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Ride The Gravitron

by FactsAreUseless
I pull out a pack of starburst. "You want a red?"

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Ride The Gravitron

by FactsAreUseless
I pull out a bouquet of roses. I get on one knee to seranade you.

Ride The Gravitron

by FactsAreUseless
A never ending chain of colorful handkerchiefs.

Macnult

I grab a shortboard instead

Macnult

I pull out a nug

redm


I gracefully accept the red starburst and say thank you. "Thank you, these rule."


sig by Manifisto

redm


As I excitedly unwrap it, the candy plunges to the floor. "oh..."


sig by Manifisto

Farecoal

There he go
Pull out my own starburst with a scope attached

Robot Made of Meat

But it turns out I'm just happy to see you.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

RazzleDazzleHour

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a red starburst is a good guy with a yellow starburst

vanisher

I open my violin case and pull out a bouquet of roses. Hidden inside them is a rolled up newspaper. Hidden inside the newspaper is a touching article about how two enemies reconciled their differences.

vanisher

I'm carrying an overcoat over my arm, concealing my hand. In my hand is a packet of starburst that I flick out using my thumb.

vanisher

Farecoal posted:

Pull out my own starburst with a scope attached

I flip the two locks on the side of a long metal briefcase with my thumbs. The spring loaded case snaps open, revealing individual starbursts set in a foam insert, the sleeve next to them. I slowly load the sleeve with 'bursts.

alnilam

vanisher posted:

I flip the two locks on the side of a long metal briefcase with my thumbs. The spring loaded case snaps open, revealing individual starbursts set in a foam insert, the sleeve next to them. I slowly load the sleeve with 'bursts.

Also in the case is a pez dispenser disassembled into 3 pieces. With a cool calm air of professionalism I methodically screw the 3 pieces together. You can tell by the many turns required that the threading is fine and the dispenser very precise. The pez head is of Mario.

vanisher

alnilam posted:

Also in the case is a pez dispenser disassembled into 3 pieces. With a cool calm air of professionalism I methodically screw the 3 pieces together. You can tell by the many turns required that the threading is fine and the dispenser very precise. The pez head is of Mario.

I pull custom leather gloves onto my hands, the fit is snug. I ratchet the pez head back and slam a pez clip down, the slide tension is good, but the spring needs replacing. I make a mental note and holster Mario in my custom pez bandoleer.

With an elegant flourish I spin the starburst packet, landing it gently on the edge of my forearm, then slide it into its sheath at my hip.

google THIS

I jerk my arms to the side with a flourish, and a Twix bar slides out of each of my spring-loaded wrist holsters into my waiting hands. In one smooth motion I offer one bar to you and take a bite of the other one.

Koishi Komeiji



I actually pull out a gun and shoot it at you *Bang* but the bullet whizzes past your head and sets off a Pee Wee Herman inspired rube goldberg device. After 5 minutes of dominoes falling and things being pulled by stuff a manikin hand springs out in front of you holding a single tic tac.

canyoneer


I only have canyoneyes for you
"officer i want to inform you that i am carrying gum, and i have all the proper documentation for it."
"ok, without reaching for it please tell me exactly where it is"

canyoneer


I only have canyoneyes for you
q: can i use canadian smarties in a dispenser designed for american m&ms?
a: although they are technically the same diameter, smarties are a NATO designation and differ from m&ms primarily with a thicker case wall designed to withstand higher pressures. due to differences in overall width, you should expect that the smarties will reliably feed but may encounter issues during extraction. it is not recommended or safe to use smarties in an m&m dispenser
however, you may use m&ms in dispensers marked for smarties/m&ms. these are sometimes marked as "NATO spec". due to the difference in seating you will lose some velocity with m&ms out of a smartie dispenser. the best solution is to own a dedicated dispenser for the type of candy you use most, but if you have to have one dispenser do double duty make sure it's a smartie dispenser.

vanisher

Attaching a device to my gumball machine that converts it from semi-automatic to fully-automatic.

funmanguy

What time is it?
I prefer Pink starburst but I also realize that most people save the Pink for special occasions, and its not a holiday, so red is ok.

wearing a lampshade

canyoneer posted:

"officer i want to inform you that i am carrying gum, and i have all the proper documentation for it."
"ok, without reaching for it please tell me exactly where it is"

cda

by Hand Knit

vanisher posted:

Attaching a device to my gumball machine that converts it from semi-automatic to fully-automatic.

alnilam

It's unethical, and against regulations in most states, to make a friend with any candy smaller than a starburst or several skittle/m&ms. Bits o honey and mary janes are permissible for minor acquaintances. Wax bottles and circus peanuts are not allowed.

wearing a lampshade

Taking out my Bowie knife to cut into the tips of the pellets, so they break apart more easily inside the mouth. Before they were just chicklets... but with a little time, a little patience, and GodsGumchewers DIY gum conversion YouTube channel, you can make yourself a pack of highly lethal - and illegal - wadcutters.

canyoneer


I only have canyoneyes for you

albany academy posted:

Taking out my Bowie knife to cut into the tips of the pellets, so they break apart more easily inside the mouth. Before they were just chicklets... but with a little time, a little patience, and GodsGumchewers DIY gum conversion YouTube channel, you can make yourself a pack of highly lethal - and illegal - wadcutters.

that's a myth held over from old western movies, and it doesn't actually make the flavor more effective. if you want better expansion you can just straight up buy commercially made dum dums that are better in every way and have more reliable feeding properties.

420 SWAGLORD

saban bajramovic
M&m's? Smarties? Please. That won't make you many friends these days. Starbursts will at least put a smile on some faces, but if you really want to brighten some days and make personal connections there's nothing like an old-school full-size candy bar. I carry dual Snickers everywhere I go

420 SWAGLORD

saban bajramovic
If you think a handful of m&m's is going to earn you the friendship of one of todays junk food munching youths you've got another thing coming. They won't even stop to thank you or smile and make eye contact. There's more sugar than that in their breakfast cereal.

google THIS

Tom Clancy's Taste the Rainbow Six

Chasterson

by Nyc_Tattoo

google THIS posted:

Tom Clancy's Taste the Rainbow Six

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Chasterson

by Nyc_Tattoo
"Woah Woah Woah, this is getting a little intense we both just need to..."
pulls out Take 5 bar
"Take 5, haha"
now everybody is eating all sorts of candies

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

vanisher

google THIS posted:

Tom Clancy's Taste the Rainbow Six

ThatBasqueGuy

someone introduce jojo to lazyb


I unveil a nap. We're both on the floor before you can blink.

Caganer
op truly is good. red, pink and yellow are the most blessed flavors.

-

Slush Garbo

FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
so I say, "Go ahead... make my day"

then you pull out a sixer of pineapple cider, some dabs, and a copy of True Stories and I'm all, "Heck yeah my dude, that really does make my day"

Slush Garbo fucked around with this message at 04:42 on Mar 9, 2018

Caganer
your hand never comes out - I realize you’ve cut a hole in the pocket and you’re jerking it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2giBAfDOGw

-

joke_explainer


alnilam posted:

Also in the case is a pez dispenser disassembled into 3 pieces. With a cool calm air of professionalism I methodically screw the 3 pieces together. You can tell by the many turns required that the threading is fine and the dispenser very precise. The pez head is of Mario.

vanisher posted:

I flip the two locks on the side of a long metal briefcase with my thumbs. The spring loaded case snaps open, revealing individual starbursts set in a foam insert, the sleeve next to them. I slowly load the sleeve with 'bursts.

Listening carefully, I hear the guard move away from the door, right on schedule. Silently I remove the ceiling tile and drop down, and in moments I have the door unlocked. Gripping my dispenser in my gloved hands, I silently move toward the bed. The ambassador sleeps blissfully unaware of my approach. Grimly, I grab a pillow, shoving my dispenser in his face and the pillow over his head. He wakes up with a start, a muffled sound of confusion as I click the dispenser back.

He stops moving a moment, and I hear the crunch. He says, "Strawberry?" He throws the pillow off his head and looks around in confusion, but I'm already gone. Mission accomplished.

vanisher

I pull off a mission impossible rubber ambassidor mask, it was all a set-up, I was the Mole.

I push a piece of gum together and throw it at a large fish tank, but its just a juicy fruit and it doesnt explode or anything. A waiter informs me I should use a napkin.

joke_explainer


google THIS posted:

Tom Clancy's Taste the Rainbow Six

*radio crackle* Reviewing the cameras... oh my god, you got six trick or treaters closing in. Is the payload secure?? Alpha Team, is the payload secure?! They're almost at the door!

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Twenty Four


vanisher posted:

Attaching a device to my gumball machine that converts it from semi-automatic to fully-automatic.

Attaching a toggle switch to my starburst dispenser that lets me select 3 round 'burst.

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