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Telsa Cola
Aug 19, 2011

No... this is all wrong... this whole operation has just gone completely sidewaysface


About two hours left before the vote closes. Currently tied between B and D.

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ChaseSP
Mar 25, 2013



D

Hot Dog Day 80
Jun 23, 2003


B

ThatBasqueGuy
Feb 14, 2013

someone introduce jojo to lazyb




B

Telsa Cola
Aug 19, 2011

No... this is all wrong... this whole operation has just gone completely sidewaysface


Vote closed! B wins.

Telsa Cola
Aug 19, 2011

No... this is all wrong... this whole operation has just gone completely sidewaysface


I will have an update posted sometime tomorrow evening.

Telsa Cola
Aug 19, 2011

No... this is all wrong... this whole operation has just gone completely sidewaysface


Update is taking a little longer than expected. Ill try to have something out tomorrow by noon. Sorry y'all.

Cannon_Fodder
Jul 17, 2007

"Hey, where did Steve go?"
Design by Kamoc

Oh, look at all the shells over here!

*insert Basilosaurus*

Telsa Cola
Aug 19, 2011

No... this is all wrong... this whole operation has just gone completely sidewaysface


Eager to get your work done, and wanting to explore your surroundings more, you decide to venture outside the village boundaries in search of rich clamming grounds.
Before you set out you take several trips to return the three filled bags to Jub's hut, placing them on a cleared section of the hut's floor. Jub remains asleep, still sitting upright by the now smoldering hearth.You quickly and quietly leave, not wanting Jub to awaken and notice only three filled bags.

Picking a direction at random you decide to venture down the coastline. As you exit the village boundaries the shore swiftly becomes more rocky and filled with drift wood. It seems that the villagers maintain and clear the beach by the village frequently. Several scattered and singular clam tells appear between the debris but you ignore them, hoping to find a dense patch to begin your work in. Your journey quickly takes you out of sight of the village, the various bends along the coast obscuring it from view.
The landscape is strange to you, the dense foliage slowly becoming less and less concentrated as the trees make way for shrubs and bushes. Strange sounds and animal calls emerge from the brush as you continue along. Feeling overwhelmed by all the new sights and sounds you take comfort in the knowledge that the village is a simple trip up the coast.



You soon come to a clearing in the debris and your first dense patch of clams. After taking a moment to look around to make sure you are alone you kneel down in the sand and begin digging, sand flying as you race against the clams. More often than not you are victorious, your past hours of experience helping you outwit and outpace the clever beasts. By the time the patch is depleted you have filled about a third of your bag, a good haul for a single spot.



You lay there on your knees and take a moment to catch your breath. After all the work you have done today your body is sore and aching , reminding you will likely need more rest before you are back to normal.Taking a deep breathe, you get up and begin searching for the next patch of clams, your sharp eyes scanning the beach as you slowly walk along. The shrub land by the shoreline becomes rockier and more elevated as you continue, until soon you are traveling alongside a cave pocketed cliff. Several areas of the cliff have collapsed downward, creating crude ramps to the top.



You take another moments rest and examine your surroundings. Scanning the shoreline your eyes spot something curious.



It takes you a moment to make the connection, but once you do you drop to your knees and begin digging swiftly, creating a almost constant fan of sand behind you.



Jackpot! The clam is so large that it requires both of your hands to pull it from its hole. Creamy flesh spills out from shell and you wonder how the clam would taste roasted over a hearth. With satisfying clink you place the large clam into the bag at your side,the clam taking up about a fifth of the remaining space. A few more of these clams and you will be able to turn around and drop off the last bag to Jub. You catch your breath and begin eagerly digging for the next one. The second, third, and fourth clam come out of their holes relatively easily. The fifth and last one you need ,however, is taking you a bit more effort. The clam has a good foothold in the surrounding sand and your exhaustion seems to be catching up with you. You worry at it for what feels like several hours, until with one massive tug and an audible pop the clam leaps clear of the hole and you are sent sprawling with your prize in hand. Still laying in the sand, you turn your eyes to look at it.



A well earned prize. Jub will surely be happy with this one!

Suddenly, a shadow appears over you. A very, very large shadow.



A large, shaggy bird stands over you staring with it's head cocked. You freeze, thinking that this must be the fearsome axebeak that Jub mentioned! It makes strange burbling noises at you.

Quick, what do you do!
A: Scream. Maybe someone from the village will hear you and help!
B: Stay still. Maybe if you do not move it will leave you alone.
C: Hide. Try to scurry and roll into one of the smaller caves. It cant hurt you if it cant get you!
D: Bargain. Give it the clam in your hand. Maybe if you give it food it will leave you alone.
E: Attack. Hit it with the clam in your hand. Strike fast and hope to scare it off!
F: Run. You roll away and try to run and climb your way up the cliff using one of the ramps!

Voting will end Saturday at 8pm.

Telsa Cola fucked around with this message at May 11, 2018 around 06:22

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

No need to sign, we'll take care of that.


Lipstick Apathy

D

Geoduck I choose you!

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

Back away slowly, keeping your eyes on it. Don't run. Don't stay still.

sheep-dodger
Feb 21, 2013


D

John_A_Tallon
Nov 22, 2000

Oh my! Check out that mitre!


B, just hold still!

Lokapala
Jan 6, 2013


D Feed the adorable birb, surely it wants to be friends. Just look at its face!

100 HOGS AGREE
Oct 13, 2007

Alcohol...
It's the water of life.



Grimey Drawer

D One clam, even if it is an absolute unit, isn't worth getting pecked to death by a large bird.

Jossar
Apr 2, 2018


100 HOGS AGREE posted:

D One clam, even if it is an absolute unit, isn't worth getting pecked to death by a large bird.

I too would like to avoid being the subject of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

sebzilla
Mar 17, 2009

Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.



D Tame the beast and ride it back to the village!

Cannon_Fodder
Jul 17, 2007

"Hey, where did Steve go?"
Design by Kamoc

Day 2:


You Died.



D. Back away slowly We went WAY further than I would have liked. Completely beyond view of the village is more than I bargained for.

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place


D

Don’t wanna extend our hands and risk getting it eaten. We should drop the clam a bit further away from us. But there’s already a bandwagon, so whatever

ThatBasqueGuy
Feb 14, 2013

someone introduce jojo to lazyb




AJ_Impy posted:

Back away slowly, keeping your eyes on it. Don't run. Don't stay still.

This with a spice of D

Don't immediately offer it food, but start to disengage and be ready to throw a clam at it/away from us to force it to make a choice.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Mangroves, giant cassoary looking thing. This is deffo north eastern Australia. Let's wipe our rear end with one of those prickly leaves.

Give it the D

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

No need to sign, we'll take care of that.


Lipstick Apathy

Outrail posted:

Mangroves, giant cassoary looking thing. This is deffo north eastern Australia. Let's wipe our rear end with one of those prickly leaves.

Give it the D

It's a moa.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com



Oh, and the north island has mangroves. That makes sense. Chill out brews, it's all gonna be okay!

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?







D

Frenly birb

Telsa Cola
Aug 19, 2011

No... this is all wrong... this whole operation has just gone completely sidewaysface


Vote Closed, D is the winner!

Ill try to have an update up sometime tomorrow evening.

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

Outrail posted:

Mangroves, giant cassoary looking thing. This is deffo north eastern Australia. Let's wipe our rear end with one of those prickly leaves.

Give it the D

Early protag suicide due to accidentally wiping with that one nettle-relative that made some officer in WW2 kill himself would be up there as one of the best protag deaths

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Hexenritter posted:

Early protag suicide due to accidentally wiping with that one nettle-relative that made some officer in WW2 kill himself would be up there as one of the best protag deaths

Failing that we should weaponize it.

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place


Hexenritter posted:

Early protag suicide due to accidentally wiping with that one nettle-relative that made some officer in WW2 kill himself would be up there as one of the best protag deaths

Uhh, link?

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

http://www.australiangeographic.com...never-forgotten

quote:

He’s had too many stings to count but Ernie Rider will never forget the day in 1963 that he was slapped in the face, arms and chest by a stinging tree. “I remember it feeling like there were giant hands trying to squash my chest,” he said. “For two or three days the pain was almost unbearable; I couldn’t work or sleep, then it was pretty bad pain for another fortnight or so. The stinging persisted for two years and recurred every time I had a cold shower.”

...

It was perhaps this rapid and savage reaction that inspired the British Army’s interest in the more sinister applications of the Gympie-Gympie stinging tree in 1968. That year, the Chemical Defence Establishment at Porton Down (a top-secret laboratory that developed chemical weapons) contracted Alan Seawright, then a Professor of Pathology at the University of Queensland, to dispatch stinging-tree specimens.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendrocnide_moroides

quote:

The recommended treatment for skin exposed to the hairs is to apply diluted hydrochloric acid

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com



Apparently even if you're careful to always wear a respirator with a good filter you can only study the bush for a few years before the hairs get into your respiratory tract and life starts to suck.

By all accounts its an evil lovely plant and Australia should be liberally doused in agent orange and napalm.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

No need to sign, we'll take care of that.


Lipstick Apathy

I brushed up against regular nettles as a kid once and they were horrible enough.

Telsa Cola
Aug 19, 2011

No... this is all wrong... this whole operation has just gone completely sidewaysface


After a moment of thought you ultimately decide the clam, if that is what the bird wants, is not worth fighting over. You quickly contemplate the best and safest way to give the clam to the bird, your current position laying face up in the sand limiting your options. You ultimately decide to drop the clam off to your side and withdraw your hands, hoping to keep all your fingers when the bird strikes.Trembling, you slowly begin to release your grip on the giant clam. As your fingers begin moving the bird's eyes momentarily lock onto your hands and the prize held within before flickering towards your face. As you finally let go of the clam the bird makes its move. In a blur of motion and far faster then you would think possible for an animal its size the bird's head lashes towards your hands. You get a glimpse of an enormous pink maw before you reflexively close your eyes. You hope this doesn't hurt.



You feel a tremendous impact hit your hands, followed by period of numbness and throbbing. Crunching noises begin and swiftly trail away from you, swiftly becoming quieter. After nothing else happens after a few moments you slowly open your eyes. Immediately, you notice that the bird has moved off, as it is no longer standing over you. Trembling, you move your head by fractions to look around and take in your immediate surroundings.



The bird has moved off about a dozen arm lengths, its great legs carrying it a fair distance in only a few strides. The bird seems to be currently pecking its way through the various detritus present on the beach, stopping every so often to swallow things that it finds. Luckily for you, it seems to have lost interest in you the moment it ate the clam. Even luckier, it seems to have ignored your mostly filled bag of clams, meaning that you still have the results of all your hard work.
Unluckily for you, however, is that the bird is currently headed up coast from you and is now between you and the village. Getting back now will be more difficult then planned.

Hands still throbbing and body still trembling you take a moment to examine your hands to make sure your fingers are all still present. After confirming their continued existence, and giving them each a wiggle just to make sure, you contemplate your next move.

Well, now what?
A: Head home along the coastline. Hopefully the bird ignores you, if not you still have more clams in your bag that you can distract it with if you need to.
B: Feed the bird all the clams in the bag. While the first experience was terrifying you think this might be the fastest way to get the bird off the beach. You will, of course, lose a large number of clams.
C: Circumvent the bird. You think you can use the ramps and cliffs to get around the bird without getting its attention. This will involve entering into the bordering portion of the shrub land.
D: Wait for the bird to eat its fill and move off the coast. You don't know how long this will take but at least it will give you a chance to stop and rest.
As always feel free to write in

Vote Ends Tuesday at 8pm

Telsa Cola fucked around with this message at May 14, 2018 around 03:32

dont be mean to me
May 2, 2007

I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars




AC

John_A_Tallon
Nov 22, 2000

Oh my! Check out that mitre!


D. It will move along sooner or later.

JesterOfAmerica
Sep 11, 2015


AC

Jossar
Apr 2, 2018


B

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

No need to sign, we'll take care of that.


Lipstick Apathy

C

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?







E: Continue to find clams and feed them to birb, with the intent of making frens

We get a full happy birb, get to keep all our clams, and maybe make a new fren

Crazycryodude fucked around with this message at May 14, 2018 around 05:16

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

A, and get a replacement clam.

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Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Crazycryodude posted:

E: Continue to find clams and feed them to birb, with the intent of making frens

We get a full happy birb, get to keep all our clams, and maybe make a new fren

You can't make friends with a bird that stupid. At best you become 'Thing that has food'.

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