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Quest For Glory II
Dec 17, 2003





OOPS, we hosed up. We all hosed up and E3 is here again still. The rippling week-long fart from the industry wafts back in through the window. No Maddox style essays from me this year, and also, hey 90s kids remember maddox? I bet he's a poo poo person nowadays

The lightning in a bottle of Wii Music and Kinectimals is gone. It can no longer be recaptured. No Joel McHale, no laser tag, no luchadors. E3 (which stands for Everyone Eats Eggs) has become too safe and controlled for trainwrecks to happen anymore. It's all carefully prepared vertical slices and focused curation now. Let's reminisce about E3's better days with some old rear end gifs from previous threads because I'm loving lazy





E3 begins in less than 2 weeks.



All of the talk at E3 2017 was about three games: Mario Odyssey, Wolfenstein 2, and Assassins Creed Origins, and at least one of them was probably good. I literally can't remember anything else about last year's E3. Maybe it's because America was and continues to be literally in Hell and I was distracted. Or maybe it just really sucked

Wait there was one really good thing which was Devolver's shitpost of a conference and subsequent fever dream of a live stream:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqPT9hyPANs

The live stream, which felt like it was ghostwritten by Eric Andre, featured drunk people shouting at each other, kaiju wrestling, Multibowl, and short films about dogs.

What did Microsoft even have? I guess Ori 2? Without kids pretending to fly through Disney Kinect or Jeremy doing a great job with the PS Move, it's hard to remember anything specific about E3 at this point.


It's the year before the PS5 is announced or whatever, so some games might disappear, only to resurface later as 'next-gen experiences'. There will also be a couple of teasers for next-gen games that show no gameplay but convince gamers that someone "won" E3.

Microsoft has to show that they have, well, anything beyond Forza and Crackdown. Sony has been coasting at this point, and Nintendo in general doesn't really give a gently caress.

NOTABLE GAMES AT E3:
Spiderman (PS4)
Fire Emblem (Switch)
Smash Bros 2018 (Switch)
Days Gone (PS4)
Anthem (multiplatform)
Call of Duty Battle Royale and Battlefield Battle Royale (i wish I was joking)
Pokemon (Switch)
Metroid Prime 4 (Switch)
Vampyr (multiplatform)
Kingdom Hearts 3 (lol)
Red Dead Redemption 2 (multiplatform)
Crackdown (Xbox One)

TEASED TO BE AT E3:
Splinter Cell
Resident Evil
Prey
Borderlands 3

NOT LIKELY TO BE AT E3:
Elder Scrolls
Dragon Age







JUNE 9

EA PLAY 2018 (11AM PT)
E3 kicks off with the corporation that force pushed the loot box movement into a corner with the ire of politicians, Iger, and European countries reigning hellfire on them. This year they'll show you how much they've learned from the experience -- absolutely nothing and here's some more loot boxes.

JUNE 10

MICROSOFT (1PM PT)
Phil Spencer's here to tell you that this year, it's all about the gamers. We hear you LOUD AND CLEAR, gamers! Gamers gamers gamers gamers

BETHESDA (6:30PM PT)
We literally don't know anything about what Bethesda is showing at E3. Did they pre-pay for the stage a year ago and just forget? They're teasing something about Prey (maybe it's an actual advertising campaign), and people are convinced Starfield is a thing.

DEVOLVER (8 PM PT)
They saved E3 last year, how will they troll the world this year....

JUNE 11

SQUARE ENIX SHOWCASE (10 AM PT)
A press event dedicated specifically to vaporware such as Kingdom Hearts 3 and FF7 Remake, although maybe they'll announce another Nier game... a mobile one with gacha elements.

UBISOFT (1 PM PT)
Having finally broken free from the threat of the Viviendi acquisition, maybe this year Ubisoft will get back to their roots of throwing incredibly entertaining disaster parties on stage.

PC GAMING SHOW (3PM PDT)
PC Gamer has confirmed that the PC Gaming Show is returning to E3 for its 4th year, as it continues to search for its first viewer. It will have DRAKE'S CAKES (tm)

NINTENDO: SPLATOON 2 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP OPENING ROUNDS (3:30-6:00 PM PT)

SONY (6 PM PT)
I hope you like Days Gone, Call of Duty and Spiderman because those are the tentpoles of Sony's conference this year. Which I guess is enough legs for a stool at least.

JUNE 12

NINTENDO E3 DIRECT (9:00 AM PT)
Nintendo says this direct is only about 2018 games, so it will be around 3 minutes long. Maybe there will be an Animal Crossing?

NINTENDO TREEHOUSE LIVE (follows E3 Direct, three days of streaming)
NINTENDO: SPLATOON 2 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP FINALS
NINTENDO: SMASH BROS INVITATIONAL 2018




http://i.imgur.com/oJ8XgNJ.gifv

Geoff Keighley will host Youtube's E3 coverage again (which usually only runs one day). E3's official partner is Twitch so finding a stream there should be piss easy. As usual, Giant Bomb, Easy Allies, etc. will do live coverage. And Nintendo's Treehouse content will be both on Twitch and on their e3 website (e3.nintendo.com).

Quest For Glory II fucked around with this message at Jun 5, 2018 around 19:25

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homeless snail
Mar 14, 2007



100 games paradrop into one convention center

Macaluso
Sep 23, 2005

I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG, BROTHER!


They should open E3 with Conan going through different big video games similar to his Emmy intro back in 2006

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o67XXwVrts4

He doens't actually have to be there or host anything, just do this but video games and Conan

Regy Rusty
Apr 26, 2010



Grimey Drawer

E3 E3 E3!

Cuntellectual
Aug 6, 2010

You see this post?

It's the Gosh Darn APOCALYPSE, baby!

WOO!

So where's the death pool for when Nintendo announces Switch Smash as being a port and doesn't say anything about the new Fire Emblem?

Motto
Aug 3, 2013



It's gonna be really hosed up whatever year the PS5 gets announced since the 4 still feels "new" to me. Will probably finally cool it on wanting to be up with new gens, esp since getting the 4 already took me a bit.

Poops Mcgoots
Jul 12, 2010

KIRBY NO



Lipstick Apathy

Cuntellectual posted:

So where's the death pool for when Nintendo announces Switch Smash as being a port and doesn't say anything about the new Fire Emblem?

I hope it's a port of Brawl with tripping and everything.

bloodysabbath
May 1, 2004

OH NO!


Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

None of the good games shown will come before 2020.

Personally I’m hoping for an Oculus upgrade to match the Vive Pro. We’ll see.

codenameFANGIO
May 4, 2012

What are you even booing here?



bloodysabbath posted:

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

None of the good games shown will come before 2020.

Personally I’m hoping for an Oculus upgrade to match the Vive Pro. We’ll see.

Ok.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




It's my first time paying attention to E3 do not let me down video game gods I want Just Dance 2019

CharlieFoxtrot
Mar 26, 2007




Fastest I've seen a thread implode really

Macaluso
Sep 23, 2005

I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG, BROTHER!


bloodysabbath posted:

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

None of the good games shown will come before 2020.

Personally I’m hoping for an Oculus upgrade to match the Vive Pro. We’ll see.

Mercury Crusader
Apr 20, 2005

Nice to meet ya, hee ho!



bloodysabbath posted:

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

None of the good games shown will come before 2020.

Personally I’m hoping for an Oculus upgrade to match the Vive Pro. We’ll see.

How ethical

Motto
Aug 3, 2013



bloodysabbath posted:

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

the victimized Gamer

Doom Goon
Sep 18, 2008


Motto posted:

It's gonna be really hosed up whatever year the PS5 gets announced since the 4 still feels "new" to me. Will probably finally cool it on wanting to be up with new gens, esp since getting the 4 already took me a bit.
It's up to 4 exclusives worth owning now so really it's time for a whole new generation or two.

CharlieFoxtrot posted:

Fastest I've seen a thread implode really
It's the OP E3 deserves I know you're not talking about that but let me have my fun.

Also, let me be the first to coin the PS5 as .

Overwatch Porn
Dec 22, 2006



bloodysabbath posted:

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

None of the good games shown will come before 2020.

Personally I’m hoping for an Oculus upgrade to match the Vive Pro. We’ll see.

this is a Bad post

Psychedelicatessen
Feb 17, 2012






Psychedelicatessen fucked around with this message at Apr 27, 2018 around 06:50

MechaSeinfeld
Jan 2, 2008


bloodysabbath posted:

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

None of the good games shown will come before 2020.

Personally I’m hoping for an Oculus upgrade to match the Vive Pro. We’ll see.

sounds like this years e3 is shaping up to be a monster

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


E3 2018 is going to reveal games that are going places games have never gone before, and enhance the gaming experience with dynamic ecosystems that emphasize social interactivity over linear narratives. Gamers are going to love it, because with sharper graphics and faster frame rates, the envelope is constantly being pushed and blurring the line between reality and compelling fantasy worlds where the choices are endless.

Cream-of-Plenty fucked around with this message at Apr 27, 2018 around 09:14

FirstAidKite
Nov 8, 2009

Ask me about the influence of African instruments on the formation of American musical styles.


I'm excited

TEENAGE WITCH
Jul 20, 2008

NAH LAD


anthem will be presented on stage to the sound of Good charlote’s ‘The anthem’, gamers will remember tge rebel yell of bioware and finally forgive the ending of mass effect3 and their childhoods end imo

LIVE AMMO ROLEPLAY
Feb 3, 2006
Cool dude.

Fun Shoe

Motto posted:

It's gonna be really hosed up whatever year the PS5 gets announced since the 4 still feels "new" to me. Will probably finally cool it on wanting to be up with new gens, esp since getting the 4 already took me a bit.

I agree this year will be hosed up.

Endorph
Jul 22, 2009



bloodysabbath posted:

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

None of the good games shown will come before 2020.

Personally I’m hoping for an Oculus upgrade to match the Vive Pro. We’ll see.
youve literally been posting like this for thirteen years but somehow kotaku writers who crank out a mildly dumb hot take on their lunch break are the morons here

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Wasn't it teased that Cyberpunk will be at E3 in some capacity?

Alfalfa The Roach
Oct 13, 2012

You need to be a badass first.


Can't wait for everyone to be excited for Smash Switch for all of two minutes before going back to Melee

Davincie
Jul 7, 2008

Wiggle to the right
Wiggle to the left
Wiggle to the post that's best


i think we got a few years till the next gen, considering the dumb .5 generation we got going on

LawfulWaffle
Mar 11, 2014

Don't even speak to all those sequencer and beats boys
When they kiss they spit white noise


Grimey Drawer

Shenmue was and will always be cult classic garbage and the notion of being this "excited" for 3 is unsettling.
Truly the height of E3.

Saint Freak
Apr 15, 2007



I died on fleek, and so am cursed to roam the Earth forever, eternally on fleek...


Buglord

https://i.imgur.com/YeTUsgC.mp4

Saint Freak
Apr 15, 2007



I died on fleek, and so am cursed to roam the Earth forever, eternally on fleek...


Buglord

Free Ravi Drums

Good Soldier Svejk
Jul 5, 2010

Ah... I feel great.


Nap Ghost

Palpek posted:

Wasn't it teased that Cyberpunk will be at E3 in some capacity?

Now that folks seem to have really taken to heart the lessons taught by Witcher 3 (Horizon, Assassins Creed Origins, God of War) I am excited to see what the next big thing is going to be.
What I'm saying is CDPR is perfect please don't let me down

ONE YEAR LATER
Apr 13, 2004

Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender!


Oven Wrangler

Nintendo Direct is the only thing I look forward to at E3 each year. I watch the Sony conference but it's usually got a lot of stuff I'm not interested in. I stopped caring about MS after the Xbox One came out, I do like watching those streams while other people commentate on them though, usually lots of sighs and jokes.

I'm sure there will be one or two surprises that pop up out of no where, there usually is.

an actual dog
Nov 18, 2014

Dog, dog! Er, I mean, bark, bark!


I'm going to “roast” videogames

Mordja
Apr 26, 2014



I like turtles.

eonwe
Aug 11, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

an actual dog posted:

I'm going to “roast” videogames

DLC Inc
Jun 1, 2011

1-(900) 720-2666


gee this started off dour! I love E3 though even if last year's was mainly "lol we have nothing" from MS and a repeat of things coming soon from Sony. Ubisoft actually had a good year with AC Origins and Kingdom Battle so I expect more stuff related to DLC and support for their games from 2017. EA is going to be entertaining lol.

I feel like we're overdue new poo poo to show off for PS4 and Nintendo will be dropping some surprises. "Only 2018 games" could still mean anything since they announce things closer to release anyway. According to investor poo poo we'll probably see Fire Emblem and maybe a teaser of a new Pokemon.

Sony's 2016 E3 still stands out to me as the high benchmark with reveals for God of War, Spiderman, Detroit, Hideo Kojima's nightmare game, the incredible RE7 teaser including the "play tonight" demo, and Horizon footage. Maybe that's why 2017 felt so lackluster; it was a repeat but at least all of those will be out except Spiderman. I feel like this may be the year we get Death Stranding gameplay at long last, too.

vyst
Aug 25, 2009




I need a source for this.

Doorknob Slobber
Sep 10, 2006





vyst posted:

I need a source for this.

devolver digital from e3 last year

Jusupov
May 24, 2007
only text

Really only caring about news on division 2

an actual dog
Nov 18, 2014

Dog, dog! Er, I mean, bark, bark!


I really hope devolover does something cool again.

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haveblue
Aug 15, 2005



Toilet Rascal

I expect to watch one or more of these events, paying attention only when trailers are running, posting low effort snark here at other times

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