurant bar waiting for my wife. Went next door to the cigar shop and got a cigar. Thought the complete dark, narrow alleyway between the shop and the restaurant was the way back to the restaurant's outside patio where I was going to smoke. It wasn't. It was the entrance to the basement kitchen. At the bottom of about 10 stone steps. I went down on my back, and slid to the bottom. After I found my cellphone, and glasses in the dark (which was amazing in and of itself), the first thing I did, of course, was take a picture. Here's what it looked like from the bottom: My back hurt so bad the next morning, I figured I had at least fractured a rib. Got an x-ray, and the doc said it was some hosed up cartilage and a deep muscle bruise. Got a muscle relaxer, and ibuprofen horse pills. The "incident" happened back in December, and that SOB rib still hurts on and off even today.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:21
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When I fall down while drunk, for some reason I don't break the fall with my palms, but with my goddamn fingers. Hairline fractures aplenty.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:29
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I conceived a human being with my dick and a girls p*ssy
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Feb 14, 2018 16:32
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Got a nasty cut on my nose on my wedding day. Still not sure how that happened.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:33
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I threw my back out trying (successfully, I might add) to throw a toilet over a privacy fence to my friend, once. Other than that it was mostly minor stuff like falling off of a roof or trying to ride a wake skate down some stairs. I'm glad I don't drink like that any more.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:36
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bradzilla posted:Your friend thought it would go like this:
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Feb 14, 2018 16:37
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I don't know how it happened exactly, but one time in Cabo I got so blackout drunk I managed to slice open my back and I guess my kidney fell out. For some reason, I decided passing out in a tub full of ice was the thing to do, lol. I spent all next day searching my hotel room, but I never could find that kidney.
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Feb 14, 2018 16:37
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it was a couple of years before i got the full story from him but apparently he'd needed a poo poo and we were tripping balls and he thought he'd poo poo all over the toilet/floor/wall and in his panic about how to deal with it thought he heard the doorbell and the cops had turned up wanting to arrest him and that was his way of dealing with it
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Feb 14, 2018 16:39
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Jose got drunk and decided to fight a hurricane, which earned him his modship
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Feb 14, 2018 16:41
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based on the brief time i spent out on the street during said hurricane it wasn't very impressive
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Feb 14, 2018 16:42
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Last night I was walking my two dogs and their leashes got tangled up in front of me and this caused me to totally crash right on my shoulder/face on the road in front of my house because I was plastered. My shoulder is pretty bruised and I had to go in this morning to get my glasses fixed because I popped one of the lenses out and they are bent way the gently caress out of shape and they scraped the poo poo out of my cheek and almost gave me a shiner. I am fairly sure that the glasses tech lady thinks that I either got into a fight or that my wife abuses me. e: to be fair, I had literally just planted my foot on a patch of ice as this happened and was cognizant enough to go "oh poo poo" as I fell over. So, it was semi-graceful / redeemable Big Beef City fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Feb 14, 2018 |
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Feb 14, 2018 17:01
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Jose posted:based on the brief time i spent out on the street during said hurricane it wasn't very impressive rock you like a tropical storm
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Feb 14, 2018 17:20
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Jose posted:I had a friend jump head first into my double glazed bathroom window, smashing it, trying to kill himself while having a freak out on acid op. he hosed his shoulder up real bad and lost tons of blood but didn't go through at least. I was real hosed up and only noticed like 8 hours later lol
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Feb 14, 2018 17:41
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bradzilla posted:Yes it's weak poo poo but I don't really care, it helps. I don't need opiates for a bruised rear end. You don't need to get that script filled either though you can just take more of the regular ibuprofen 
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Feb 14, 2018 17:55
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poverty goat posted:You don't need to get that script filled either though you can just take more of the regular ibuprofen Lol it costed me a whole $1.16 out of pocket. I'll live.
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Feb 14, 2018 17:56
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