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Stop thinking with your dick, you piece of poo poo
That's normal, suck it up
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  • Locked thread
TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

How do I reconcile the empirical necessity of sexual intimacy for my own mental well-being, with the need to 'love myself first' before I can be in a state of mind to attract a mate?

That is to say, I can see, through past experience that, more than any other factor, my mental health fluctuates as a direct response to being in a sexual relationship with a person; I am exclusively happy when I am in such a relationship.
I can see, also, that my being thirsty/desperate is directly the reason that I am unable to maintain the attraction of a potential partner for more than 12 hours.

How do I not feel poo poo about being this way, so that I can stop being this way?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

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Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 17 days!


So basically you're so horny that it literally makes you crazy? Is that what you're trying to say?

DontMockMySmock
Aug 9, 2008

To become the moon
Then all the world will be in sight!


Serious post: masturbate more.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

Yes basically, and I've been doing that for years. I'm getting tennis elbow

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

Masturbation cures the sad-brains for like 10 minutes; regular sex gets me like 2 weeks

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

Oh but to be clear, I'm already crazy, sex or not. The sex just masks it enough that I can function as a regular human, without obsessing over trying to find the next fix.

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010



you're going to need to chop you're own dick off, op

DJ Fuckboy Supreme
Feb 10, 2011

And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill



Just spitballing here but maybe y'all want to examine why you think your mental state and sex are causatory relationship.

Protip: it's entirely possible to be happy and not getting laid and therapy will get you there.

Seriouspost: if you don't have access to healthcare just never stop crankin that hog

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 17 days!


TheMaskedUgly posted:

Masturbation cures the sad-brains for like 10 minutes; regular sex gets me like 2 weeks

lol you just haven't found good enough porn

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

Cakefarts Carol posted:

Just spitballing here but maybe y'all want to examine why you think your mental state and sex are causatory relationship.

Protip: it's entirely possible to be happy and not getting laid and therapy will get you there.

Seriouspost: if you don't have access to healthcare just never stop crankin that hog

I have been seriously following the prescribed therapy/medication route for approximately 6 years. No variation of that has ever had anything but a marginal affect on my mood. Sex works.

I am not convinced that it is possible for me to be happy through my own actions.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

Devils Affricate posted:

lol you just haven't found good enough porn

no, i've got myself into a hole where the only thing i can really get off to is super-obscure porn like where 'a woman walks passed a Parisienne bakery on a thursday, while a wolf howls in the background', and there's only like 12 of those, and most of them don't even have good plot

DontMockMySmock
Aug 9, 2008

To become the moon
Then all the world will be in sight!


TheMaskedUgly posted:

Yes basically, and I've been doing that for years. I'm getting tennis elbow

Start masturbating with your non-dominant hand.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

talk to me when you can use your feet scrub

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

Think it's worth noting that it's not just that sex makes me happy and not sad; it's that a lack of sex makes me crazy and not happy.

The bare neutral would be fine, but the obsessiveness from starvation is inconvenient at best, and actively harmful at worst

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.


Dinosaur Gum

What does your therapist suggest as the cause and/or solution to this problem

SleepySonata
Mar 3, 2010


Pay for sex

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

prostitution is not allowed legally

My therapist's opinion can be reduced to 'reframe the problem away from analysing what effectively helps, and more towards why you feel bad in the first place'.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

I'm sorry you find my mental health issues stupid Mod buddy. Please teach me how to be a better person

DontMockMySmock
Aug 9, 2008

To become the moon
Then all the world will be in sight!


TheMaskedUgly posted:

Please teach me how to be a better person

TheMaskedUgly posted:

reframe the problem away from analysing what effectively helps, and more towards why you feel bad in the first place

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.


I feel bad in the first place because I'm not getting laid bro

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

And that advice didn't work for the past 6 years, why would it suddenly start working now?

terminal chillness
Oct 16, 2008

This baby is off the charts

The honest truth of the matter is that getting laid isn't the end all be all of life. Given your posting here, your obsession with it is clearly making you unhappy but for some strange reason you seem unwilling to change focus. Why do you think that is?

cda
Jan 2, 2010



Just find someone to have sex with. Boom. Problem solved.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

terminal chillness posted:

The honest truth of the matter is that getting laid isn't the end all be all of life. Given your posting here, your obsession with it is clearly making you unhappy but for some strange reason you seem unwilling to change focus. Why do you think that is?

Don't misunderstand me; I do not believe that having sex will solve all my problems, or 'make me happy'. Such things are best left to medication/cbt/therapy; solutions I am already exploring in depth.

What I do believe, is that after significant periods of time without sex, my mental state significantly, reliably and noticeably deteriorates; and this deterioration significantly affects my well-being.

There is no 'unwillingness' to change focus, there is an in-ability to shift focus; much in the same way that it is very difficult to avoid thinking about food when you are starving.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

cda posted:

Just find someone to have sex with. Boom. Problem solved.

I am generally unsuccessful at this, as you perhaps might have gathered

DontMockMySmock
Aug 9, 2008

To become the moon
Then all the world will be in sight!


TheMaskedUgly posted:

Don't misunderstand me; I do not believe that having sex will solve all my problems, or 'make me happy'. Such things are best left to medication/cbt/therapy; solutions I am already exploring in depth.

What I do believe, is that after significant periods of time without sex, my mental state significantly, reliably and noticeably deteriorates; and this deterioration significantly affects my well-being.

There is no 'unwillingness' to change focus, there is an in-ability to shift focus; much in the same way that it is very difficult to avoid thinking about food when you are starving.

In the same way that a starving man will be satisfied with tasteless gruel, a horny man will be satisfied with masturbation. You are not a starving man, you are a gourmand. Base physiological need cannot explain what is going on here; your problem is psychological. You're obsessed.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

DontMockMySmock posted:

In the same way that a starving man will be satisfied with tasteless gruel, a horny man will be satisfied with masturbation.
As counter evidence to this, I present myself, a horny man, unsatisfied with masturbation. I have no evidence, but I generally believe that the body is capable of detecting the difference between masturbation and sex.

quote:

You are not a starving man, you are a gourmand. Base physiological need cannot explain what is going on here; your problem is psychological. You're obsessed.
I was the first to call it obsessive. Describing the symptoms is unhelpful.
I am asking 'how to stop being obsessive' when the only thing I know of that stops the obsession, can not be reliably achieved while being obsessed.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

And I don't agree with your gruel analogy.

I would say that the gruel equivalent of sex is bad sex with someone you don't find attractive.

Masturbation would be more akin to rubbing a steak on your tongue, but not swallowing it. Tastes good, but it doesn't satisfy the starving man.

DontMockMySmock
Aug 9, 2008

To become the moon
Then all the world will be in sight!


TheMaskedUgly posted:

As counter evidence to this, I present myself, a horny man, unsatisfied with masturbation.

My point is that you're acting like it's a physiological need that you can't satisfy, like starvation, when it is in fact a psychological problem that you refuse to consider and address as such. If it were just physiological horniness, the need to get your rocks off, masturbation WOULD satisfy you, because masturbation results in getting your rocks off. My point is that you're not JUST horny. There's something else going on.

The problem isn't lack of sex, the problem is something else, and you've not provided nearly enough information about your life for any of us to diagnose it. So keep going to therapy, and stop pretending to yourself like this is a problem you can solve only with having sex a lot. Start asking yourself questions like, what do I get out of sex (besides orgasm, since, as previously mentioned, you can get that from masturbation)?

DJ Fuckboy Supreme
Feb 10, 2011

And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill



asking the same question repeatedly while being deaf to the advice of your therapist will definitely yield results in this thread OP

420 SWAGLORD
Apr 20, 2014

saban bajramovic


Guy, come on. Shitposts are supposed to be funny. What are you even doing here?

terminal chillness
Oct 16, 2008

This baby is off the charts

My advice that you wont take is: just learn to accept life as it is and you'll be a lot happier.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

terminal chillness posted:

My advice that you wont take is: just learn to accept life as it is and you'll be a lot happier.

This is stoicism/CBT distilled. After a serious and committed effort to follow those teaching, I am not 'a lot happier'.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

DontMockMySmock posted:

My point is that you're acting like it's a physiological need that you can't satisfy, like starvation, when it is in fact a psychological problem that you refuse to consider and address as such. If it were just physiological horniness, the need to get your rocks off, masturbation WOULD satisfy you, because masturbation results in getting your rocks off. My point is that you're not JUST horny. There's something else going on.

The problem isn't lack of sex, the problem is something else, and you've not provided nearly enough information about your life for any of us to diagnose it. So keep going to therapy, and stop pretending to yourself like this is a problem you can solve only with having sex a lot. Start asking yourself questions like, what do I get out of sex (besides orgasm, since, as previously mentioned, you can get that from masturbation)?

I am basing my beliefs on observation. Masturbation makes me slightly happy, for 15 minutes. 15 minutes later, I am back exactly where I started, with the exact same obsession. Sex with a stranger that I will never see again, and form no intimate connection, leads me to be happy for approximately 2-3 weeks; I am capable of functioning normally by my standards, and not obsess.
I do not require the social intimacy of a relationship, I do not enjoy being close to other people, I do not enjoy spending time with people. The only part of these sexual relationships which empirically actually helped me, was the sexual aspect.

I am not pretending that the only solution is to have sex, I am literally asking you for solutions that are not 'only to have sex', because that is the only solution I have found effective, but it is not practical.

But if your solution can be summed up to 'get therapy', I can adequately respond with 'that has not worked for me'. I have met with dozens of different therapists, I have spent 6+ months of multiple different medications. These are not solutions; they do not fix the problem. This solution has been tested, is currently being tested, and is repeatedly found wanting in my case.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

To be very clear, per my Medical Practitioner, there is no further up I can go with regards to psychological treatment. I am at the maximum involvement with the medical services available to me. The only option, per my Doctor, is 'more of the same'.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

terminal chillness posted:

My advice that you wont take is: just learn to accept life as it is and you'll be a lot happier.

Out of curiosity, what is the advice you think I want you to say to me?

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

420 SWAGLORD posted:

Guy, come on. Shitposts are supposed to be funny. What are you even doing here?

I am painfully unironic.

terminal chillness
Oct 16, 2008

This baby is off the charts

quote:

Out of curiosity, what is the advice you think I want you to say to me?

I don't know enough about you to know. My guess is you are looking for validation and also maybe tips to get laid but its just a guess.

TheMaskedUgly
Sep 21, 2008

Let's play a different game.

terminal chillness posted:

I don't know enough about you to know. My guess is you are looking for validation and also maybe tips to get laid but its just a guess.

The internet has enough tips to get laid; they are not useful to me. I don't know what form validation would come in in this regard. "You're right that lack of sex makes you sad, and that makes it more difficult to get laid" does not seem to be something I want to hear, imho.

Please ask specific questions if you feel they would help you understand the issue I'm having.

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Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 17 days!


Masturbate every 15 minutes

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