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This is a thread for posting stories that you're going to submit to online publications. Please post your drafts for critique and comment - normal CC rules apply, be harsh but don't be a dick. It's become less of an issue, but a lot of publications still don't like stories that exist elsewhere on the web, so either post them as a google doc (with permissions) or post then delete when you sub. Also, don't quote peoples stuff to crit it - either give them general comments, or use the gdoc comments (but don't quote the link). HAVE AT IT sebmojo fucked around with this message at 09:22 on Mar 27, 2018 |
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Mar 27, 2018 08:27
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 00:22 |
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Here's as much as I wrote of my failed thunderdome entry,  to finish it by 31 march 2359 pst.e: first draft done lol wtf "Why did you quit violin when you were nine?" said Meli-9-alpha. Starships can be disconcerting conversationalists. A side effect of the Lazenby Protocol that lets them enter pIhase space is that they have no sense of linear time and are theoretically aware of everything. Most of the time they hold focus but as the great turbines spin up to transition they can start to get drifty. "I wanted to be a rock star," I said. My feet were propped up on the drive console. There's a lot of scut work with getting a ship out of system, but once the count is on it's all down to the brain. "You are too ugly," said Mel. Her synth-face was glitching on the 3vis as she cut in more and more of her segmented brain to the shift calc. "Picking up incoming, still within parameters." "You're a very bad friend, Mel." I smiled then realised what I was looking at. "Those are coming in fast, aren't they. Do we have their vectors logged?" Mel's face flickered into a tree, then a cloud of birds, then an old fashioned pocketwatch. "No. There should be nothing within an AU of us. I’m reading three, civilian spec. Her face fined up, synthetic brow creased. “Abort before we hit the wall?” My feet were on the ground and I was flipping through scan visualisations and trajectory projections. “No, the vanes are still creaky from that pebble two systems back, might break the hell off. And we don’t know who they are, I don’t want to be stuck here a day while the cap recharges..” I found what I was looking for and flung it up in the corner of the bridge. The shimmering numbers hit the wall and stuck, sizzling slightly. Three minutes and forty two seconds. That’s how long we’ve got. Can you hail them?” Mel’s eyes were burning now, her image vibrating with a hallucinatory clarity. I’m on my third ring. Ah they picked up. Central viz. The picture unfolded over the main screen. A woman, greying hair, oxy mask hanging round her neck. She was vaguely familiar-looking but the view of the ship behind her was blurry. “Have you accepted the Light of the Star into your life?” she said, eyes blazing. “Have you accepted the light of getting the gently caress out of our way? We’re on final count here,” said Mel. “Captain, are you prosyletising at the Warp Threshold?” I asked. “Have you considered finding a doorstep instead.” The woman’s face fell. “It’s illegal now. They had a court case.” I flung my arms wide. “How is that my problem? You have one minute twenty before I tell my friend here to punch us through regardless and bring you through in pieces. Ware away, skipper.” She shook her head, decisively. “You need to accept the Star. Say it. Say “I accept the Star”” The lines on the viz that I could see dimly through the image of her bullish, tattooed face tweaked sharply as the interlopers put on a sudden burst of speed. Then I realised why she looked familiar. “Mother? What the hell are you doing out here?” Mel’s face collapsed into a fractal shower of crystals, then reformed as she flipped up a personal file photo of my mother and matched it on to the haggard spaceship captain. 98.94% match… poss gene surgery? hovered in the corner. “Andy? I’m so glad!” Her face creased into happy crinkles. “Now I know you’ll accept the star into your life!” I said nothing, my mind pinballing all the things that I’d seen and done since I last saw my mother. The years in the asteroid prison, riding the solar winds with Deke and the Corona Gang, getting my big break with the Encephalisers and beaming psych funk down to the miners in Mare Serenitatis… “Where were you? Where did you go? You said you were popping out to get a sixpack? We went looking when you didn’t come back and found the sixpack in the concourse, but not you.” I could feel tears, marshalling behind my eyes. Goddammit I hadn’t cried for years. My mind was pinballing off all the things that I’d seen and done since I last saw my mother. The years in the asteroid prison, riding the solar winds with Deke and the Corona Gang, getting my big break with the Encephalisers and beaming psych funk down to the miners in Mare Serenitatis… Ï’m sorry son. I really am. I got chatting to a lady in the queue, and it turned out she was a disciple of the Star and so I accepted the Star into my life and that’s all she wrote. I was on a shuttle that night and I’ve been spreading the word ever since. Speaking of which, you need to accept the star into your life.” “I’ll do it,” said Mel. Her face was placid, perfect as a porcelain doll. “I accept the Star into my life.” “Awreet!” screamed my mother. She slammed her hand down on a contact and a flaring blast of static rattled through the comm. Mel’s face vanished, replaced by an n-dimensional polyhedron in perfect, lustrous black. The surface rippled, and reformed into her face, gleaming and oily. “Incursion detected. Malware. Deploying counters. Andrei. We need some rock and roll. I reached behind me and swung my axe into my lap, slammed all the fuzz parameters to max and thrashed into the opening bars of “Interstellar Shaggin Wagon” On the screen my long last mother’s face was creased with joy as the great turbines started to whirl, faster and faster, before punching us through the hype and into the night. sebmojo fucked around with this message at 09:55 on Apr 1, 2018 |
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Mar 27, 2018 09:16
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Unmature posted:Are pilot scripts welcome here? Sure, though there is a thread i believe as Mrenda says.
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May 4, 2018 19:49
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parthenocarpy posted:This may not be a good idea to put online after all I'm happy for you to pm me if you have any queries or requests.
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May 6, 2018 04:02
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Go for it!
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May 14, 2018 07:41
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