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It's hubris-based-agony, a main staple of any GBS-based diet! Let's see half of the NFL get super excited about some 19 year old, before reality brings them crashing down to earth by mid-September. This year's draft is super-special, in that there are a lot of great players, and even four quarterbacks who might not totally suck right away. In fact, 4 of the first 5-6 picks might even end up being QBs. Things to know: - The Cleveland Browns have the first and the fourth overall pick. This team has won exactly 1 of their last 32 games, so we're eager to see the fans of Cleveland step back from their collective ledges and get hyped over picks that will inevitably dissolve in a horrible PR display. Like Johnny Manziel, their first round pick a few years ago who couldn't put the drugs and alcohol down long enough to throw a normal pass.  - Four quarterbacks have exceptionally high buzz, this year. This is probably mostly due to the quarterback market being dryer than Jerry Jones' vas deferens, but there might be a starting veteran or two in here:  Josh Allen Allen emerged from the combine and the wasteland of downtime hype pieces as the probable #1 prospect. The cons are he played for Wyoming, so it's debatable whether anyone, anywhere has ever seen him play football.  Josh Rosen Probably the most impressive pocket passer of the group, a skillset that has shown to translate well into the NFL. The problem is he tweets about how much he hates Trump, which is a bad career move in a league owned by rich, white, crypt keepers  Sam Darnold The early favorite to go #1, Darnold is a polished talent from the lowly Pac-12. He constantly wears an expression which resembles the first time a four-year-old boy looks under Barbie's dress, which is disconcerting to scouts.  Baker Mayfield Mayfield's mechanics suck, and he's the kind of extend-the-play guy who rarely translates into the NFL. Whichever team picks him is full of idiots and should burn their GM at the stake. Come at me. - Besides the surprisingly high number of top-ten QB prospects, there's also some good talent at other positions:  Saquon Barkeley Barkeley is an RB who is being touted as the best RB prospect since Adrian Peterson. While that's probably an overstatement, he is a refreshingly baggage-light RB in a draft with several early-picking teams that just can't get their ground game together. Would be a nice fit on the Bucs, Giants, or Broncos.  Bradley Chubb Besides having a name that lends itself to lazy fantasy football team monikers, Chubb is a skilled edge-rusher. He might end up opposite Cleveland's #1 overall pick from last year, in which case Cleveland would have an amazing D-Line and might just even win a game sometime in the next few years. There's also a guard and some LBs who have buzz. Plenty of opportunity for your loser team to give you a few months of building hope on top of empty promises. - The NFL draft has been getting kind of kooky with players making wrestling-style entrances when their name is called. This guy brought a picture of his grandma:  There's always plenty to entertain and poke fun at, even if you're not a huge football fan, What's your team? Who do you want them to pick? I love the Raiders, and at #10 there's a slight chance a great player could fall. Or else, they could still get one of those two deec LBs.
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Apr 25, 2018 17:41
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 Also, our all-goon comedy football website is getting interviewed on Chicago radio! We don't make revenue from this, we do it just as a public service to remind people that existence is meaningless and soul-crushing, so it's fun to see it gaining traction. Known goon Sataere is going on the Morning X on KXRX with Kev and Lori Thursday morning (right before the draft.) It's at 6:20 AM CST, so you West Coasters can listen while you smoke your morning weed or whatever. These guys look super-cool:  He'll be promoting our site (FootballAbsurdity.com), so check it out. I just finished my 10,000 word "Which NFL Team Are You" personality quiz, which changes each time you take it (provided you answer differently.) Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 17:50 on Apr 25, 2018 |
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Apr 25, 2018 17:41
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Say his name OP you son of a bitch
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Apr 25, 2018 17:46
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The future of CTE is looking bright
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Apr 25, 2018 17:49
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Cleveland is going to pick Allen over Mayfield because they're loving morons.
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Apr 25, 2018 18:01
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StupidSexyVaultGuy posted:Cleveland is going to pick Allen over Mayfield because they're loving morons. Why do you like Mayfield? Im scared because his mechanics and pocket presence are suspect
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Apr 25, 2018 19:44
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gently caress the vegas traitors ):<
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Apr 25, 2018 19:57
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Rosen so good but worried about him cause he is very outspoken and even if coach was like "aaayy gently caress off with the twitter" he would probably say somethign in an interview or something and get himself in trouble
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Apr 25, 2018 19:59
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StupidSexyVaultGuy posted:Cleveland is going to pick Allen over Darnold because they're loving morons. FTFY
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Apr 25, 2018 19:59
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I don't know which of the four options the Jets will pick. The only thing I'm sure of is that it will be the worst one.
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Apr 25, 2018 20:00
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cleveland is going to some how manage to pick JaMarcus Russel 1st and then the ghost of Pat Tillman 4th
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Apr 25, 2018 20:00
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the ywill then immediately trade the ghost of Tillman to the redskins for a handful of shiny beads
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Apr 25, 2018 20:01
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Nooner posted:cleveland is going to some how manage to pick JaMarcus Russel 1st and then the ghost of Pat Tillman 4th And then win the super bowl in the greatest upset against the houston oilers
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Apr 25, 2018 20:02
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i hope the redskins pick all the good players so my friends dad can be happy
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Apr 25, 2018 20:16
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no thanks op
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Apr 25, 2018 20:16
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kloa posted:no thanks op Say it don't spray it!!
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Apr 25, 2018 20:16
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drat I just learned that they are just going apeshit with letting whoever announce the day 3 picks. Seriously, these people are slated to make picks: - Chewbacca - Olympic men's curling team - A parrot Seriously
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Apr 25, 2018 20:56
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Nooner posted:cleveland is going to some how manage to pick JaMarcus Russel 1st and then the ghost of Pat Tillman 4th This is probably accurate. Also, I would draft Mayfield first. I see him being like a white Russell Wilson. Plus the dude is just inspiring to his team and a winner on the field.
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Apr 25, 2018 21:23
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Seahawks going to trade down for a dozen 4-7th rounders and pick up no one of interest.
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Apr 25, 2018 21:51
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Franchise will be cursed in perpetuity for not running the ball and for going with Harvin over Tate
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Apr 25, 2018 21:52
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Mayfield went to OU and therefore sucks poo poo.
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Apr 25, 2018 21:54
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Defense wins championships.
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Apr 25, 2018 22:58
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Why do y'all like sports? Not being snotty, just an honest question.
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Apr 25, 2018 23:38
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I like sports where the rules make sense/I can follow them. Also I'm obliged to root for teams my friends like, so I do that. But...maybe it's because I've never been 'athletic' is why I'm generally not interested in sports unless it's for betting purposes or boxing (not for betting).
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Apr 25, 2018 23:41
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Vato posted:Why do y'all like sports? Not being snotty, just an honest question. Football is a good excuse to get drunk as gently caress and do nothing all Sunday. Some people don't need an excuse to do that, but others do. Basketball has sweet fuckin dunks and just ridiulous athletic freaks doin crazy things with they bodies. I could be wrong, but I don't think any other sports exist.
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Apr 25, 2018 23:50
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Hopefully Jerry finally croaks while chokin his hogg to another risky pick that sucks
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Apr 25, 2018 23:53
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buddhanc posted:Hopefully Jerry finally croaks while chokin his hogg to another risky pick that sucks Oddly specific. Is it not good enough for him to just croak while jerking it to a sensible guard selection that sucks? Also, 7 more hours! Radio interview went well, Rumor has it they want Sataere back on a regular basis
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Apr 26, 2018 19:13
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Drunk Nerds posted:drat I just learned that they are just going apeshit with letting whoever announce the day 3 picks. Seriously, these people are slated to make picks: This might actually make watching day 3 picks intriguing.
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Apr 26, 2018 20:40
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Full Metal Jackass posted:This might actually make watching day 3 picks intriguing. One of the regular announcers always hates on this stuff, so they decided to steer into the skid this year
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Apr 26, 2018 20:49
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the bills are going to draft josh allen because theyre loving retarded and it will still be a better pick than ej manuel was
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Apr 26, 2018 20:59
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Yes a diminutive QB who is mobile but might not translate. WAY TO STICK TO YOUR lovely STRATEGY THAT YOU USE EVERY YEAR, loving BROWNS
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Apr 27, 2018 01:19
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client posted:the bills are going to draft josh allen because theyre loving retarded and it will still be a better pick than ej manuel was
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Apr 27, 2018 01:56
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p happy about my chubby for Chubb and nownthis drsft will be complete if the broncos somehow get Lamar goddamn Jackson
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Apr 27, 2018 02:09
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Seahawks with the left field wild card pick that makes no sense. Noice
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Apr 27, 2018 04:21
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Kuato posted:Seahawks with the left field wild card pick that makes no sense. Noice pete carrol is kinda losing it, isn’t he telling the same stories all the time
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Apr 27, 2018 04:25
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let it mellow posted:pete carrol is kinda losing it, isn’t he telling the same stories all the time They hit the lottery with the 2010 & 2012 draft and have been coasting on it ever since. I am embracing for another 3-4 decades of mediocrity until they win another super bowl.
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Apr 27, 2018 04:32
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The Patriots have had a good front office forever. I'm kind of surprised the Chiefs haven't done more but then again they did pay Marty Schottenheimer.
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Apr 27, 2018 04:40
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32 draft picks, 3.5 hours, 80 jokes. https://twitter.com/fballabsurdity I feel like I just did the joke-writing equivalent of writing a marathon. I wrote 200 jokes for a National Lampoon book back in 2006, this feels more exhausting than that Grades: Raiders: F+ : You traded right then hosed up unbelievably Everyone Else: A+ , you weren't the raiders
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Apr 27, 2018 04:43
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Kuato posted:They hit the lottery with the 2010 & 2012 draft and have been coasting on it ever since. I am embracing for another 3-4 decades of mediocrity until they win another super bowl. gently caress those drafts, I had great seats for the broncos seahawks super bowl and that was a miserable experience, gently caress
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Apr 27, 2018 04:48
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and the ravens just drafted Jackson goddamnit I was hoping he’d slip to the broncos
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Apr 27, 2018 04:49
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