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PHIZ KALIFA

THUNDERDOME LOSER
HAIKULIGAN
so here's how it is. im so bumfucked by a constant pleasure drip that the only thing which gets my rocks off is if i visualize numbers flying off of the dirty dishes i wash. ive taken steps to make my life more like the vidya i found so formative.

- to make a lunch, first i have to find the FRIDGE KEY for the BASEMENT MEATLOCKER. its in the SNAKE HUTCH, in order to placate the SNAKE i have to feed it an EGG from my normal fridge. with the FRIDGE KEY i retrive HAMBURG from the BASEMENT MEATLOCKER. then i apply the HAMBURG to my CAST IRON PAN, and toss it in the OVEN.

- upstairs, if you walk far enough left you'll pass through the far right wall

- to make my morning routine more engaging, i installed a BUGBEAR SPAWNPOINT in my bathroom

- my conversations now include 3-6 responses, ranging from FRIENDLY, to KIND, CHEERFUL, GREGARIOUS, JOKING ON THE SQUARE, and BLACKEST HUMOR KNOWN TO MAN.

- the weather of my house has a variety of new modes, including OMINOUS, PORTENTIOUS, GATHERING STORM, and RAIN OF FIREKNIFES

- ive greatly expanded my inventory by wearing cargo pants and hooded sweatshirts with drug pockets in the front.

curious what yall have tried

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alnilam




*deep voice* You could start by making your way into the Kings Washroom, or you could journey down the Forbidden Stairs, leading to the Kitchen of the Ancients - but beware the temple guards!

My wife, sighing: yes yes I know it's my turn to "assemble" breakfast

PHIZ KALIFA

THUNDERDOME LOSER
HAIKULIGAN
broke: rumpus room
woke: the giant q-tip combat chamber from american gladiators

cda


I added a crafting minigame where you open a cookbook and have to follow the instructions in the right order

cda



>ENTER STARBUCKS
You enter the Starbucks. In front of you, there is a line of people waiting to order. There are chairs and tables all around, mostly occupied at this hour of the day by solitary individuals on their laptops or smartphones. However, there are a couple of free tables. There is a cashier behind the cash register and a barista making drinks. You assume there's probably a manager in the back, behind a swinging metal door.

> JOIN LINE
You join the line and wait patiently until you are standing in front of a cute cashier.

> ORDER COFFEE
"What size coffee to you want to order?" asks the cashier.

> ORDER LARGE COFFEE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

> ORDER MEDIUM COFFEE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

> ORDER LATTE
"What size latte do you want to order?" asks the cashier.

> ORDER LARGE LATTE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

>ORDER GRANDE COFFEE
"Coming right up!" beams the cashier. "Can I get a name for the order?"

>CDA
"Sure thing, Mr. CDA, just step over there and wait for your order to be called," the cashier says brightly.
You stand by the coffee bar and watch the barista make drinks.

>WAIT
"GRANDE COFFEE for PHILIP" the barista calls.

>WAIT
"BAGEL for LISA" the barista calls.

>WAIT
"GRANDE COFFEE for CAD" the barista calls.

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT COFFEE.
Which coffee?

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT GRANDE COFFEE.
Which Grande Coffee?

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD.
"This coffee is for CAD," the barista says, "See? It says CAD on the coffee cup."

>TAKE GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD.
The barista frowns. "Are you sure you're CAD? You don't look like CAD to me."

>TAKE GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD
The barista eyes you warily, but says nothing. You take the Grande Coffee for CAD.

>INVENTORY
You are wearing:
Blue sweatpants
A pink, stained Breast Cancer Charity 5K promotional T-Shirt.
Dirty sneakers (with no socks)

You are holding:
Car keys
A wallet
An iPhone
A Grande Coffee for CAD.

>STATUS
It is March 22nd, 2018. The time is 10:37am. If you still had a job, you would be 1hr and 37minutes late for work.
Your mood is: Despairing
Your health is: Poor
You are feeling: Tired
Your SCORE is: 3/273 points.

>DRINK GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD
You begin to drink the coffee. It is scalding hot. You burn your tongue.

>STATUS
It is March 22nd, 2018. The time is 10:38am. If you still had a job, you would be 1hr and 38minutes late for work.
Your mood is: Angsty
Your health is: Poor, Burned Tongue
You are feeling: Alert
Your SCORE is: 4/273 points.

>LOOK AT CASHIER
You look at the cashier. She is cute, with short blonde hair cut in a jagged style and bright blue eyes. You wonder if they are hiring at this Starbucks. You also wonder if the cashier would ever go out with you.

>TALK TO CASHIER
She's busy doing her job right now.

spectres of autism


use the long lost art of alchemy to craft potions (smoothies) and enchantments (dinosaur stickers)

spectres of autism


also lol

Jolo

ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it
I like to GALEIFY my LIME. Just buffeting this little lime with the strongest gusts I can produce. When I run out of breath, I grab a hair dryer that I've removed the limiter on and I hammer the turbo button while running around the lime in circles. By the end of it both of us are pretty disoriented.

canyoneer
I only have canyoneyes for you
i grind currency for ~40 hours a week, but the system is still super broken because all the top players hire other people to do the grinding for them. all the balance patches seem to just make it worse though.

Splatmaster



HAIKOOLIGAN

Judge: Both Counsels have stated their closing arguments and the jury has rendered their verdict. If there are no further comments, I am ready to give the sentance-

Counsel for the Defence: No further statements, your Honor

Counsel for the Prosecution: No further questions, your Honor.

Judge: Alright, then in accordance with the laws of this Great State, I hereby sentance you to...




PLEASE DEPOSIT $2.00 TO CONTINUE





Defendant: ...uh

Defense Lawyer: You got any change?

Defendant: Seriously? NO! I left everything at home like you said!

Judge: Does anyone in the Court have any change?

**no one has any change**

Judge: Great. I HATE when this happens... well, I can't give a sentance since no one has any change

Defense Lawyer: So- as Gotlieb vs Williams instructs, this Court has no choice but to allow the Defendant to type in thier name for the High Score...

Prosecuting Lawyer: ...and it's of freaking course, Game Over.

Jury Foreman: Are you making GBS threads me?

Defendant: i know, right?

Judge *slamming gavel*: Court is ADJOURNED!

Bailiff: All rise!

joke_explainer




really good cda.

I hope CAD doesn't assault you to get his coffee back. That guy is vile.

Twenty Four

HAIKOOLIGAN

lol this was superb!


Sig by Manifisto

Twenty Four

HAIKOOLIGAN
I walk around filling out my best attempt at realistic character sheets for everyone I see and safety pin them right to their shirts.

If you are my friend, I might pad your stats a little as a compliment.

However If someone has ever slighted me or done me wrong, I seriously lowball their stats and point and laugh at them.


Sig by Manifisto

PhantomPayne

- Have miniquests give you SPECIAL FUNBUX that you can use to purchase SPECIAL GAMEBREAKING GIFTS for your quest OP, or more videogames is good too.
- Run and roll around EVERYWHERE until your stamina bar gets to lvl. 99! Or you have a heart attack, guessing is half the fun!
- Never put stat points in LCK, the last patch completely broke it.

Koishi Komeiji


alnilam posted:

*deep voice* You could start by making your way into the Kings Washroom, or you could journey down the Forbidden Stairs, leading to the Kitchen of the Ancients - but beware the temple guards!

My wife, sighing: yes yes I know it's my turn to "assemble" breakfast

This is so weird, I was just about to come in here and make this joke except the guy in my joke was going to searching for his roomate's hidden weed.

alnilam




Koishi Komeiji posted:

This is so weird, I was just about to come in here and make this joke except the guy in my joke was going to searching for his roomate's hidden weed.

[Ding] you've unlocked a badge: PREËMPTIVE JOKE THIEF (Tell 10 jokes before someone nearby tells a similar one)

PhantomPayne

alnilam posted:

[Ding] you've unlocked a badge: PREËMPTIVE JOKE THIEF (Tell 10 jokes before someone nearby tells a similar one)

Be sure to equip that Badge asap, it's +10 Charisma!

rump buttman

I just wish I had time for one more bowl of chili

went camping this last week. got hella exp scavenging. 10 points here, 36 there, 169 crit. it was like boom boom boom.

p sure I could make it in the Detroit scavenger badlands. it might be a little high and Id need a chaperone, but I could prob hang now.

PHIZ KALIFA

THUNDERDOME LOSER
HAIKULIGAN
tried making a tiny star which would grant me limited invincibility, invented cold fusion instead.

Olive!

It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

Touch Fuzzy
Get Dizzy


Thanks to HotSoapyBeard for the sig image!

albany academy

I can't see shit!

cda posted:


>ENTER STARBUCKS
You enter the Starbucks. In front of you, there is a line of people waiting to order. There are chairs and tables all around, mostly occupied at this hour of the day by solitary individuals on their laptops or smartphones. However, there are a couple of free tables. There is a cashier behind the cash register and a barista making drinks. You assume there's probably a manager in the back, behind a swinging metal door.

> JOIN LINE
You join the line and wait patiently until you are standing in front of a cute cashier.

> ORDER COFFEE
"What size coffee to you want to order?" asks the cashier.

> ORDER LARGE COFFEE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

> ORDER MEDIUM COFFEE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

> ORDER LATTE
"What size latte do you want to order?" asks the cashier.

> ORDER LARGE LATTE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

>ORDER GRANDE COFFEE
"Coming right up!" beams the cashier. "Can I get a name for the order?"

>CDA
"Sure thing, Mr. CDA, just step over there and wait for your order to be called," the cashier says brightly.
You stand by the coffee bar and watch the barista make drinks.

>WAIT
"GRANDE COFFEE for PHILIP" the barista calls.

>WAIT
"BAGEL for LISA" the barista calls.

>WAIT
"GRANDE COFFEE for CAD" the barista calls.

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT COFFEE.
Which coffee?

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT GRANDE COFFEE.
Which Grande Coffee?

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD.
"This coffee is for CAD," the barista says, "See? It says CAD on the coffee cup."

>TAKE GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD.
The barista frowns. "Are you sure you're CAD? You don't look like CAD to me."

>TAKE GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD
The barista eyes you warily, but says nothing. You take the Grande Coffee for CAD.

>INVENTORY
You are wearing:
Blue sweatpants
A pink, stained Breast Cancer Charity 5K promotional T-Shirt.
Dirty sneakers (with no socks)

You are holding:
Car keys
A wallet
An iPhone
A Grande Coffee for CAD.

>STATUS
It is March 22nd, 2018. The time is 10:37am. If you still had a job, you would be 1hr and 37minutes late for work.
Your mood is: Despairing
Your health is: Poor
You are feeling: Tired
Your SCORE is: 3/273 points.

>DRINK GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD
You begin to drink the coffee. It is scalding hot. You burn your tongue.

>STATUS
It is March 22nd, 2018. The time is 10:38am. If you still had a job, you would be 1hr and 38minutes late for work.
Your mood is: Angsty
Your health is: Poor, Burned Tongue
You are feeling: Alert
Your SCORE is: 4/273 points.

>LOOK AT CASHIER
You look at the cashier. She is cute, with short blonde hair cut in a jagged style and bright blue eyes. You wonder if they are hiring at this Starbucks. You also wonder if the cashier would ever go out with you.

>TALK TO CASHIER
She's busy doing her job right now.


Lmao

deep dish peat moss

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.

cda posted:


>ENTER STARBUCKS
You enter the Starbucks. In front of you, there is a line of people waiting to order. There are chairs and tables all around, mostly occupied at this hour of the day by solitary individuals on their laptops or smartphones. However, there are a couple of free tables. There is a cashier behind the cash register and a barista making drinks. You assume there's probably a manager in the back, behind a swinging metal door.

> JOIN LINE
You join the line and wait patiently until you are standing in front of a cute cashier.

> ORDER COFFEE
"What size coffee to you want to order?" asks the cashier.

> ORDER LARGE COFFEE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

> ORDER MEDIUM COFFEE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

> ORDER LATTE
"What size latte do you want to order?" asks the cashier.

> ORDER LARGE LATTE
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.

>ORDER GRANDE COFFEE
"Coming right up!" beams the cashier. "Can I get a name for the order?"

>CDA
"Sure thing, Mr. CDA, just step over there and wait for your order to be called," the cashier says brightly.
You stand by the coffee bar and watch the barista make drinks.

>WAIT
"GRANDE COFFEE for PHILIP" the barista calls.

>WAIT
"BAGEL for LISA" the barista calls.

>WAIT
"GRANDE COFFEE for CAD" the barista calls.

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT COFFEE.
Which coffee?

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT GRANDE COFFEE.
Which Grande Coffee?

>ASK BARISTA ABOUT GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD.
"This coffee is for CAD," the barista says, "See? It says CAD on the coffee cup."

>TAKE GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD.
The barista frowns. "Are you sure you're CAD? You don't look like CAD to me."

>TAKE GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD
The barista eyes you warily, but says nothing. You take the Grande Coffee for CAD.

>INVENTORY
You are wearing:
Blue sweatpants
A pink, stained Breast Cancer Charity 5K promotional T-Shirt.
Dirty sneakers (with no socks)

You are holding:
Car keys
A wallet
An iPhone
A Grande Coffee for CAD.

>STATUS
It is March 22nd, 2018. The time is 10:37am. If you still had a job, you would be 1hr and 37minutes late for work.
Your mood is: Despairing
Your health is: Poor
You are feeling: Tired
Your SCORE is: 3/273 points.

>DRINK GRANDE COFFEE FOR CAD
You begin to drink the coffee. It is scalding hot. You burn your tongue.

>STATUS
It is March 22nd, 2018. The time is 10:38am. If you still had a job, you would be 1hr and 38minutes late for work.
Your mood is: Angsty
Your health is: Poor, Burned Tongue
You are feeling: Alert
Your SCORE is: 4/273 points.

>LOOK AT CASHIER
You look at the cashier. She is cute, with short blonde hair cut in a jagged style and bright blue eyes. You wonder if they are hiring at this Starbucks. You also wonder if the cashier would ever go out with you.

>TALK TO CASHIER
She's busy doing her job right now.

deep dish peat moss

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.

code:
  ___ ___  ____ ___  _____      _____    _______    .____    ._________________________ 
 /   |   \|    |   \/     \    /  _  \   \      \   |    |   |   \_   _____/\_   _____/ 
/    ~    \    |   /  \ /  \  /  /_\  \  /   |   \  |    |   |   ||    __)   |    __)_  
\    Y    /    |  /    Y    \/    |    \/    |    \ |    |___|   ||     \    |        \ 
 \___|_  /|______/\____|__  /\____|__  /\____|__  / |_______ \___|\___  /   /_______  / 
       \/                 \/         \/         \/          \/        \/            \/  
                    ________                                                            
                    \_____  \                                                           
                      _(__  <                                                           
                     /       \                                                          
                    /______  /                                                          
                           \/                          


|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
|                   Author: Deepdish_Peatmoss                                |
|                   Began: July 6th, 1987                                    |
|                   Completed: ???  (still surviving)                        |
|____________________________________________________________________________|
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
O============================================================================O
|                            *** INTRODUCTION ***                    (0000!) |
O============================================================================O
First let's start off with the issue of "Spoiler-free guide."  
Contained in this guide are two things, first what you have is the 
walkthrough:  The walkthrough is a full detailed paragraph form walkthrough 
for basically all areas, items and stuff you'll want to find in the game.  It 
does NOT include story descriptions or anything like that, it does not contain 
spoilers in that sense.  Now beyond that you should note the other inclusion: 
in the dating guide which is a condensed collection of strategies for every girl 
in the game one after another, in between each girl there is a very short 
point form guide for exactly what you need to get from place to place 
through the entire game.  All girl names and descriptions in the dating guide 
have been censored, basically the dating guide doubles as an "ultra spoiler-free 
to the most extreme extent" guide which will help people who don't know where 
to go and little else.  Unlike the main walkthrough it will not cover every 
nook and cranny, it's designed solely so you can play the game totally by 
yourself and get a boost of help if you just don't know where to go, or just 
can't impress a girl.  I have received numerous emails from people requesting 
specific girl sections, so this is my answer to them and attempt to at least 
give the section some purpose, I believe it turned out quite well actually.

What else do we have?  Well you should know that this guide does not contain 
the kindergarden basics of the game "How do I breathe?" "What's money?" 
"How do I move?"  Human Life 3 includes a very helpful tutorial which is 
always available right in your menu and will show you however everything works 
right there in the context of your menu far better than any guide could, so 
utilize the help there whenever you forget how the food system works.

Lastly I would like to say a few things about one new inclusion I have added, 
the game encyclopedia.  The encyclopedia is there for a couple of reasons.  
The first is because the story can get quite confusing at times and you might 
not exactly understand what the hell something is that they're talking about, 
or who this guy is.  Note that like the plot summary, the game encyclopedia is 
NOT spoiler-free at all, it is totally separate from the walkthrough and you 
will not find spoilers unless you go looking for them.  The second reason the 
guide includes the game encyclopedia is quite simple: as you may know, summer 
has all but arrived and sometimes on a nice hot 30 degree (Celsius) day like 
today, I would prefer to sit out in the backyard with my laptop in the shade.  
I can't exactly work on the walkthrough while sitting outside, but with the 
game encyclopedia, I can take the knowledge I have about game terms, make up a 
list and spend some putting it all together.  Actually it's quite enjoyable ;)

I believe that's everything covered for the introduction, I sincerely hope you 
enjoy this guide for Human Life 3, feel free to email me about anything.

spectres of autism


lol again

City of Glompton


thank you vanisher!

google THIS


Minister: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Me: How appropriate! You fight like a cow!

Minister: What?

Bride: (whispers) Stop saying weird stuff! What's wrong with you?

(I sigh heavily, take out my notebook, and write "Don't bother experimenting with incorrect comebacks during the wedding scene. None of the reactions are funny.")

alnilam




google THIS posted:

Minister: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Me: How appropriate! You fight like a cow!

Minister: What?

Bride: (whispers) Stop saying weird stuff! What's wrong with you?

(I sigh heavily, take out my notebook, and write "Don't bother experimenting with incorrect comebacks during the wedding scene. None of the reactions are funny.")

If you had read my LifeFAQ walkthrough on the wedding chapter you'd know that you have to use rhyming comebacks, otherwise everyone will react all weird.

cda


google THIS posted:

Minister: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Me: How appropriate! You fight like a cow!

Minister: What?

Bride: (whispers) Stop saying weird stuff! What's wrong with you?

(I sigh heavily, take out my notebook, and write "Don't bother experimenting with incorrect comebacks during the wedding scene. None of the reactions are funny.")

Classic

Splatmaster



HAIKOOLIGAN

10 Check e-mail
20 Check Social Media A IfNot Goto 30
30 Check Social Media B IfNot Goto 40
40 Check Social Media C IfNot Goto 50
50 Check News
60 Check Texts IfText Goto 70
70 Peek,Text Next80
80 GoTo 10

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FluffieDuckie

Splatmaster posted:

10 Check e-mail
20 Check Social Media A IfNot Goto 30
30 Check Social Media B IfNot Goto 40
40 Check Social Media C IfNot Goto 50
50 Check News
60 Check Texts IfText Goto 70
70 Peek,Text Next80
80 GoTo 10




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