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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.




____________________________

Raw Results
  • A recap opened the show of the Ronda segment that ended last week's show, including Stephanie apologizing to Ronda only for HHH to sucker-punch Kurt Angle.

  • Kurt Angle came to the ring and said the sucker-punch was a step too far and he was calling out Triple H. Stephanie came out instead and said HHH wasn't even there, and that Kurt needed his job to pay his bill.s

  • Ronda came out and after too long a back and forth, she said her contract which offers her no special treatment also dictates she gets a Wrestlemania match against whoever she wants. Ronda said she wanted Stephanie, Steph tried to say she wasn't a member of the roster, and then Triple H came out to complain and Kurt Angle responded that he was told Triple H wasn't there. Kurt informed us that Stephanie and Triple H both had secondary contracts as WWE Superstars, which gave him the right to make matches with them. So it was going to be Kurt and Ronda vs Steph and Triple H at Mania.

  • Steph tried to slap Kurt but got blocked by Ronda. Triple H got them apart and then tried to take a shot at Kurt, who blocked it beat him up and put him in the ankle lock, only to get knocked into the turnbuckle. Steph jumped Ronda from behind, then ran away when Steph turned a death glare on her. Triple H tried to pedigree Kurt but he reversed it into an ankle lock and grapevined it. Steph returned to help haul Triple H out, but then Ronda hauled her by the hair up onto the apron and through the ropes, then hit her with a Samoan Drop (I thought it would be a F5). The segment had cool points but was really drawn out, Ronda isn't good on the mic, and everybody's timing seemed off. Crowd was excited about the prospect of the match though.

  • Asuka defeated Nia Jax yet again, though in a match where Nia spent a long time just utterly dominating and beating the poo poo out of Asuka (including an amazingly timed leg on the rope spot. Finally Asuka was able to lock in the armbar and refused to let it go in spite of several power-out attempts by Nia, and finally Nia had no choice but to tap.

  • The Bar defeated The Revival in a solid if unspectacular match that the crowd didn't seem particularly engrossed in.

  • A trailer for a horror movie played, including footage interspersed of the likes of Bray Wyatt, Undertaker, Bludgeon Brothers and Kane.

  • John Cena came out to talk about his Six-Pack Challenge at Fastlane for a shot at AJ Styles' WWE Championship, and from there a title match at Wrestlemania. He said he was saying this on Raw rather than Smackdown since the other five wrestlers would try to get involved in any promo he did there. He insisted he would become a 17-time World Champion at Fastlane. He said that wouldn't be taking a spot from AJ, because he encouraged AJ to invoke his rematch clause to turn the Mania match into a Triple Threat.

  • Goldust came out and said Cena was a leading man and Goldust had always wanted to share the silver screen with him. A baffled Cena tried to ask what he meant, and Goldust laid him out with a shot.

  • John Cena defeated Goldust in a match, allegedly the first time the two have ever had a match (thanks to CubsWoo, who researched that they'd been involved in three tag matches).

  • Kurt told Elias that his "Symphony of Destruction" match against Braun Strowman would be Falls Count Anywhere, to prevent him running away.

  • Hillbilly Jim is the latest inductee in the WWE Hall of Fame.

    Push El Burrito posted:

    They would induct the Godwins but by law they have to include Seth's ex girlfriend.

  • Renee interviewed Bayley in the ring about her recent troubles with Sasha. Absolution came out, with Paige mocking her for losing her only friend and warning that safety comes in numbers. Bayley defeated Mandy Rose but instantly took a beatdown from Mandy and Sonya. Sasha ran down and saved Bayley, then asked for a hug but Bayley refused.

  • To celebrate Women's History Month, they showed a video package about Eunice Shriver and the Special Olympics.

  • Alexa and Mickie found Nia Jax backstage. Alexa sent Mickie away and gave her a speech pretending to be supportive but actually tearing her down and making her feel like a loser and a freak. Nia burst into tears by the end.

  • The Symphony of Destruction match was no-DQ, Falls Count Anywhere, musical instruments as weapons allowed. Elias played the piano, the drums and the guitar while doing his promo, insisting he wasn't a one-trick pony like Braun Strowman. After completing his performance, he demanded they bring down the lights for his usual entrance, but the spotlight revealed an empty chair because he was running his rear end to his car to escape the building.

  • Unfortunately for Elias, his car was being held up at the back by Braun. He chased Elias back into the building and into the ring where the match began. Braun quickly won the match, despite a brief recovery by Elias, and ended it by dumping a piano on him and pinning him at the top of the entrance ramp.

  • WWE will be producing "The Greatest Royal Rumble", a 50-man Royal Rumble match, in Saudi Arabia.

  • Bray Wyatt quickly defeated Rhyno (I think his entrance was longer than the match), freaking out Heath Slater in the process. Bray demanded Matt show himself, and Matt appeared on the Titantron and agreed their final battle was too big to be contained in WWE... so the Battlefield has been prepared at THE HARDY COMPOUND! Shots of Vanguard 1, the Lake of Resurrection and Skarsgaard the formerly dilapidated boat were shown. It will be the site of Ultimate Deletion, and that loving rules.

  • The Miz presented the Third Annual Mizzies, giving awards to Seth Rollins, Finn Balor and Kurt Angle for Patting Themselves on the Back and Worst GM Decisions, then explaining they couldn't be here to accept. As he attempted to give himself a Lifetime Achievement Mizzie, Seth Rollins showed up and then Finn Balor. Miz ripped on them both, claiming Finn wasn't over just because he came from Japan and had a stolen hand gesture, and challenged them to a 3-on-2 handicap match which they promptly accepted.

  • Seth Rollins and Finn Balor defeated The Miz and The Miztourage, though Seth stole the pin from Finn. Finn seemed amused, and then Kurt came out and explained what everybody must have already known: he will not defend the IC Belt against either Seth OR Finn, but against both in a Triple Threat.

  • Paul Heyman came out with the Universal Title and said if Brock wants to go to UFC, he will, and he'll win the title, and Heyman will come back and lay it right down on the canvas beside the Universal Title. He said Brock will beat Roman at Mania, and if Roman doesn't like that he can come out next week because Brock will be there. "Afa" Wrestlemania he can "Sika" different title, because the Universal Title belongs to Brock. The title is Brock's "bitch", "she" belongs to him and Roman can't have "her".

  • He said the title represents #1, whoever has it is the absolute best and is better than every other person on the planet. Having the title means it supercedes everything else, and if you have it you can't miss Wrestlemania or even the next Raw even in the event of a drastic family emergency. Roman now knows that he can't shoot with Heyman on the mic, and he can't shoot with Brock in the ring.

  • Roman came down to complain that Brock sent Heyman for his rebuttal instead of facing him like a man. He complained that all he and the fans wanted was for the Champion to be there, and for that Champion to WANT to be there. He told Heyman to bring Brock next week because he'd be there, but he didn't want him dressed for a promo, he wanted him dressed for a fight. Heyman left the ring and backed up the ramp hugging the belt and looking concerned.
____________________________

Smackdown Results
  • Charlotte and Ruby Riott opened the show with an in-ring interview/back-and-forth about whether Charlotte had been handed everything or if she'd had to work harder than anyone because of the high expectations that come with her background as Ric Flair's daughter. Ruby prepared to send in the other members of the Riott Squad to beat up Charlotte, but they were cut off by the arrival of Charlotte's MMC partner and US Champion, Bobby Roode.

  • Roode was present to observe Jinder Mahal vs Randy Orton. Charlotte and the Riott Squad had just left by the time the show returned from commercial break.

  • Jinder Mahal defeated Randy Orton with the Khallas following a distraction (stop me if you've heard this before), though this time it came from a livid Bobby Roode, who took exception to Randy slamming the Singh Brother on the table and taking him out in the process.

  • Sami met with Kevin Owens backstage, where the latter said that Sami's offer to lay down for him seemed too good to be true. Sami insisted it was though, because though he knew he would be Champion one day, now was Kevin's time, because Sami was only where he was thanks to Kevin. The two hugged.

  • Corbin delivered a fired up promo at John Cena that would have been pretty good if every single word wasn't accompanied by text graphics which completely eliminated any pretense that this was an off-the-cuff promo spoken from the heart.

  • A recap of last week's promo battle between the Usos and the New Day, to build their tag match at Fastlane.

  • Shinsuke Nakamura was doing an interview about his hope that AJ Styles wins at Fastlane, when Rusev and Aiden English showed up. Rusev complained that Shinsuke had damaged English's beautiful voice, and so he (Rusev) wanted to face him at Fastlane. Nakamura agreed, said he would beat him, and then sang ♪ NAKAMURA DAAAAY! ♪

  • Becky defeated Carmella by submission in a match Carmella largely dominated. Naomi was watching backstage, and she and Nattie argued over Becky vs Carmella. Naomi challenged Nattie and Carmella to a tag match against her and Becky, and Nattie accepted and revealed she planned to challenge the winner of Charlotte/Ruby at Fastlane.

  • Styles did an in-ring promo about how all he wanted was to face Nakamura at Wrestlemania, and he was going to win at Fastlane to ensure that, even if John Cena was one of those in the way. Ziggler came out and said AJ was too focused on the fans and Ziggler himself had realized he had to ignore them because they didn't deserve him (so I guess he's a heel again?). He told AJ to take his dream match and shove it.

  • AJ Styles vs Ziggler went to a No-Contest after a lengthy match, when Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn ran down to attack them. AJ and Ziggler were able to fight them off, but then Shane McMahon came out and said rather than ordering a tag match, he was going to bring out Baron Corbin too and make this a Fatal Five-way as a preview for the Fastlane main event.

  • Sami Zayn won the Fatal Fiveway, turning on Kevin Owens and hitting him with the Helluva Kick out of nowhere after spending most of the match working with Kevin and not getting involved in any of the pinfalls. AJ looked badly beat up, Ziggler was out, and Kevin was distraught as Sami did an interview on the ramp saying he was undoubtedly the best on the roster and had proved it tonight. The commentators noted that turning on Owens on a night when the title wasn't up for grabs didn't make much sense.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at Mar 7, 2018 around 03:10

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Seams
Feb 3, 2005


brock has been loving the belt

Baron Corbin
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you


Muldoon

raw was very bad

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Detroit





College Slice

That Nia Jax thing, what the hell were they thinking, was she supposed to start sobbing that's like the worst thing I've seen all year.

Baron Corbin posted:

raw was very bad

Erebus
Jul 13, 2001

Okay... Keep your head, Steve boy...


This isn't a thread. This isn't a forum post. This..... is my bitch

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Detroit





College Slice

Erebus posted:

This isn't a thread. This isn't a forum post. This..... is my bitch

Are you dressed to post??

D.N. Nation
Feb 1, 2012



ugh THE NIA FACE TURN SHOULD'VE HAPPENED IN SEPTEMBER AND NOT WITH HER CRYING

Dacap
Jul 8, 2008

ME BOSS
YOU NOT


This week really showed WWE learned nothing from how well received the guantlet match was. Thank God for Braun and Elias doing their best to salvage it.

Abroham Lincoln
Sep 19, 2011

Note to self: This one's the good one


Shima Honnou posted:

Are you dressed to post??

I'm dressed for a SHITPOST.

jred250
Sep 7, 2003
F Zero Novice

Erebus posted:

This isn't a thread. This isn't a forum post. This..... is my bitch

You say that, but on the RAW after Wrestlemania, you have to be here to show her off.

Listen, you are about to post a rebuttal, but say you get a call. It's about your cat, and he's real sick. You have to be MAN enough to hit that reply anyways.

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



i want roman reigns to now die, holy poo poo this angle suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks how's that boot taste, roman?

TheKingslayer
Sep 3, 2008

There are no men like me. There's only me.

I don't watch. But I read these threads. Holy poo poo. The idea anyone deals with Roman as the guy at this point lol.

Jackie D
May 27, 2009

Democracy is like a tambourine - not everyone can be trusted with it.


Bitch

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



wait itís February again now??

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



"It's a bad thing Brock could visit dying family members in an emergency"

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

Why don't you love me, father?


Yikes, how much did the promo tonight undo the decent one last week?

Seams
Feb 3, 2005


quote:

He said the title represents #1, whoever has it is the absolute best and is better than every other person on the planet. Having the title means it supercedes everything else, and if you have it you can't miss Wrestlemania or even the next Raw even in the event of a drastic family emergency. Roman now knows that he can't shoot with Heyman on the mic, and he can't shoot with Brock in the ring.

was this all roman? post is a little unclear

bloodysabbath
May 1, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!


I decided against going to my third Mania in a row this year and I wish I could just buy a ticket specifically for the AJ/Nakamura match instead because the rest of this card is loving dire. It's not quite WM Star bad, but I think WM Sun is going to come out smelling like roses by comparison.

D.N. Nation
Feb 1, 2012



Seams posted:

was this all roman? post is a little unclear

This was Paul before Roman came out.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



Seams posted:

was this all roman? post is a little unclear

It was heyman, unless I missed something about the taste of boots Romanís part of the promo was calling Brock a bitch and saying he'd be in Detroit to stare down Brock next week

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



i hope brock wins, never shows up again, and gets millions of dollars for doing it capitalism must be destroyed

Son of Man
Jan 29, 2003
I am so GAY that I like the song "Africa" by Toto

that musical instrument match sounds good I'm gonna go watch it

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



imagine not wanting to root for the guy who doesn't always have to go to work and kiss the company's rear end

DarkstarIV
Apr 6, 2010

Ms. Intensity


Reminder: The "highlight" of the night was Coach being named in a sexual harassment lawsuit.

https://prowrestling.net/site/2018/...espn-co-worker/

Baron Corbin
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you


Muldoon

i hope brock no-shows wrestlemania

Seams
Feb 3, 2005


D.N. Nation posted:

This was Paul before Roman came out.

oh ok, that makes more sense.

so what was the gist of roman's promo?

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



in 2018 the end of wrestlemania 17 was a face turn

Dacap
Jul 8, 2008

ME BOSS
YOU NOT


Seams posted:

oh ok, that makes more sense.

so what was the gist of roman's promo?

"bitch"

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007



Yeah that promo was not good at all

Man we have till Mania for this woof

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


Technically special 'treatment' implies something continuous. Getting to pick her Wrestlemania match is more along the lines of a 'perk' or a 'signing bonus'.

-Just put about 200 percent more thought into this then the writers did-

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



when the revolution comes the big dog is getting put down along with his masters

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


Big Coffin Hunter posted:

imagine not wanting to root for the guy who doesn't always have to go to work and kiss the company's rear end

Roman is the dude in his mid thirties who has worked at target since he was 20 and treats it like his career even though he's never even made manager. He also tells everyone how this store would be loving done without him.

ijii
Mar 17, 2007
I'M APPARENTLY GAY AND MY POSTING SUCKS.


DarkstarIV posted:

Reminder: The "highlight" of the night was Coach being named in a sexual harassment lawsuit.

https://prowrestling.net/site/2018/...espn-co-worker/
I'm guessing Byron Saxton is going to a surprise commentator next week on Raw.

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

God is dead, true love is a lie, and the yard belongs to the Big Dog.

OH IT'S TRUE. IT'S DAMN TRUE.


Baron Corbin posted:

raw was very bad

It made me care about Braun/Elias, Hardy/Wyatt, and Miz/Seth/Finn, so that's a small light in the unceasing darkness

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



The_Rob posted:

Roman is the dude in his mid thirties who has worked at target since he was 20 and treats it like his career even though he's never even made manager. He also tells everyone how this store would be loving done without him.

roman reigns in 1998: "why did austin ruin that perfectly good limo?"

Vaah
Dec 25, 2008





b...bitch

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012



Opening the show with a segment about how two top executives of the company are weasels and abuse the talent and then ending the show with a segment about how the boys just want Brock to show up to work like the rest of them sure is a creative decision.

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

#RXTREVOLUTIONFOREVER6


TheKingslayer posted:

I don't watch. But I read these threads. Holy poo poo. The idea anyone deals with Roman as the guy at this point lol.
I feel what is killing my interest in WWE is not the shows themselves, but the threads and online reactions themselves, I never want to watch Raw and or Smackdown when I can just go to the gym. Though I do find the vitriol against Roman and Nia a bit troubling.

fart blood
Sep 13, 2008



Dacap posted:

This week really showed WWE learned nothing from how well received the guantlet match was. Thank God for Braun and Elias doing their best to salvage it.

Well you see WWE is about MOMENTS

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Tweak
Jul 28, 2003
Quick! Report this post! For some reason it always works out in your favor!

so theyre going to ruin the dream rematch of AJ & Nakamura by adding Cena arent they

fake edit: and blow his record breaking title win at a nothing PPV

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