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Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I stab at thee

Officially dropping MM for Ifnkovhgroghprml

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Barbed Tongues
Mar 16, 2012



Swapping vote to Sarga.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Ifnkovhgroghprm because mental warfare is super fun.

Triskelli
Sep 26, 2011

I AM A SKELETON
WITH VERY HIGH
STANDARDS





Arise my puppets, and vote for me!

rrfgh, drat puppet strings

cigaw
Sep 13, 2012


Grey Hunter posted:

Here comes Ifnkovhgroghprm up the outside, now riding 5 to 5 with Sarga.

Mallus is dropping behind on 3.....

Oh man, I did not expect that surge for Ifnkovhgroghprm!

------------------------------------

I must celebrate being neck to neck with my Combat Class skipping buddy Octobutt with a delightful riddle!

I have no set identity, yet I am known;
I have some experience, yet the basics I am shown.
I wander the beaches, the seas and the woods;
I search for myriad, repetitive goods.
I start with ten creatures, their color blue;
Yet after many years, the only change is their hue.
Who am I?

Answer: I am you. Now go get me 100 blue crab shells.

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?







Switching from Jannie Cooper to Sarga

Killer dolphin wrecking crew set up in the sunken wreck of the Musashi, the ultimate Grey Hunter setting.

Crazycryodude fucked around with this message at Apr 13, 2018 around 16:39

Theantero
Nov 6, 2011

...they shall march out of my laboratory and sweep away every adversary, every creed, every nation, until the very planet is in the loving grip of the Pax Bisonica. And then peace will reign, and the world, and all humanity, shall bow to me in humble gratitude...

Changing vote from Samna to Sarga

Theantero fucked around with this message at Apr 13, 2018 around 17:39

Speleothing
May 6, 2008

Spare batteries are pretty key.

Fun Shoe

Swapping ti Sarga because underwater is where it's at

The Lord of Hats
Aug 22, 2010



It's probably way too late to compete, but I'd like to put this forward. Maybe get an NPC out in the world.

1) Name - Stikt Taknak
2) Race - Kobold
3) Academics (Dungeon Masters) - Architecture
4) Academics (Dungeon Minor) - Management
5) Academics (Weakness) - Monstrology
6) Dream Job - Subcontracting

Construction and trapmaking are good, honest work. Your father made traps, your father's father made traps, and your father's father's father made traps too. It's a proud tradition in your family. And more than just being trapmakers, they were union trapmakers. No scabs in this family! The proudest day of your life wasn't the day that you graduated, it was the day you completed your apprenticeship and got that membership card. Trapmakers Union, Chapter 23.

One day, you're sure, Taknak and Sons is going to pass into your hands. But that's not going to happen if you can't prove your commitment to hard work out in the real world. You've got to prove not just that you know what you're doing with your own two hands, but that you've got the management chops to run the firm. So when the contract was posted, you jumped at the opportunity. Those adventurers wouldn't know what hit them. Sliding panels, hidden passages, pitfalls in the middle of boulder rolls--you've got it all up your sleeves.

Relentless
Sep 22, 2007

It's a perfect day for some mayhem!




I would like to see Sarga. And see her subcontract Stikt for elaborate canal lock stair systems to move fish monsters up so they can be dropped on adventurers.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



We all know how much Heroes hates the sewer levels.

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

Relentless posted:

I would like to see Sarga. And see her subcontract Stikt for elaborate canal lock stair systems to move fish monsters up so they can be dropped on adventurers.

Ooh, i do like this idea of subcontracting other potentials.

Also, Dunwater rendtooth piranhas dropping on an armoured adventurer from above and eating through +1 plate would be terrifying

Triskelli
Sep 26, 2011

I AM A SKELETON
WITH VERY HIGH
STANDARDS


Barbed Tongues posted:

Swapping vote to Sarga.

Crazycryodude posted:

Switching from Jannie Cooper to Sarga

Killer dolphin wrecking crew set up in the sunken wreck of the Musashi, the ultimate Grey Hunter setting.

Relentless posted:

I would like to see Sarga. And see her subcontract Stikt for elaborate canal lock stair systems to move fish monsters up so they can be dropped on adventurers.

Do you folks want Illithids? Because this is how you get Illithids!

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

Triskelli posted:

Do you folks want Illithids? Because this is how you get Illithids!

You say that like it's a bad thing

Not Alex
Oct 9, 2012


Octobutt squidhead?

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?







Triskelli posted:

Do you folks want Illithids? Because this is how you get Illithids!

You say that like it's a ba-

drat it Hex

Triskelli
Sep 26, 2011

I AM A SKELETON
WITH VERY HIGH
STANDARDS


Hexenritter posted:

You say that like it's a bad thing

Coming from other dimensions, taking our jobs. Plus there’s no growth potential in summoning dark gods to destroy the world!!

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

Crazycryodude posted:

You say that like it's a ba-

drat it Hex

Great minds, little buddy, great minds.

LLSix
Jan 20, 2010

The real power behind countless overlords

Triskelli posted:

Do you folks want Illithids? Because this is how you get Illithids!

You've convinced me. Switching to Sarga

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


cigaw posted:



1. Name - Ifnkovhgroghprm, the Avatar of Annoyance
2. Race - Preternatural Old Man Gnome
3. Academics (Dungeon Masters) - Annoyance
4. Academics (Dungeon Minor) - Magic
5. Academics (Weakness) - Combat
6. Dream Job - Tenure

Huh? Whatsit? You need a villain? I may be able to help you if you can only guess my name through a nonsensical riddle that defies all logic! Also, bring me 20 sewer-rat tails.

Bah, fine. Here's my business card. Ifnkovhgroghprm - the Avatar of Annoyance, DM at your service. I specialize in having the pesky heroes defeat themselves.

A little bit of magic, a hefty dose vexation and enough exasperation to choke a half-dragon donkey will win the day! Need eternal double-back corridors? Myriad riddles of varying frustrating degrees? Puzzles with hair-pulling self-referencing laws with the solution hidden in plain sight? I can get you that and more!

For my Dungeon Master's thesis I actually designed a small, self-resetting dungeon that caused the simulated party to turn on one another within 3 riddles. The Paladin actually killed himself at the end because he couldn't solve the puzzle to open the door. He was pulling and pushing and trying to sell his soul to any Abyssal entity who would listen and - here's the kicker - it was an unlocked sliding door! Haw!

So, you young whippersnapper, give me the job and the job solves itself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get to my PhD classes - we're running a lab on broken and unfinished questlines.

Voting for this rear end in a top hat.

But I'd switch his masters to psychology.

Relentless
Sep 22, 2007

It's a perfect day for some mayhem!




Hexenritter posted:

Ooh, i do like this idea of subcontracting other potentials.

Also, Dunwater rendtooth piranhas dropping on an armoured adventurer from above and eating through +1 plate would be terrifying

I have a soft spot for kobolds. But the lure of of octosharks and water dungeons is too strong.

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

Relentless posted:

I have a soft spot for kobolds. But the lure of of octosharks and water dungeons is too strong.

This way we can have both Octobutt and the dogfaced gremlin! Everybody wins!


except the adventurers

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Relentless posted:

I have a soft spot for kobolds. But the lure of of octosharks and water dungeons is too strong.
Water Kobold is a thing too.

dont be mean to me
May 2, 2007

I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars




Ifnkovhgroghprm - the Avatar of Annoyance, DM

Not Alex
Oct 9, 2012


Oh, voting for Sarga officially. Coulda sworn I already had.

jagadaishio
Jun 25, 2013

I don't care if it's ethical; I want a Mammoth Steak.


Voting Mallus.

malbogio
Jan 19, 2015


Regardless of who wins I think the other candidates would make for fantastic side characters.

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

malbogio posted:

Regardless of who wins I think the other candidates would make for fantastic side characters.

Yeah, I hope that becomes a thing, because they are all good suggestions.

Grey Hunter
Oct 17, 2007

Your friendly croctopus overlord LP'er

It looks like sarga has won, but yes, I think I can work the other characters in. Once I get a chance to do some proper writing, I'll line up some job options.

Grey Hunter
Oct 17, 2007

Your friendly croctopus overlord LP'er



Sarga Scrawgill, mistress of monsters.
The Pyramid of Opportunities


The path to the Pyramid of Opportunities was well trodden, but floating along in her water filled chariot, Sarga was not treating it.

Being an aquatic in a land dwellers world had always been a challenge, but the use of magic made things at least tolerable. The chariot was pulled by two enhanced axolotls. Sarga thought she cut a dashing figure as she road from the graduation ceremony to the pyramid.
The effect was a little spoilt by the dark elf child shouting in a loud voice “Mummy, why is that green woman still in her bath?”

Ignoring her, Sarga entered the pyramid of opportunities for the first time. The pyramid was designed to deal with the varying numbers of people seeking work.

The ground floor was for raids and warbands. Most of the time kingdoms just needed a quick loot and pillage. A minor threat that looked good in the papers once vanquished. This floor was huge and filled with orcs, marauder's and other blue collar monsters. Numbers were much more important than skill when it came to simple violence. At one end, a giant portal flashed purple and green at regular intervals as large groups of people came and often much smaller (but richer) groups returned.

Making her way through the busy floor, Sarga reaches the lift. Leaving her chariot, she is forced to part walk part slither across the floor. Uncomfortable, but manageable. She crowds abroad and the giant disk, ignoring he extremely cantankerous gnome she nearly crushes beneath her many tentacles.

The disk ascends and a voice booms out.
”Second floor. Hauntings and curses.” A ghost very rudely pass straight through her, while a werewolf brushes past and leaves hair stuck to her skin. This was the one on one group, hired by individuals and small towns for a bit of petty revenge or excitement.
”Third floor. Cabals, Cults and Conspiracies”. A group of red robed men and women women move past dragging a many limbed statue and a box of sex toys. They were followed by a small group of men in trenchcoats with upturned collars and wide brimmed hats, only gleaming white eyes showing. The lift is looking a lot emptier now.
”Fourth floor. Dungeons.” This was Sarga’s floor. There were two more, Archvillans and Existential Threats. Most of the well dressed or horrific looking things not getting off here would b going to the next floor. She nodded to the thing with more appendages and eyes than her. It would need all the luck it could get, while the top floor payed well, but not many kingdoms were rich, or desperate enough to risk their sanity. Most eldritch things ended up as a Dungeon Master’s key beast and fodder for the greater heroes.

She was getting off here though, dungeons were her thing. The gnome also got off, along with a huge man covered in skulls and an old classmate from monster hunting classes.



Sarga walks right past the apprenticeship section, no one wants their boss looking over their pseudo-pods all the time. Likewise she held no specific grudge against the world. She considers the tenure section for a minute, but decides that it's far too much work - long hours for no real reward. No, she's looking for a nice subcontract. Somewhere that will leave her alone to her work, but still pay well. She begins to look at the notice boards for jobs suiting her skills.

1 - “Successful Mummy Nothratutu XXIV wishes to secure supply route through swamps, but fears rot. Locals expendable but unfriendly. Some risk of life, but should otherwise be quiet.”

2 - “Lord Arcachon Vax wishes to expand his reign of terror, the Village of Innswall will be the site of a new dungeon. The locals should be recruited and offered the standard eternal life package.

3 - “Overpopulation is causing problems in the kingdom of Erldolf. Iridaxian Gol has been charged with solving this, and needs someone to deal with the over fishing of the sapphire lake. Extermination targets will have to be met closely.

4 - “The Sapphire Isles are ripe for exploitation. Mine the gems and transport them to The Kingdom of Light. Please note, the Sapphire Isles are in the Reast Confederacy.”

5 - Keep looking, there has to be something here (free choice! I’m sure you can come up with something better. It needs to be a job for someone though!)

The Lone Badger
Sep 24, 2007



Hmmm, (1) and (2) can be discounted as Undead tend to make poor breeding subjects. (3) is a possibility, but mass-murder might draw too much attention this early in our career. (4) is promising though - mining tunnels tend to be below the ground and thus floodable, and there are possibilities for embezzlement.

4 - “The Sapphire Isles are ripe for exploitation. Mine the gems and transport them to The Kingdom of Light. Please note, the Sapphire Isles are in the Reast Confederacy.”

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I stab at thee

Vote:
3 - “Overpopulation is causing problems in the kingdom of Erldolf. Iridaxian Gol has been charged with solving this, and needs someone to deal with the over fishing of the sapphire lake. Extermination targets will have to be met closely.
Am assuming there's other mass murder going on at the same time and we're just dealing with one murder section. We can go full lake monster.

Shogeton
Apr 26, 2007

"Little by little the old world crumbled, and not once did the king imagine that some of the pieces might fall on him"

4 - “The Sapphire Isles are ripe for exploitation. Mine the gems and transport them to The Kingdom of Light. Please note, the Sapphire Isles are in the Reast Confederacy.”

Agreeing that mass murder is perhaps a little bit early in our career. Once you get a job like that, we might end up having difficulty getting non-murdering jobs later, and it might attract heroes a bit stronger than we can handle. Sapphires Isles sound good. Not only are mines floodable, but we'd also be transporting them, and gems can withstand being transported under water. And it might be interesting creating a varieties of monsters. Some for mining, some for transporting, rather than only massacring. We really want a diverse portfolio for future tasks.

Besides, the fact that this is a 'political' job means we can muddy the waters a bit if a hero DOES show up and reduces the risk of us dying too quickly.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

4 - “The Sapphire Isles are ripe for exploitation. Mine the gems and transport them to The Kingdom of Light. Please note, the Sapphire Isles are in the Reast Confederacy.”

We don't worry abut the mines flooding, we encourage it! An underwater dungeon laden with mineral treasures and multi-limbed miners, be they crustacean, cephalopod or horrific amalgam. Right down our alley.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



4. Mine

Maybe we can flood it with corrosion acid that melt the soil and leave the gem intact.

Nephzinho
Jan 24, 2008



4 - “The Sapphire Isles are ripe for exploitation. Mine the gems and transport them to The Kingdom of Light. Please note, the Sapphire Isles are in the Reast Confederacy.”

Dark enclosed spaces under large bodies of water? yeah, let's check it out. Let's not worry about these Reast guys.

sheep-dodger
Feb 21, 2013



5. The Siblings Scylla and Charybdis are looking for an ambitious amphibious Dungeon builder. The straits that are inhabited by the siblings have recently seen a massive decline in traffic, as explorers have found a new route to bypass their strait. They are therefore looking for an enterprising dungeoneer that will set up a new dungeon along that new route and sink ships that try to travel along it, thus funneling traffic back to the original route. Project requires a percentage quota of ships to be sunk every week that will start at 25% and rise to 90% as Dungeon construction progresses.

malbogio
Jan 19, 2015


4.

Murder is boring; colonial exploitation is where it’s at.

The Kingdom of Light sounds noble and decorous, so they’re probably greedy jerks whose corruption we can accelerate with profitable operations.

LLSix
Jan 20, 2010

The real power behind countless overlords

sheep-dodger posted:

5. The Siblings Scylla and Charybdis are looking for an ambitious amphibious Dungeon builder. The straits that are inhabited by the siblings have recently seen a massive decline in traffic, as explorers have found a new route to bypass their strait. They are therefore looking for an enterprising dungeoneer that will set up a new dungeon along that new route and sink ships that try to travel along it, thus funneling traffic back to the original route. Project requires a percentage quota of ships to be sunk every week that will start at 25% and rise to 90% as Dungeon construction progresses.

Clever.

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Triskelli
Sep 26, 2011

I AM A SKELETON
WITH VERY HIGH
STANDARDS


Nyaa posted:

4. Mine

Maybe we can flood it with corrosion acid that melt the soil and leave the gem intact.

Also voting 4, but I’m thinking about a magpie/ironfoot snail blend. All the gems, zero of the effort.

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