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elentar
Aug 26, 2002

Every single year the Ivy League takes a break from fucking up the world through its various alumni to fuck up everyone's bracket instead.
Photos/gifs later if time allows.

The Cobb County Holding Patterns

2017 Record: 72-90, good for 3rd in last year's astonishingly bad NL East

Little was expected, and little delivered. This year: more of the same at a very, very slightly higher pitch.

Manager: Brian Snitker

Popular with the players, otherwise replacement-level. Not Bobby Cox (in the dugout anyway, no idea how he is on a bender) but also not Fredi Gonzalez, which goes a long way.

Losses from 2017:

Various bums.

New faces for 2018:

Additional bums. Oh, and Brandon McCarthy.

Should also probably count Alex Anthopoulos here too, after incessantly flirting with Dayton Moore the Braves managed to fall rear end-backwards into a much, much savvier GM.

Catchers: Tyler Flowers and Kurt Suzuki

Bizarrely productive, Suzuki in particular has revitalized his career by affecting a moonshot launch-angle swing. Flowers is widely considered one of the best pitch framers in baseball. Both due for a serious regression.

First Base: Freddie Freeman

On track for a loving golden season till he took one off the wrist, lost two months, and had to settle for merely a very good season instead. It'd be nice for him not to lose a big chunk of this year; if he stays healthy and near his best he's a match for almost anyone.

Second Base: Ozzie Albies

Top of the lineup fixture for years to come.

Third Base:Johan Camargo

At least, once he works back to health, the spot should be his. Not a dynamo but any rights but unexpectedly decent. Ryan Flaherty will cover till then.

Shortstop: Dansby Swanson

Disastrous 2017 that saw him get benched repeatedly and even demoted. Recovered a little by the end but hard to argue there isn't a lot of luster lost, maybe has more to prove than any other single member of the team apart from maybe Teheran.

Left Fielder: Nick Markakis

Doubles machine, Veteran Presence™. Not much good at anything else, really just biding time for a trade. Right fielder until Ronald Acuña comes up, so LF will be some dumb platoon involving Lane Adams, Preston Tucker, Peter Bourjos, Danny Santana, or others till then.

Center Fielder: Ender Inciarte

Incredible in the field, not too shabby at bat. The real gem of the Shelby Miller trade.

Right Fielder: Ronald Acuña

New god, at least once he gets two indispensable weeks of seasoning in AAA. Until then, Markakis.

Likely bench players:

C Kurt Suzuki
C Chris Stewart
IF Charlie Culberson
UT Ryan Flaherty
OF Peter Bourjos

Extra catcher since whoever of Flowers/Suzuki isn't playing is easily the team's best PH.

Starting Pitchers:

Julio Teheran

Downright bad for long stretches of 2017, didn't seem to like pitching at the new home field. Likely trade bait if he can recapture his form.

Brandon McCarthy

The new old guy, albeit most younger than last year's models.

Mike Foltynewicz

Has all the stuff to be a top-line starter,

Sean Newcomb

Improving, might actually be the first of the

Anibal Sanchez?!

Awful but also extremely short term, keeping SP5 warm during Luiz Gohara's DL stint.

Relief Pitchers:

Arodys Vizcaino
Sam Freeman
Jose Ramirez
A.J. Minter
Peter Moylan
Dan Winkler
Shane Carle
Rex Brothers

After being one of the worst pens in the league last year, they might aspire to mediocre this year?


PREDICTION: The Braves will flirt with .500 for a while and then fade badly in early summer, triggering trades of veterans and opening up slots for the farm system kids. That's the hope and plan, anyway, but really the only thing that matters is moving from one game to the next and waiting for various of the prospects to come up.

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