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Perfume unchanged: blocked drain, bin juice, and strawberry milk.
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Apr 5, 2021 04:26
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Mechanical Pencil posted:Perfume unchanged: blocked drain, bin juice, and strawberry milk. And here I am, rocking low tide like a sucker.
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Apr 5, 2021 06:25
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I don’t know what causes it but sometimes my farts smell like a dumpster in the sun.
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Apr 5, 2021 06:28
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Every time I eat good ramen it makes my farts smell like a dumpster full of diapers left in the hot sun for a week, then set on fire. Just burning plastic and raw sewage. Also, those farts are not to be trusted because it gives me violent, black liquid shits that smell even more concentrated. Shame it’s so delicious!
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Apr 5, 2021 06:35
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Dickbutt Ouroboros posted:Every time I eat good ramen it makes my farts smell like a dumpster full of diapers left in the hot sun for a week, then set on fire. Just burning plastic and raw sewage. Hello friend this black liquid poo poo you speak of sounds potentially unhealthy and I might see a doctor if I were in your pants. Namaste to your rear end.
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Apr 5, 2021 14:31
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You should always trust farts, farts are our friends.
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Apr 5, 2021 14:35
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GolfHole posted:Hello friend this black liquid poo poo you speak of sounds potentially unhealthy and I might see a doctor if I were in your pants. Namaste to your rear end. If it happened other times I wouldn't hesitate since that's almost universally a "Bad Sign", but since it's only when I eat this one specific thing I think I'm in the clear. Probably due for another colonoscopy again, regardless.
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Apr 5, 2021 17:10
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GolfHole posted:Hello friend this black liquid poo poo you speak of sounds potentially unhealthy and I might see a doctor if I were in your pants. Namaste to your rear end. If he’s taking pepto for it that could explain it. Pepto can turn your poo poo black, and ramen can cause osmotic diarrhea from the salt.
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Apr 5, 2021 17:32
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It's good to have open rear end discussion so that we can all learn from each other. 
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Apr 5, 2021 17:34
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if you have gas in the shower you can quack your butt by cupping your hand much like a trumpet player using a plunger
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Apr 6, 2021 02:15
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Planet X posted:if you have gas in the shower you can quack your butt by cupping your hand much like a trumpet player using a plunger Trying this tomorrow, thanks friend!
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Apr 6, 2021 02:41
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Planet X posted:if you have gas in the shower you can quack your butt by cupping your hand much like a trumpet player using a plunger Pooey Armstrong (Yes, I know it’s pronounced lew-is)
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Apr 6, 2021 04:28
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The supermarket near my work stocks the most potent muesli I've ever experienced in my life. I started buying it because I figured it was healthier than anything else on the shelf, and it was pretty cheap. Little did I know that once I ate a bowl at 9, by 3pm the ammunition was funneling into the chamber and there's no stopping it once it starts loading. I've dropped some pretty loud and violent farts in office cubicles, but these ones were something else. One day, I had a meeting running from 2-5, couldn't pop out for a bathroom break. By the time I left the meeting, got home, and ran for the crapper these things were military-grade. This-side-towards-enemy bad. When I walked into the bathroom, I let one off so violent and pressurized I'm pretty sure it could blast the armor plating off an Abrams tank. Long story short, I don't but muesli anymore, but sometimes, well, I do and it's worth it.
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Apr 6, 2021 09:10
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Those soft Belvita biscuits & shredded wheat do that to me sometimes, it's like one of those videos where you see a flooded levee start to breach then all hell breaks loose
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Apr 6, 2021 17:24
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You Are A Elf posted:Pooey Armstrong I was about to call you out, but I looked it up and holy poo poo, he preferred Lew-is. He didn't get upset at Loo-ee, but he preferred Lew-is. I didn't expect to learn I've been pronouncing his name wrong for 25 years in the fuckin' fart thread of all places.
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Apr 6, 2021 18:47
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Planet X posted:if you have gas in the shower you can quack your butt by cupping your hand much like a trumpet player using a plunger Quacking your butt is fun... for CHILDREN. Have you ever tried QUAKING your house??? In the shower, spread your asscheeks and place your sphincter right up against the wet shower wall. Rip rear end. Even the most modest of decent farts will make your whole house shake. DO. IT.
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Apr 7, 2021 00:45
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Put your rear end against the Glass and let it Blast
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Apr 7, 2021 00:55
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Bonzo posted:Put your rear end against the Glass and let it Blast* *Something Awful Forums is not responsible for broken glass/bloody rear end.
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Apr 7, 2021 15:40
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:Quacking your butt is fun... for CHILDREN. I have tried this three times. Two times I got just more of an echo but nothing significant other than of course the smell of rear end in humidity. The third time this happened:  (no, I didn't fart blast the wall away, there was a leak somewhere and the drywall was apparently soggy so my rear end went right through when I pressed my cheeks up against it)
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Apr 7, 2021 15:46
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My eighth grade French teacher was a very large woman that reeked of perfume and would loudly fart while at the blackboard and then immediately turn around and demand to know what's so funny.
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Apr 7, 2021 15:51
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Pope Corky the IX posted:My eighth grade French teacher was a very large woman that reeked of perfume and would loudly fart while at the blackboard and then immediately turn around and demand to know what's so funny.
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Apr 7, 2021 16:10
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wolrah posted:no, I didn't fart blast the wall away For shame.
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Apr 7, 2021 16:22
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wolrah posted:I have tried this three times. Two times I got just more of an echo but nothing significant other than of course the smell of rear end in humidity. It’s ok dude, claim your good works and be proud!
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Apr 7, 2021 19:27
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if you got one of those knockers on your front door, put your rear end on the door and make it knock with yer farts
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Apr 7, 2021 19:34
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Apr 7, 2021 19:35
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Icon Of Sin posted:It’s ok dude, claim your good works and be proud! If I had actually blown a hole in a wall with a fart I'd be telling the story whenever I had the chance. That's a life achievement few get to claim.
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Apr 7, 2021 19:52
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Fartington Butts posted:Le pew 
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Apr 7, 2021 21:05
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Somewhere early on in the thread, someone called the shower wall fart maneuver "The Horn of Gondor" and I've been laughing about that for years. For some reason, my gas never coincides with shower time so I've never had the chance to try it.
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Apr 7, 2021 23:55
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wolrah posted:I have tried this three times. Two times I got just more of an echo but nothing significant other than of course the smell of rear end in humidity. 
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Apr 8, 2021 00:48
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Help I went to take a poo poo at work and it's just really loud farts with some tiny turds as punctuation. Yes this is happening right now. My coworkers are going to laugh but for the life of me I can't muffle it.
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Apr 12, 2021 19:05
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Just walk out menacingly and let them sumbitches know they can’t handle your thunder!
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Apr 12, 2021 22:36
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One of my best friends in high school was a 6’4” 278 lbs offensive guard. From 7th grade through 12th we played every single practice and play in games we were right next to each other (I was the center). His nickname was Zeus, which many thought was a term of respect for his size and strength. It wasn’t. In 7th grade showers after practice he would choose some cornerback or kicker, run up behind them, and “Bring the Thunder!” We called him Zeus, the thunder god. Mainly because our quarterback was 6’1” with long blond hair we called Thor for the exact same reason in 4th grade, and having diversity in pantheons was important (to 1986 kids).
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Apr 12, 2021 22:49
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I was just full o' farts tonight, maybe from shotgunning a dr pepper on my lunch break. My partner was already sleeping soundly. I foolishly chose the bathroom connected to our bedroom, instead of the one downstairs. A 5 minute symphony followed. I snuck back to bed in the dark, when from the bedclothes a groggy voice mumbled "...juicy" Then I got mocked for waking him up with my farts and he went back to sleep
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Apr 15, 2021 05:32
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I let out a five-toot gas panel in the shower this morning and hand to god, it smelled like KFC I haven't touched KFC in months, so I don't know what the gently caress, but it'll be a while yet now
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May 31, 2021 17:36
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BOOTY-ADE posted:If my future wife acted anything like my old dog did when I ripped rear end, I think we'd be in separate rooms My dog tries to get me strung up on war crimes at the Hague when I fart. He’s suuuuch a lil binch it’s just a fart, dude.
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May 31, 2021 17:54
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My brother’s old dog would clear a room with his farts. I swear it was by design, so he could suck on his shorts in peace. (He was a Weimaraner, apparently that’s just a thing they do?)
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May 31, 2021 17:59
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You Are A Elf posted:Gather 'round, goons, and I shall regale you all with a vintage fart story of yore. Doing some digging around online the day before yesterday, and come to find out my friend who I farted on in this story passed away in 2019  RIP, my dude. At least I’ll always have the fart story to remember you by (included with a lot of other great school memories that were non-fart related).
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May 31, 2021 18:13
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Truly it is better to have farted and lost than to never have farted at all
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May 31, 2021 19:16
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When I was in eighth grade I had a French teacher that reeked of perfume and would regularly fart loudly at the blackboard and then turn around and tell us to stop laughing. It sounded like a broken tuba filled with wet ham and she still would be all “What’s so funny?!”
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May 31, 2021 19:27
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Pope Corky the IX posted:a broken tuba filled with wet ham This is the best phrase I’ve ever read.
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May 31, 2021 19:29
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