The Best Cat

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > The Best Cat

«‹›20 »

IMJack: Apr 16, 2003; Royalty is a continuous ripping and tearing motion.; Fun Shoe

Essex (#37) is shocked, absolutely scandalized, that you aren't paying more attention to him.

Look at him. He can't loving believe you're doing that.

Tiki (#36) looks down his nose at you, plebian.

^{Count those toes}

Tiki has a pet food brand named after him^* and your cat does not.

^{^{* Not actually named after him}}

# ? Mar 29, 2018 08:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:16

Grumbletron 4000: Nov 30, 2002; Where you want it, bitch.; College Slice

drrockso20 posted:

This post reads like an ad in Transmetropolitan would

That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me on these forums.

I love Transmetropolitan and I also insult my cats every chance I get...

Got this hanging on my dining room wall. I apologize for the junk in the photo.

Here's some more cat. This is one of those goofy things that Google makes for you. I swear to gently caress its not a loss edit...

Gumbo! #13 Silly! #15! The Xmas ribbons are an insidious thing. Try this, put some cat drugs on the sticky tape part of that ribbon. Put them on the target cat and then watch the others go batfuck trying to get the bastards. It's as amusing as it is mean and horrible.

Grumbletron 4000 fucked around with this message at 05:39 on Mar 30, 2018

# ? Mar 29, 2018 08:08

Shinmera: Mar 25, 2013; I make games!

Beexoffel posted:

Is this catte on the 'nip?

We've never given Sakamoto (#27) any nip ourselves. He just likes to throw himself onto the floor and roll around.

Today's a rainy day, so after breakfast he just immediately went to bed.

When he noticed me photographing him he started purring pretty loudly. Confident little bastard.

# ? Mar 29, 2018 08:19

BaronVonVaderham: Jul 31, 2011; All hail the queen!

Grumbletron 4000 posted:

Don't worry about that scrotum cat.

Rexie (#28) would like to remind you that you should be worried:

She'll wreck you, cat's swole:

And try saying no to this face....

Or that belly.....

# ? Mar 29, 2018 14:58

Neurosis: Jun 10, 2003; Fallen Rib

surprisingly adorable scrotum-kitty, but this one

BaronVonVaderham posted:

is just human-like enough to be unsettling

# ? Mar 29, 2018 15:02

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

curlingiron posted:

11

This is Miko, sometimes known as Princess Pizzaface:

She does not approve of your life choices.

You all might not know this, but this cat is the fun police :siren:

# ? Mar 29, 2018 15:03

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

EDIT: #46 (actually #45)

Bought another poster Platinum so I could enter my fluffulently lovely Peanut:

Bonus awful poem:

Peanut

What could feel better than a cat?
And just to get our terms defined,
This wouldn't be the hairless kind�
A tabby, rather, orange and fat.

You pick it up, and it flops slack,
Draped over you from hand to hand
And supple as a rubber band
In dangling legs and slumping back.

Thus spread out panoramically,
The cat becomes a hot dog bun�
But has there been a softer one?
Or one that hangs more hammockally?

Never! If you say yes, you lie!
Just as the cat does when asleep,
Inert, curled in a discoid heap:
A living, sleeping pumpkin pie.

Now follow here Jack Horner's lead
And plunge your thumb into the fluff.
The cat won't mind, if you aren't rough�
Give in to instinct; do the deed.

The fur is thick and richly piled
Atop the dormant feline form.
You're in it now�it feels so warm�
The fluffiness has you beguiled.

Your contact draws the cat from slumber:
First, it yawns and shows its tongue;
Once that necessity is done,
The eyes slide open, golden-umber,

And swivel up to stare at you
While you continue dumbly petting,
Transfixed, dry-mouthed, and faintly sweating�
There is naught more that you can do.

And finally the moment comes
That you have lived your life to bring:
That sonorousest rattling,
The rolling of a million drums.

You relinquish all control.
And from the belly of the mammal,
The purr's vibrations find their channel�
Up through your arm, into your soul.

And now you have been made complete.
There's nothing more to know or feel.
The past is distant and unreal,
Your previous life obsolete.

So what could ever better that?
That infinite, surpassing joy?
That fun for every girl and boy?
What could feel better than a cat?

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Mar 31, 2018

# ? Mar 29, 2018 23:46

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Neurosis posted:

My condolences. My experience has been that few cats die suddenly in their old age, certainly less frequently than people. Instead it is almost invariably a slow painful downward spiral which is a bitter sweet time heavily skewed towards bitterness. The most common reason seems to be kidney problems. I wish the little guys lived longer.

Yeah, it's the kidneys. We'll see how she does.

My parents' former cat died of giant tumors everywhere but she just kept truckin' and killing stuff and generally like she wasn't covered in tumors.

# ? Mar 30, 2018 01:07

Tendai: Mar 16, 2007; "When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."; Grimey Drawer

Kiska (#16) is, for all that she is unable to do things like have an awareness of her own rear end, a lover and not a fighter.

She wants to love you.

If you are in a chair she will be on the back of it:

If you are in bed she will be wedged against you:

If you are walking by her she will just shove her whole goddamn idiot head into your hand:

If you're a cardboard tube, you can get hosed:

# ? Mar 30, 2018 01:48

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Awwww Kiska

# ? Mar 30, 2018 02:00

CloFan: Nov 6, 2004

IMJack posted:

Essex (#37) is shocked, absolutely scandalized, that you aren't paying more attention to him.

Look at him. He can't loving believe you're doing that.

Nice goatee, cat

# ? Mar 30, 2018 02:28

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Tendai posted:

If you are walking by her she will just shove her whole goddamn idiot head into your hand:

I like this in particular. Although I like all these cats so it's tough

# ? Mar 30, 2018 05:08

Grumbletron 4000: Nov 30, 2002; Where you want it, bitch.; College Slice

BaronVonVaderham posted:

Rexie (#28) would like to remind you that you should be worried:

Jappy bares his teeth at Rexie...

I'll admit that is a great scrotum cat. My menagerie still offers more though...

Jappy is the sort of chill dude that tolerates me making him little shirts out of old pants...

He will also occasionally ask me the riddle of the sphinx. If I answer untrue I must suffer the pharaohs curse, which is him headbutting the controller while I'm trying to play video games...

Vote with your heart and vote for Jappy (#14) folks.

Grumbletron 4000 fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Mar 30, 2018

# ? Mar 30, 2018 05:58

Fumblemouse: Mar 21, 2013; STANDARD
DEVIANT; Grimey Drawer

Hello. It is me, Speedball. #44

Fumblemouse posted that embarrassing picture of me in the oven, and I just wanted you all to know that I'm really just a normal cat

My interests include looking under stuff

Going into things and peering out of them

Hanging with the 'rents

And just chilling in my crib

Sometime I like to jump up on people...

...FOR TEH KUDDELZ

Of course, If I don't like teh kuddelz I will cut a bitch...

...suck out their soul...

...and rule it in Hell

So vote for me! #44

Fumblemouse fucked around with this message at 07:55 on Mar 30, 2018

# ? Mar 30, 2018 06:15

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Sham bam bamina! posted:

What could feel better than a cat?

There are one or two things that come to mind, but a cat is def top 10.

#46 tag your posts with #46

# ? Mar 30, 2018 07:34

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

IMJack posted:

Essex (#37) is shocked, absolutely scandalized, that you aren't paying more attention to him.

Look at him. He can't loving believe you're doing that.

Essex (#37) is the reincarnation of Maynard G. Krebs.

# ? Mar 30, 2018 09:28

Neurosis: Jun 10, 2003; Fallen Rib

Fumblemouse posted:

Hello. It is me, Speedball. #44

this breed has always reminded me of abyssinians that have had their heads squished in an omnidirectional vice.

# ? Mar 30, 2018 09:35

nerdz: Oct 12, 2004; Complex, statistically improbable things are by their nature more difficult to explain than simple, statistically probable things.; Grimey Drawer

#21 Burzum

Lucky me, I asked around my coworkers for pictures of burzum from back when he was the office mascot, and I got a few gems:

Here he is being all cute in our office garden:

Another fun thing: When we locked up the office for the day, Burzum had to stay outside. Whoever stayed in the office for overtime would be haunted by this vengeful apparition, resentful of being put outside:

JUST LET ME IN YOU FUCKS

When Burzum moved in with me, I expected him to miss the outdoors. From these pictures you can see his greatest wish was to be an indoors cat, since he doesn't even bother looking outside the windows now. He has enough plants to sit on top, though.

# ? Mar 30, 2018 18:43

Over There: Jun 28, 2013; by Azathoth

Let the cat in nerdz

# ? Mar 30, 2018 18:45

CloFan: Nov 6, 2004

#41 Gypsy - Her sleep posture cracks me up!

# ? Mar 30, 2018 18:59

Piggy Smalls: Jun 21, 2015; BOSS MAKES A DOLLAR,
YOU MAKE A DIME,
I'LL LICK HIS BOOT TILL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS SHINE.

CloFan posted:

#41 Gypsy - Her sleep posture cracks me up!

Queen of the house!

# ? Mar 30, 2018 19:40

Mustached Demon: Nov 12, 2016

Simon (#25) was clearly upset about moving last fall.

# ? Mar 30, 2018 22:27

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

CloFan posted:

#41 Gypsy - Her sleep posture cracks me up!

Human comfort zones only encompass 3 or 4 dimensions. Cats have like 7 to 12.

# ? Mar 31, 2018 01:51

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

I'm thinking first round of voting starts really soon, like sunday or monday. I dunno. I'd like to see more :10bux:

but I also don't want to drag this out until loving doomsday.

# ? Mar 31, 2018 01:59

CloFan: Nov 6, 2004

I don't know about these other yahoos, but I've got a lot more photos to share! Push voting out at least another week, maybe more ~~suckers~~ cats will be entered.

# ? Mar 31, 2018 02:28

CloFan: Nov 6, 2004

For instance, there is a severe lack of meerkats in this thread! Vote #41

# ? Mar 31, 2018 02:33

CloFan: Nov 6, 2004

#42 - Harley

# ? Mar 31, 2018 02:44

Tendai: Mar 16, 2007; "When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."; Grimey Drawer

#16 - Kiska

We used to live in a hundred year old cabin. This had its upsides, in a front door to stare furiously at birds/dogs/other cats/horses/cows from:

And also in a heater at perfect butt-height:

However, now that we're in civlization, Kiska has adjusted to the perks of nice beds and rooms that don't have breezes:

# ? Mar 31, 2018 03:05

Mustached Demon: Nov 12, 2016

dee eight posted:

Human comfort zones only encompass 3 or 4 dimensions. Cats have like 7 to 12.

If it fits...

# ? Mar 31, 2018 03:12

GATOS Y VATOS: Aug 22, 2002

dee eight posted:

Essex (#37) is the reincarnation of Maynard G. Krebs.

WORK?!?

# ? Mar 31, 2018 03:22

Shifty Pony: Dec 28, 2004; Up ta somethin'

Nominating Sadie and Winston.

Sadie is great

but has ~~resting~~ grump face

Winston also great

but can be a bit goofy at times

They appreciate your consideration and would be open to treat bribery

proof:

(overdonation a shameless attempt to buy more votes)

# ? Mar 31, 2018 04:00

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Ten more bucks for the Taxman. Nominating my sister's impressively bewhiskered cat, Georgia:

My sister takes better cat pictures than I do. :o:

~~Not tagging yet because people don't seem to be keeping a consistent count; I'll wait until that gets sorted out.~~ #49 (actually #48)

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 06:49 on Mar 31, 2018

# ? Mar 31, 2018 05:02

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Ten more bucks for the Taxman. Nominating my sister's impressively bewhiskered cat, Georgia:

My sister takes better cat pictures than I do.

Not tagging yet because people don't seem to be keeping a consistent count; I'll wait until that gets sorted out.

#49 and that's a really crappy loss edit.

# ? Mar 31, 2018 06:10

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

CloFan posted:

I don't know about these other yahoos, but I've got a lot more photos to share! Push voting out at least another week, maybe more ~~suckers~~ cats will be entered.

K

tbh, I want to see some really pro photoshops of the contenders before it wraps up

# ? Mar 31, 2018 06:26

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

Choosing between these darlings is going to be impossible, ack.

# ? Mar 31, 2018 06:32

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Spinster posted:

Choosing between these darlings is going to be impossible, ack.

We must do what we must do.

# ? Mar 31, 2018 06:50

Section 9: Mar 24, 2003; Hair Elf

Willow (#8) and Mia (#10) recharing via their solar panels

Willow (#8) prepares for a cat scan

This is probably the final update for 8-10 before voting starts, so here's some final individual pictures:

Willow (#8)

Yori (#9)

Mia (#10)

Mojo

Dammit, Mojo! You are a horse and do not belong here!

(Edit: I am willing to bet $100 (which I will donate to SA) that Willow (#8) has been petted by the most goons of all nominees.)
Should probably put some more rules around this bet.
* You can pony up whatever amount you want, so if $100 is too rich for your blood, you can bet $1 and still get in on this. But if you bet and lose you need to post a receipt for your donation or...(I dunno, probation, ban? I'd assume this falls under Toxx clause.)
* You need to prove it by having goons who have pet your cat post "I have pet (name/#)" in this thread.
* People who have pet your cat are not obligated to vote for your cat. This is a side bet unrelated to the Best Cat vote.
* This is all contingent on the OP approving this so as to not derail the contest.

Section 9 fucked around with this message at 08:20 on Mar 31, 2018

# ? Mar 31, 2018 07:09

Emily Spinach: Oct 21, 2010; It�s 🌿Garland🌿!😯😯😯 No�🙅 I am become😤 😈CHAOS👿! MMMMH😋 GHAAA😫

I have pet Willow (#8), and she�s ok, but I�m currently snuggling with Gordie Meow (#26), who is the best.

Here is a picture from when Gordie and his late adopted brother Marshall were kittens, before we got a screen for the fireplace.

Honorable mention to Marshall, who we adopted with Gordie but lost to FIP a short six months later.

Here�s another picture of kitten Gordie, back when he could fit in my old work bag.