The Best Cat

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > The Best Cat

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

The vote is final. The people have spoken.

This is the best cat:

Congratulations to the former fatlord. You are an inspiration to us all.

Lowtax posted:

I support the photos as well as the incoming piles of financial ill-gotten gains. Thanks cats. Thanks credit cards. Credcat cards.

We all know that every catte is the best catte. But there must be the one single cat that is the best of the best, the pinnacle, the apex, the Spartacus among Spartacus', the absolute gold standard of all catdom. We are here to determine which SA cat best represents that ideal.

...1 catte to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.

Welcome to the 2nd ever SA forums cat show. It will be by necessity a Rules Heavy thread. Please read and comprehend all the rules.

It is also a fundraiser to buy our dear leader Lowtax a backbone or a working exoskeleton or something. I'm too broke to contribute to the spine fund, but I'll make up for it with an effort thread to squeeze money out of you fuckers.

[insert commercial break here]

To find the Very Best Cat on all of SA, the VBC must first be nominated, and then voted into that high office. Voting is a sacred rite, like shooting a car or driving a gun, so let us all be serious about it. It is both a duty and a priveledge and an obligation. That said, this should be fun (for some given value of fun).

Posting Rules:
1. Only nominations may be posted at the start of this thread, and only one post per nomination(s). ~~If you are not nominating a cat, DO NOT POST!~~ That was a dumb rule. Additional pics/videos/photoshops will be encouraged during the campaign phase.

2. DO NOT post ineligible cats. Only officially nominated cat pics allowed.

3. Posting is open to all during the campaign phase. During the campaign, do discuss the merits of the candidates, photoshop what ya like, but keep it semi civil. Try not to poo poo up the place with dumb stuff like OMG YOU HAVE MY CAT YOUR CAT LOOKS LIKE MY CAT.

4. Keep pic quotes to a minimum and remember to timg.

Nomination rules:
Nominations are closed. Too slow, sucka

1. To nominate a cat for VBC, donate :10bux:

to the forums via the Donations! link at the top right of the page. (rule edit: or buy a cert or av change or archives or something.) If you cannot find the link, you are dumber than a bag of hammers.

2. You may nominate multiple cats in one post.$10 for one cat, $15 for two cats, $20 for three, $25 for four, etc.

3. Post a screencap of your receipt with the amount and your user name clearly visible and then post one pic of your nominated cat(s) and name(s) of the cat(s).
3.(a) Placeholders are ok, but :toxx:

if you fail to follow through.

3. Please number your entry for easier voting later. (three cats would get numbers 5-6-7) Edit your numbers to keep it linear in cases of simultaneous posts.

Rule #420: Dog cannot be VBC unless it is Farlow or Dogface.

Rule #420(b): Burgerpug is right the gently caress out of the question so don't even think about it.

Rule #420(c): This is a better cat than most dogs:

4. Nominations are closed

Campaign rules for the Nominees:

0. Campaigning begins ~~only after nominations are closed~~ now.

1. Post the good stuff you have of your cat. Videos, pics, stories, whatever you think makes your cat the VBC. Tag your pics with your entry #.

2. Try not to image dump, spread it out over several posts. Pick the very best you have and save some space for everyone. Links to albums or instragrams or whatever are fine.

3. This is politics at its finest. Get out the vote, kiss some hands and shake some babies.

4. Campaigning continues to the bitter end, even during voting.

5. Voting begins Friday May 4th.

Voting rules:

1. Voting will probably happen in a separate thread which will be for VOTING ONLY.

2. Seriously. No pics, just voting. If this works out half as good as I would like, it will be a nightmare to tabulate the votes with my dollar store calculator.

2.(a) Poll watching and independent vote tabulating would be way cool with me.

3. Voting will be done by the entry number, so pay attention and don't be dyslexic.

4. In each round of voting, each poster gets to vote for X number of cats. The field will be narrowed with each round of voting until 13 nominees remain.

5. The final round to determine the Very Best Cat will be one goon/one vote/one cat.

Prizes:

The Very Best Cat on the SA forums gets the last phat oz of my 2017 personal stash of Montana Catnip :catdrugs:

I don't have anything else, but maybe some artistic type here can make some e-trophies and ms paint participation ribbons for the losers.

e: if there's a decent weather day this weekend or next, I can maybe get some fine ground done for extra prizes.

dee eight fucked around with this message at 19:30 on May 31, 2018

# ¿ Mar 10, 2018 07:08

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 10:18

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

I open the floor to nominations. *bangs gavel on penis*

Arbitrary rule update #1: placeholders for nominations are ok but :toxx:

upon you if you fail to follow through.

Candidates list:

1. Anastasia - 1st_Panzer_Div.

3. Haley - Zoe
4. La Tigra aka "Tazzy" - redm
5. Penelope - Who What Now
6. Maxwell - Kerosene19
7. Koda - Over There
8. Willow - Section 9
9. Yori - Section 9
10. Mia - Section 9
11. Miko - curlingiron
12. Goomba - Grumbletron 4000
13. Gumbo - Grumbletron 4000
14. Jappy - Grumbletron 4000
15. Silly - Grumbletron 4000
16. Kiska - Tendai
17. Butterscotch - Chili
18. Regan - Mr Speaker
19. Wiz - Mr Speaker
20. Kotofey Ivanovich - Sweet As Sin
21. Burzum - nerdz
22. Margot - FutonForensic
23. Lulu - GATOS Y VATOS
24. Franklin the squid humping cat - Trig Discipline
25. Simon - Mustached Demon
26. Gordie Meow - small bird pudding
27. Sakamoto - Shinmera
28. Phyrexian Obliterator - BaronVonVaderham
29. Emperor Tang - curlingiron
30. Professor Wicket - its all nice on rice
31. Snowball - twit666
32. Mola - Flying Leatherman
33. Madeye Murphy MacCool - Mistle
34. Mittens - Bedevere
35. Autumn - McGavin
36: Kon Tiki - IMJack
37: Essex - IMJack
38: Saffron - Captain Tightpants
39. Lola - im_sorry
40. Patrick - im_sorry
41. Gypsy - CloFan
42. Harley - CloFan
43. Moo Moo - Dumb Lowtax
44. Speedball - Fumblemouse
45. Spartacus - Pick
46. Peanut - Sham bam bamina!
47. Sadie - Shifty Pony
48. Winston - Shifty Pony
49. Georgia (on my mind) - Sham bam bamina!
50. Furball :rip:

- MC Hawking
51. Lowtax (a cool cat, but I kinda doubt he'll get off on catnip) - Section 9 (and I don't really think Lowtax is your cat)
52. Heman - Cable Guy
53. Rollo - ReelBigLizard
54. Penny - ReelBigLizard
55. Shadow - Annath
56. Chester - Thin Privilege
57. Nala - Sic Semper Goon
58. S��e - Libluini
59. Osiris - coca bojangles
60.Rusty - pinchofginger
61. The Machine - pinchofginger
62. Bubbles - esperterra
63. Suka - Solitair
64. Mini - cptn_dr
65. Starbuck - calandryll
66. Harlequin - calandryll
67. Chloe - bump_fn
68. Charlie The Cat - SickZip
69. cat - Jon Joe

DAILY TOTE BOARD:

about $735 more or less/give or take + the 45 or so bux the nice persons spent on ads. And at least 15 more bux from av changes on Piggy Smalls. Whoever is doing that, great work!

StupidSexyVaultGuy posted:

If we can fuel the jury-rigged dreams of some slack-jawed yokel from Reform, Alabama then surely this gay forum can remain reanimated at worst.

Bless this mess.

gently caress Yeah! We've raised almost enough to pay for Lowtax's souvenir engraved bedpan! gently caress this stupid country's hosed up health care system!
Let me know if you even bother to read the updates!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8

Open campaign is heating up (like ur mom) and I'll accept late nominations until the first round of voting which will start Friday night 5/4.

dee eight fucked around with this message at 18:40 on May 26, 2018

# ¿ Mar 10, 2018 07:10

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

redm posted:

can we nominate with a different SA purchase that isn't donation like an av change or plat cert because I'm not ready to give up my current donator tag

I'll accept that. Also, it appears that donation receipts display real names and not user names. I'll be a trusting soul and accept nominations on a word of honor that yeah I really did donate basis as long as I see the grimey drawer or whatever popsicle stick. This thread is about to turn into a bigger clusterfuck than I ever imagined it could be.

dee eight fucked around with this message at 18:56 on Mar 10, 2018

# ¿ Mar 10, 2018 09:58

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Hector Beerlioz posted:

i went to china and had the best cat ever there

That's loving hilarious. THat's really the funniest thing I ever read on these forums. Holy poo poo you should do stand up.

\/\/\/ gently caress off

dee eight fucked around with this message at 19:26 on Mar 10, 2018

# ¿ Mar 10, 2018 19:19

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Cable Guy posted:

When you say you're still not sure of deadlines, are you at least considering a fortnight time-frame? Have a definite candidate in mind, but he's not my cat... I need to negotiate permissions... and wait for my splurge budget to top-up.

Yeah a couple weeks sounds okay to me, maybe more if the thread doesn't implode from shitposts first. The whole point of this is to throw money at Lowtax's skeleton and get good cat pictures. If it takes time, then it takes time.

# ¿ Mar 12, 2018 02:12

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Mister Speaker posted:

EDIT: I donated $15 to nominate my two cats but don't see my username anywhere in the email receipts to post...

The new Fallen Rib tag indicates donation. We good.

# ¿ Mar 12, 2018 02:30

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

TVsVeryOwn posted:

I don't see a rule that says a dogge can't be VBC.

I just made that rule right now. Unless the doggo in question is Farlow or Dogface.

Rule #420: Dog cannot be VBC unless it is Farlow or Dogface.

_{Rule #420(b): Burgerpug is right the gently caress out of the question so don't even think about it.}

dee eight fucked around with this message at 02:50 on Mar 12, 2018

# ¿ Mar 12, 2018 02:47

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Mushika posted:

Or we could just do the same thing for dogs in a different thread.

That's a good idea, Chuck.

# ¿ Mar 12, 2018 02:51

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Grumbletron 4000 posted:

I feel like I should

v nice but save it for the campaign part plz

# ¿ Mar 12, 2018 07:20

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

RestingB1tchFace posted:

Is my kitten, Link, eligible?

Is cat? check

Yeah, donate or buy a cert or something and you're in.

# ¿ Mar 14, 2018 07:23

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

curlingiron posted:

Question: if I decide that I want to enter a second cat, do I need to do another $10 donation, or can I donate an additional $5 and call it good? I'm happy to do either, I just want to make sure.

Yeah, 5 is cool. But that spine ain't gonna unfuck itself.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2018 07:22

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

dee eight posted:

Yeah, 5 is cool. But that spine ain't gonna unfuck itself.

New thread title plz.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2018 07:46

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Shinmera posted:

Number your cat and donate, ya dingus!

Well said, sir! Well said indeed!

# ¿ Mar 16, 2018 17:41

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

1st_Panzer_Div. posted:

Does signing up to the VPN count for the donation? 1 Cat.

I dunno. Does Lowtax get a kickback or anything like that?

# ¿ Mar 17, 2018 05:29

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Piggy Smalls posted:

The ugly hairless cat should be disqualified.

Right. You're disqualified

Stop shitposting and donate or something.

# ¿ Mar 18, 2018 04:09

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

A moment of silence for the Very Best Cat, please.

Today we note with great sadness the passing of Gizmo, a truly pro-tier cat.

The winner of best-in-show in the very first SA cat show, and a model of greatness for all cats to emulate.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2018 01:21

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Neurosis posted:

Condolences on our loss.

ftfy

# ¿ Mar 19, 2018 02:33

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Maldoror posted:

What happened to her?

Mine got pancreatic cancer. It's pretty devastating.

Age and kidney failure or something like that. She's not my cat. Gizmo lived with a goon who loved her and was a good cat butler to her.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2018 02:46

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Neurosis posted:

Are calicos always female? I can't recall knowing or hearing of any that are male

Yeah, pretty much. There are probably some genetic outliers or something, but that's a thread for PI.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2018 05:53

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Let's stay on track, please. More cat nominations and bone fixin' money, and save the chit chat for the campaign.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2018 19:02

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Thread tally updates in the 2nd post under the candidates list. I'll try to do this daily until the end.

Your forums, like PBS stations with a cocaine addiction, are supported by losers like you. So step up and do the thing your parents told you not to do and contribute to the accelerating downfall of humanity. Contribute to somethingisawful dot com and receive a comemorative gif of a spaceship, or any of these other premiums offerd by your local affiliate. *Nina Tokinbag*

\/\/\/\/ Hell yeah! That's the spirit.

dee eight fucked around with this message at 17:56 on Mar 20, 2018

# ¿ Mar 20, 2018 08:13

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

BaronVonVaderham posted:

This is discriminatory against folically challenged cats in this contest

Take it to TGRS (or feed that cat a couple bottles of rogaine).

e: If it don't grow hair, maybe you get a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

# ¿ Mar 20, 2018 20:13

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

/\/\/\/\ you too hey does that cat have the outline of a dick on his face?

I said come in! posted:

I nominate my cat, Spud

you gotta pay if you wanna dance

dee eight fucked around with this message at 09:38 on Mar 21, 2018

# ¿ Mar 21, 2018 07:27

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Forums trivia: Posting to say I'm glad this worked, I've never clicked that button before and it explicitly said something like "try to delete attachment - I dunno if this is going to work, html permissions are confusing".

Thanks.

# ¿ Mar 21, 2018 07:27

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

We're here in the 8th day of this fundraiser and things are sort of thinking about maybe starting to heat up. With your help and your continued support, little Richie Kayanka might some day be able to walk without the braces and orthopedic shoes. Please open your heart and your wallet and give generously and in return, all of us can enjoy the high humor and exciting drama of these moribund other-oriented forums for years to come.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 07:44

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

McGavin posted:

This is Autumn. She is a very good cat. Perhaps the best?

Autumn's entry # is 35. Don't forget to tag all your posts with #35

Captain Tightpants posted:

Saffron the fluff cat

amazing cat, star quality. too bad about the name . drop 'the fluff cat' part and she's a million dollar baby.

dig your av too

dee eight fucked around with this message at 07:53 on Mar 23, 2018

# ¿ Mar 23, 2018 07:45

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

IMJack posted:

I wish to nominate the AquireWine brothers, #36: Kon Tiki (the orange cat) and #37: Essex (the tuxedo).

Both polydactyl kitties, possibly from the same litter, at the very least brought into the shelter with the same bunch of rescue kittens.

Nominating them in honor of their mommy, who was taken from us almost a year ago.

Lovely cats, and I'm always a sucker for orphans.

Bedevere posted:

#34 Mittens (aka Bittens)

He is an rear end in a top hat.

Here is a picture of him being yelled at by my wife. Do you see the deep concern?

Alpha cat

# ¿ Mar 23, 2018 07:51

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Trig Discipline posted:

Somebody in yospos referred to this cat position as "playing the cello" like five years ago and I've never forgotten it.

yeah. i think that has spread as far as the reader's digest by now

# ¿ Mar 23, 2018 07:54

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

redm posted:

can we nominate with a different SA purchase that isn't donation like an av change or plat cert because I'm not ready to give up my current donator tag

#4 La Tigra aka "Tazzy"

https://i.imgur.com/3lTqXiW.png

Gotta catch em all. 1 and 2 are grey areas so screw 'em until they pays, 3 and 4 are legit.

Zoe posted:

#3 Halley

dee eight fucked around with this message at 08:03 on Mar 23, 2018

# ¿ Mar 23, 2018 08:00

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Friday night! Big night! Take a lady friend out dancing, buy her a few drinks, and then a few more. Then she barfs on your knee during the uber ride back to her place. She says sorry and runs up the steps to her apartment so you don't get laid and also you gotta pay the uber guy too.

Why not skip the drama and just burn your money at home? Or give it to some guy in Missouri to buy some new bones with it?

The choice is yours. No boning or bones.

Think about it.

[this has been a public service announcement. we now return to our regularly scheduled malaise]

# ¿ Mar 24, 2018 06:21

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

im_sorry posted:

This is Lola. We got her when one of my wife's co-workers found a stray pregnant cat, and when the litter was born, my wife got me this one. She thinks she's a dog, and will actually come over when called.

This is Patrick. We found her a few months ago hanging around the barn where our horse is boarded, and nobody claimed her, so we kept her. She tends to piss on laundry, though, so we have to keep the laundry covered. Maybe we should have called her Donald?

So are you entering the contest or just posting?

\/\/\/ donate a couple more bux and enter then.

dee eight fucked around with this message at 21:28 on Mar 24, 2018

# ¿ Mar 24, 2018 21:16

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

im_sorry posted:

#39

Lola.
#40

Patrick.

Your numbers are off by one. Lola is 39 and Patrick is 40

# ¿ Mar 24, 2018 23:42

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Alright, open campaigning starts here.

Campaign rules for the Nominees:

0. Campaigning begins ~~only after nominations are closed~~ now.

1. Post the good stuff you have of your cat. Videos, pics, stories, whatever you think makes your cat the VBC. Tag your pics with your entry #.

2. Try not to image dump, spread it out over several posts. Pick the very best you have and save some space for everyone. Links to albums or instragrams or whatever are fine.

3. This is politics at its finest. Get out the vote, kiss some hands and shake some babies.

4. Campaigning continues to the bitter end, even during voting.

Candidates list as of 3/25:

1. Anastasia - 1st_Panzer_Div.
2. blank space - Uncle at Nintendo (ain't paid yet. are you just shitposting?)
3. Haley - Zoe
4.La Tigra aka "Tazzy" - redm
5. Penelope - Who What Now
6. Maxwell - Kerosene19
7. Koda - Over There
8, 9, 10. Willow, Yori, Mia - Section 9
11. Miko - curlingiron
12, 13, 14, 15 -Goomba, Gumbo, Jappy, Silly - Grumbletron 4000
16. Kiska - Tendai
17. Butterscotch - Chili
18, 19. Regan, Wiz - Mr Speaker
20. Kotofey Ivanovich - Sweet As Sin
21. Burzum - nerdz
22. Margot - FutonForensic
23. Lulu - GATOS Y VATOS
24. Franklin the squid humping cat - Trig Discipline
25. Simon - Mustached Demon
26. Gordie Meow - small bird pudding
27. Sakamoto - Shinmera
28. Phyrexian Obliterator - BaronVonVaderham
29. Emperor Tang - curlingiron
30. Professor Wicket - its all nice on rice
31. Snowball - twit666
32. Mola - Flying Leatherman
33. Madeye Murphy MacCool - Mistle
34. Mittens - Bedevere
35. Autumn - McGavin
36: Kon Tiki - IMJack
37: Essex - IMJack
38: Saffron the fluff cat - Captain Tightpants
39. Lola - im_sorry
40. Patrick - im_sorry

dee eight fucked around with this message at 17:32 on Mar 26, 2018

# ¿ Mar 25, 2018 06:24

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

1st_Panzer_Div. posted:

#1 cat. Your entry number is numero uno.

also is pro tier cat

# ¿ Mar 25, 2018 19:10

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

BaronVonVaderham posted:

#28 Phyrexian Obliterator again, because I found some recent video I forgot I took. Rexie really, really wants to investigate my girlfriend's snake and time she's out of her tank....