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Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Look at Elkins' tattoo. Look at it. Does Darren Elkins make good decisions?

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Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


MysteryNad posted:

slipNslideFC was pretty good



My brother was in prison for 9 years and told me he would microwave baby oil and put it on the floor of his cell except for the place he was standing. He'd then call out someone in the common area and when they came running in they'd slip and slide and he, standing in the only dry spot, would just pummel them while they tried to gain traction. That's the best base for MMA.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Snowman_McK posted:

That's one of the best things I've ever heard.

Why was he pummelling these dudes?

Also, having conquered the Welterweight division and stand up comedy, Tyrone Woodley is in the upcoming lovely action movie 'Escape Plan 2' a sequel to a movie no one watched.

Probably 6 months after he got out I went out on a drive and took him with me and just let him talk about prison. He loved it but he's also probably very mentally ill. Fights could break out due to "heart checks" which is where someone tries to punk you to see if you're an easy target or not. He would react by heating up the baby oil and then talking poo poo from his dry spot. He said eventually it got to the point where no one would come in his cell if he was talking poo poo because they knew what was coming. Since they refused to engage in what was an almost guaranteed beating, they were seen as "bitches" and generally treated worse by the overall population. The only way to win was to enter the oildome and get beaten up to show you weren't a "bitch".

We missed so many visitation days because he was always in solitary. It wasn't limited to the baby oil beatdowns. He was and is still pretty formidable even without a clear advantage. I still give him poo poo though because he came out of prison at a well defined 185 or so and then put on tons of weight which I like to call the "freedom fifty".

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Triticum Guzzler posted:

lmfao, espn please order 2 seasons of baby oil beatdown

"Do you wanna be a fuckin baby oil fighter?" *One team jumps up and cheers, immediately slipping on baby oil as the other team descends on them*

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Imagine being genuinely afraid that the baby oil guy was gonna call you out from his cell. That would be far worse.

It's like there were no options. Shoot for the legs? Nope. You'd slide on the oil and slam into the toilet. Go up high? Nope you'll just throw yourself off balance. The only option was to make a valiant effort and get covered in hot baby oil while a man pummels you about the head and face.

Untrustable fucked around with this message at May 17, 2018 around 09:36

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Oildome has become a thing. Hilarious. I'm glad my brother could provide the best new base for MMA. For the person asking what he was doing his time for it was drugs. 9 years in, 3 years supervised probation and 10 years unsupervised. He's not a bad dude but he likes a scrap. He just finished his 3 years supervised. I sent him a text saying that I have some questions. So if y'all want to know anything about oildome let me know and I'll ask him.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


DumbWhiteGuy posted:

how did he get so much baby oil, i thought jail was supposed to be kind of hard and maybe if you had dry skin that was kind of just tough

I'm waiting for him to call me back but I do know the answer to this one. Churches donated care baskets with things like lotion, soap, toothpaste, and baby oil for inmates around the holidays. He would barter for their oil and whatever else he wanted. Also I can't buy him account because part of his probation is no internet access.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Ok I just got off the phone with my brother and he has answered your oil dome questions. I'm quoting him pretty much directly.

Did anyone ever conquer the oil cell? "No, no one hosed with me in prison".

How did you bait people into the cell? "I talked poo poo and they'd come runnin'. I'd call them faggots or pussies and tell them to come get me".

Was it weird calling people faggots since you're an openly gay man? "No. It was loving prison."

How did you get people over and over? "You wanted to either catch one of the new guys who was acting tough, or wait long enough for someone to forget that you had done it to them before"

So people willingly entered your oil cell even after getting beat up in the same way? Why? "Because if they didn't come at me they'd be fuckin' losers and the rest of the guys would gently caress with them."

Who taught you this? Or did you come up with it on your own? "It's just prison poo poo. Everyone did it."

And a shocking revelation...

You're telling me your whole cell block knew the oil gambit and did it to each other? "Yeah but I was really good at it."

Did you ever get oiled? "Yeah but he was naked and oiled himself up and I was naked so it was a fair fight."

Did you win? "Yeah."

He says he's glad y'all can have a laugh about it and says hi.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


n8r posted:

You're saying your brother liked prison?

I put it in my first or second post but he's a bit crazy. He really did enjoy prison. If he gets mad he starts talking about, "I'll just go back to prison!". Anytime we've talked about it he remembers it fondly. He's got that type of mentality that let's people thrive in prison. He had no issue fighting or sitting in solitary or trading in contraband. He once punched a cellmate for snoring. When I asked him why he went to such extremes he just said, "prison makes you weird."

I'll stop derailing since nothing he's told me will ever top oildome as a source of hearty laughs.

Edit: Seriously though just goldmine this thread for the replies alone. Fuckin' top notch jokes from everyone.

Untrustable fucked around with this message at May 18, 2018 around 05:50

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Dr. Abysmal posted:

Next time Jon Anik asks you to make a post-fight call out you just dump a bunch of baby oil onto the Cerveza Modelo logo and call everybody a pussy enjoyable human being and they have to come running in there.

gently caress that's good. I think we now know what happened with Conor and Aldo. He didn't slip on a skateboard.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


There's a little bit of oildome in all of us, Jerusalem.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


You'd just have to have a squeegee team to clean the glass after every fight. Could be time consuming.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


I think Jared Cannonier should drop down to middleweight. He's reverse Anthony Johnson. He was saying that the fight last night might have been his last at light heavy. It's a shame though because I don't think he has much for middleweight but im prepared to be proven wrong.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Part of me wants Hunt to retire, but another part wants to respect his wish to die in the cage. I think he wins this one though.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


I will tell you all, from my experience dealing directly with alleged criminals as my career, that Domestic A&B cases are very complicated things. Now I'm seeing Domestic A&B by strangulation, which is a no-poo poo felony in most states. They don't charge someone with that unless they have drat good evidence someone got strangled. I'd love to see the PC affadavit but I'm not in his state and I'm not sure their guidelines on releasing those to the public. I'd probably have to pay a fee or talk to a court clerk 2,000 miles away that's probably being badgered by the MMA media for any scrap of info they can get. Once again. I'm in a completely different state with different ways of doing things but generally strangulation is some serious poo poo.

Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Ah god dammit I gotta talk about oildome brother again. He came out with gang (not the Aryans) tattoos and went and had them covered. Super simple stuff.

Also 'nthing the people who say that the SS tattoo is a professional job. It absolutely is. It's also telling that's he's had work done around it and it's part of his sleeve. During any of those sessions he could have said, "hey bud cover up my nazi prison tats." I think he might be proud that he killed a dude and has always been a huge fuckin Nazi.

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Untrustable
Mar 16, 2009

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


Bluedeanie posted:

Even someone who beasts for mandatory overtime gets bereavement leave, and THATS the power of unions, folks

Beastin' 25 6 due to a death in the family. I'll turn in the proper paperwork when I return to beastin'.

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